New Senators Writer Soliciting Feedback

[Larry Fisher]

Hey Guys,

I'm going to be covering the Senators part-time (occasionally) for The Hockey Writers this season and I just wanted to touch base here and share my first piece, get some opinions on it and see what kind of stories interest you going forward. So let me know what you think/topics you want tackled in the future.

http://thehockeywriters.com/expansion-brothers-trending-in-opposite-directions/

Click to read more...

 

[Super Cake]

 

[ChocolateLeclaire]

Just my opinion, but it's a little on the long side especially for a comparison piece. Instead of looking at both teams since their birth, I would have focused more on the present state of each team.

 

[Vesa Awesaka]

Fine piece. Nothing spectacular but not bad.

 

[Do Make Say Think]

It's hard to deny the conclusions in that article though

 

[tony d]

Good effort here, looking forward to seeing more stuff from you.

 

[Larry Fisher]

Thanks guys, appreciate the feedback. It probably did run a little long admittedly, I could have gassed the graph about the rinks and maybe some other tidbits, but hopefully the overall theme was of interest, which it appears to have been. I'm not entirely sure on the scope of coverage THW is looking for — I'm an "at-large" writer — who is picking up some slack with both Ottawa and Tampa (thus this initial comparison piece) because those teams don't have as many full-time or local-based writers. I don't know if the content will be focused entirely on Ottawa's roster or on prospects as well, but I feel I have a decent handle on all 30 teams. Looking forward to filling in for Ottawa when called upon.

 

[Clamshells]

I think its kind of a pointless article. There isn't a single person who thinks Ottawa is a better team than Tampa, so the comparison is pointless. Basically serves as an article to focus on the negatives of the team, and honestly there is already enough of that coming out of the Ottawa Sun and the rest of the hockey media world.

I would rather see articles that focus on the positives and the things we can look forward too. I'd rather read about some optimism instead of just piling on to the constant stream of pessimism we're getting.

The article doesn't have to be "lets compare Ottawa to Buffalo" but at least something better than "lets compare a team expected to finish at the bottom of the league to a team that has a legitimate chance at winning the cup this year"

 

[Jorec]

You're writing can be choppy, at a few points during the article you leap from one point to another a lot of the time without anything connecting them and it makes it harder to read. I get what you're trying to do, but it doesn't come off well in the end, so really you'll want to work on improving the flow of your writing.
Overall, the article is fine for a fluff piece, it's clear where your bias is. The title though is awful and to me reads like click bait. The implication being made is that Ottawa is on the downward slope while Tampa is on the upwards right? That is what I infer anyway.

 

[mcnorth]

Best way to rebuild is to commit to being a colossal cluster-**** for a few seasons in a row and draft top three talent: see Pittsburgh, Chicago, and here Tampa Bay. Ottawa has been too good for too long, to be too good.

 

[blair7]

Pointless article. Also, this statement is incorrect:

Tampa Bay is backstopped by former Ottawa castoff Ben Bishop, who was traded to the Lightning (straight up for Cory Conacher) in April 2013

It may be nitpicking but it was not a straight up trade, Tampa added a 4th.

 

[StefanW]

The Good: There were definitely good moments in this piece. There is clearly a lot of research behind this piece, and I definitely appreciate effort when I see it. The article is filled with information, and I appreciated the links to videos.

Could be improved: I had a hard time getting past the overall structure, which was a comparison between TB and Ottawa. I don't think anyone is really comparing the two teams this season, with Tampa getting set to possibly make the jump to contender status while Ottawa floats around the playoff bubble. The comparison added a lot of words that had nothing much to do with Ottawa without being all that compelling in my eyes.

 

[dumbdick]

I think you should have focused more heavily on the fact that Tampa looked like a Single-A girls midget team in last season's playoffs.

 

[Real Smart Sens Fan]

Really pointless article premise, holds absolutely zero interest to me, but despite this I read it and it didn't really reveal any new or interesting information. I guess the best I can say is, it isn't trash? The writing style is fine? But it has no direction, almost no relevant or interesting conclusions are drawn, it was basically a huge waste of my time, made even worse by the fact that half of it was stuff I already knew about a team I don't even follow that closely.

I was hoping to give you good feedback but I just don't see why anyone would ever want to write this article, let alone read it.

 

[Icelevel]

agree with strange comparison comments. However while on the subject I think ottawa has the better team overall and would definitely pick them over tampa in a playoff series starting tomorrow

 

[Busboy]

Really pointless article premise, holds absolutely zero interest to me, but despite this I read it and it didn't really reveal any new or interesting information. I guess the best I can say is, it isn't trash? The writing style is fine? But it has no direction, almost no relevant or interesting conclusions are drawn, it was basically a huge waste of my time, made even worse by the fact that half of it was stuff I already knew about a team I don't even follow that closely.

I was hoping to give you good feedback but I just don't see why anyone would ever want to write this article, let alone read it.

These are my feelings too

If you're going to write thousands of words, start by figuring out what you want to say. Nothing was really said in this article, it is simply a drawn out look at surface level facts.

The site you're writing for shouldn't settle for whoever is available to do the job. What you end up with is articles that are unoriginal, uninteresting and add nothing of value to the reader.

 

[Larry Fisher]

Thanks for all the comments and constructive criticism. You are definitely right in that this piece was, kind of, a fluff piece. It was my initial foray into writing about both the Senators and Lightning and figured it was a good way to tie them together, comparing the "expansion brothers." I can understand how the hardcore (or above average) hockey fans probably didn't learn a whole lot new from reading this article regardless of which team you follow full-time. I think THW has a lot of potential and is still working on its staffing, to find suitable writers based in each of the 30 NHL cities. My current location is closest to Vancouver and the team I have the best grasp on is Edmonton, so I'm a little bit of an outsider opinion/perspective when it comes to Ottawa and even more so to Tampa Bay, which is why I'm tackling more general topics for the most part. I'll be following both teams much closer this season and as my comfort level increases, I'll tackle some individual topics. My role at THW remains "at-large" covering the league as a whole with a focus on prospects (WHL) and fantasy advice/insight. I will do my best though to plug some Senators content in there and hopefully I'll eventually provide a piece that is both informative and educational to even the hardcores here at HF. Thanks again for all the reads and feedback.

 

[NyQuil]

I wouldn't come to this place for constructive criticism.

 

[Do Make Say Think]

I think you should have focused more heavily on the fact that Tampa looked like a Single-A girls midget team in last season's playoffs.

That's not quite true

Lindback screwed that team over, the skaters were mostly fine but it's hard to win when your goalie lets in goals that no NHL goalie usually allows

 

[Dysentery]

We beat Tampa in Tampa last week.

The rest is History.

I see these teams trending in similar directions...yet the article says they're trending in opposite directions...So in my opinion you are wrong.

 

[Xspyrit]

Just read the title and stopped reading

92, 96, 88

That's the number of points for the Sens the last 3 years (pro-rated for 2012-13)

I don't see a trend there, and I don't think the Sens have to envy any teams if that's what they are able to do during their rebuild years (+ a bit of playoffs success). And yes, even the mighty LA Kings and Chicago Blackhawks went through hard years, and they were a LOT harder and uglier than that, not even close. So what are teams supposed to do during their (inevitable) rebuild?

Chris Phillips and Chris Neil are the only 2 players that were in the line-up in 2008-09... and rookie Zack Smith who played 1 game. Yes, the Sens went through a FULL rebuild... More time, resources and dedication have been put into drafting and developing players since 2008, the year when the team started declining.


Hey, here's constructive criticism.

 

[Dysentery]

We beat Tampa in Tampa last week.

The rest is History.

I see these teams trending in similar directions...yet the article says they're trending in opposite directions...So in my opinion you are wrong.

Ya like i said.