THREE ROUND MOCKING DRAFT

Discussion in 'HFNHL Talk' started by HFSS, May 6, 2020.

  1. HFSS Registered User

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    Get out of the shower, here’s a mock draft. I don’t care what you think of the guestimated draft order, no lotteries were run, and the season is still simming, so it is what it is.

    PART ONE - ROUND ONE

    1. Red Wings – Alexis Lafreniere – no real question here, the next Nolan Patrick is on his way. About as boring a prediction as will be made in this thread, about as boring as the meaning of his name as well. “A place of ash trees”? What we making here, guitars for Motown records?

    2. Rangers – Quinton Byfield – Really came up in the Byfield, get money, get life, or get killed. Now, how the eff it’s gone feel, when he starts touchin the mill’s? We ain’t got nothing but shells, we ain’t got nothing to tell, watch how the story unveil…. (Lyrics courtesy Nipsey Hussle)

    3. Bruins – Marco Rossi – After fumbling around in the dark playing Marco Polo with his last few drafts and having to put St. Paddy Nolan in quarantine, Herr Bruins GM will endure a nightmare of knowing the best players available are not Canadian, but he needs another big scoring forward and he wants to stick to his tendencies – so at least he’ll draft a player playing in Canada. At least he’ll have lots to talk about with our Austrian GM.

    4. Flyers – Tim Stutzle – The showers will be sticky for years after the Flyers draft another German kid. The last one worked out pretty well. This kid wow’s with his skills but does he score or create?

    5. Blue Jackets – Lucas Raymond – With the development of Ty Smith, the Blue Jackets can shore up their forward depth and find a complementary winger for Kaapo Kakko. My sister's first love was a neighbor boy called Raymond. She was four. My mother even made her a stuffed toy bear which she called Raymond. It was blue. Still is, actually. I think my mother just repaired the bear's eyes as well. True story.

    6. Oilers – Cole Perfetti – Explode the chads, snowflakes, and glitter, the Perfetti cannon is raining down the confetti, the ticker-tape parade is coming to Edmonton.

    7. Maple Leafs – Jamie Drysdale – in an off-year for defenseman, this is the only sure thing going. He’ll fall just because others drafting ahead of him need scoring. I wanted to make some pun about Clydesdale horses but I just got thirsty and now the rest of this is being written Budweiser drunk.

    8. Coyotes – Jack Quinn – I don’t want to say that certain GM’s have tendencies but certain GM’s have tendencies. This Jack is a master of one: scoring goals. Coyotes hit a homerun with Newhook last year and add to the firepower with this pick.

    9. Blues – Alexander Holz – The Blues drinking rarified air with their own draft pick this high. Holz is a fine goalscorer to compliment the re-tool in a few years. The Blues don’t mind being patient even though they’ve never had to be in twenty years. Except for a Cup, that is. ;).

    10. Canadiens – Jake Sanderson – Suddenly, a defenseman who did nothing all year is ‘on the rise’ now that the season is over. That’s how bad this D crop is – you just have to be bigger than 5’10” and can skate to be considered top 10. Montreal has a couple of 2nds they can get wild with, so they’ll be safe here as all the blue-chip forwards are gone.

    11. Flames – Dylan Holloway – A Holloway is a sunken lane, kinda like the Flames performances in the HFNHL. Also seems apropos to the Flames ability to repeat mistakes, like taking big-bodied NCAA freshman who didn’t do anything to justify their draft position.

    12. Wild – Dawson Mercer – Have Mercy! The Wild are doing all their rebuilding in one draft! Mercer didn’t justify his place on the Canadian WJ roster but it was an indicator of just how good this player is. I’m sure he can learn to skate at some point, too.

    13. Wild – Anton Lundell – This may be a conservative pick but the Wild need a bit of everything in the rebuild including taking chances on future fourth-liners who flatter to deceive but still look pretty skating around.

    14. Senators – Justin Barron – He may be the loser of the War of the Jeffs but at least this GM secured one of the few Dmen worth taking in the first round. This kid’s got size and skating and great shot – blood clots be damned.

    15. Flyers – Kaeden Guhle – Because when you’ve got the shitty brother, you need to balance it out with the good brother. This one has decent hands and IQ to go with the family trait of great skating.

    16. Wild – Jan Mysak – The Wild attack in an attempt to hack this pick, trying to prove they have a knack to bring back some tact, crack the back with no lack of tack, pack away a ton of kak, just don’t touch Mysak.

    17. Kings – Connor Zary – Be wary of a man who got nothing but rhymes, don’t be a fairy, drink your dairy, oh please stop, parry these away or carry on, don’t be Barry, feel free to marry. Okay, I’m done. Please keep reading.

    18. Predators – Noel Gunler – I once spent my Noel holiday in Austrian Christmas Markets... Good Times. True Story. The Preds have a thing and its forwards who are not quite blue-chip but demonstrate the package and plenty of upside and hockey IQ. That’s Gunler in a nutshell!

    19. Golden Knights – Braden Schneider – The quickest build since their NHL counterparts – and with plenty of nice spots to draft from on day one – the Knights round out their strong forward group with a middle-six anchor who can skate.

    20. Flyers – William Wallinder – This is the 6’4” version of the Dman ‘trend’ – all skating and puck-rushing. Worth the risk if you are gonna be patient, or if you’re just going to be trading the player away in the next few months for a 2021 1st rounder.

    21. Senators – Ozzy Weisblatt – This GM has a knack at spotting talent and not being afraid to get it, even if the player is a bit of a ‘Sharon!!’.

    22. Hurricanes – Tyson Foerster – The Mayor of Balzac takes Tyson ‘my meat-packing plant has Coronavirus’ Foerster for his ability to score and make Gordie Howe proud. Foerster has everything you need to win in the NHL, too bad his ratings will always suck in the HFNHL.

    23. Islanders – Seth Jarvis – Just because you are an elite skater and the top point scoring draft-eligible player in the WHL, just because you can stick-handle better than Janet Gretzky, just because you shoot better than Jerry Miculek, just because you pass better than Lewis Hamilton, doesn’t mean you should be a top draft pick, even if you are bigger than Paddy Kane.

    24. Hurricanes – Iasroslav Askarov – THERE IS NO WAY HE’LL FALL THIS FAR – well, yes, he will, because he’s Russian, a goalie, and struggled at times. Who amongst you has an appetite for that in the top 20? Don’t lie! But, there is no denying talent, and with his second pick in the round, the Cane’s will hold their nose and pick it.

    25. Canucks – Sam Colangelo – The Canucks just take the player who they think has the best NHL potential, even if it’s a little off the map at this point. The kid has an NHL body (too much Colanjello growing up? No? NO!?) and has the most underrated shot in the draft.

    26. Wild – Hendrix Lapierre – Found this note written from the Wild GM to the Sabres GM. "Hey Joe, I know you wanted this pick. Sorry, but even though you’re a Foxy Lady, you can’t have nothing Stone Free, keep walking All Along the Watchtower, don’t let the Wind that cries Mary knock you off, don’t bother putting pins in that Voodoo Chile, keep smokin’ that Purple Haze, cause’ Lapierre's mine! " So mean!

    27. Panthers – Helge Grans – Writer looks up ohlprospects blog. Picks highest-ranked OHL player. Next.

    28. Jets – Ridley Greig – This GM is a Gladiator, tougher than GI Jane, though he rubs the lotion on the skin, his kids got more agility than a Black Hawk Down, he may look a bit like an Alien but he’s a future Legend. This American Gangster of a pick should get the Jets GM into the Kingdom of Heaven with Another Good Year, despite his past Body of Lies. While we’re talking about this GM, I have to remind you that he’s no Robin Hood, personally, we think he should see The Counselor even if he has All the Money in the World… you know what, I challenge you to The Last Duel!!

    29. Flyers – Mavrik Bourque – This GM hates players from the Q.

    30. Avalance – Michael Benning – One of the best young defenseman outside the CHL – stud of an athlete, explosive offensive skills and high IQ. May not be the biggest but could be a future Giordano. If not, he can play for the Oilers like his brother. If not, maybe he can follow in his uncle's footsteps and be a bad GM for a bad team?

    31. Lightning – Rodion Amirov – This GM wants nothing more than to shed the image of him being a junior Russian lover but when a player this good is available, he’ll stand on his porch on the Island, look at Russia, and salute.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2020
  2. HFSS Registered User

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    PART TWO - ROUND TWO

    32. Panthers – Ryan O’Rourke – Love this player, vastly underrated, and think that even though the Panthers won’t want two Dmen, this is a player who won’t fall to their next pick. Commence the booing and “I was gonna take him, Damn you Commish”.

    33. Avalanche – Brendan Brisson – The California kid drove the excitement on one of the best top sixes to grace the USHL in many a season. Imagine dealing with his father when negotiating the contract though? It would make us remember the days of Reggie Swingstein fondly. Not.

    34. Bruins – Jeremie Poirier – This kid could be the best ever defenseman converted to a wing at 25 to ever play in the HFNHL, he could make Klingberg look good at defending, and he could set records for worst plus-minus in league history. But he might be better than that.

    35. Stars – John-Jason Peterka – What a year for German junior hockey. Three kids with real NHL potential all going in the top 40. It’s hard to know how good they are since they play against men at 17, and it would be interesting to see them in the OHL next season (Barrie owns JJ’s rights).

    36. Canadiens – Zion Nybeck – This tiny ball of talent lit up the SuperElit more than just a little, there’s a small chance he’ll have a miniature career, but his talent dwarfs many of the bigger players, he’s a pocket rocket with a fun-sized penchant to reach his mini-goals, but with a more than midget-sized hockey IQ, he’ll be just compact enough to sneak into the HFNHL.

    37. Oilers – Martin Chromiak – Being cut from a WJ squad is probably the best thing that ever happened. Imagine not being good enough for the Slovak team but being good enough to set the OHL on fire?

    38. Sharks – Lukas Reichel – Part of the best German trio since Beethoven’s Triple Concerto in C Major, Op. 56. You may think this player is the cello but I think he’s more of the violin to Stutzle’s piano, and no, I’m not calling Peterka fat like a cello. The Shark’s GM snags this player before all the Maple Leaf lovers realize this is the son of one of their own.

    39. Coyotes – Jean-Luc Foudy – Rico Fata, is that you?

    40. Blues – Jacob Perrault – The Blues grab a faller, and honestly, we don’t know why he fell, except that it was funnier to have the Panther select a Swede in the first round (yes, I’m explaining the jokes. JOKES!).

    41. Canadiens – Thomas Bordeleau – His dad would be fired from parenting if this kid had grown up with no hockey skills, since that’s his literal job, teaching hockey skills. Somehow, this kid likes hockey and he’s pretty good at it.

    42. Flames – Carter Savoie – The Flames have decent luck drafting from the junior A leagues in the later rounds but it’s a surprise that they take one this early, but they believe this kid has true upside.

    43. Golden Knights – Lukas Cormier – Ranked all over the place but is a genuine playmaker from the back end and unlike others is not afraid to defend. He’s a reach this high but you know what they say? Cause, can you tell me if you know?

    44. Blue Jackets – Emil Andrae – Torey Krug, is that you speaking Swedish?

    45. Kings – Ethan Edwards – Could become the first Skrull to play in the NHL. Maybe actually the first alien? I remember when I first read that Moral Man story and the Fantastic Four exposed him and he had that nervous breakdown.

    46. Blue Jackets – Jake Neighbours – Like a good neighbour, Jake will always be there.

    47. Sharks – Jaromir Pytlik – Size still matters for middle-six forwards and this one has talent and skating and could be a late bloomer. He’s like a yellow Goldenrod, gilding your garden at the end of summer.

    48. Kings – Connor McClennon - Alba gu bràth!

    49. Penguins – Tyler Kleven – This kid is a throwback to an era of hockey where the Canucks still hadn’t won the Cup. He’s big and is good at hooking.

    50. Maple Leafs – Shakir Mukhamadullin – One thing about the Maple Leafs new management, they’ll have to become good at spelling bees. Few defenseman play in the KHL at 17, but this kid in a man’s body did so very well. Does he have any real puck skills though?

    51. Wild – Luke Evangelista – Seriously, isn’t there a rule against having this many draft picks?

    52. Maple Leafs – Daemon Hunt – One of the best metalcore bands gets drafted early!

    53. Penguins – Brett Berard – The little in Little and Large Kleven. Underrated kid, who given time, could be a point producer as a pro.

    54. Wild – Eemil Viro – Some love this player, some hate this player, but at the end of the day, the Wild have made a lot of picks!

    55. Hurricanes – Vasili Ponomaryov – A name to cause havoc for SimGod for seasons to come because it’s never spelled the same twice. The kid is fearless though, he’s got great vision and a strong shot. Underrated.

    56. Canucks – Nico Daws – The one thing you can bank on, draft after draft, is the Canucks taking players you want. Ignore the blip of the World Juniors, the kid is the real deal. Goldenrod 2.

    57. Red Wings – Marat Khusnutdinov – He said nut. Hahaha.

    58. Panthers – Topi Niemela – Seems like the prototypical modern defenseman, even if his offensive output may be limited. Panthers cursing themselves for all the Dmen but, BPA.

    59. Rangers - Mitch Miller – Late riser who must be cursing the premature end to the season – he probably would have gone higher with the playoffs to expose himself. Not in that way.

    60. Coyotes – Daniil Gushchin – Offended by comments about tendencies, the Coyotes go off the board to prove a point.

    61. Blues – Luke Tuch – When you have the good brother, sometimes you need the ECHL version too!

    62 – Lightning - Roni Hirvonen – Another mighty mite – but this one is already playing at the top level and the Bolts happily scoop him up here.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2020
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  3. HFSS Registered User

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    PART THREE - ROUND THREE

    63 – Red Wings - Vasily Pnomarev
    64 – Rangers - Nico Daws
    65 – Bruins - Marat Khusnutdinov
    66 – Golden Knights - Mitch Miller
    67 – Blue Jackets - Daniil Gushchin
    68 – Panthers - Topi Niemela
    69 – Maple Leafs - Luke Tuch
    70 – Coyotes - Roni Hirvonen
    71 – Rangers - Ty Smilanic
    72 – Canadiens - Yan Kuznetsov
    73 – Sabres - Sean Farrell
    74 – Blackhawks - Carson Bantle
    75 – Coyotes - Antonio Stranges
    75 – Coyotes - Sean Farrell
    76 – Jets - Yan Kuznetsov
    77 – Lightning - Theodor Niederbach
    78 – Sabres - Evan Vierling
    79 – Kings – Joel Blomqvist
    80 – Predators – Egor Sokolov
    81 – Golden Knights – Justin Sourdif
    82 – Golden Knights – Oliver Suni
    83 – Wild – Thimo Nickl
    84 – Panthers – Luke Prokop
    85 – Islanders – Colby Ambrosio
    86 – Hurricanes – Dylan Peterson
    87 – Panthers – Artem Groshev
    88 – Sabres – Drew Commesso
    89 – Rangers – Ryder Rolston
    90 – Jets – Ian Moore
    91 – Blue Jackets – Zach Uens
    92 – Blues – Adam Raska
    93 – Sabres – Alex Laferriere
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2020
  4. DrSense Registered User

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    Great post. Love the subtle jabs at the GMs along the way. Well done, sir. Looking forward to round 2 and 3.
     
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  5. RedWingsLegacy Registered User

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    For the love of god dont let my pick become nolan patrick lol. I dodged a bullet when the pick i traded a few years ago turned into who seems to be a bust in Jessie Puljarvi i dont need a player whose career is likely over in Patrick type player. Not that i can control that
     
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  6. Lord Stanley Revoluccion Leader

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    This is the second mock that has Vegas taking Schneider. As things currently stand Schneider is not somebody we would be considering. Looking forward to seeing the next two rounds.
     
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  7. Fooladelfia Registered User

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    Mavrik Bourque and Ghule no thx
    The others maybe. Don't think il draft dman this year.
     
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  8. HFSS Registered User

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    Round two is now is posted!
     
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  9. albertascout Registered User

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    I would be over the moon pleased if this is how the draft went. There would be enough players on my list that I would be happy with what would be available when I pick.

    I would not take those picks, I am not a russian lover like Flames or Lightning management.

    How dare they! :)

    Darryl
     
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  10. Brock Registered User

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    The people demand round three.
     
  11. Lord Stanley Revoluccion Leader

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    Given how this draft is going for Vegas, I might trade all my picks away.
     
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