scene: jim benning about to trade ryan kesler via the archetypal disgruntled all-star for young forward, young defenseman, draft pick package—
JB: i need a young forward
bob murray: we have some. who do you like? rickard rakell is 21, william karlsson is 22.
JB: nah, pass.
BM: too young? palmieri is 23, silfverberg is 24.
JB: i think i gotta have bonino [age 26].
BM: um, ok... what else do you need?
JB: a defenseman for the future.
BM: they’re not all available but we have fowler, lindholm, vatanen, shea theodore, josh manson, simon despres...
JB: nice try murray. luca sbisa or no deal.
BM: [sad that he’s forced to fork over his #10 overall pick in that year’s draft to make up the value on the roster players]
JB: and the 24th pick, sucker.
———
kesler: [finishes 3rd and 2nd in selke voting and averages 81 games, 21 goals, 52 points over the next three years—more than bonino, or brandon sutter, have ever scored or will ever score]
———
laurence gilman [assistant gm]: oh man this bonino guy is pretty good value. a second line center that can chip in 40 points and is decent in his own end on a cheap cap hit.
benning: let’s trade him for brandon sutter.
LG: but bonino scores more, bonino drives possession...
JB: [interrupts] i’ll throw in a second round pick to sweeten the deal.
LG: ...bonino can make plays, bonino is cheaper...
JB: [interrupts] and we’ll give sutter a five year $22 million contract extension before his current deal is even up.
———
bonino: [wins back to back cups]
———
gilman: luca sbisa is the worst defenseman in the league
benning: three year deal with a raise to $3.6 million a year. oh and gilman, you’re fired.
———
benning: [calls dale tallon] dale, i’m going to lose sbisa in the expansion draft. you gotta get me the worst defenseman in the league. erik gudbranson.
dale tallon: you still have that #24 pick that made the NHL at 18?
JB: jared mccann? sure. you need me to toss in a second round pick with that?
———
mccann: [scores more last season than sutter ever has in a canucks uniform]
fin
