HF Draft X Rd 3: JackSlater vs les Habs

[HandsomeHollywood]

JackSlater:

Spoiler

JackSlater Promotions, in association with Florida Man Wrestling, is pleased to present the much awaited event of the summer... SUMMERFEST 34

SUMMERFEST 34 Official Theme


Florida Man Wrestling Official Theme
​

JackSlater Promotions President: Angelo Poffo

Florida Man Wrestling President: Jim Hurd

Florida Man Wrestling CFO: Ted DiBiase jr.

Ring Announcer: Joel Gertner

Backstage Interviewer: Caylee Turner

Merchandise Table: Virgil

Event Card


Florida Man Wrestling Buy In (Optional Pre-Show)


Mud Match (ongoing throughout the show): Dawn Marie vs. Sunny vs. Missy Hyatt vs. The Kat vs. Robin “Jailbait” Lane vs. Kimona Wanalaya vs. Sapphire vs. Peaches vs. Kamille (With Tony Atlas) vs. Tracy Brooks vs. Major Gunns

* Special Guest Referee: “Gigolo” Jimmy Del Ray

*Special Guest Enforcer: “Playboy” Buddy Rose


Art Barr vs. Nigel McGuinness


Segregation Match: Jim Neidhart (with The Klanimal and Colonel DeBeers) vs. Junkyard Dog

*Each wrestler can only pin the other on his own half of the ring

*JYD must work in DeBeers’ diamond mine should he lose. The Klanimal must “go for a ride on the big hog” with JYD should he win.


Rick Steiner vs. Adrian Adonis (with Matt “Doink” Borne)



SUMMERFEST 34


1. Alberto Del Rio vs. El Generico


2. Intercontinental Championship Match: mm-Rtěll (Champion and formerly Rick Martel, with mån.sôör, ma.çé, Maryse, and Maxxine) vs. Kota Ibushi

* Ibushi must join Maximum Male Models and change his name to Mikey if he loses.


3. Kanyon vs. Stan Hansen vs. Mike Awesome


4. Florida Man Hardcore Match: The Sheik vs. Abdullah the Butcher vs. The Sandman vs. Jay White vs. Matt Hardy V 2.0 vs. Kevin Sullivan vs. Pampiro Firpo vs. Jos LeDuc vs. Joey Ryan vs. “Legless” Dustin Thomas vs. Joey Janela vs. Gypsy Joe


5. Ricky Johnson (Formerly Ricky Starks, with Ava Raine Johnson) vs. Tully Blanchard (with Velveteen Dream, Doug Gilbert, and Heidenreich)


6. Goldberg vs. Baron von Raschke (with Fritz von Erich)


7. Ass Kicking Contest: MJF vs. Kerry von Erich (with Zach Gowen)
Ass Kicking Contest Rules - First man to kick the ass of the other in each corner of the ring is declared the winner.


8. Tag Team Championship TLC Match: The Young Bucks (Champions, with Vince Russo) vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. The Nasty Boys vs. Airhythmia (Teddy Hart and Jack Evans)


9. Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig vs. Sami Zayn


10. World Heavyweight Championship Match: Randy Savage (Champion, with The Genius) vs. “The Rated XXX Superstar” Edge (With Dawn Marie, Matt Hardy, Gangrel, and Brad Maddox)

Background:

Spoiler

Things have changed at JackSlater Promotions. Class is out and crass is in as the promotion's long time president has been taken to prison. Charges of providing steroids, as alleged by Tammy Sytch, failed to bring him down. In the end it was accusations of sexual harassment by Heidenrich, with Doug Gilbert loudly proclaiming on television that the president was guilty, that brought him down. Long time nemesis Tully Blanchard emerged from prison, ending his days of running his prison ministry, just as a power vacuum seemed to emerge. Blanchard’s plan to take over the promotion was thwarted however as power was handed over to infamous wrestling promoter Angelo “The Miser” Poffo.

Costs have been cut everywhere and the promotion has even sunk so low as to collaborate with Florida Man Wrestling, hoping to draw in some of the old boys club money and take advantage of desperate last minute stunts. FMW CFO Ten DiBiase jr. has been running the finances for both companies, though observers struggle to ascertain how me makes ends meet. A series of borderline outlaw mud shows have commenced as taste and decorum have left the promotion and unprofessional debauchery have replaced them. Anything that sells in the short term is welcome and for now the lowest common denominator rules the roost in JSP.



Florida Man Wrestling Buy In (optional pre-show)

Mud Match (ongoing throughout the show): Dawn Marie vs. Sunny vs. Missy Hyatt vs. The Kat vs. Robin “Jailbait” Lane vs. Kimona Wanalaya vs. Sapphire vs. Peaches vs. Kamille (With Tony Atlas) vs. Tracy Brooks vs. Major Gunns

* Special Guest Referee: “Gigolo” Jimmy Del Ray

*Special Guest Enforcer: “Playboy” Buddy Rose

The brain trust, term used very loosely, of Florida Man Wrestling believes that it knows what sells – cheap women wrestling in the muck. As such, for the duration of the show a mud wrestling match will be taking place among all of the lovely ladies of FMW. Good idea sure to generate interest? Will the girls be able to mud wrestle for the whole show without getting gassed? Will the Gigolo or the Playboy have a heart attack or avoid a lawsuit? Tune in to find out. Couldn’t think anything less of you already.



Art Barr vs. Nigel McGuinness

The FMW brain trust again had a brilliant idea – two indy darlings taking each other on to appease the online fans. Has Barr cleaned up his act? Will hooligan McGuinness stood to the depths typical of FMW? Tune in to find out.



Segregation Match: Jim Neidhart (with The Klanimal and Colonel DeBeers) vs. Junkyard Dog

*Each wrestler can only pin the other on his own half of the ring

*JYD must work in DeBeers’ diamond mine should he lose. The Klanimal must “go for a ride on the big hog” with JYD should he win.

As we all know, good taste has no place in the wrestling mind of a Florida Man. Junkyard Dog, FMW’s most popular wrestler, has been targeted by Colonel DeBeers to work in his diamond mine in South Africa. He became even more obsessed with this idea when JYD took it upon himself to strip the white robe from The Klanimal, revealed to be Jaime Pressly, and liked what he saw. A white robed thug, Jim Neidhart, was brought in to defend DeBeers’ interests and The Klanimal’s honour. JYD has been getting the best of his adversaries on a weekly basis, dishing out severe beatings and the occasional spanking, however will his luck run out? Tune in to find out.

Rick Steiner (with Alex) vs. Adrian Adonis (with Matt “Doink” Borne)

Simple Rick Steiner has emerged as one of the few FMW wrestlers to become a fan favourite. Many considered it distasteful to have a man as mentally limited as Steiner as an active wrestler, however after getting cleared to wrestle, provided he has his headgear, Steiner has acquitted himself well. With nearly unmatched power and a strong base in freestyle wrestling, Steiner proved to be a star under the tutelage of Kevin Sullivan. Things changed when a jealous Sullivan attacked Steiner with pen ink, leaving Steiner with only Alex, his trusty hand puppet, to guide him. Steiner continued to endear himself to the crowd when he attracted to attention of Borne Again, a man obsessed with ridding wrestlers of ridiculous characteristics. Having, for the most part, eliminated Doink from his mind, he has also gotten Adrian Adonis to, mostly, drop the flowery motif and go back to his hard hitting big-city ways. He has also gotten Art Barr, after having his drunken breakdowns after losing the tag titles at Sumerfest 33, to drop most elements of his Juicer persona. Fans have wondered whether Steiner will keep his persona and remain an FMW favourite or whether he would be better off as a more serious wrestler with full mental capacity and move on to JackSlater Promotions.



Main Card

In lieu of a musical montage, official welcome from Angelo Poffo, Jim Hurd, Ted DiBiase jr. as well as in depth directions to Virgil's merchandise stand.

1. Alberto Del Rio vs. El Generico

El Generico has returned after years away, once again donning his mask and cape to fight for good. Noted philanthropist Alberto Del Rio initially took JackSlater Promotions by storm, after coming over from Floida Man Wrestling, with his class and charisma. However cracks began appearing in his façade. Del Rio was caught splooging on titles, as he often had been encouraged to do in FMW, and wrestling with suspicious white powder on his face. Angelo Poffo, happy to take Del Rio’s money as suggested by DiBiase,, has consistently looked the other way, however a vignette filmed from one of Del Rio’s palatial Mexican compounds has drawn much attention. The orphans that Del Rio claims to have sponsored and given purpose to appear to be working in a shady factory, producing what Del Rio calls his patented Patron Snow Cones. Soon after, seemingly to defend the orphans, El Generico emerged to consistently tamper with Del Rio’s plans. A match has been set with Del Rio finally going face to mask with the fan favourite, the mysterious but heroic El Generico. Ole!

Backstage interview: MJF

2. Intercontinental Championship Match: mm-Rtěll (formerly Rick Martel and also Intercontinental Champion, with mån.sôör, ma.çé, Maryse, and Maxxine) vs. Kota Ibushi

*Ibushi must join Maximum Male Models if he loses

The Maximum Male Models have been riding high under the leadership of the former Rick Martel. Endorsements are rolling in, online fan engagement (only with lady fans, they swear) is proving lucrative, sales of Arrogance have picked up, and even a title has been worked into Martel’s wardrobe. mm-Rtěll, wearing the intercontinental title, now fashioned as a skinny Gucci style belt, has recognized a flaw in the group’s plan for global dominance. The Maximum Male Models thought that they had every major ethnic group covered – Swarthy, Ebony, and Tanned – before becoming aware of the newest global sensation: K-Pop. mm-Rtěll found the perfect man for the job in Kota Ibushi, though his Japanese citizenship has not seemed to register with the leader of the group. mm-Rtěll’s offer, given through managers Maryse and Maxxine, was spurned by a confused Ibushi, leading the group to brutally strike back by sinking to lows up to and including dumping out all of Ibushi’s expensive Japanese shampoo. Fed up, Ibushi choked mm-Rtěll with his own skinny title belt and squirting the other models in the face with Arrogance, temporarily blinding them and throwing off their acid cleansing regimes.

A match has been set – Ibushi is challenging mm-Rtěll for the title. mm-Rtěll’s request that it be a no blows to the face match has been denied as Angelo Poffo refused to pay for the extra ink on the flyers to promote the match. It will be a title and some peace if Ibush wins, however he will have to join the Maximum Male Models and be re-christened as “Mikey” should he be defeated.



3. Kanyon vs. Stan Hansen vs. Mike Awesome

Often disregarded by fans despite his charisma and hard hitting wrestling moves, Kanyon eventually fell under the sway of Stan Hansen after the big Texan saved Kanyon from a beating at the hands of Abdullah the Butcher. Lacking confidence, Kanyon generally did whatever Hansen desired, despite how abusive Hansen seemed to become. Beatings became increasingly worse until Hansen even branded Kanyon’s ass on television. When Kanyon protested that livestock gets branded, Hansen informed him that that’s what he is – Hansen’s livestock, boy. Something snapped in Kanyon as he began appearing strung out at JackSlater Promotions shows, enraging old school Hansen, until he threw a chair at Hansen’s face, leaving the big man requiring the use of an eyepatch for months. Hansen would continue attacking the loner Kanyon, sometimes on his own and sometimes with cronies from the Texas wrestling scene, however Kanyon did manage to turn the tables on him once in a backstage gym and do an unspeakable act off camera on Hansen’s face, necessitating a mustache shave.

Kanyon came to require backup after using his fingernails to maim another Hansen crony, and Mike Awesome emerged to fill the void. Kanyon bulked up and added even more Awesome-style intensity to his matches as Hansen, or “asswipe” as Kanyon began calling him, seemed wary of messing with his “livestock”. Things changed during a cage match between Kanyon and Hansen when Awesome entered the ring and revealed the truth – he was Hansen’s protégé before arriving in JSP. The two would team up to break Kanyon’s neck in brutal fashion. Cameras checked in on Kanyons recovery for months as Awesome seemed to show remorse for his actions, begging for forgiveness du to his tremendous guilt and even taking it upon himself to attack Hansen. Kanyon has refused all aid from Awesome and claims that once he is finished with Hansen he will decimate Awesome. Things became so heated that Hansen attacked and incapacitated his own son when Kanyon began to take him under his wing in order to rile up his tormentor. Awesome, with his increasingly reckless wrestling style, swears to help Kanyon in his goals whether “Chris” appreciates it or not. Hansen, fuming mad like a bull seeing red, has openly stated that he’s going to finish the job on Kanyon and make Awesome remember whose boy he is.



4. Florida Man Hardcore Match: The Sheik vs. Abdullah the Butcher vs. The Sandman vs. Jay White vs. Matt Hardy V 2.0 vs. Kevin Sullivan vs. Pampiro Firpo vs. Jos LeDuc vs. Joey Ryan vs. “Legless” Dustin Thomas vs. Joey Janela vs. Gypsy Joe

Florida Man Wrestling is contributing further to Summerfest by contributing several of its originator’s favourites in this match where anything goes. Masters of the fireball, a knife pervert, criminal perverts, an axe wielding maniac, a legless man, a blowhard, whatever the f*** Joey Janela is, a hobo, a demon, and more. Surely the fans will be thoroughly entertained as this match draws countless eyeballs.

Backstage interview: Ricky Johnson

5. Ricky Johnson (Formerly Ricky Starks, with Ava Raine Johnson) vs Tully Blanchard (with Velveteen Dream, Doug Gilbert, and Heidenreich)

Ricky Starks always imagined he was headed for the top of the card and he was not shy about telling everyone about it. With his electrifying cadence elastic eyebrow, silky unbuttoned shirts, leather shoes, familiar tone, and general swagger, Starks felt that he was well on his way to becoming the champion of the people. Others felt that Starks was a pale imitation of former JackSlater Promotions champion The Rock. Eyebrows were further raised when Starks had a sudden, live wedding to Ava Raine, daughter of Starks’ wrestling hero, after what many people termed love bombing. After changing his name to Ricky Johnson, the boos to which Ricky had become accustomed became more harsh. Chants of “Die Ricky Die” rang throughout bingo halls and high school gymnasiums as JSP toured. No matter how many times Ava Raine screamed at the crowd that “Ricky doesn’t suck!” the negativity only got worse. Ricky’s failed attempt to make the CFL, instantly being cut, and his direct to Tubi film debut in Tooth Fairy 3 did not help matters.

Things came to a head when Tully Blanchard returned from prison to JSP with some of his prison ministry minions. Laughing at Ricky and saying that he’s much more pebble than Rock, or even more derisively calling him “Fruity Pebble” with a wink, things culminated with Blanchard and his ministry whipping Ricky with a belt, like he was a little boy. To the surprise of all, Ricky would not stay down. He rose every time. He has told Blanchard that he takes his job, his name, and the legacy he hopes to inherit very seriously even if no one else does. He’s proud of his family even if his family is not proud of him. He will stand up for himself, his wife, and even for the people who call for his death every week. If the slobs in the audience are jealous of a man who knows how to dress and look good, speak with confidence, and who wants to entertain, then they can kiss his candy ass. Now ignoring the fans while still maintaining his previous attire, Starks has let everyone know that he won’t take this shit anymore.



6. Goldberg vs Baron von Raschke (with Fritz von Erich)

Goldberg is on the finest streak that JSP has ever seen, stacking up wins at a rate that has infuriated online smarks who are desperately trying to track his progress. Now one thing stands in his way – Baron von Raschke, supposed nazi and legendary FMW villain. The Baron, along with nazi pal Fritz von Erich, has heard the chatter surrounding this match but is defiant – he does not care for squash, despite the crowd chanting it at him, but his iron claw is more than capable of crushing one. Goldberg has not commented on the match, clearly not caring for cape twirling or goose stepping, but instead plainly asked “who’s next?”



7. Ass Kicking Contest: MJF vs. Kerry von Erich (with Zach Gowen)

Few have taken to the relative lawlessness of the new JackSlater Promotions as well as former Florida Man Wrestling star Maxwell Jacob Friedman. Free to pursue all vices and be as crass as he wants, MJF has been a constant thorn in the side of many. This is especially true of one Zach Gowen, whom MJF has targeted relentlessly since first seeing the one legged man wrestle as he himself passed out laughing. One legged Boston Crabs hounded Gowen, as did leg sweeps, tosses down the stairs, Upon Gowen once gaining the upper hand by costing MJF a match via interference with his missile dropkick, MJF delivered a solemn promo in which he promised to do the thing he’s always dreamed of but never done– taking on a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. So it came to pass that MJF boldly stood in the ring, contract already signed, to face his one legged opponent. While Zach Gowen did emerge from behind the curtain, he did not hop down to the ring. MJF would face a different opponent – The Modern Day Warrior Kerry von Erich, who stunned both MJF and the audience by revealing that he has been wrestling in a prosthetic. Putting his days of riding high and banging the greasy JSP rats behind him, at least temporarily, Kerry von Erich appeared focused and relatively clean. The contract signed, after a terrified MJF fled the ring and left the paper on the mat, the world will now know how MJF handles himself in an ass kicking contest against a one legged man.

Backstage interview: The Young Bucks with Vince Russo

8. Tag Team Championship TLC Match: The Young Bucks (Champions, with Vince Russo) vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. The Nasty Boys vs. Airhythmia (Teddy Hart and Jack Evans)

The lawlessness and tackiness of the new JackSlater Promotions has allowed The Young Bucks to climb the ladder in the promotion. Under the previous leadership they tended to be squashed fairly regularly by wrestlers who generally seemed tougher, more serious, even more professional. Goofy bullshit was stepped on and wrestlers defended their own finishers. However times have changed and the Young Bucks no longer need to pick Nasty armpit hair out of their teeth or desperately show the boys the praise they get in the rag sheets. As the Young Bucks have gained influence however, they have begun pushing their own weight around.

They have taken issue with the name of The World’s Greatest Tag Team, as they feel that their online accolades and rag sheet praise make them the best automatically. They are also angry with The Nasty Boys, their former backstage bullies, who live a lifestyle at odds with the evangelical Young Bucks, now comfortable enough to express and pontificate on their faith, Cucamonga style. They are especially horrified by Airythmia, FMW superstars Teddy Hart and Jack Evans, who lead an offensive lifestyle and perform even more asinine maneuvers than even the Young Bucks imagined. Even the Young Bucks have complained about Hart and Evans’ lack of professionalism, though no one seems to care. Fortunately another evangelical Christian with a disregard for professionalism in wrestling, Vince Russo, has joined forces with the Young Bucks as they’ve politicked their way to the top. Russo and The Bucks want some more ink in the sheets, plus they want to work as close to god as possible, and thus they have campaigned for a TLC match for the title.

In the end, Poffo has rented some ladders, chairs, and tables from Home Depot and a TLC match is going to take place.

Backstage interviews: Sami Zayn and Curt Hennig

9. Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig vs. Sami Zayn



Even at a low point, nearly crashing airplanes an pulling pranks that many have deemed quite malicious, Curt Hennig still manages to project a perfect, if also seedy, image. It has driven JackSlater Promotions’ guerrilla filmmaker Sami Zayn to the brink of madness as he has attempted to find footage of the man who is “Proud to be Perfect” at anything less than perfect, especially since he dfeated Zayn’s best friend at Summerfest 30. Every towel toss, every gum slam, every jam session with his Perfect Friend Savage, has been perfect whenever Zayn records, leading to much hair pulling and wild gesticulating. Zayn has chastised the fans that Hennig sets an unrealistic standard – no one can be perfect, and it’s even worse when someone lets himself go and retains his “perfect” abilities. Perfect has not wilted from the pressure, instead openly encouraging Zayn to follow him in his pursuit of imperfection, somewhat endearing JSP fans to him as a new side of the somewhat down on his luck Hennig emerges. JSPs resident truth teller has become further enraged as images of Hennig occasionally struggling as he fights substance and health issues have warmed fans to the arrogant superstar. Zayn has continued to tell the fans that he is doing this for their own good and their own mental health. He has continually declared that Hennig is NOT perfect and that he “is not who he says he is”. Zayn claims that he is the only JSP wrestler who is exactly who he claims to be and that at Summerfest he will prove, though his glorious victory, that while Curt Hennig is active in JackSlater Promotions, Mr. Perfect is long gone.

Backstage Interviews: Randy Savage and Edge

10. World Heavyweight Championship Match: Randy Savage (Champion, with The Genius) vs. “The Rated XXX Superstar” Edge (With Dawn Marie, Gangrel, Matt Hardy, and Brad Maddox)

The pressure of carrying JackSlater Promotions for his father has caused Randy Savage to crack it seems. Savage in behaviour as well as name, he is a far cry from the former JSP champion from Summerfest 29. Thinner and reduced to stealing steaks from grocery stores in his waistband, voice rising and falling unpredictably, stringy blonde hair, endlessly having to protect The Genius from severe beatings – not the Savage that fans are accustomed to but one who has managed to show up for JSP time and again. Paranoid and erratic Savage has continued thanklessly carrying the title as even his father conspires to cost him the title through overwork and misery compensation.

Edge on the other hand is enjoying life in the new JackSlater Promotions. Edge, or Sexton Hardcastle as he is known in Japan, has found a way to make the cash-strapped promotion money, leaving him in a position of power. Using his fame in Japan stemming from his series of shampoo commercials, The “Rated XXX Superstar” has built an online empire, having LIVE sex celebrations on the INTERNET while selling his special shampoo plus used items from FMW’s lady wrestlers in vending machines in Japan. With his special director Gangrel, his manservant, uplifted from homelessness, Matt Hardy V2.0, his personal cameraman Brad Maddox, and his “vixen and costar” Dawn Marie Edge plans to take the title in a reign of decadence. Having already taken Savage’s girl and ruined her, plus refusing to give her back, Edge now plans to have it all by shamelessly taking the one thing giving Savage purpose.

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[HandsomeHollywood]

-VS-

les Habs:

Spoiler

The Alternative Wrestling Federation presents: Reckoning

Live from the KFC Yum! Arena in Louisville, Kentucky with commentary from Excalibur and Larry Zbysko and interviews with Renee Paquette.
Introduction:

Spoiler

Excalibur: “Good evening AWF fans and welcome to Turmoil! We are live here in . Joining me in commentary is none other than The Living Legend, Larry Zbysko! Welcome Larry.”

Larry Zbysko: “Well thank you, it’s great to be here. I have a question though. How come you’re still wearing that damn mask? Do you have a match later?”

Excalibur: “Let’s just get into tonight’s card. Now our first match is a title match for the AWF Cruiserweight Championship between the Champion Billy Kidman and the challenger Matt Sydal.”

Larry Zbysko: “Wait, didn’t Kidman make the challenge, so that would make him the challenger and the Champion.”

Excalibur: “Well you’re right about that Larry. Let’s go back to last Monday’s Turmoil where after weeks of tension spilled over into the incident that led to this match. Let’s have a look at the footage.”

In the locker room.

Torrie Wilson: “Oh my God babe. I just had another hot yoga session with Matt and it was incredible! I’ve never felt anything like it. He really stretched me out. I bent over while he laid down under me to make sure my form was right and he helped me find my root Chakra! It was such an intense sensation. I closed my eyes and all I could see were stars. And my core felt so good that I thought was going to…”

Billy Kidman: “Damnit Torrie! That’s it! I’ve had it with this Shitkra or whatever the hell it’s called. I forbid you to do another yoga session with that weirdo! In fact, I want a match with him at Turmoil and I’ll put the title on the line!”

Torrie Wilson: “Babe! It’s just hot yoga! You know how moist I get when…”

Billy Kidman: “Moist?!? MOIST?!?! Damnit Torrie! What the hell are you…”

Matt Sydal: “Oh, hey guys. How’s it going? Am I interrupting?”

Billy Kidman: “Actually, YEAH, you’re…”

Torrie Wilson: “No Matt, you’re not. We were just talking about our hot yoga session from this morning.”

Matt Sydal: “Torrie, you were AMAZING this morning. It was great to lay underneath you and see you experience finding your Chakra while you were bent over above me. Tomorrow I’ll down underneath you again, but this time I’ll have you bend over backwards so we can find your Anahata which is in your chest. So when you bend over backwards I’ll be able to see…”

Billy Kidman: “You won’t be bending over backwards and YOU won’t be seeing a damn thing!”

Billy Kidman proceeds to beat down Matt Sydal.

Torrie Wilson: “Billy stop, you’re hurting him!”

Billy Kidman: “This was just a preview of how much I’m going to hurt this freak! Sydal, I want you at Turmoil and I’ll even put the belt on the line! I’ll also beat you so bad you’ll you’ll find your ass Chakra!”

Torrie Wilson: “Oh Matt, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry! Thank you for today though, it was so intense I got so…”

Billy Kidman: “Damnit Torrie, let’s go!”

AWF Cruiserweight Championship Match

Billy Kidman (C) with Torrie Wilson vs Matt Sydal
Bios:

Spoiler

Billy Kidman and Torrie Wilson: Think late WCW/early WWE Kidman with Torrie, Kidman has been the top cruiserweight for some time, but he’s very jealous of Torrie giving anyone else any attention. He’s even more jealous of anyone else giving Torrie attention, which happens all the time in the AWF.

Entrance music: His last WCW theme.

Matt Sydal: Think recent AEW Matt Sydal, he is as prolific in the ring as he is a Yogi. Entrance music: Soothing spa music.

Entrance music: Current AEW theme.

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “I’m here with the AWF Women’s World Champion Jade Cargill and her…. ‘Baddies’… ah, Jamie Noble and Danhausen, and Jade, tonight not only do you put up your title, but you also put your undefeated record against probably your toughest opponent yet, AWF newcomer ‘The Beast’ Shayna Baszler.”

Jamie Noble: “Whoa boy, now her right therr, she’s definitely a beast! Y’all are gonna have a helluva match on yer hands.”

Danhausen: “Yes, Shayna Baszler is very evil!”

Jade Cargill: “Yo, who the f*** told you bitches you could speak? She asked me about that ugly bitch. Well tonight, I’m going to slap the shit outta her so bad that when it’s all said and done her face will be even uglier, assuming that’s possible.”

Renee Paquette: “Respectfully Jade, Shayna Baszler doesn’t seem the type to be slapped around.”

Jamie Noble: “Well I like bein’ slapped around by a woman, but I agree with y’all Renee, that chick is scary. Now Jade, you know I’m yer biggest fan and I got that tattoo on my….”

Danhausen: “What? You’re not Jade’s biggest fan, I am! Look at my ‘Jade’ necklace. They’re real diamonds and it cost a lot of monies..”

Jamie Noble: “Shut the hell up you clown. Y’all are…”

Danhausen: “Oh yeah, well now I am going to curse you!”

Jade Cargill: “What did I tell you hoes?!? SHUT THE HELL UP!”

Jamie Noble: “I’m sorry ma’am, I mean Miss Jade.”

Jade Cargill: “Call me ‘ma’am’ again motherf***er!”

Danhausen: “Yeah, don’t call her ‘ma’am’ you redneck. Call her by her real name, ‘That Evil Bitch’.”

Jade Cargill: “What the f*** did you just call me? Shut the hell up!”

Jamie Noble: “Well you don’t need to worry none Miss Jade, if things go South we’ll be there ta give y’all a hand. You can’t count on us, we can take her!”

Danhausen: “Yes, yes, and I will put a curse on Shawnie Baszler to make sure…”

Jade Cargill: “That’s it! The next one of y’all that says a damn word is gonna be OUT and if y’all don’t like it you can step! Now, about that whack-ass Shayna Baszler, the only reason she’s a beast is because she looks like a man. Well ain’t no ugly ass man gonna beat me. I’m the champ, I’m undefeated and… I’M. THAT. BITCH!”



Excalibur: “Well Larry, that was interesting. On to our next match.”

Larry Zbysko: “Thank God. What the hell is the matter with those people?”

Exacalibur: “Well I thought that was one heck of an opening match tonight Larry. What did you think?”

Larry Zbysko: “Well yeah, it was a great match, but I’m tired of all this yoga, yogi, whatever nonsense! Get a room!”

Excalibur: “OK. Well on to our next match and this here is the first AWF open challenge match Larry. Oh, and here comes the man offering the open challenge, Ilya Dragunov, and his entourage consisting of his wife Lana who is actually the one who issued the open challenge, his trainer and really the man who recruited him to the United States and the AWF, Dan Lambert, and of course the financial backer none other than former President Donald Trump with his personal security.”

Larry Zbysko: “Why do they need so many damn people in the ring?”

Excalibur: “Well Ilya Dragunov has proven himself to be a big deal in the AWF thus far as he’s beaten all of his opponents and has a perfect record, but let’s go to the ring.”

Lana: “Good evening . Tonight vee present to you zee greatest physical specimen in all of professional wrestling, my husband, Ilya Dragunov.”

Excalibur: “Wow, Larry, the crowd here in Is really taking issue with Lana tonight.”

Larry Zbysko: “Well what does she expect with that accent? I can barely understand her.”

Lana: “My husband, Ilya, is zee perfect professional wrestler. As you have seen in preveeuus weeks’ training seeshuns with our country’s advanced technology of human performance, zer is no one who can match hees strength, hees endurance or hees aggressiveness.”

Dan Lambert: “If I may Lana, yes, and this technology and Ilya’s training regimen under my guidance and with the financial backing of President Trump…”

Excalibur: “I think he means former President Trump.”

Larry Zbysko: “It looks like he was formerly an orangutan at the zoo.”

Dan Lambert: “… has made this man a better man, a stronger man, harnessing all his strength. He is indeed the perfect specimen, and a NATURAL specimen whose physique cannot be questioned…”

Excalibur: “Well the crowd seems to be questioning this as they’re chanting ‘doping’.”

Larry Zbysko: “My kid told me I looked dope the other day and I smacked him.”

Dan Lambert: “As I was saying, Ilya’s perfect physique cannot be questioned unlike that of you Here in . Now if you’ll show some respect for your PRESIDENT, Donald Trump, he has a few words he’d like to say.”

Donald Trump: “My fellow Americans, I’m happy to be here with my Russian friends Ilya Dragunov and his wife Lana, the lovely, lovely Lana. And folks, this whole allegation of doping is a hoax, it’s just one big hoax. I would never back a cheater because I know what it’s like to be cheated. I only back winners, like myself. So that is what I’ve backed Ilya and I’m here tonight to see what loser here in the AWF is going to step up to the challenge.”

Dan Lambert: “You heard the President AWF locker room, so who’s it going to be? Which one of you imperfect specimens has the guts to step up to this man? I know none of you imperfect specimens here in have the guts!”

Excalibur: “Well Larry, it doesn’t seem as though anyone is coming out.”

Larry Zbysko: “Hopefully somebody comes out soon so we don’t have to listen to this jerk any longer.”

Excalibur: “Actually our wait might be over Larry. What is this? “

Larry Zbysko: “It looks like somebody has answered Lambert’s call.”

Excalibur: “It’s HOOK! This kid is just as hot a property as Dragunov and like the Russian Hook is thus far undefeated in the AWF. The crowd is going crazy here Larry! What are your thoughts on Hook?”

Larry Zbysko: “Look, the kid’s impressive, but get a haircut!”

Open Challenge Match

Ilya Dragunov with Lana, Dan Lambert and Donald Trump vs Hook
Bios:

Spoiler

Ilya Dragunov: Think NXT Dragunov, but also think Ivan Drago from Rocky IV, the Russian has been undefeated for his first 12 AWF matches. Entrance music: The Soviet national anthem.

Lana: Think early WWE Lana when she was with Rusev, but also think Drago’s wife in Rocky IV, she’s the sexy Russian who wears a skirt suit and the skirt is pretty short.


Dan Lambert: Think AEW Dan Lambert, he’s a brash promoter of his talent.


Donald Trump: Think current day Donald Trump, the former President loves making a buck as much as he loves the Eastern European women.


The Harris Brothers: Think late WCW Harris Brothers, Donald Trump’s personal security kick ass and ask questions later. They’re also not afraid to aid in coverups or other nefarious activities.


Hook: Think AEW Hook, he too has been undefeated since his AWF debut. Entrance music: His original AEW theme “The Chairman’s Intent”.

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “Thank you Excalibur. Gentlemen, I’m with…”

Jeff Jarrett: “Renee, you are here with J E double F, J A double R E double T, that’s double J, Jeff Jarrett. And Renee, not only are you with the most talented wrestler in the AWF, but you’re also with the most talented musician in the AWF. And in addition to that Renee, I’m the AWF Hardcore Champion!”

Renee Paquette: “Well Jeff, that makes tonight a big night for you as not only is your hardcore title on the line, but the winner takes all so to speak as there’s also an AWF recording contract up for grabs as well.”

Jeff Jarrett: “You know what Renee, the fact that I have to actually compete with a thug like New Jack for a recording contract? Not only am I the greatest musician in the AWF, but I”m also the greatest musician in rasslin’ history. I have a beautiful voice and I can play gittarr like nobody else.”

Renee Paquette: “You mean that you can play guitar like nobody else so long as you haven’t splintered it over your opponent’s head!”

Jeff Jarrett: “Well Renee, I ain’t the Hardcore Champion for nuthin’ now am I.”

Renee Paquette: “I would’n’t get ahead of yourself just yet Jeff as New Jack is going to be your toughest challenger to date. Let’s say he wins, hypothetically. What sort of record do you think he’d record with an AWF recording contract?”

Jeff Jarrett: “Hehe, well New Jack ain’t gonna win jack tonight, but to answer your question I suspect he’d record a gangsta rap album. Well lemme tell ya Renee, rap is crap!”

Renee Paquette: “OK, back to you Excalibur and Larry.”

AWF Women’s Championship Match

Jade Cargill (C) with her Baddies Jamie Noble and Danhausen vs “The Beast” Shayna Baszler
Bios:

Spoiler

Jade Cargill: Think “I’m that bitch” Jade Cargill from AEW, she is the greatest women’s champion in the history of the AWF as she’s never been defeated.

Entrance music: Current AEW theme

Jamie Noble: Think Southern guy Jamie Noble from the WWE from the early 2000s, his career having stalled he’s latched on to a winner in Jade Cargill. He comes with cutoff jean shorts and a tank top.


Danhausen: Think AEW Danhausen as well as the social media star, Danhausen is happy to be a Baddie because he thinks Jade Cargill is very evil. So happy in fact, he had a good necklace made that says “Jade” in diamonds that he always wears.


Shayna Baszler: Think WWE Baszler in her prime, she’s the newest AWF women’s competitor and unlike everyone else she looks as though she has the potential to be the first competitor to defeat Jade Cargill.

Entrance music: WWE theme

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “So I”m here with none other than the AWF Trios Champions The Fabulous Freebirds. Tonight guys you face a group that really seems to have gotten the better of you in recent weeks in The Wyatt Family. How do you think you’ll fare tonight?”

Terry Gordy: “Lemme tell you somethin’ Renee. I ain’t gonna say The Freebirds are the best wrestlers in the World, and I ain’t gonna say we’re the worst. What I am gonna say though is that we can stand toe-to-toe with any other team in the World today, and that includes The Wyatts! The difference tonight though is that this is a cage match and ain’t nobody defeated us yet in a steel cage!”

Buddy Rogers: “A lot of people don’t like us Renee, but they damn well respect us! Tonight we’re gonna show The Wyatts who The Freebirds really are and you can bet you’re bottom dollar that they’ll respect us after tonight’s match because we’ll still be the champions!”

Michael PS Hayes: “You know what baby, the boys are back in town! The boys are back in town and we’re not here to mess around. So Bray Wyatt and those two goons you call family, get everything you’ve got together tonight because when you walk to the ring tonight you ain’t walkin’ down the aisle. You’re walkin’ down Bad Street and at the end of that street is The Freebirds’ house and that’s a steel cage baby! A lot of people have walked down Bad Street, but we’re the only ones that have walked off of it!”

AWF Hardcore Championship and AWF Recording Contract Match

Jeff Jarrett (C) vs New Jack
Bios:

Spoiler

Jeff Jarrett: Think Jeff Jarrett in the WWE before he went to WCW as well as early WCW Jarrett, the big talkin’ Tennessee native has found his niche in the hardcore division. In fact, he’s been the champion for some six months as he’s found his guitars come in handy when it comes to deciding a match.

Entrance music: Jeff Jarrett’s first WCW theme.

New Jack: Think a little Smokey Mountain Wrestling New Jack mixed with some ECW New Jack, the hardcore icon is looking to become the AWF Hardcore Champion for the second time. He won’t be without his shopping cart that includes not only a vacuum cleaner amongst other means of violence, but also a guitar of his own.

Entrance music: “Natural Born Killaz” by Dr Dre and Ice Cube.

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “New Jack, New Jack, a quick moment! Now New Jack, not only are you the new AWF Hardcore Champion, but you also have won the first AWF recording contact. What can we expect from the first AWF album?”

New Jack: “You know what Renee, Imma make me a COUNTRY album! Imma make me geetarr stringin’, redneck singin’, cowboy blingin’ COUNTRY album! And you know what Renee, it’s gonna be at the top of the charts cuz all those redneck Jeff Jarrett fans is gunna buy it like hot cakes! Shout out to my homeboy Kenny Rogers and shout out to my homegirl Dolly Parton!”

Renee Paquette: “Well you’ll need to get a new guitar since you broke yours over Jeff Jarrett’s head.”

New Jack: “Nah Renee, ain’t nuthin’. I got this here geetarr.”

Renee Paquette: “But that’s Jeff’s guitar.”

New Jack: “And this here’s his cowboy hat. You see Renee, I’m ready to hit the studio right now. ‘Beat ‘em up, slap ‘em round, kick ‘em down, Rawhide…”.

Renee Paquette: “OK guys, well there you just had your new AWF Hardcore Champion and soon to be recording artist New Jack there.”

Excalibur: “And he’s already got his first track Larry.”

Larry Zbysko: “Yeah, great. Now all he needs is a cowbell. He’ll even be able to use in the studio and the ring.”

Excalibur: “Well, I guess that’s why you’re the color man Larry.”

Larry Zbysko: “And I guess you’re wearing that mask because you’re an Adonis.”

Excalibur. “OK, well next up we have the AWF World Tag Team match with the champion Lucho Bros facing Jimmy Hart’s newest tag team Los Conquistadors.”

Larry Zbysko: “Well Jimmy Hart isn’t a slouch as he’s already got them a title shot.”

Excalibur: “That’s right Larry. He promised them that if they signed with him he’d get them that title shot and he’s delivered right away.”

AWF World Tag Team Championship Match

Lucha Bros (C) vs Los Conquistadors w/ “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart
Bios:

Spoiler

The Lucha Bros: Think AEW Lucha Bros, they won the tag team titles from The Fabulous Rougeaus. The high-flyers are arguably the tag team in all of wrestling today and always put on a show.

Entrance music: Current AEW theme

“The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart: Think 1980s WWE Jimmy Hart, megaphone in hand, “The Mouth of the South” is one of the most successful managers in AWF history. However, with his proteges The Fabulous Rougeaus having lost their tag team titles and failed in subsequent rematches, Hart was seemingly without a viable tag team to manage until he came up with a plan.


Los Conquistadors: Signed by Jimmy Hart only a month ago, the team has never enjoyed any success much less been tag team champions in any territory much less the prestigious AWF. However, in short order Jimmy Hart has delivered a title shot to go along with the promise of fame and fortune, but there are those in the AWF who think there’s something else afoot there.

Entrance music: Mexican mariachi music.

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “Excalibur, I’m here with none other than ‘The Mouth of the South’ Jimmy Hart and the new AWF Tag Team Champions Los Conquistadors.”

Jimmy Hart: “Now listen here Renee baby, it’s Les Conquistadors and not Los Conquistadors.”

Conquistador 1: “Oui.”

Conquistador 2: “Oui. Oui.”

Renee Paquette: “Jimmy Hart, Los Conquistadors are from Mexico though. Why are you saying ‘Les’ Conquistadors and why are Conquistador Uno and Conquistador Dos speaking French?”

Jimmy Hart: “Now look here Renee baby, these two men are your new tag team champions and they deserve your respect. And they’re not speaking French, they’re speaking French Canadian!”

Conquistador 2: “Oui.”

Conquistador 1: “Oui. Oui.”

Jimmy Hart: “And while we’re at it Renee, it’s Conquistador Une and Conquistador Deux baby!”

Renee Paquette: “Wait a second. I’m getting word from our producer that we’ve got a live feed from your locker room. Now Jimmy Hart, who are those two men tied up in Los Conquistadors’ lock room?”

Jimmy Hart: “How the heck would we know! Now Renee baby, we gotta hit the road because we’ve got a flight back to Quebec City tonight!”

Conquistador 1: “Oui.”

Conquistador 2: “Oui, un val vers la ville de Quebec.”

Renee Paquette: “I don’t know what’s going on here Excalibur, but there go the new tag team champions.”

Excalibur: “Well it seems to me as though ‘Les’ Conquistadors having a striking resemblance to The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers!”

Larry Zbysko: “Well they’re not the only ones wearing masks, so you’d know.”

Excalibur: “Thanks Larry. OK, now we’re going to basement of the arena here and I don’t know what…. All I can see is a lantern…“

Bray Wyatt: “Freebirds. We were raised in the swamps in and around Lafayette, Louisiana. Lafayette, Louisiana may be a long way from Bad Street, but we’re going to walk to the end of that street and I wouldn’t want to be y’all when The Wyatts enter your house. Tonight Freebirds, The Wyatt Family will be the ones taking flight and becoming the new AWF Trios champions. You see, tonight the ‘free birds’ will be caged and when The Wyatt Family is finished with you and the people ask ‘whatever happened to The Freebirds’ I’ll tell them, ‘follow the buzzards.’ Hahahahaha….”

Excalibur: “OK, well on to the next match.”

Larry Zbysko: “What a creep that guy is!”

Excalibur: “The match we have up next Larry should really get you off your seat. It’s the AWF Talent of the Year match between “Hangman” Adam Page and Will Ospreay, two phenomenal AWF talents and two of the top talents in the World of wrestling today and it seems as though their respective pride has caused a little tension leading up to this match.”

AWF Talent of the Year Match

“Hangman” Adam Page vs Will Ospreay
Bios:

Spoiler

“Hangman” Adam Page: Think modern day AEW Page, the lone cowboy has taken the AWF by storm this year.

Entrance Theme: Current AEW theme

Will Ospreay: Think modern day Will Ospreay, the AWF newcomer has also taken the AWF by storm.

Entrance Theme: Current AEW theme

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “Thanks guys. I’m here with none other than Rob van Dam. Tonight Rob you face Pac who seems motivated to say the least to take your title. So my question for you Rob, is are you as motivated as Pac to win tonight?”

Rob van Dam: “Hehe. You know what Renee, I’m just as motivated as any of the boys in the back here.”

Renee Paquette: “So are you going to win tonight?”

Rob van Dam: “You never know Renee, but I’m confident…”

Renee Paquette: “Whoa, wait a second here! PAC, PAC! You’re not slated to be a part of this interv…”

Pac: “Oi, you sound really motivated ta me don’t ya boy? Some champion you are.”

Rob van Dam: “Whoa, Bro. You need to chill, this is…”

Pac: “What did you just call me? What the FOOK did you just call me? I’m not your ‘Bro’ and don’t ever tell me ta ‘chill’!”

Rob van Dam: “Hehe, I got your whole schtick man, and I like it, but…”

Pac: “My ‘schtick’? The fook are you on aboot? And what is so damn funny? Are you fookin’ high? Are ye? You’re fookin’ high! I ken see it! You’re the fookin’ champ and you’re fookin’ high! You don’t deserve that title and tonight I’m going ta take it off ya!”

Rob van Dam: “You know what man, I really respect you and you’re impressive. The way you can come on here and get really pissed off, over nothing, is really impressive bro, it is. And I think I’ve figured out the source of your anger. It’s that all the fan’s always chant the name of their favorite AWF superstar and the Champion, ROB… VAN… DAM!”

AWF Trios Championship Match with “Bad Street” Rules in a Steel Cage

The Fabulous Freebirds (C) vs The Wyatt Family
Bios:

Spoiler

Bray Wyatt: In terms of look he's the very early Bray Wyatt of Florida wrestling and TNA, but in terms of physique he's the The Fiend. New to the AWF he and his Wyatt Family have made quite the splash and his promos are like nothing the AWF fans have ever seen.

Entrance Theme: Wyatt Family theme

Rowan: Rowan is the first Wyatt Family member to join the group who wasn't directly related to Bray Wyatt himself. However Rowan is a childhood friend of Wyatt's when they grew up together in northwestern Florida. A monster in the ring whose loyalty to Bray Wyatt is beyond question. Think Rowan of the Wyatt Family with the green jumpsuit and white sheep mask.

Entrance Theme: Wyatt Family theme


"The Black Sheep" (Braun Strowman): His The newest member of The Wyatt Family, The Black Sheep has left a path of destruction in his wake. Relatively unknown apart from the physical monster and imposing figure he is in and even out of the ring. identity is revealed in the match notes, but the Black Sheep is an imposing figure. He wears old,dirty jeans, a dirty white tank top with a cutoff army shirt jacket over it.

Entrance Theme: Wyatt Family theme


Terry “Bam Bam” Gordy: Think early 80s Gordy of the Freebirds, he’s one of the toughest SOBs in the AWF and not afraid to mix it up with anyone else. Of course wielding a cowboy boot hasn’t hurt his career any.

Entrance Theme: “Freebird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Michael “PS” Hayes: Think early 80s Hayes of the Freebirds, the “talker” of the Freebirds is always popular with the ladies regardless of whether or not The Freebirds are fan favorites or not.

Entrance Theme: “Freebird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd


Buddy “Jack” Roberts: Think mid to late Roberts (to shave off a few years), don’t let his size fool you as Roberts is a Freebird for a reason and that reason being he can mix it up.”

Entrance theme: “Freebird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “I’m here with Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner, and tonight…”

Buff Bagwell: “Let me help you out Renee. TONIGHT, Buff, will be the stuff, and the ladies won’t be able to get enough!”

Renee Paquette: “Actually Buff, I was going to say that tonight Scott Steiner has a title match against Rick Rude and Scott if I could just get a word…”

Scott Steiner: “You can get anything you want baby. You ever been with a real man?”

Renee Paquette: “Actually, I’m married to…”

Scott Steiner: “I said a REAL man.”

Renee Paquette: “OK, well let’s stay on topic here. Tonight you face a real man and that man’s name is Rick Rude.”

Scott Steiner: “You know what Rick Rude, Big Poppa Pump isn’t gonna lie. You’ve got an impressive physique… but it looks to me like you skipped leg day! And while you might think you’re a ladies man dancin’ like a Chippendales dancer with that cheesy 70s porn star hair and mustache, you’re not the Big Bad Booty Daddy. You might get some ladies when you go back to that hick town of Robbinsdale, Minnesota, but when Big Poppa Pump goes to any town all his freaks come around . ‘Cause you see, I’m a genetic freak, and I’m the man with the largest arms in the World. You see Renee, size DOES matter, whether I’m in the ring or outta the ring. When all my freaks are horizontal, they appreciate size and they know they don’t have to wait for the Earth to rotate on a 480 degree axis to create an Equinox so they can see the Big Dipper. All they gotta do is call the Big Poppa ‘cause I’m the man with the Big Dipper and satisfaction is comin’ when I go behind… and do the bump and grind… and it’s only a matter of time… because they call me the Big Bad Booty Daddy. So Rick Rude, realize this. I care about only two things in this World. My freaks and my peaks. And when I beat your ass down tonight and I’m about to put you in the Steiner Recliner I’m gonna whisper in your ear ‘size does matter, BITCH!’”

AWF Television Championship Match

Rob Van Dam (C) vs “The Bastard” Pac
Bios:

Spoiler

Rob Van Dam: Think late ECW and early WWE Van Dam, the high-flyer is one of the AWF’s top talents. Not only is he a worth Television champion in the ring, but Monday night Turmoil’s ratings always go up when he has a match.

Entrance music: WWE theme

“The Bastard” Pac: Think AEW Pac, the self-titled “bastard” is exactly that. However, he has chops in the ring to back it up.

Interview:

Spoiler

Renee Paquette: “Excalibur, Larry, I am here with the AWF World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan. Now Daniel Bryan, tonight you face Sting for the first time since won the championship from him some six months ago. However, in the last month or so Sting has been tormenting you…”

Daniel Bryan: “Damnit Renee! I’m not being tormented! I’m the champion now. Sting’s crass and selfish behavior only ever held me back because he wouldn’t give me a title shot. Sting, with his bleach-blonde hair, his face paint, his shiny AWF title…. Sting was the symbol of the despicable, ignorant masses that are the AWF universe. I am the symbol of change. I don’t color my hair. I don’t paint my face. I threw away the shiny title belt for this new World Heavyweight belt. And I’m considered dangerous because of my ideas and that’s why people fear me.”

Renee Paquette: “I think people fear you Daniel because you viciously attacked Sting, wiping off his face paint and trying to un-bleach his hair.”

Daniel Bryan: “I told everyone Renee that when I became champion I would introduce new symbols. I am the new symbol of the AWF. I am the symbol of excellence. I am the symbol of what a real champion should be.”

Renee Paquette: “Well Daniel, Sting seems to be a new symbol for the fans this past month as he looks a different man even up in the rafters of an arena.”

Daniel Bryan: “Renee, the entire AWF universe is fickle. Sting a symbol for the AWF fans? They used to cheer for me Renee. And now they don’t. Now they cheer for Sting. Well that’s fine by me. ‘Yes’ is dead. It’s DEAD. I am here to make wrestling better. I am here to make wrestling real. I am here to make the AWF a better place and when all of you fickle AWF fans are silent when I come to the ring, I know I’m changing wrestling for the better while Sting is just out there for the fans. And Sting. You think you’re some sort of anti-hero, some sort of loner like me. Well tonight Sting, when I get through with you and the AWF universe watches in silence, you’ll really feel what it’s like to be alone.”

AWF United States Heavyweight Championship Match

“Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner (C) with Buff Bagwell vs “Ravishing” Rick Rude
Bio:

Spoiler

“Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner: Think WCW “Big Poppa Pump”, Steiner is one of the toughest competitors in the AWF. The United States Champion cares as much about his pecks and glutes as he does the title, but he also loves his hoochies.

Entrance music: WCW theme

Buff Bagwell: Think WCW Buff when he was with Steiner, Bagwell loves hangin’ with Steiner because all they do lift weights and hit the ladies every day.

Entrance music: Same theme as Steiner


“Ravishing” Rick Rude: Think 80s Rude, the self-styled “ravishing” one is a huge hit with the ladies. He’s also a tough competitor in the squared circle and there’s more to Rude than just his good looks.

Entrance music: 80s WWE theme

Interview:

Spoiler

Excalibur: “Well it’s time for the main event Larry, the AWF World Heavyweight Title match between the challenger Sting and the champion Daniel Bryan. Now how we got here is really incredible as Daniel Bryan went from a fan favorite to one of the most hated, one of the most ruthless and one of the most dangerous AWF World Heavyweight Champions ever.”

Larry Zbysko: “Yeah, it was a shocking turn from Daniel Bryan, but I have to applaud him for it because now he’s the champion. He made the change and it paid off for him.”
Excalibur: “After Daniel Bryan’s vicious attack on Sting, he’s not the only one who is changed. This past month we’ve seen a new Sting, a darker Sting. Gone is the blonde hair, gone is the colorful face paint, gone are the Stinger shouts.”

Larry Zbysko: “Well you’ve got that right. The guy hasn’t said a word. Still, we don’t know what Sting is going to be able to do against Daniel Bryan. Remember, Daniel Bryan is the one who took way the blonde hair and the colorful face paint. He’s the one who silenced one of the greatest AWF champions ever. And if you ask me Daniel Bryan looks even more focused and more dangerous since he won the title.”

Excalibur: “I don’t disagree Larry…”

Larry Zbysko: “Of course you don’t!”

Excalibur: “As I was saying, I don’t disagree, but I think everything Daniel Bryan has done to Sting, everything that Daniel Bryan has done as champion, it’s changed Sting and I think he’s more dangerous and more focused than when he was champion.”

Larry Zbysko: “Well there’s only one way we’re going to find out and it’s not from talking about it all night.”

Excalibur: “Correct, and the moment of truth has now arrived Larry, and there go the lights.”

Larry Zbysko: “I can’t see a damn thing!”

Excalibur: “Nor can I. And now the lights are back and there’s Sting.”

Larry Zbysko: “Yeah, but he’s just standing there facing the turnbuckle with his back to ramp.”

Excalibur: “And now he comes the AWF World Heavyweight Champion, Daniel Bryan…”

AWF World Heavyweight Championship Match

Daniel Bryan (C) vs Sting
Bios:

Spoiler

Daniel Bryan: Think WWE “environmentalist” Daniel Bryan in appearance, generally wearing a flannel with his wrestling trunks on the way to the ring. Arguably the best technical wrestler in the World, the AWF World Champion used to be a big fan favorite until he turned. Now he hates most things AWF and is looking remold the organization in his liking. He started by dumping the AWF World Heavyweight Championship in the garbage and replacing it with his own belt.

Entrance music: Bryan’s 2019 WWE theme

Sting: Think WCW “Crow” Sting. One of the all time greatest wrestlers in the AWF, “surfer” Sting was a five time World Heavyweight Champion before losing the title to Bryan. Now, his career ever altered, he looks to get his revenge on Daniel Bryan, whether that means winning back his title or not.

Entrance music: Sting’s “Crow” theme from WCW

 

[JackSlater]

Well Well Well... it is I, Jack "using my tool and scraping the vocal cords of all the competition on HFBoards" Slater, once again. I know it isn't fair that I have all the female votes locked up, but what can I say? The sexual intellectual has come back even more gorgeous than before. Do not fret however, while I've lost a little mass I'm still getting lots of ass and I'm still fat in all the right places, making the ladies wetter than an oasis, leaving traces of me on their faces.

You know it's great, JackSlater is so much in ze man these days. Everybody wants me you know, whether it's ze instagram, or ze tiktok or ze influencer on snap they want me promoting their stuff, cause they know that when I promote I start trends I don't follow them. And you know but right now I am TOO busy, showing everyone in HFBoards wrestling draft including BruinDust, Habsrule, Burkiemaniq, Kaner9, and everybody everywhere that I am ze best there is in the draft a masterpiece in motion and a walking work of art a typing treasure heh heh and they gonna find out why I wear Arrogance... ALWAYS the sweet smell of victory..... just for me.

Drink it in ladies.

 

[les Habs]

Big Poppa Pump: “Sexual Intellectual? Joel Gertner, you’re just a soft, overweight, out of shape fat bastard. That’s why everybody in the business calls you Sloppy Joel Gertner. You can talk about losing mass all you want, but it’s too for late that. Ain’t no amount of pushups, sit-ups, arm curls or low-fat baked cheese curls are gonna help you now. It’s too damn late for that. You’re fat! And you call yourself the ‘DNA of t ‘n a’? Well let me tell you, if I had your DNA, if I had your genetics, I’d kill myself because there’s no way you’re getting any t ‘n a. You’ll never have the peaks that the Poppa has and you’ll never get the freaks the Big Bad Booty Daddy gets because you’re not a genetic freak like I am. All you can get are the carnies and rats that you only find at Jack Slater Promotions. Still, for all the trash that is backstage at that Summerfest mud show, you might have a 10% chance going home with a woman assuming you can tell the difference, but I’m a genetic freak and I’m not normal because I have a 250% chance of going home with a freak from the AWF universe. Now if you take your 10% chance with some toothless, overweight hog at Jack Slater Promotions, which is probably why you’re wearing that neck brace, and try your luck in the AWF you’ll have a negative 666 and 2/3% chance with a real freak. That means that the Big Bad Booty Daddy has a 916 and 2/3% better chance of getting a freak tonight because the numbers don’t lie. And I could shave my ass and walk backwards and get better looking women than you can even dream of. Even if by some miracle you were with any of the trailer park trash from Jack Slater Promotions, you act like it’s a big deal. Well why don’t you tell me who hasn’t been with any of those bitches? Now if you want, the Big Bad Booty Daddy might… might, be able to hook you up with a freak, but it all depends on if Judy Bagwell is still up.”

Renee Paquette: “New Jack, you said you wanted some air time.”

New Jack: “Hey baby, how you doin’? You lookin’ fine.”

Renee Paquette: “Well thank you, but I’m married.”

New Jack: “You got a man? Who dat?”

Renee Paquette: “He’s a wrestler. His name is Jon Moxley.”

New Jack: “Never heard of him.”

Renee Paquette: “And we’ve got a child together.”

New Jack: “So you a baby-mama? I got a lotta baby-mamas out there, you know what I’m sayin’?”

Renee Paquette: “I really don’t. Anyway, you wanted to address the wrestling world.”

New Jack: “You got that right mama. Now Commissioner Hollywood. Good ‘ole boy Jack Cracker. You two rednecks finally done went to the ultimate. You two rednecks is as thick as thieves. Y’all in cahoots like the government and the NAACP. You might fool all them naive white folks like @BruinDust , @GKJ , @CHGoalie27 , @Megahab , @Habsrule and every other redneck here that this some sorta fair vote. Well Imma tell you something Jack Cracker, Imma tell you Commissioner Hollywood and Imma tell any of those rednecks who actually did vote for that racist mud show. The AWF don’t need no apartheid, we don’t need no LGBQ trans models and we don’t need none of y’all’s crooked votes. Now Commissioner Hollywood, for over five years, white folks been votin’ against New Jack, been votin’ against coluhed rasslers and been votin’ against the AWF. Now this is 2023, not 1823 and we don’t need no white boy like you or some redneck like Jack Cracker tellin’ me this some above board excercise. You see, I got a college education and a criminal record and I don’t need no white boys or rednecks tellin’ me I need a disclaimer, tellin’ me I ain’t a legit hardcore champion and tellin’ me I ain’t advancin’ to the next round. If you hillbillies think I’m gonna’ be silenced, you got another thing comin’. Your kind silenced Doctor King. Your kind silenced Medgar Evers. Your kind gave the AWF card second billin’ this round to some redneck, hillbilly mud show. Well lemme tell all y’all, I don’t care none about what you fools think. I ain’t goin’ anywhere! If you don’t like me, to hell with all of ya. If y’all wanna get rid of me, then get your rednecks asses in this ring and I’ll beat y’all like I own y’all! ‘Cause I done beat brothers that been in jail for stealin’ cars. I done beat brothers that been in jail for hittin’ their kids. I done beat brothers who been in jail for murder. Now Uncle Jack Cracker, you can get any of yo rednecks, even those California rednecks the Young Bucks, and get in here with me and I’ll whip yo redneck asses. Now all you commissioners, redneck promoters and hillbilly fans, I don’t care if none of y’all like me or the AWF cause I don’t like none of y’all neither. Those of y’all who don’t small like tabacca smell like mud and ya’ll can kiss my black ass!”