Things went wrong the second people said you can’t hit your child. And before some justice warrior blasts me for that remember I said hit not beat.
This is interesting to me.
I agree with you in part about the hitting. More importantly I absolutely beleive that strong parenting has to be a priority. By that I mean parenting in a way that results in strong consequences for a child that acts inappropriately. Clear structure. Strong leadership to provide an example for the child.
Vasolating/weak parents that try to be their kids friend is the type of parenting that creates problem kids. Emotionally immature parents is another issue as the parents are usually too wrapped up in themselves to provide the proper emotional care for their kids.. The lack of structure (and emotional support) around that type of parenting tends to make their kids other peoples problem. Weak parents tend to have kids who throw tantrums and they often give in to the tantrums because it seems easier.
Having said all that good parenting IMO begins once Mom is pregnant.
There have been studies (human and animal) that show that during the 9 months Mom is carrying the child it is interpreting the outside world through her experience. This is important because the child needs to biologically prepare itself for the outside world. So if Mom is stressed and the world is a stressful place then the baby will develop a different part of its brain (hind brain) to give itself the best chance of survival once its born. So a baby born into an stressful situation (emotional imbalanced mother,,,spousal abuse...violent part of of a city...war torn regions...etc) will be born with a predisposition to be difficult...even violent primarily because it doesnt feel safe and being agressive (preprogrammed during pregnancy) is necessary to help the child survive.
Words may not be enough to influence a child that has an over developed hindbrain.
Thats when a corrective measure like hitting may be necessary to help the child understand that there is a consequence for every action. Its tricky though because a child like that might benefit more from a parent that is able to help it feel safe and supported.
So that was a rather lengthy way of saying that hitting should only be an absolute last resort and its only helpful with some children...not all children.
I never once had to hit my kid when he was young but he knew that Dad was no push over and that he had to behave approriately or there would be a consequence. I dont even think that I had to yell at him either. At least I dont remember ever having to yell.
Anyway...very nuanced and complicated topic and this post doesnt begin to touch on the many issues and complications but that in a nutshell is my 2 cents.