Worst Hockey books ever

[Tad Mikowsky]

Inspired by previous conversations about hockey books, what is the worst hockey book that you read?

For me, it’s Tie Domi’s biography, Shift Work. Now granted, I already wasn’t a fan of Domi but this book seals it. I never finished it and it was on sale for 3.99 and it was such a waste. I never read a book where someone slaps themselves on the back as if they’re some ordinary guy who does heroic deeds. The Niedermayer Elbow, Domi shows no remorse and basically explains it as something he had to do.

 

[sr edler]

Worst Hockey books ever

 

[Theokritos]

Worst Hockey books ever

Moved. Thanks!

 

[Tad Mikowsky]

Worst Hockey books ever

Moved. Thanks!

Thanks guys didn’t see it.

 

[Smirnov2Chistov]

Bump. Add Tales of a First-Round Nothing: My Life as an NHL Footnote by Terry Ryan.

Terry Ryan basically spends a few hundred pages trying to charm his old teammates by name-dropping, like, all of them. All the while simultaneously and retroactively convincing himself that his was a career not wasted. Because of like, the stories, man. His hockey fables were uninspiring and unintelligent. Nobody cares about your lame music tastes dude. Nobody cares about your ball hockey team. Nobody cares about your weak-ass high school crushes.

Funny I stumbled upon here. The Spittin Chiclets podcast with him and his father gave me a similar vibe. It just came across as pompous and annoying. I get it, they are hockey fanatics, but man it just goes on and on.

I don't know what justified him being a 3rd overall pick.

 

[Johnny Engine]

Funny I stumbled upon here. The Spittin Chiclets podcast with him and his father gave me a similar vibe. It just came across as pompous and annoying. I get it, they are hockey fanatics, but man it just goes on and on.

I don't know what justified him being a 3rd overall pick.

He was 8th, and I believe he and Daymond Langkow had crazy chemistry in the WHL and he scored a bunch there.

3rd that year was Aki Berg, who was ...better than Terry Ryan?

 

[MS]

Funny I stumbled upon here. The Spittin Chiclets podcast with him and his father gave me a similar vibe. It just came across as pompous and annoying. I get it, they are hockey fanatics, but man it just goes on and on.

I don't know what justified him being a 3rd overall pick.

8th overall, but a lot of stuff happened that went into that pick :

1) NHL teams were obsessed with power forwards at the time. This was basically the height of Neely-mania.

2) he had a legitimately outstanding draft year. 50-60-110, and he and Daymond Langkow shredded the WHL. Now, hindsight probably tells us that Langkow was driving those results more than Ryan, but when you put up those sorts of numbers with 207 PIMs, you're going to be a high draft pick in any era. And he was a dominant WHL player - in 1996-97 he scored 35 points in 16 games. This wasn't some Brett Lindros or Wayne Primeau type who was just drafted because he was big and could fight - he did have legitimate skills.

3) in the CHL All-Star Game (this was the last year of that event before it was replaced by the Top Prospects Game), Ryan scored an absolutely beautiful goal splitting the defense on a dazzling rush, with pretty much every NHL head scout and GM in attendance.

Conversely, three things happened that turned him into a bust :

1) he wasn't a great skater.
2) he had concussion issues that seemed to take the edge off his physical game.
3) he maybe wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed and didn't have the work ethic and commitment to be an NHL player, and his book is probably exhibit #1 for this, in his own words.

 

[tarheelhockey]

Terry Ryan basically spends a few hundred pages trying to charm his old teammates by name-dropping, like, all of them. All the while simultaneously and retroactively convincing himself that his was a career not wasted.

I found it a little odd that he felt the time to write this story was in his mid-30s. I can see it a little later, when you can look back on a life well-lived. But why at that point in time, when you still don't have any perspective?

Then I saw where he had tried to get into acting (bit parts), screenwriting/directing (self made short film), standup comedy (as an opener for another act), and politics (a failed run for mayor). Then the book made sense. Seems the guy can't breathe unless he's the center of attention. Expect a reality show appearance any minute now.

 

[Johnny Engine]

I found it a little odd that he felt the time to write this story was in his mid-30s. I can see it a little later, when you can look back on a life well-lived. But why at that point in time, when you still don't have any perspective?

Then I saw where he had tried to get into acting (bit parts), screenwriting/directing (self made short film), standup comedy (as an opener for another act), and politics (a failed run for mayor). Then the book made sense. Seems the guy can't breathe unless he's the center of attention. Expect a reality show appearance any minute now.

He'll also beat you up while Irish Newfoundland musicians stand around not helping.

 

[The Pale King]

He'll also beat you up while Irish Newfoundland musicians stand around not helping.

Hell is a humid waiting room with CBC's homegrown comedy-dramas looped eternally on a tiny TV in the corner. Time is frozen at 4:37 pm on the novelty Rick Mercer wall-clock.

Gerry Dee is there sometimes, clipping through the peeling wallpaper to work on his stand-up in front of a fun-house mirror. He looks to you expectantly for support ("How bout that one, eh?") but you find you're frozen, unable to move aside from indicating disapproval with your still-limber thumbs.

This continues perpetually, a slew of barely recognizable ex-NHL 5th liners making buffoonish late-afternoon cameos on the Hitachi. The monotony is only broken by intermittent reruns of Alan Thicke's musical numbers from the NHL awards. The volume spikes inexplicably during these interludes.

The remote rests on the low table in front of you, forever out of reach and likely out of batteries. You have to pee, and this feeling is inescapable. You wonder where things went wrong, how you ended up here?

You feel panic rising in your chest, the faint stirrings of nausea. The last thing you hear as you fade into unconsciousness is the rising crescendo of that one Great Big Sea song... you know the one. That fraternal sea-shanty, like a Celtic Hootie and the Blowfish sung by a lupus-ridden Severus Snape.

You long for the maple-sweet embrace of death.

 

[The Pale King]

Max Domi has a book out as well, following in his father's footsteps. Perhaps we finally have worthy heirs to the father-son authorial dynasty of Kingsley//Martin Amis?

 

[The Panther]

Good grief...! Three books by the Domi-twosome is exactly three more than was needed.

What's next? Reflections of the Domi Household: by Mrs. Sanchez, the cleaning lady

 

[Hatfield]

And finally, there's this...

Oh wow, that takes me back. I think this was a gift from my grandmother. I actually read the whole thing and did a book report on it in the 8th grade, which would have been his rookie year (?). Can’t believe he put out an autobiography before playing a single game.