Captain Dave Poulin
Imaginary Cat
Welcome to The Flyers Board NHL Mega-Mock Draft Reboot, THANK YOU, HELLO PHASE TWENTY-SEVEN!
I am sure there is something extremely clever to say about this newest phase in the Quackverse, but why would I do that when THE HATEWATCHING EVENT OF THE CENTURY is unfolding before our very eyes? That’s right, Quacks, “Thank You, Goodnight – The Bon Jovi Story” is airing as we speak on Hulu.
Let me tell you something, friends – this f***ing thing is HOWLINGLY funny. Four straight hours of pure delusion and hilarity. Egos unjustifiably blown up like lead zeppelins (the horse-toothed c*** himself compared the Bon Jovi/Sambora pairing to, and I quote, “Lennon and McCartney, Simon and Garfunkle”) … (holy f***, I still can’t get over it). The “tragic” centerpiece of the f***ing thing is Jon having serious problems with his voice. At one point it cracks to f*** while he is warming up, and it’s like, you know it’s bad juju to laugh, but I can’t possibly see any way you couldn’t – it’s just so f***ing funny to have watched this dogshit goof trying to sing when he never could sing in the first place.
And then there’s the f***ing poodle-headed keyboardist, and Tico f***ing Torres, and Sambora’s dork ass. I just can’t do it justice. I dearly wish you could watch this through my eyes and my experience of having been there since the very first moment. To see this in the Year of Our Lord 2024 and be reminded of every nanosecond of disbelief at the stupidity of people enjoying this band is really something. There’s no accounting for moist ladies who fall for hairy shitbirds smiling nonstop, but there’s equally no possible way a sensible male person could like these f***ers unless they were deaf. It’s impossible. Watching these c***s celebrate themselves and believing the impossible happened (because it did) is really just the funniest f***ing thing ever. It’s like the Miracle on Ice in Hell.
Let’s go.
THE RATIONAL SHIT
- Team Badwill Ambassador – Note: this is NOT a spite category. If your goodwill ambassador is there to help you maintain relations with other people, organizations, franchises, etc., your badwill ambassador is there to unravel relations or sabotage things. I don’t know why you’d want to do that, but there are reasons. Think of them amongst yourselves.
- Team Candle/Essential Oil – this is the scent you want for your candles and diffusers. If you have never used a diffuser, you are missing out like a motherf***er. They rule. We already have a team scent, so don’t swipe someone’s team scent if their team scent comes from candles or diffusers, but otherwise there shouldn’t be any overlap.
- Team Card Game – this can be any kind of card game. I haven’t really played games like “Magic the Gathering” (which is not a pick tip because everyone knows about it), but I know there are several that people like. It can be like that or like something else, but the game should revolve around a deck of cards. We aren’t going to be hardasses about this, so don’t be obnoxious about it unless someone tries to pick something you have already picked – at that point it will be acceptable for you to be temporarily obnoxious.
- Team Concert Venue – pretty self-explanatory. I would guess the one thing we have to watch out for is not picking places that people have chosen for their team bar or team stadium, something like that.
- Team Gangster – this can be a fictional or real gangster. The term “gangster” is pretty hard to misunderstand, so just pick a gangster. Having said that, we will consider and probably accept clever interpretations of the term. Again, just don’t be stupid about it.
- Team Ghost/Haunted House/Area – this is a building or area that is f***ing haunted by ghosts or other scary spirits and shit. The area shouldn’t be too big – like you couldn’t choose “Ecuador” because you heard that the Ghost Hunters found some creepy shit in the country – you should choose the specific place in Ecuador that is spooky. Or you could just choose a haunted house. Can be fictional or “real.”
- Team Knight Of The Round Table – you should choose one of the Knights of the Round Table. You can choose them from any respectable source you want, but it has to be respectable – if you choose someone from a disreputable, defective source, you will be cut. Physically cut. In real life.
- Team Local Icon – in this case, “local” should be local to you. We are spread out a bit, so local to me won’t be the same as local to Hollywood, even though we are blood relatives by DNA.
- Team Movie/TV Villain – this is the usual deal for a CATEGORY FIVE category – don’t choose anyone from anything substantial (meaning Team TV Show, Team Film Series, etc.) which has been chosen before. As usual, we will prosecute these on a case-by-case basis, and you will marvel at our wisdom.
- Team TV Family – same as above – don’t take anyone from anything substantial (meaning Team TV Show, Team Film Series, etc.) which has been chosen before.
- Team War Movie – this will be awesome. The directors draft doesn’t count for this, as usual, but films by Team Director, or by directors who have been chosen for something else, are not available for selection. You will have to police this yourselves unless we are lucky enough to catch a duplicate, because we have selected a lot of shit.
- Team Wrist Watch – this should be awesome too. Pick a specific watch, with watch company and model name. You can’t just pick a company and take all their watches. Unless you have picked a watch company for something else. Please tell me if you have picked a watch company for something else.
Remember: “Chaos” is not the same thing as “Havoc.” Engage in the former, not the latter. We have a whole ton of stuff left over for future phases, so don’t worry if categories you wanted aren’t in here - I will champion them later with the boss.
For the first round, we will give everyone 12 hours to get revved up again - for all the succeeding rounds, it will be six hours. The daily clock starts at 8 a.m. and ends at 10 p.m., all times Eastern. This is a MONGOOSE DRAFT, which is the same functionally as a snake draft, but isn’t named after the turboc*** of the animal world.
Don't forget to tag the next person in your pick post AND send a PM.
DRAFT ORDER
JojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
BigToe - Stockholm Simps
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
Striiker - Allentown Attack
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
BernieParent - Halifax Galleons
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Desert Ducks
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
Beef Invictus - D.C. Mutineers
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP FOR CHRISTMAS WITH QUACKVERSE MERCH AND/OR SWAG!
RIVALRIESJojoTheWhale - New York M.A.D. Cats
pit - Chicago Chimpanzees
Magua - Honolulu Ghibli
BigToe - Stockholm Simps
Strawberry Fields - Vancouver Beavers
Chuck Downie - Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha!
GKJ - Philadelphia Villains
ajgoal - Los Angeles Whalers
DancingPanther - Providence Platypi
Striiker - Allentown Attack
mja - New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins
CanadianFlyer88 - Seattle Sockeyes
Lord Defect - St. Paul Stay Pufts
Rebels57 - Portland Fog
BernieParent - Halifax Galleons
Hollywood Couturier - Las Vegas Desert Ducks
BiggE - Jacksonville Methgators
Captain Dave Poulin - Quebec Lapins
Beef Invictus - D.C. Mutineers
Young Sandwich - Montreal Sexpos
DON’T FORGET TO STOCK UP FOR CHRISTMAS WITH QUACKVERSE MERCH AND/OR SWAG!
| HOST | RIVAL | |
| Allentown Attack | vs | New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins |
| Chicago Chimpanzees | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| D.C. Mutineers | vs | Seattle Sockeyes |
| Honolulu Ghibli | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Jacksonville Methgators | vs | Tampa Bay Firesticks |
| Las Vegas Desert Ducks | vs | Providence Platypi |
| Les Comiques de Saint-Louis-du-Ha!Ha! | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| Los Angeles Whalers | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Montreal Sexpos | vs | Quebec Lapins |
| New Jersey Flaming Zeppelins | vs | Allentown Attack |
| New York M.A.D. Cats | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Philadelphia Villains | vs | New York M.A.D. Cats |
| Portland Fog | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Providence Platypi | vs | Las Vegas Desert Ducks |
| Quebec Lapins | vs | Montreal Sexpos |
| Seattle Sockeyes | vs | Vancouver Beavers |
| St. Paul Stay Pufts | vs | Tijuana Toads |
| Tampa Bay Firesticks | vs | Jacksonville Methgators |
| Tijuana Toads | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
| Vancouver Beavers | vs | Seattle Sockeyes |
| Virginia Beach Surge | vs | St. Paul Stay Pufts |
NO NAMING NAMES, NO PICK TIPPING, NO ICE CREAM BANTER, NO TWITCH SHIT, SNITCHES GET STITCHES!
LEARN TO F***ING READ!
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE
QUACKVERSE MEGADRAFT LEAGUE ON INSTAGRAM
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