llamapalooza
Hockey State Expat
Sorry for the late GDT, I'm still pretty hungover.
On Thursday, the boys went and **** the bed against a hilariously mediocre Sharks team. This time it wasn't just the power play (though it was terribad as usual) but some atrocious defense too. Vanek just kind of stopped playing hockey on the GWG.
Tonight, your Minnesota Mild take on the Arizona Who Gives a ****. Watch in awe as "The Most Talented Team This Franchise Has Ever Seen" do their best impression of a mathlete on prom night and spend sixty minutes jamming away at rebounds desperately trying to score.
If you don't want to subject yourself to watching this garbage team yet again, I'll save you the effort. Here's the game synopsis (from the fuuuuture!):
1ST PERIOD: They'll dominate in shots but Kuemper will give one up on a soft wrister from the blue line with 36 seconds left in the period.
2ND PERIOD: They'll come out slow, Coyle will have a bad turnover below the goal line which will be scooped up by...uh...do they still have BizNasty? Then they'll get a string of several power plays in a row and fail to convert, and then they'll just kind of turtle for the rest of the period, Kuemper will stand on his head to keep it 2-0, and that'll take us to the second intermission.
3RD PERIOD: They'll come out lukewarm, but score on a nice feed from behind the net about six minutes in just to get your hopes up. And then they'll spend 12 minutes throwing a barrage of garbage shots that make whatever backup-calibre goalie Arizona is trotting out look like a Vezina candidate. Finally, they'll unceremoniously give up an empty-netter within 10 seconds of pulling Kuemper.
Since Winnipeg and San Jose will obviously get the wins tonight, that will leave the Wild 7 points out of the playoffs. Seven points back! In ****ing December! Like, somehow they're actually off to a worse start than the team where Dany Heatley, Kyle Brodziak, Devin Setoguchi, Cal Clutterbuck, and Matt Cullen were the top five goal-scorers.
Look forward to the Strib comments section tomorrow. It'll be a doozy.
Jesus christ. **** this team, guys.
Lines:
On Thursday, the boys went and **** the bed against a hilariously mediocre Sharks team. This time it wasn't just the power play (though it was terribad as usual) but some atrocious defense too. Vanek just kind of stopped playing hockey on the GWG.
Tonight, your Minnesota Mild take on the Arizona Who Gives a ****. Watch in awe as "The Most Talented Team This Franchise Has Ever Seen" do their best impression of a mathlete on prom night and spend sixty minutes jamming away at rebounds desperately trying to score.
If you don't want to subject yourself to watching this garbage team yet again, I'll save you the effort. Here's the game synopsis (from the fuuuuture!):
1ST PERIOD: They'll dominate in shots but Kuemper will give one up on a soft wrister from the blue line with 36 seconds left in the period.
2ND PERIOD: They'll come out slow, Coyle will have a bad turnover below the goal line which will be scooped up by...uh...do they still have BizNasty? Then they'll get a string of several power plays in a row and fail to convert, and then they'll just kind of turtle for the rest of the period, Kuemper will stand on his head to keep it 2-0, and that'll take us to the second intermission.
3RD PERIOD: They'll come out lukewarm, but score on a nice feed from behind the net about six minutes in just to get your hopes up. And then they'll spend 12 minutes throwing a barrage of garbage shots that make whatever backup-calibre goalie Arizona is trotting out look like a Vezina candidate. Finally, they'll unceremoniously give up an empty-netter within 10 seconds of pulling Kuemper.
Since Winnipeg and San Jose will obviously get the wins tonight, that will leave the Wild 7 points out of the playoffs. Seven points back! In ****ing December! Like, somehow they're actually off to a worse start than the team where Dany Heatley, Kyle Brodziak, Devin Setoguchi, Cal Clutterbuck, and Matt Cullen were the top five goal-scorers.
Look forward to the Strib comments section tomorrow. It'll be a doozy.
Jesus christ. **** this team, guys.
Lines:
Overpaid Grinder[sup]1[/sup] - Sophomore Slump - Mediocre Former Sabre
Only Person Capable of Scoring On A ******* Breakaway - Bad Leader - Mediocre Former Sabre
Herr Streaky - Yeo's Golden Boy - Undrafted
Goon - 7th Rounder - Grinder
Guy Who Will Play 45 Minutes - Runt
Second Year of Sophomore Slump - Scrub
Scrub - Scrub
[sup]1[/sup](But He's From Minnesota So Yaaaaay)
Only Person Capable of Scoring On A ******* Breakaway - Bad Leader - Mediocre Former Sabre
Herr Streaky - Yeo's Golden Boy - Undrafted
Goon - 7th Rounder - Grinder
Guy Who Will Play 45 Minutes - Runt
Second Year of Sophomore Slump - Scrub
Scrub - Scrub
[sup]1[/sup](But He's From Minnesota So Yaaaaay)
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