The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Pestilence. Famine. War. Death.
The Oilers have been infected with a pestilence of losses, a famine of wins, a war with the hockey media and death in the standings.
Playoffs are but a glimmer of hope.
But as the signs say above Rogers Place:
ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER
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The 4 Horsemen had good intentions.
But as we all know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and Oiler fans skulls.
They seek answers to create playoff wins but only succeed in destroying the dreams of Oilers players and fans alike.
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The 4 Horsemen try to exorcize the Oilers of the demons of their past.
The humiliation of Eakins and the incompetence of Chiarelli was thought to have been borne away by the 4 Horsemen.
They thought they had removed the past Apocalypse.
Instead they created Apocalypse Now.
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They have wreaked havoc, suffering and embarrassment on the provincial capital, the former City of Champions, a long sad voice from past glory days gone by.
Rogers Place, a palace that was to have been a shining place of happiness and cheer has been turned into a dark cavernous place of misery and fear.
Instead of grand food, drink and times, Rogers Place is rotten hamburgers, tasteless cardboard pizzas, overpriced flat beer, bone chilling cold air, a marching band that plays the very wails from hell itself, and now one cannot even find a drop of water to drink.
Such is the misery laying waste on the Castle of the North.
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As the 4 Horsemen Advance towards their 2 Savoirs, all they can mutter is:
"I am become Death, Destroyer of Salary Caps"
"We are Chasing the Game"
"Something is in the water"
"It is in the room"
McDavid and Draisaitl cower and cringe in fear and pain.
For that is all the 4 Horsemen bring.
Fear of the next trade. Pain from the last signing.
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The 4 Horsemen also have an evil being in their midst, brought in by a past Horseman.
The Angel of Death. The Bringer of Pain. The Frying of Pans.
Leako Lostagain.
He bringeth pain, suffering and madness to the Oilers fans and faithful.
Pucks bounce off of him like an extra firm mattress. Pucks go through him as if he is made of tissue paper. Pucks fly over his shoulders as if he were a hobbit. Pucks go between his legs like....you get the picture.
He is not a blessing and is indeed a curse. A $4.5 million dollar curse.
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.
.
The 4 Horsemen also have another source of evil, the Edmonton Hockey Media.
Bob Stauffer, the Mouth of Sauron.
Terry the Hut.
And the ever senile Jim Matheson, who feels its is his job to help the 4 Horsemen destroy any sense of good the players may have and callously run them out of town.
The Evil Media however will not ask difficult questions to the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
The 4 Horsemen are sacred.
They must never be questioned.
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.
Tonight the evil radioactive inbreds from the Maxipad of the South invade our shining Castle of the North.
Our troops are battered and bruised.
They cannot score. They cannot check. They cannot defend. They cannot kill a penalty. They cannot get a power play goal. They cannot clear the front of the net. They cannot forecheck.
They are the Walking Dead.
However in Death comes Life.
Sweet glorious Life delivering us from the Evil of the 4 Horsemen.
Breathing life, goodness and all that is holy back into Rogers Place.
The Archangel.
And it is written here that the Angel of Life will descend from the heavens (probably on a private charter)
This Angel Of Life shall be known forevermore as...........
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Saint Woodcroft.
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-----------------------------------------------------------------
GDT Music
Handel Messiah - Hallelujah Chorus
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Fearless Prediction
Heathen Flames 5
Broken Oilers 2
Jerseys Tossed 4
The Messiah Woodcroft on Sunday
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Oilers Lines
Perlini - McDavid - Yamamoto
Foegele - Draisaitl - Puljujarvi
Benson - McLeod - Turris
Shore - Ryan - Sceviour
Nurse - Bouchard
Keith - Ceci
Russell - Koekkoek
Leako Lostagain
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Flames Lines
Don't Care
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Pestilence. Famine. War. Death.
The Oilers have been infected with a pestilence of losses, a famine of wins, a war with the hockey media and death in the standings.
Playoffs are but a glimmer of hope.
But as the signs say above Rogers Place:
ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The 4 Horsemen had good intentions.
But as we all know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and Oiler fans skulls.
They seek answers to create playoff wins but only succeed in destroying the dreams of Oilers players and fans alike.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The 4 Horsemen try to exorcize the Oilers of the demons of their past.
The humiliation of Eakins and the incompetence of Chiarelli was thought to have been borne away by the 4 Horsemen.
They thought they had removed the past Apocalypse.
Instead they created Apocalypse Now.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
They have wreaked havoc, suffering and embarrassment on the provincial capital, the former City of Champions, a long sad voice from past glory days gone by.
Rogers Place, a palace that was to have been a shining place of happiness and cheer has been turned into a dark cavernous place of misery and fear.
Instead of grand food, drink and times, Rogers Place is rotten hamburgers, tasteless cardboard pizzas, overpriced flat beer, bone chilling cold air, a marching band that plays the very wails from hell itself, and now one cannot even find a drop of water to drink.
Such is the misery laying waste on the Castle of the North.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
As the 4 Horsemen Advance towards their 2 Savoirs, all they can mutter is:
"I am become Death, Destroyer of Salary Caps"
"We are Chasing the Game"
"Something is in the water"
"It is in the room"
McDavid and Draisaitl cower and cringe in fear and pain.
For that is all the 4 Horsemen bring.
Fear of the next trade. Pain from the last signing.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The 4 Horsemen also have an evil being in their midst, brought in by a past Horseman.
The Angel of Death. The Bringer of Pain. The Frying of Pans.
Leako Lostagain.
He bringeth pain, suffering and madness to the Oilers fans and faithful.
Pucks bounce off of him like an extra firm mattress. Pucks go through him as if he is made of tissue paper. Pucks fly over his shoulders as if he were a hobbit. Pucks go between his legs like....you get the picture.
He is not a blessing and is indeed a curse. A $4.5 million dollar curse.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The 4 Horsemen also have another source of evil, the Edmonton Hockey Media.
Bob Stauffer, the Mouth of Sauron.
Terry the Hut.
And the ever senile Jim Matheson, who feels its is his job to help the 4 Horsemen destroy any sense of good the players may have and callously run them out of town.
The Evil Media however will not ask difficult questions to the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
The 4 Horsemen are sacred.
They must never be questioned.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Tonight the evil radioactive inbreds from the Maxipad of the South invade our shining Castle of the North.
Our troops are battered and bruised.
They cannot score. They cannot check. They cannot defend. They cannot kill a penalty. They cannot get a power play goal. They cannot clear the front of the net. They cannot forecheck.
They are the Walking Dead.
However in Death comes Life.
Sweet glorious Life delivering us from the Evil of the 4 Horsemen.
Breathing life, goodness and all that is holy back into Rogers Place.
The Archangel.
And it is written here that the Angel of Life will descend from the heavens (probably on a private charter)
This Angel Of Life shall be known forevermore as...........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Saint Woodcroft.
.
.
.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
GDT Music
Handel Messiah - Hallelujah Chorus
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Fearless Prediction
Heathen Flames 5
Broken Oilers 2
Jerseys Tossed 4
The Messiah Woodcroft on Sunday
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Oilers Lines
Perlini - McDavid - Yamamoto
Foegele - Draisaitl - Puljujarvi
Benson - McLeod - Turris
Shore - Ryan - Sceviour
Nurse - Bouchard
Keith - Ceci
Russell - Koekkoek
Leako Lostagain
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Flames Lines
Don't Care
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited:
