HandsomeHollywood
Brooke Shields ain't got nothin'
- Mar 20, 2017
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GKJ:
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BruinDust:
Location: The Skydome, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Scene Set: A large stage and entranceway is set-up underneath the big screen out in center field with a descending ramp leading down to the ring. The set uses a dystopic metallic futuristic theme similar to that found in T2: THE ARCADE GAME. The ring and ringside area is primarily black with a light blue canvas displaying the logos of both sponsors, and light gray ring ropes. Pyro goes off to kick start the event. Flashbulbs are going off everywhere. Our announcers are down at ringside.
THEME SONG: YOU COULD BE MINE by GUNS N’ ROSES
MONSOON – Hello everyone and welcome to the greatest sports entertainment extravaganza of all-time, The Ghosts of Hulkamania. I am here with the propriators of this fine event, my old colleague, Bobby “The Brain”Heenan and his business partner, Mr. Paul Heyman. We are here in Toronto, Ontario, Canada at the world famous Skydome for what should be a stupendous night of entertainment. I must say Brain, you two have put together quite the card here. Tremendous match-ups from start to finish.
HEENAN – Only men with the smarts, the savvy, and the financial wherewithal like myself and my good friend here Mr. Heyman, could bring all the pieces together for a show of this magnitude.
HEYMAN – Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman. And tonight I….we bring you an event so stupendous, so spectacular, so EXTREME, that you will never, ever forget where you were on this night.
MONSOON – Mr. Heyman you had quite the eventful press conference when you and Brain here announced this show. Lets go to the highlights!
VIDEO PACKAGE - On Smackdown, Hollywood Hulk Hogan faced the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. At the end of the match, Lesnar kicked out of the legdrop twice. Lesnar F-5’d Hogan then placed him in a bearhug and squeezed the life out of Hollywood and the ref rang the bell as Hogan couldn’t continue, awarding the match to Lesnar. Lesnar refused to break the bearhug even after the match was over until Paul Heyman convinced his client to let go. Lesnar then smeared some of Hogan’s blood on his chest following the match as he looked down at the broken Hulkster crumpled up on the mat in pain. In the weeks following, Hogan was nowhere to be seen. Lesnar began to claim publically that he finally ended Hulkamania after many years and many attempts by lesser competitors. “Conquored Hulkamania” was the term Lesnar and his advocate used.
Hogan eventually return to competition. An irate Lesnar and Heyman decided to devise a plan to conquor Hulkamania once and for all. Heyman contacted Hogan’s ancient advisary, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, where they agreed to pool their resources to finally end Hulkamania. Heenan put in his own funds earned from years as the world’s greatest manager in professional wrestling and as a broadcast journalist with the WWF and WCW.
Heyman then sold ECW to The Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase, to raise funds. For years, Dibiase tried to buy himself a championship, to no avail. So instead he purchased an entire promotion, and immediately stripped the ECW Championship and awarded it to HIMSELF!
Heenan and Heyman devised both a challenge and an event like no other. Thus, The Ghosts of Hulkamania was born.
We go to the press conference:
Seated on one side of the podium from left to right are X-Pac, Kevin Nash, Andre the Giant, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. On the other side to the right sits Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Paul Heyman takes the microphone.
Heyman: Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman. Myself and my business partner, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, would like to announce the greatest sports entertainment extravaganza of all-time, The Ghosts of Hulkamania. Brought to you by Heenan & Heyman Promotions, T2: The Arcade Game, and the new motion picture, xXx. Myself and Mr. Heenan have joined forces, a Dangerous Alliance to End Hulkamania if you will. Hollywood Hulk Hogan will face three opponents. The Ghost of Hulkamania’s Past , Andre the Giant. The Ghost of Hulkamania’s Present, Kevin Nash. And the Ghost of Hulkamania’s Future, the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar for the WWF Undisputed Championship. This part is not a prediction, but a spoiler. You will finally see the end of Hulkamania at the Skydome in Toronto, Ontario, Canada in front of 60,000 plus screaming Hulkamaniacs. I am pleased to say that after much negotiation, all parties had finally agreed to the conditions necessary to put off this event.
⦁ Hogan would three opponents in the same night. 1st he would face Andre the Giant. 2nd he would face Kevin Nash. 3rd and in the main event, he would face Brock Lesnar.
⦁ Hogan’s match with Brock Lesnar would be for the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship.
⦁ All three of Andre, Nash, and Brock would compete in matches earlier in the night in order to even the odds for Hogan having three matches.
⦁ Brock would have to face Andre one-on-one in the first match of the night.
⦁ Nash would compete in the second match of the night. He will compete in a one-on-one match with an opponent of his choosing. He chose current D-Generation X member, X-Pac.
Kevin Nash steps up to the podium and begins laying all the blame on Hogan for the collapse of the original New World Order (nWo) in the aftermath of their first and only megashow, nWo HOSS-a-Mania at the Geogia Dome. The original nWo is now dead and gone, having completely imploded thanks to their epic failure against Vince McMahon, DX and the rest of the World Wrestling Federation Superstars at that same event. Nash also blamed Hogan for the subsequent selling of the nWo trademarks, like the name and logo, to Dennis Rodman for pennies on the dollar.
(Rodman then went on to form his own version of the New World Order from the remnants of the original group without any involvement from Hogan or Nash. Rodman formed the nWo Black and Aquamarine. A lean and mean aquamarine express! Although this version seemed more concerned with selling t-shirts and merchandise than it did trying to dominate the world of professional wrestling. They attempted to invade the Don King promoted pay-per-view, Last Call, the final show at the famous Sportatorium in Dallas. This attempt didn’t go exactly as planned as they were defeated in a 4 on 4 Team Elimination match. Later that same evening, Rodman and his nWo cut a deal with Lenny Montana, who at that time was representing then NWA World Champion Harley Race, but this also back-fired on the group. After the show Race was in a fouled mood, having lost the the NWA World Heavyweight Championship that night thanks to outside interference from “Dr. D” David Schultz, Race then fired Montana before leaving the Sportatorium.
But all of this failure gave Rodman pause for thought and he decided dominating the world of professional wrestling merchandise might be more lucrative than actually dominating inside the squared circle. He realized he could make nWo T-shirts in any color he wanted and that’s where the real money was).
Heenan stepped up to the podium and revealed to the presser audience that Arnold Schwarzenegger, current Governor of California, has agreed to participate as host of the event and special referee between Mr. McMahon and Minnesota Governor, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, in their Taped Fist Match on the undercard. Heenan also announces “The Mad Dog” Harley Race versus “Dr. D” David Schultz in a Hell in a Cell match.
After some more hyping by Heyman and Heenan followed by some hyping by Hogan, the press conference ended but not before Brock Lesnar attempts to get in Hogan’s face. This kicks off a melee between the two that takes several minutes to break-up.
MONSOON - We now go to the ring, and our ring announcer for tonight, Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Welcome everyone to The Ghosts of Hulkamania!
BROCK LESNAR’S THEME hits as the Next Big Thing walks down the ramp to the ring.
Andre the Giant walks out without theme music.
MATCH #1 – Andre the Giant vs. Brock Lesnar – Exhibition Match
Referee: Earl Hebner
MONSOON: Paul, do you think your client can get the 8th wonder of the world up on his shoulders for an F-5?
HEYMAN: While Broooocccckkk Leeeeessssnnnnaaarrr is capable of many incredible feats of strength, I don’t think he can get Andre up on his shoulders, so the F-5 will be a non-factor.
Brock Lesnar attempts to get Andre off his feet and into a submission hold but to no avail. Andre is absorbing most of his blows and controls the middle of the ring. Lesnar hasn’t encountered an opponent like this before in his career and he grows more agitated and frustrated.
THE FINISH – Suddenly, one of Brock’s many clothes-lines staggers Andre. The Giant stumbles backwards into the ropes and bounces off towards Lesnar. The added momentum helped Lesnar get Andre up on his shoulders to perform an incredible F-5.
HEENAN: What the hell is he doing? This was meant to be an exhibition!
HEYMAN: I don’t know, I didn’t think he could do that!
Lesnar locks in the Kimura lock and forces Andre the Giant to submit.
WINNER- Brock Lesnar
An agitated Brock Lesnar refuses to release the Kimura lock. Heyman rushes to the ring and convinces Brock to release the hold. Andre voices his displeasure at Heyman and Lesnar then he returns to the backstage area. Eventually Brock Lesnar also returns to the backstage area. Heyman returns to the broadcast table.
MONSOON – Your client is a bit overly aggressive there at the end Paul.
HEYMAN – He could of easily broken Andre’s arm if he wanted. Thankfully Brooooccckkk Leeessssnnnnaaarr is a merciful undisputed champion.
HEENAN – Andre would have had a hard time beating Hogan with one arm.
MONSOON – He has a point there Mr. Heyman. Alright folks, we are already set for our next match-up!
Are you ready! D-GENERATION X’s THEME kicks in and X-Pac makes his way down.
A wolf’s howl echoes throughout the Skydome and Kevin Nash walks out to the nWo WOLFPAC THEME.
MATCH #2 – X-Pac vs. “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash – Exhibition Match
Referee – Dave Hebner
At the start of the match, Nash goes to shake X-Pac’s hand but the DX member declines and gives Nash a DX crotch-chop.
After a short period of offense from Nash, X-Pac begins to take over and goes all out, breaking out all the stops to defeat his former friend Nash.
HEENAN: Why is he (X-Pac) going full-tilt? He’s aware this is an exhibition match, right?
HEYMAN: Maybe Nash thought choosing X-Pac would make for an easy victory given the size difference. Nobody told Syxx apparently…..I mean X-Pac.
THE FINISH: X-Pac brought his A-game against a strongly favored Nash and made it a very competitive match-up. X-Pac pins Nash with a roll-up for the 1-2-3. Nash is furious following the pinfall.
WINNER – X-Pac
MONSOON – Folks, you are in for a treat. Next up we have the Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal featuring some of the most famous superstars of all-time. Quite an eclectic group of competitors you have assembled here Brain.
HEENAN – Myself and Mr. Heyman scoured the entire globe to bring you humanoids the best-of-the-best, the cream of the crop. We spared no expense.
MONSOON – I can believe it. And now we got to the ring, and Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Ladies and Gentlemen. This is the Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal! Brought to you by T2: THE ARCADE GAME. First, please welcome the host of our event, The Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
BAD TO THE BONE by GEORGE THOROGOOD & THE DESTROYERS, plays as Schwarzenegger comes out onto the entrance stage and speaks to the audience.
He cracks a few jokes about Bobby Heenan being a weasel and gets in a few T2 catchphrases like “Asta la Vista baby” and “I’ll be back”.
HEENAN – Who does this guy think he is?
MONSOON – He’s the Governor of California Brain. He can say pretty much whatever he wants.
SCHWARZENEGGER – Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the participants!
The THEME MUSIC from T2: THE ARCADE GAME plays; one by one each competitor walks down the ramp towards the ring to a nice ovation.
Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake
King Kong Bundy
“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff
“The Widowmaker” Barry Windham
S.D. Jones
The Brooklyn Brawler
“The Magnificent” Don Muraco
Hercules Hernandez
Tugboat
Mr. T
“The Natural” Butch Reed
“Hacksaw“ Jim Duggan
The Red Rooster
The Barbarian
The Goon
George “The Animal” Steele
Jim Brunzell
B. Brian Blair
Tatanka
Dino Bravo
MATCH #3 – The Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal
Outside Referee(s) – Earl Hebner and Dave Hebner
The action is fast and furious as all twenty competitors’ brawl. S.D Jones is the first man eliminated, following quickly afterwards by The Red Rooster and The Goon. Don Muraco almost has The Barbarian over the top rope when George Steele sneaks up from behind and tosses out both men. As he turns around, Dino Bravo clotheslines The Animal over the top rope. Jim Brunzell and B. Brian Blair are the only tag team in this match and use it to their advantage to eliminate Barry Windham and Brutus Beefcake. They try their luck with King Kong Bundy but Bundy’s size and girth prove to be too much for the Killer B’s as he eliminates both at the same time. After witnessing Bundy’s feat of strength, the remaining competitors all team up to eliminate Bundy. After eliminating Bundy, the Brooklyn Brawler starts to try and high-5 the other competitors and they turn on him and eliminate him.
It's now down to eight competitors; Orndorff, Hercules, Tugboat, Mr. T, Butch Reed, Duggan, Tantanka and Dino Bravo.
Hercules and Bravo go after Tugboat and both strongmen combine to toss the massive Tugboat over the top. Bravo then turns on Hercules and eliminates him. Meanwhile, Mr. T tosses Butch Reed over. Duggan hits a 3-point stance on Tatanka then tosses him out.
THE FINISH - Were down to the final four. Orndorff, Mr. T, Duggan, and Bravo. The four competitors circle around the ring until Hacksaw Jim lets out a trademark “HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” which prompts the other three to attack Duggan and he’s eliminated. Orndorff and Mr. T then renew hostilities from yesteryear and Mr. T almost has Orndorff out, but Dino Bravo takes advantage to eliminate both and win the Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal!
WINNER – Dino Bravo
MONSOON – Brain, next we have vicious feud between two of the biggest superstars of all-time, I’m talking about Booker T and Batista. Batista looks as good in the ring as he’s ever looked, do you think Booker has a chance in this I Quit match-up after briefly retiring?
HEENAN – You look at what Batista did to Booker’s students down at his Reality of Wrestling promotion, and you can see that Booker has all the motivation in the world to want to exact revenge on Dave Batista. That motivation might prove to be a big advantage for Booker T. Just roll the footage you humanoids.
VIDEO PACKAGE – Booker T had recently retired from professional wrestling and while being interviewed, discussed when he beat up Batista backstage over what he felt was Batista’s rumored transgressions regarding Melina and overall lack of respect. Batista had recently been spending time in Hollywood and was incensed that his brand was hurt by Booker T’s admission of their confrontation. A few movie roles he had secured were promptly rescinded following Booker’s comments. Batista challenged Booker T to a match however, Booker’s response was “nah dawg, I’m retired. I already beat your ass once I got nuttin’ to prove”.
Batista was unwilling to take no for an answer. Late one night, he went to the training facility for Booker T’s Reality of Wrestling promotion. When Batista exited his black SUV, he was greeted by Jay Alexander in the parking lot as he was leaving the facility. Batista immediately attacked him and used a parked car as a weapon to inflict damage. He then entered the facility where he ran into Edge Stone, who was also jumped by Batista. While Batista was laying a beating on Stone, Raychell Rose jumped Batista from behind and grabbed onto his neck. Batista paused from hammering Stone to hip toss Rose over his shoulder. He then continued further into the facility and encountered ROW Heavyweight champ, The Mysterious Q, and attacked him viciously until “Q” could no longer defend himself. Batista then began to scream out to Booker T (who was not present) to face him at Ghosts of Hulkamania in an I Quit match or else, he was going to keep hurting people Booker cared about. When Booker was made aware of Batista’s actions, he begrudgingly accepted the match.
MONSOON – (Shakes his head) …..And now we go back-stage to hear from Booker T now with Mean Gene.
OKERLUND – Booker T, I’ve known you for many years, how are you feeling after watching that disturbing footage again?
BOOKER T – Mean Gene, we go back a long way. I won’t lie, that’s hard to watch again. Batista is a coward. He was a coward back in the day when I beat his ass backstage, and he’s still a coward today. That’s a bunch of students’ dawg, they never had a chance against an animal like Dave Batista. But we ain’t pressing no charges. I ain’t no rat. I’m from the street’s dawg. I’m the 5-time, 5-time, 5-time 5-time WCW Champion and I’m just gonna take it outta your D-list carcass tonight in an I QUIT MATCH! Now can you dig that! Suuuuuuucccccckkkkkkaaaaa!!!!!
OKERLUND – Bobby, Gorilla, and Mr. Heyman. Back to you!
The familiar opening riff of “I WALK ALONE” by SALIVA hits and out walks Batista to do his signature poses.
“CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA!” comes over the PA system and out comes BOOKER T to his THEME while flames shoot up from the entrance stage.
MATCH #4 – Booker T vs. Batista – I Quit Match
Referee: Earl Hebner
Booker T and Batista begin inside the ring and keep the action to the confines of the ring for quite some time, trading maneuvers back-and-forth. Booker T does find time for a Spinaroonie! Eventually the combat spilled out of the ring and up the ramp towards the entranceway.
THE FINISH – After a twenty-minute bout, Booker catches Batista in a Book End and slams him hard onto the steel of the entrance stage. Batista is in quite a bit of pain and rolls over onto his stomach. Booker grabs the microphone from the ref and shoves it down near Batista’s mouth while he is face down. Booker asks Batista is he wants to quit. Immediately a long and slightly familiar “IIIIIIIIIIIII QUUUUUUIIIIITTTTT! Is heard throughout the Skydome. Referee Earl Hebner signals for the bell declaring Booker T the winner.
WINNER – Booker T
When the announcement is made, Batista gets back to his feet in a state of shock. He begins arguing with Hebner that he never said, “I quit”, even shoving Hebner he is so upset at the outcome, profusely screaming he never quit. Batista claims that is not him live tonight but a recording of him from Monday Night Raw when he was in a wheelchair and decided to quit the business. Hebner isn’t buying it.
Booker T begins leaving the ring area and walking up the ramp. As he gets close to the entrance he is greeted by his wife, Queen Sharmell. They embrace and look back towards Batista, who is still pleading his case with Hebner, and give him a sly look before turning and exiting the stage.
MONSOON – We now go to a live musical performance by a special musical guest, the one and only, Limp Bizkit.
LIMP BIZKIT perform a hit single from their Chocolate Starfish album, MY GENERATION.
They then play arguably their biggest hit from their Significant Other album, NOOKIE, much to the delight of the crowd.
MONSOON – Our next match is the first match of the evening for Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Right now, the Hulkster is standing by, with Mean Gene Okerlund.
OKERLUND – Hollywood Hulk Hogan, here we are again, facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge as your advisories try to finally end Hulkamania once and for all. What do you have to say about that Hulkster?
HOGAN - Well you know something Mean Gene, any match now, could be Hulk Hogan's last match brother. Hulkamania has been running wild seemingly forever now. And never has Hulkmania faced a challenge, an ultimate challenge, like the one faced by Hulk Hogan and all the Hulkamaniacs tonight. I am going to wrestle three matches in one night. First, I got that stinky giant one more time in the 8th wonder of the world, Andre the Giant. Next, I'll face my former nWo brother "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash. 4 Life! And finally, I'll face a man who placed me in a bearhug on Smackdown months ago, and squeezed the life out of Hulk Hogan, conquering Hulkamania, or so he claims.
But the thing they forget...........is that I am the greatest of all-time. This business isn't what it is without Hollywood. All these Johnny-come-latelys, all these wannabes, they wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for Hollywood Hogan. And Hollywood is going to grace his opponents with his presence, in his wrestling boots, and beat all of them up real bad Hollywood style, right in the middle of the ring.................And whatcha gonna do Mean Gene. Whatcha gonna do? When Hollywood Hulk Hogan, Hulkamania and all the Hulkamaniacs, run wild on you! Whatcha gonna do dude?
OKERLUND – Ladies and Gentlemen. Hollywood Hulk Hogan sounds like a man on a mission. Back to you Gorilla
Andre the Giant comes out first, once again to no theme music.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan arrives with a thunderous ovation all decked out in red and yellow airbrushed pants and red and yellow airbrushed boots with a large red and yellow feather boa. Hogan is air guitaring his way down the entrance ramp to the sweet tune of JIMI HENDRIX’S VOODOO CHILD.
MATCH #5 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant – Ghost of Hulkamania’s Past
Referee – Dave Hebner
Hogan and Andre are renewing hostilities for what shall likely be the final time. Both men handing out heavy shots with most of the action occurring while on their feet within the confines of the ring.
THE FINISH – Hogan runs at Andre with a clothesline, but Andre blocks it and pushes Hogan backwards. Hogan comes charging again, but this time, Andre grabs Hogan and body-slams him to the canvas close to the center of the ring. Moving faster than he has in years, Andre races to the corner, steps through the ropes and out of nowhere, ascends to the top turnbuckle to perform a TSUNAMI on the prone Hogan. Andre goes for the pinfall and gets the 1-2-3 to defeat Hogan to the shock of the audience in Toronto.
WINNER – Andre the Giant
HEENAN – See, I knew Andre could do it. What great advice you had Paul to get Andre to try the TSUNAMI on Hogan. Perfect strategy.
HEYMAN – That’s why they pay me the big bucks Bobby, it’s my job to advise. People think I’m a very wise man.
MONSOON – Will you both stop?
We go backstage where Melina is walking down a hallway just prior to her match with Trish Stratus and Natalya. She crosses paths with Queen Sharmell and they both stop and stare for a couple seconds before bursting out laughing and smiling and suddenly they embrace.
MELINA – Thank you so much for being my “fixer” and helping put that pig Batista in his place.
SHARMELL – Anytime girl, F&*&^ that guy. Wait…..did you see that?
MELINA – See what?
SHARMELL – Over there! It was large and it was green. It moved so quickly I didn’t get a good look at it, it was like a green blur.
MELINA – I don’t see anything. I must go to my match. Thanks again for all your help!
Melina leaves while Sharmell has a perplexed look on her face.
We go back to ringside with Gorilla, Bobby Heenan, and Paul Heyman.
MONSOON – And once again, the host of our grand spectacle, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Schwarzenegger comes out again to BAD TO THE BONE by GEORGE THOROGOOD & THE DESTROYERS.
Arnold has a mic in one hand and hamburger in the other. He walks two-thirds of the way down the ramp then goes over to one side of the aisle where one of the stars of xXx, Samuel L. Jackson, is seated to help promote the motion picture.
ARNOLD – I heard a tumor you were hungry and that you love burgers?
JACKSON – Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. Do you have burgers for Samuel L. Jackson?
ARNOLD – We have some burgers on the way out for you right now.
JACKSON – What kind of hamburgers?
ARNOLD – Cheeseburgers
JACKSON – No, no, no…where did you get them? Harvey’s? A&W? Boston Pizza?
ARNOLD – Big Kahuna Burger
JACKSON – Big Kahuna Burger! That’s that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they got some tasty burgers. Ain’t never had one myself. How are they?
ARNOLD – Good
JACKSON – I see you have a burger there. You mind if I try one of yours?
Samuel L. Jackson takes a big bite out of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s burger.
JACKSON -This is a tasty burger. I can’t usually get them because my girlfriend is a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. I do love the taste of a good burger. Do you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?
ARNOLD – (Shaking his head) No!
JACKSON – Royale with cheese. Like Battle Royale. Do you know why they call it that?
ARNOLD – Because of the metric system.
JACKSON – Check out the big brain on Mr. Governor. You a smart MFer. The metric system. Just like up here in Canada. They should call it Royale with cheese up here too. How about we get some of those tasty Royale’s with cheese out here for old Samuel L.?
Schwarzenegger motions to the entrance way. As a surprise, Canadian celebrity, Pamala Anderson, emerges from the back with an entire platter of Big Kahuna cheeseburgers, which prompts a big reaction from the audience in attendance. She delivers them to Samuel L. Jackson who throws some of them out to the crowd seated behind him then takes a big bite of his own burger.
ARNOLD – I’m looking forward to your new film, xXx! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Samuel L. Jackson!
Schwarzenegger and Jackson shake hands.
ARNOLD – Back to you Gorilla!
MONSOON – Gentlemen our next match-up pits arguably the two greatest Canadian female competitors we have ever seen against one another. Trish Stratus and Natalya. For good measure, they’ll also have to deal with the skill of multi-time champion in Melina in a Triple Threat Elimination Match where count-outs and disqualifications matter. You two have dubbed this match-up “Icon vs. Icon vs. Icon”. Care to elaborate? You are a broadcast journalist after all! Heyman? Anything to say?
HEENAN – I have a better idea Gorilla, why don’t we just go to the footage of how this match came to be.
MONSOON – Good enough Brain, please roll the footage!
VIDEO PACKAGE – On Monday Night Raw, Trish Stratus cuts a promo in the ring to announce she has been given an invitation to Ghosts of Hulkamania in her hometown of Toronto and she wants to face a worthy opponent. She says there is only one other female performer that is on her level and that performer is Melina. She calls out Melina, who appears and walks to meet Trish in the ring. Trish asks her if she wants to decide, once and for all, who is the GOAT of women’s wrestlers. Melina accepts the challenge in Toronto.
A couple weeks later, Trish is performing her judge duties on Canada’s Got Talent. During a standout performance, Trish decides to use her “Golden Buzzer” which automatically puts that performer into the semi-finals. She leaves her seat to go up onstage and hug the performer, but as soon as she hits the stage, Natalya runs out from the backstage area and begins a vicious attack on Trish in front of the entire audience and those at home. Security intervened and got Natalya off a bloodied Trish. Natalya keeps screaming “I’m the GOAT, I’m the GOAT”! Eventually the police arrive, and Natalya is hauled off for a night in jail.
The next Monday Night Raw, Natalya comes to the ring to explain her actions. She is extremely insulted that either Trish or Melina think they are the GOATS because she holds all the women’s records. Most Pay-Per-View Appearances, Most Matches and Most Wins. Total Divas was WAY bigger than Canada’s Got Talent she says. She claims she is the one true icon in women’s wrestling, and a true Canadian heroine. She demands to be added to the match at Ghosts of Hulkamania. A bandaged and bruised Trish arrives and says if that is what Natalya wants, then fine. She can come to Toronto and make the match an elimination Triple Threat where Trish will be more than happy to show Natalya who the greatest Canadian female performer of all-time really is. Natalya should be careful what she wishes for, she might get some Stratus-faction!
MONSOON – And now to Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our surprise guest timekeeper for our next match-up. Please welcome Miss Elizabeth!
Using POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE as her entrance, the beautiful Miss Elizabeth walks down gracefully to the ringside area to very nice ovation from the Canadian crowd.
MONSOON – Look at her Brain. Just as elegant as ever.
HEENAN – She is something! Wow!
Melina comes out next to her WWF THEME.
Natalya comes out second. The crowd pops slightly hearing the opening squealing riff of her WWF THEME, but it’s quickly subdued when they realize it’s Natalya.
Trish Stratus arrives to her main WWF THEME to a huge ovation from her hometown crowd in the Skydome.
MATCH # 6 – Trish Status vs. Melina vs. Natalya – Icon vs. Icon vs. Icon - Triple Threat Elimination match w/ Special Timekeeper Miss Elizabeth
Referee: Earl Hebner
All three women circle the ring as the fans wait in anticipation. They eventually engage and a fast-paced bout commences that have all three women getting in a relatively equal amount of offense. Eventually, Trish Stratus gets knocked out of the ring by Melina but walks into a superkick from Natalya and locks her into a Sharpshooter. Trish Stratus gets back in the ring before a 10 count but not before Melina taps out to the Sharpshooter.
The arguably two greatest Canadian female wrestlers of all-time square off and the fans erupt. Trish and Natalya go hold-for-hold for about 10 minutes in a display of technical wrestling.
THE FINISH: Natalya eventually gets Trish in the Sharpshooter right in the middle of the ring, but Trish refuses to tap and makes it to the ropes. In frustration, she leaves the ring and tries to grab the ring bell, but Miss Elizabeth stops her and holds onto the bell. Earl Hebner comes outside and gets in-between Miss Elizabeth and Natalya. Natalya returns to the ring but as she does, she’s met by Trish on a running slide. Trish tosses Natalya back in, kicks her in the breadbasket and hits the Stratus-faction for the pinfall.
WINNER – Trish Stratus
Post-match, Trish takes some time to celebrate and take in the scene of the hometown crowd of the Skydome and celebrate with the fans as well. She eventually brings Miss Elizabeth into the ring and raises her hand to the delight of the crowd as POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE rings out again.
Suddenly we go backstage to the parking area where we see from a distance what looks like Andre the Giant getting into a black Hummer limousine.
HEENAN – Where’s he going? He rode here with me.
MONSOON – Look’s like your train is leaving the station Brain.
HEENAN – Heyman, do you know anything about this? Who ordered that limo?
HEYMAN – I have no idea sir. I wasn’t privy to any conversations about a limo.
MONSOON – I’ll call you a cab later Brain. On to our next match-up. An interesting bout that arose out of a lawsuit filed by my old colleague Jesse the Body that kick-started a rivalry with my old employer, Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and has evolved into a score to be settled in a Taped Fist Match. Here’s how it all came about.
VIDEO PACKAGE – Jesse “The Body” Ventura was essentially swindled by Vince McMahon when he mistakenly waived away his royalty rights for his voicework as color commentator. He proceeded to launch a lawsuit against McMahon and the WWF. Ventura won his lawsuit and was awarded a settlement. The case became a landmark case in restitution law. Later Jesse
Ventura went on to become Governor of Minnesota.
While Governor, Ventura agreed to be the special guest referee in the main event of nWo HOSS-a-Mania which ended up involving both Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Mr. McMahon. While neither McMahon nor Ventura did anything during the main event to rekindle their grudge against one another, they crossed paths briefly backstage after the event. Despite McMahon’s success at the PPV defeating the nWo with his WWF army, he wasn’t in a celebratory mood (is he ever?). When he ran into Ventura, old wounds were reopened regarding the lawsuit that McMahon lost. Vince rarely lost anything and losing that lawsuit never sat well with him. Vince is way too competitive and enjoys conflict. A kerfuffle broke out backstage and both men needed to be separated. The following week, Vince’s people contacted Ventura’s people and it was agreed between both parties to settle the score, once and for all, at Ghosts of Hulkamania where McMahon was already a guest of Heenan and Heyman. Ventura didn’t trust McMahon and insisted on choosing a special guest referee for their match. Ventura chose the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to be the special guest referee as he was already onboard as host and both men had worked together on both The Predator and The Running Man.
When we return from the video package, host and special guest referee Arnold Schwarzenegger is already in the ring wearing a black and white referee’s shirt with the arms cut off.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura struts to the ring to a song sung by Ventura himself, THE BODY RULES!
Mr. McMahon is dress in his typical match attire. Black jeans and a black cut-off sweat-shirt. He does his power walk all the way down the ramp to his familiar NO CHANCE IN HELL.
MATCH #7 – Jesse “The Body” Ventura vs. Mr. McMahon – Taped Fist Match
Referee: Arnold Schwarzenegger
McMahon and Ventura go toe-to-toe, blow-for-blow, in a taped fist match that suits both men’s skillsets. Jesse, being a trained wrestler, gets in some maneuvers on the ground and keeps McMahon contained during the mid-portion of the match. Several times an angered McMahon got in Schwarzenegger’s face, accusing him of bias, but Schwarzenegger called it right down the middle.
THE FINISH – The tape on Jesse’s right arm begins to unravel as the match progresses. McMahon takes advantage of this and pushes Ventura towards the rope and when he gets him there, begins to tie the unraveled tape around the top rope, securing Ventura. Ventura is almost defenseless as McMahon hauls off with three fierce roundhouse punches followed by an uppercut that bloodies Ventura, who doesn’t have time to bleed. Ventura is freed by Schwarzenegger and falls face first into the mat but is still conscious.
Suddenly, Vince’s illegitimate son, Hornswoggle, dressed like a green leprechaun, comes out from underneath the ring, and distracts the Governator, Schwarzenegger. This gives McMahon the opportunity to low-blow Ventura. Then Vince gives Jesse a stiff uppercut that knocks him out. Arnold makes the 10-count and awards the victory to a blooded and battered Mr. McMahon.
WINNER – Vince McMahon
Arnold lifts Mr. McMahon’s arm in the air in victory over his friend Ventura. Vince and Hornswoggle leave together up the ramp arm-in-arm with a look of satisfaction on both of their faces.
MONSOON – Well folks our next match-up is between former WWF Champion Sgt. Slaughter, and the man trying to defend his countries honor it seems. A legend of Stampede Wrestling. I’m talking about Archie Gouldie, better known as The Stomper. Brain, have you crossed paths with The Stomper?
HEENAN – I ran into The Stomper down in St. Louis territory many years ago. He is one tough son-of-a-gun. His hobby was filling up the St. Louis hospital emergency room.
MONSOON – What about you Mr. Heyman?
HEYMAN – Thankfully, I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting the one they call The Stomper. I don’t get out to Calgary much. Cow manure does nothing for my complexion sir.
MONSOON – Good to know. And this is how this match-up came to be.
VIDEO PACKAGE – Sgt. Slaughter appeared on Monday Night Raw in Calgary and started making claims that Canada was weak and relied on the United States for protection and took this protection for granted. He said if not for the US of A, Canada would have been conquered by Russia by now.
Well Archie the Stomper was in attendance that night and heard what Slaughter had said and took great offense to those comments. He issued a challenge for Slaughter to meet him on Canadian soil, at the Skydome in Toronto, in a Canadian Strap Match.
Slaughter gladly accepted the challenge despite not wanting to ever appear in Canada again. He relished the opportunity to put Archie Gouldie, and the entire nation, in their place.
MONSOON – And we go now to our colleague Billy Red Lyons standing by with Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie.
LYONS – Mr. Gouldie, tonight you are facing a former worlds champion in the diabolical Sgt. Slaughter in a Canadian Strap Match and the fans want to know what The Stomper is thinking heading into this match-up?
GOULDIE – What Sgt. Slaughter has been saying about my home country is inexcusable. Canada stands on its own two feet. Some of the toughest men on planet earth come from Canada. I searched high and low, across Alberta, for the toughest leather I could find for the strap that I will use to punish Sgt. Slaughter tonight. I’ve crippled more men and put more wrestlers in the hospital than anyone else. Sgt. Slaughters night will end with him in an ambulance on the way to a Canadian hospital. The good news Sarge is that we have universal health care up here, so you’ll be well cared for after I strap you a thousand times before this night is over.
LYONS – Thank you Stomper! And now back to ringside.
Sgt. Slaughter makes his way out first to a chorus of boos and his WWF THEME. He calls the audience “Canadian Maggots” multiple times on the way to the ring.
Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie appears to a roaring ovation, carrying a large Canadian flag as he makes his way to the ring to RAISE A LITTLE HELL by TROOPER! The crowd is clapping and stomping to the beat of the song.
MATCH #8 - Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie vs. Sgt. Slaughter - Canadian Strap Match
Referee: Dave Hebner
The Stomper and Slaughter waste no time trying to find ways to use the tough leather strap to their advantage. They both whipped, choked, throttled, and maimed each other throughout the contest. They would often wrap the strap around their knuckles for added effect for punches.
THE FINISH – Sgt. Slaughter finally got Archie in the Camel Clutch, but the crowd cheered on Gouldie and he found the willpower and strength to break the hold. The Stomper began to wrap the strap around Slaughters neck over and over until he had enough leverage to force Slaughters’ head downward. The Stomper then runs off the rope and hits his new finisher, THE CURB STOMPER. This allows Gouldie to hit all four turnbuckles and win the match.
WINNER – Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie
Post-match The Stomper grabs the Canadian flag and waves it around as the crowd cheers.
MONSOON – What a great ovation for a Canadian wrestling legend. Now we go back to the ring with Billy Red Lyons.
LYONS – Hello fans here in Toronto and all around the world watching at home. I am here to introduce two men who are very familiar here to wrestling fans in Toronto. First, I would like to introduce my good friend and WWF President, Mr. Jack Tunney.
Jack Tunney walks down the entranceway to a nice respectful ovation. When he gets to the ring the fans acknowledge him and his family’s contribution to professional wrestling in Toronto.
LYONS – Next, please give a warm welcome to a legend of the sport. And the man we are here to honor tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the man who owned Maple Leaf Gardens. Please welcome “Whipper” Billy Watson!
“Whipper” Billy Watson walks down the ramp to thunderous applause as many of the fans in attendance remember Watson in his prime. When he was wrestling in main events here in Canada and all over the world.
Whipper Watson takes the microphone and thanks the audience for all their support over the years. Jack Tunney then presents Watson with a Lifetime Achievement Award for his contributions to wrestling and society in general.
MONSOON – Folks we are about ready for Hollywood Hulk Hogan’s 2nd match of the night, this time against his old friend turned enemy, the 7’ foot Kevin Nash.
HEENAN – Hogan’s already lost once tonight that doesn’t bode well for his chances.
HEYMAN – True Mr. Heenan, but as you’ve found out many times, sometimes you can never count out Hogan.
HEENAN – Don’t remind me.
For the 2nd time tonight, a wolfs howl echoes throughout the Skydome and “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash walks out to the nWo WOLFPAC THEME. A red and black screen effect is added for his entrance.
The nWo ROCKHOUSE THEME hits and Hollywood Hulk Hogan arrives this time in the black and white colors (no logo though) of the now defunct original nWo. For added effect, the screen goes black and white for his entrance.
MATCH #9 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash- Ghost of Hulkamania’s Present
Referee – Earl Hebner
Hogan and Nash butted heads for much of the nWo’s existence and each man was looking forward to the opportunity to take those frustrations out on the other. They engaged in a physical contest with both competitors hitting some of their signature moves. Action spilled back and forth from the inside and outside of the ring. Eventually Hogan gets Nash down prone in the corner closest to the announce- tables.
Suddenly, BREAK IT DOWN! Is heard over the Skydome PA system and out rushes X-Pac.
THE FINISH - Hogan sees X-Pac coming and doesn’t want his help and yells at him to get out of here. He meets X-Pac on the apron telling him again to leave. Meanwhile Earl Hebner also sees X-Pac and goes over to get him to leave. Suddenly Paul Heyman leaves the announce-table and rushes over to the prone Kevin Nash.
HEENAN – Paul, where the hell are you going?
Heyman hands Nash a set of brass knucks. Nash begins to get to his feet. Hogan turns around while Hebner is still arguing with X-Pac and Nash blasts him with the knucks and tosses them out of the ring. X-Pac immediately jumps off the apron and Hebner turns around in time to see Nash have Hogan in position for a Jackknife Powerbomb. X-Pac runs over and grabs the brass knucks and hides them in his trunks. Nash hits the Powerbomb on Hogan for the pinfall and Hogan’s 2nd loss of the evening.
WINNER – Kevin Nash
After the match, Heyman gets in the ring and gives Nash a signal to hit another Power Bomb. Before he has a chance, X-Pac is busy grabbing an injured Hogan and hitting his X-Factor finishing maneuver. X-Pac hits another X-Factor than tosses Hogan’s prone body towards Nash.
Nash sets Hogan up for a 2nd Powerbomb and hits it close to the ropes where there is less give in the ring.
HEENAN – Monsoon, they are going to ruin the main event! We don’t have one if Hogan can’t compete! These Canadians will riot. Sponsors will sue. I’ll lose millions!
Heenan throws off his headset and goes into the ring. He immediately gets in Heyman’s face screaming about ruining the main event. All while Nash is hitting a 3rd Powerbomb. Heenan and Heyman start pushing back and forth and Heenan pushes Heyman down to the mat. Nash and X-Pac motion towards Heenan but Heenan yells he’s got a fleet of lawyers. Heyman motions Nash and Waltman to back off and they leave the ringside area. Heenan realizes they were in cahoots the entire time and he was cut out of the conversation and betrayed by Heyman and Co.
Eventually Heenan follows suit and heads to the back. Hogan is taken away on a stretcher by EMTs, putting the main event of the evening in doubt. The audience is in stunned silence.
MONSOON – Well I guess I’m flying solo from here on out.
Suddenly Jesse “The Body” Ventura struts to the ring again to THE BODY RULES!
VENTURA – Hello Gorilla, you were saying something about flying solo?
MONSOON – I could use all the help I can get Jess. What an event so far. Sorry about your loss to Mr. McMahon.
VENTURA – I won the lawsuit; he can have his precious taped fist match. He cheated anyways. Because he’s a cheat and a crook. Always has been.
MONSOON – He also had a bit of help in the form of his son, Hornswoggle.
VENTURA – The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree apparently. Although he doesn’t look much like Vince to me. Hornswoggle’s mother must be a real prize!
MONSOON – Come on now Jess! Up next, we have two very different teams. The young upstarts Beer Money Inc. And the grizzled veterans, Money Inc. In a dispute, well, over money. Take a look!
VIDEO PACKAGE – Beer Money Inc. had established itself as a top tag team in TNA and won multiple world championships there and are the current TNA tag team champions. As their notoriety grew, they drew the attention of The Million Dollar Man and IRS, collectively known as Money Inc., former WWF Tag Team Champions. Dibiase, the new and current ECW Champion thanks to his purchase of said promotion, wanted to raise some capital to help finance his purchase of ECW from Heyman. IRS just hates tax cheats.
Dibiase and IRS sensed an opportunity and felt that Beer Money Inc. were making money off their names and filed a lawsuit in court. They felt the lawsuit was an easy win. This case ended up in the courtroom of Judge Mills Lane. Dibiase and IRS argue that they came up with the name first. Roode and Storm claiming that the name was different enough from simply “Money Inc’” that it should be acceptable.
After a rowdy court hearing, Judge Lane decided. He said he was ordering a “Judgement on a Pole” match to take place at Ghosts of Hulkamania. Count-outs and disqualifications will count. The first team to get up the top rope and retrieve the envelope holding the judgement will be awarded the case and can continue to use the “Money Inc.” name and restitution will be made by the losing party. Finally, Judge Mills Lane announces that just to make sure this unique match-up goes by the numbers, he will be the Special Guest Referee. Lane has pro wrestling referee experience, having been one of the two main referees who worked for Don King at the Last Call PPV.
MONSOON – I always knew Dibiase was desperate. But to buy an entire promotion? And make yourself the champion? That’s pretty weak Jess.
VENTURA – Hey if you got the money, who am I to argue? Good on Dibiase. He didn’t break any laws. What do you think he paid for ECW anyways?
MONSOON – I have no idea. And now to Mean Gene, standing by with Money Inc.
OKERLUND – Mr. Dibiase, Mr. Schyster…. Tonight, you are facing the upstart team of Beer Money Inc. in a Judgement on a Poll match. What are your thoughts heading into this one-of-a-kind match?
DIBIASE – You know I always say, everyone has a price for the Million Dollar Man. But this isn’t about price, this is about theft. Two greasy rednecks from some bush-league promotion stole what belongs to the Million Dollar Man and IRS and have taken money right out of our pocket. And no one steals from IRS and the Million Dollar Man. Bahahahaha!
SCHYESTER – And I can guarantee you they don’t pay their taxes either.
DIBIASE – Did you see that?
SCHYESTER – Huh?
DIBIASE – That green thing. Way back there? Look!
SCHYESTER – Green? Like money?
DIBIASE – Yes, like money. See now it’s gone. What the hell was that?
SCHYESTER – Probably that known tax cheat, Hornswoggle.
OKERLUND – Just one second (He presses his hand up to his earpiece). We are going now to Billy Red Lyons who is outside Paul Heyman’s dressing room.
LYONS – As you can see, Bobby Heenan is attempting to get inside Mr. Heyman’s dressing room.
We go outside Paul Heyman’s dressing room where Heenan is trying to get to Heyman, and a large commotion occurs. X-Pac and Nash guard the door to Heyman’s room.
HEENAN – Get out here Heyman! Get out here and explain yourself!
Heyman opens the door just enough so Heenan can hear him.
HEYMAN – I don’t need you anymore. I only partnered with you to get Andre involved. You’ve outlived your usefulness. Brock Lesnar and I will handle it from here. Goodbye Bobby.
HEENAN – Nobody makes a fool out of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan! You hear me! Nobody!
Bobby “The Brain” storms off still cursing on Heyman.
We go back to the ring to hear the familiar laughter of the MILLION DOLLAR MAN’s THEME, signaling the entrance of the ECW Champion, The Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase and Irwin R. Schyster……..Money Inc.
The soothing sound of a can of beer opening is heard and the THEME of the TNA Tag Team champions, BEER MONEY INC. kicks in. Out comes Bobby Roode and James Storm. Roode carrying a Canadian flag. Storm carting down a cooler full of Freedom 35 brand beer and he throws a few out to the thirsty Canadian crowd.
MATCH #10 – Money Inc. vs. Beer Money Inc. – Judgement on a Pole Match
Special Referee – Mills Lane
Referee Mills Lane awaited the competitors in the ring while Howard Finkel read out the stipulations for a “Judgement on a Pole” match. They are reminded counts-outs and disqualifications matter.
All four men are very well-rounded competitors and perform a clinic in technical tag team wrestling. Lots of mat-work, double-teams, tandem maneuvers, and solid striking.
THE FINISH – Both teams make multiple attempts capture the envelope hanging from the pole to no avail. IRS goes for the envelope again and he almost got it when he’s stopped by Roode and Storm. They push IRS off the top rope and he falls hard on the floor. Dibiase runs over to stop Beer Money, but Storm gets Dibiase in the Power bomb position and Roode locks in the neckbreaker and they hit the DWI (Drinking While Investing) from the 2nd turnbuckle. Roode climbs the turnbuckles again and retrieves the envelope.
WINNER – Beer Money Inc.
MONSOON – Once again here is a live musical performance by special musical guest, Limp Bizkit.
VENTURA – I can’t wait for this Gorilla.
LIMP BIZKIT performed another hit from their Significant Other album, BREAK STUFF, sending the crowd into a frenzy.
Out of nowhere, Snoop Dogg walks out onto the entrance stage where Limp Bizkit are just finishing playing the song.
DURST – Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Snoop Dogg!
Limp Bizkit and Snoop break into a rendition of their latest team-up effort and new single, RED LIGHT-GREEN LIGHT.
MONSOON – What a performance by Limp Bizkit and Snoop Dogg. The electricity in here now, you could cut it with a knife. Jess our next match is a boxing match between one of the greatest boxers of all-time, “Iron” Mike Tyson, and an MMA Legend, the incomparable Don Frye. Don Frye has been being trained by future Tyson opponent, Lennox Lewis.
VENTURA – I don’t care who is training him. Tyson is one of the greatest punchers in human history. I’m not putting my money on Frye. This isn’t MMA. That was smart of Tyson to keep the match in his wheelhouse. And Tyson is a member of DX, which can’t hurt. I bet if I was a full-timer again, I’d be a perfect fit for DX!
MONSOON – I’m not so sure about that Jess. They are a little bit too hip for even you.
VENTURA – I’m still hip and cool. I sing my own theme song Monsoon!
MONSOON - Anyways did you know that Dan Severn is our special guest referee for this bout. You know he’ll call it right down the middle. Let’s go to the footage!
VIDEO PACKAGE – Don Frye and Dan Severn teamed up at nWo HOSS-a-Mania which brought both men closer. They later teamed up again, only this time it was for a radio show, the Realest Guys in the Room. But Frye kept taking potshots at Severn and claiming he could never defeat him. This caused a falling out between two MMA legends. Which lead to a match at Don King’s Last Call PPV where Mike Tyson was the special guest referee.
Late in the match, Tyson slips on Severn’s blood trying to make a 3-count, giving Severn time to kick out. Frye got in Tyson’s face and Tyson knocked out Frye with a bit of a sucker punch. Severn then makes the pinfall to win the match.
Frye wanted revenge on Tyson for the sucker punch and costing him the match. Tyson is smarter than he gets credit for and straight up refuses to engage Frye in a wrestling match or MMA fight. Tyson says if Frye wants him in the ring, it must be in a boxing match. Frye agrees and recruits someone who has studied Tyson to help him train, World Boxing Champion Lennox Lewis. Lewis has a World Title boxing match with Tyson scheduled for later in the year. Severn is brought in as the special referee due to his familiarity with both Tyson and Frye. Thanks to Hollywood Hulk Hogan, Brutus Beefcake, Mr. T, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan are named the guest ring judges.
The judges are already ringside and introduced to the audience by Howard Finkel.
Dan Severn makes his entrance first, to his WWF THEME.
“Iron” Mike Tyson walks to the ring in a DX shirt flanked by the legendary rap group, RUN DMC, as they perform “THE KINGS” D-GENERATION X THEME.
Don Frye looks confident as he takes his time on the entranceway. Following him is World Boxing Champion, Lennox Lewis. They make their way out together to the heavy riffs of CHAOS A.D by SEPULTURA.
MATCH #11 – “Iron” Mike Tyson vs. Don Frye – Boxing Match – 12 Rounds of Boxing
Special Referee – Dan Severn
Ring Judges – Brutus Beefcake, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and Mr. T
Tyson and Frye engage in a boxing match that is much more competitive than any of the pundits in Vegas gave it credit for. Not many gave Frye a chance in this bout. Severn does as many expected and calls it fair and right down the middle. In Round 4, Frye hits Tyson with a quick uppercut that staggered Tyson and he gets a standing 8-count.
FINISH – Tyson and Frye go the distance in this 12-round bout. By the end of the match, the Canadian audience was solidly behind a now bloodied Frye and booing Tyson. Despite his best effort, Tyson won more rounds and Severn raises Tyson’s hand in the air based on the judge’s decision.
WINNER – “Iron” Mike Tyson
The ring crew begins to dissemble the boxing ring set-up and get ready for the next match-up, HELL IN A CELL!
MONSOON – We are in for a treat Jess. Our first time calling a Hell in a Cell match.
VENTURA – I’ve always wanted to call one of these. Nothing gets more brutal and sadistic than when guys are locked in this cell.
MONSOON – This is a vicious and violent structure. Which should suit our two participants here tonight.
VENTURA – Both these guys are legit tough and are cut from the same cloth as yours truly. Both will do anything to win. This feels a lot like an unstoppable force meeting an unmovable object. Two big rams butting heads.
MONSOON – Lets’ go to the video package!
VIDEO PACKAGE – During the main event of Last Call, “Dr. D” David Schultz got involved late in the match. He arrived on-scene with a rifle, which caused a huge commotion and the distraction cost Harley Race the match and his NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Race sought revenge on Schultz but there was just one problem. Because of the incident at the PPV and because the rifle Schultz used (which he claimed he just found backstage at the Sportatorium) had the serial numbers removed, which is a Felony 2 spot, Schultz found himself in legal hot water. He received 18 months in prison and was sent to ADX Montrose, also known as “the Alcatraz of the Rockies”. Judge Mills Lane presided over the case and found Dr. D to be particularly deranged and placed him in the max security prison. Race had to wait for his chance at revenge. Schultz’s release date coincided right around the time of Ghost of Hulkamania. Race was friends with Heenan and arranged to have a match with Schultz at the event. He even convinced Heenan to shell out to have the match be a Hell in a Cell match. Schultz, being a raging lunatic, didn’t hesitate to accept. As he was on parole, he needed special permission to travel into Canada and would receive a police escort all the way from the airport to the Skydome, back to the airport to continue his parole. That wasn’t cheap and Race convinced Heenan to pay for that as well.
MONSOON – And now we are going to the Event Center with our friend, Billy Red Lyons.
LYONS – Hello everyone, Billy Red here in the Event Center to tell you about some great upcoming events. The WWF will be in London, Ontario two Sundays from now. WCW are travelling to Ottawa, Ontario for a live event a week from today. The AWA are in Thunder Bay during the month of May for two shows. AEW will be venturing to Sudbury this summer. All these great events will be loaded with many superstars of professional wrestling. Don’t you dare miss it!
Also, many of these same superstars will also be appearing at the big show at the Skydome in Toronto brought to you by Heenan & Heyman Promotions, The Ghosts of Hulkamania. Superstars like the notorious “Dr. D” David Schultz. Here are some pre-taped comments from “Dr. D” about his upcoming Hell-in-a-Cell match with “The Mad Dog” Harley Race.
Schultz appears in a pre-taped interview. As Dr. D’s release date was so close to the PPV, this interview was taped while Schultz was still behind bars in his orange prison jumpsuit and in handcuffs and shackles while sat in a chair directly facing the camera.
SCHULTZ – Race you must be as stupid as you look. What a pile of crap! Blaming me for you losing the World Heavyweight Championship? That’s on you Race, that’s on you. Did I hit you with that rifle or something? What’s wrong with you? Just a miserable pile of excuses. I thought you were a man’s man but turns out you’re just a chicken $#%& coward like Hogan and all the rest. When we get to Toronto, I’m going to teach you a lesson inside that cell. You’ll wish they kept me in my cell up here in the Rocky Mountains before the end. I $#&% you not.
Back in the Skydome, the ominous cell is lowered down to surround the ringside area.
After a brief pause in anticipation, GALAXY EXPRESS hits and “The Mad Dog” Harley Race makes his way to the ring with a scowl on his face.
The sound of “BAD BOYS” by INNER CIRCLE rings out and here comes “Dr. D” David Schultz wheeled into the arena in a police van. He is taken out of the van in shackles, given a full police escort to the ring, where his shackles are removed and he enters the cage. He is wearing his normal black wrestling attire.
MATCH #12 – “The Mad Dog” Harley Race vs. “Dr. D” David Schultz – Hell in a Cell
Referee: Dave Hebner
The match begins with both wrestlers trading fierce blows. Neither seems to hurt the other much, they just keep on coming, trading shots. The match is particularly vicious and both Schultz and Race use the cell structure to their advantage. Grinding faces across the cage. Using maneuvers to launch your opponent into the cell walls. They go to war for about 25 minutes. Steel chair shots are involved. Both are covered in blood and exhausted. Unlike most Hell in a Cell matches, this one doesn’t leave the confines of the cage.
THE FINISH – Schultz is frustrated for his inability to put away Race. He reaches under the ring and somehow finds a rifle!
VENTURA – How the heck did that get there Gorilla? Mans been under police escort since he crossed the border.
MONSOON – I don’t know Jess. I can’t imagine someone putting it there on purpose. It is highly suspicious, no question.
Schultz smiles and as Race (who is in the ring) walks over and grabs Schultz by the hair to pull him into the ring, Schultz blasts Race with the butt end of the rifle. Schultz gets in the ring and tries to hit Race again in the breadbasket with the rifle, but Race catches him and turns the rifle around and hits Schultz in the face with the butt-end, stunning Schultz. Race hits him again to put Schultz down and then Race gets rid of the rifle. He puts Schultz in the Fisherman’s Suplex and pins him for a 3 count.
WINNER – Harley Race
After the match, the cage is quickly raised and the police rush the ring and subdue Schultz, placing him in cuffs and escorting him back to the police van. As carrying a firearm, in any country, is a breach of Schultz’s parole, he appears to be on his way back to ADX Montrose high in the Rocky Mountains. The police van closes its doors, fires up its sirens and drives out of the arena. As it leaves you can slightly hear Schultz screaming seemingly unintelligible things. Race remains in the ring being checked by doctors then leaves as the fans salute his effort in this classic Hell in a Cell match with a standing ovation.
MONSOON – That was a brutal Hell in a Cell match Jess.
VENTURA – It’s been a while since we’ve seen a match as raw and vicious as what we just witness from two old warhorses. I give credit to both guys for laying it all out there, even if Dr. D got hauled away in cuffs.
The camera goes backstage to Mr. McMahon and Hornswoggle, still dressed as a leprechaun, sitting in a dressing room drinking Freedom 35 beer, celebrating Vince’s win over Ventura. Linda McMahon walks into the room and surprises Vince.
VINCE – Linda, what are you doing here?
LINDA – Hello Vince. Having a good time, you and your illegitimate bastard son?
VINCE – Well, um, yes, kinda. I wasn’t expecting you here.
LINDA – Vince, I’ve come to tell you something. I’m filing for divorce. Not because you’re now associating with your illegitimate bastard son. Not because I’m now a US Government Administrator. And not because you’re an asshole. (The crowd starts chanting ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE). But because I’ve met someone else. And I’ll be taking my half of the WWF in the divorce. Good-bye Vince!
Linda leaves the room as Vince shouts out to her trying to get her to come back, but is unsuccessful.
VENTURA – My heart is breaking for McMahon. Really it is.
MONSOON - That was a long-time coming Jess. And once again, Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for attending Ghosts of Hulkamania. Tonight’s attendance here at the Skydome in Toronto, Canada, an incredible sixty-nine thousand, three hundred and sixteen fans. The largest audience in Skydome history. Thank you again!
MONSOON – Next up we have an episode of the Brother Love Show with his featured guest, one L A Knight.
VENTURA – My all-time favorite talk-show host, after myself of course.
Standing in the ring is the rotund red-faced preacher, Brother Love.
LOVE – I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvvvvvvvvvvvv yoooooooooooouuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!
The Canadian Audience boos profusely.
LOVE – Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest. He is the No. 1 free agent in all of professional wrestling. Please welcome Brother L A Knight.
L..A…KNIGHT! Out comes the Megastar himself, L A KNIGHT to his WWF THEME.
LOVE – Welcome Brother L A Knight. Brother Knight, how are you this fine evening?
KNIGHT – Let me talk to yah! I’ll tell you what fatso, Brother Knight is doing just fine. I’ll be doing better when I get the hell out of Canada. That’ll happen soon enough. In the meantime, these Canadians get to appreciate the undeniable kavorka of L A Knight…YEAH!
LOVE – Brother Knight, the question on everyone’s mind is? Where is the Megastar going?
KNIGHT – I can tell you where I’m not going. I’m not going back down in the bush-leagues in TNA or Impact Wrestling or whatever it’s called now. NXT called L A Knight’s agents, agents as in plural. But we told them you gotta draw at least four figures on a nightly basis to get L A Knight on the marquee. And NXT just don’t qualify down there at old Full Sail. YEAH!
WWF? WCW? ECW? AWA? AEW? All Japan? New Japan? L A Knight could end up anywhere he wants. It all depends on who is ready to pony up for the Megastar. Who’s got the Money Truck to back up into L A Knights 1000 ft. driveway? In the meantime, oh I don’t know, maybe I’ll start my own talk show. The Brother Kavorka Show! Better yet, how about the Fact of Life!..YEAH!
Suddenly HEEEELLLLOOOOO LAAADDDIEEESS! roars over the PA system and the opening saxophones of the WWF THEME for VAL VENIS. The current Money-in-the-Bank briefcase holder Val Venis walks out and down to the ring.
VENIS – HEEELLLOOOO LAAADDDDIEESSS! You know something ladies. Whenever The Big Valbowski is in the Great White North, he is always standing on guard for thee! Hehehe. L A Knight, I hear you keep talking about kavorka. Do you really think you got more kavorka than The Big Valbowski? I should be called the Big Kavorka!
KNIGHT - L A Knight got more kavorka in his left pinky finger than you got in your entire body. YEAH!
VENIS – Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is? All this talk of Money Trucks and I got a Money Shot waiting for yah!
KNIGHT – Nah, nah, nah. I’m not wrestling in front of these Canadian incels for free. What’s in it for L A Knight? You know whose game it is? It’s L A Knight’s game. YEAH! I’ll tell you what sunshine. Put that Money-in-the-Bank contract on the line, and we’ll find out who got the most kavorka. Although I can guaran-damn-tee-yah that it’s L A Knight. And that’s not an insult, that’s a fact. YEAH!
VENIS – You wanna shot at by Money-in-the-Bank contract? You’re on! Let’s go!
KNIGHT – Get a referee out here dummies! YEAH!
Referee Jimmy Korderas runs out and rings the bell.
Match #13– L A Knight vs. Val Venis – Impromptu Singles Match for the Money-in-the-Bank Contract
Referee – Jimmy Korderas
The crowd is on their feet for this unexpected match-up.
Knight and Venis have a very competitive match-up as both guys can do a bit of everything in the ring. After about 12 minutes of fast-paced action, referee Jimmy Korderas is in the wrong place and the wrong time and gets hit with a shot from Knight intended for Venis. Suddenly a masked individual with large glasses and dressed completely in green comes out of the crowd and is at ringside.
VENTURA – Do you know who that is Gorilla?
MONSOON – I have no idea, Jess.
VENTURA – I can’t believe it. IT’S THE GREEN BASTARD! PARTS UNKNOWN!
The Green Bastard goes over to a timekeeper. “Gimme that chair you son of a….”
THE FINISH - He proceeds to get up on the apron of the ring where Venis has L A Knight tied up and holding him so GB can hit him with the chair. GB swings the chair at Knight’s head but Knight DUCKS and GB misses and instead catches Venis with a hard chair shot. This stuns Venis and Knight hits the BTF and grabs Jimmy Korderas. Korderas regains enough consciousness to make a pinfall count and Knight pins Venis for the 1-2-3 and the new Money-in-the-Bank briefcase holder!
WINNER – L A Knight
Knight quickly gathers up the case and makes his way up the ramp. Venis is infuriated as one would expect. GB gets in the ring as Venis grabs a mic. He gets angry and calls GB an idiot. The fans boo. GB grabs Venis by the hand and holds the mic up.
GREEN BASTARD – I’m sorry you lost your fancy brief-case Mr. Venis. But I think your being a bit of an arsehole!
The entire audience begins a chant. ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE!
Venis drops the mic and starts to push GB. Suddenly GB kicks Venis right in the breadbasket then hits a STUNNER! Venis is out on his feet when GB kicks him again and hits him with a 2nd STUNNER! Venis goes tumbling out of the ring. The crowd goes wild. TOM SAWYER by RUSH kicks in mid-song about a minute in, over the PA system.
The Green Bastard hits the turnbuckles and signals for some beer. A ring crew member throws GB a few Freedom 35 Lager. GB downs a couple cold ones, getting most of it all over himself. He gets two more and it’s much of the same. It’s a Green Bastard beer bash!
GIN N’ JUICE by SNOOP DOGG hits and out comes the D-O-Double G himself.
Snoop Dogg emerges on the entranceway smoking a triple paper joint and has an acoustic guitar in hand. He makes his way to the ring. The Green Bastard’s trademark is he can smoke a pound in a single bound. He lights a large joint himself and engages in beer bash and smoke fest with his buddy Snoop Dogg. Snoop passes the guitar to GB and grabs a mic. GB starts cutting a funky beat with the guitar.
SNOOP – All we want to do….is smoke and drink some beer……All we want to do…..is smoke and drink some beer……Sing it wit me y’all……All we want to do……is smoke and drink some beer……
Green Bastard’s fellow Canadians start singing and clapping along to the beat with Snoop Dogg, savoring every moment.
SNOOP –Give it up for The Green Bastard y’all. My favorite, your favorite. He’s got to be the champ. Don’t doubt him, crown him. The Green Bastard y’all! Straight outta Parts Unknown!
MONSOON – Well Jess, have you ever seen anything like that?
VENTURA – That was something else Gorilla. I think The Green Bastard is my new hero. I just want to hang with Snoop, drink beer and smoke weed too.
MONSOON – Not quite prayers and vitamins. Hold on one second, we are going backstage with Billy Red Lyons.
LYONS – Folks, we are here on scene of a vehicular accident……
The camara goes backstage to the entrance to the underground parking area. We see the police van that was escorting Dr.
D. David Schultz. The van crashed into a cement truck. All the doors of the van are open and the officers are strewn about and unconscious.
LYONS – Unfortunately, it seems Dr. D is nowhere to be seen. No sign of the driver of the cement truck either. This can’t be good. Jesse, Gorilla, back to you!
MONSOON - Well Jess, it’s been an eventful evening thus far and finally we are ready for our main event of the evening. So far, no word if Hollywood Hulk Hogan will be able to compete in the championship match against Brock Lesnar. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
VENTURA – As much as I dislike Hogan, I’ve seen him rise up against seemingly insurmountable odds too many times to completely count him out. But Nash and X-Pac laid a hell of a beating on Hogan and anytime you’re stretchered out, it isn’t good. It’s 50/50 Gorilla.
BROCK LESNAR’S THEME hits again, signaling it’s time for the main event. This time Lesnar is accompanied by his advocate Paul Heyman.
There is a pause as the audience waits for Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The is a murmur over the crowd, wondering if Hogan will appear and face Lesnar for the title. After what was an agonizing wait, the comforting opening riff of REAL AMERICAN is heard reverberating throughout the Skydome as the audience erupts.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan comes out in his traditional yellow trunks, red knee pads, yellow boots, and a ripped-up shirt. He’s shaved his black shadow. His ribs are bandaged up. He looks around at the crowd still up on the large entrance stage and does the “nWo” double finger point towards the entrance way.
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan emerges with a Hulkamania T-shirt on, as well as a look of disbelief on his face. Hogan and Heenan make their way down to the ring to meet Lesnar and Heyman as the crowd loses their minds.
MATCH #14 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan w/Bobby Heenan vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman for the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship – The Ghost of Hulkamania’s Future
Referee: Earl Hebner
Hogan and Lesnar circle while the crowd gets itself worked up to a frenzy. Hogan challenges Lesnar to a test of strength and we’re off and running in the main event. 69, 316 fans here at the Skydome are on their feet.
Hogan and Lesnar engage in a classic match of big man performers. Hogan displays more technical prowess than we’ve become accustomed to. Comparable to how he’d wrestle in Japan. Lesnar does take him to Suplex City. The wear and tear of the previous two matches becomes more apparent the longer the main event goes on. Lesnar targets Hogan’s busted ribs. It’s Lesnar, not the veteran Hogan, who’s wearing crimson first. Eventually Lesnar busts open Hogan as well.
THE FINISH – Hogan is pounding on Lesnar in a corner. Heyman gets up on the apron to distract referee Earl Hebner. Hogan goes over to Heyman and Lesnar sneaks out and goes over to grab a chair. Lesnar grabs a chair, but Heenan grabs it and tries to get it from Lesnar. Lesnar rips it out of Heenan’s hands and doesn’t hesitate to club Heenan right over the head, busting him open as well. Lesnar heads to the ring chair in hand but Hogan punches Heyman knocking him off the apron in time to catch Lesnar coming into the ring with a big boot. Lesnar gets up quickly and he and Hogan go punch for punch. Lesnar locks Hogan in the bearhug just like on Smackdown months ago and it appears to be over. Hogan’s ribs are in bad shape already. Referee Earl Hebner raises Hogan’s hand once and it falls. He raises it again and it falls. He raises it a third time, but Hogan’s arm begins shaking. He’s Hulking up! Hogan begins to loosen Lesnar’s grip. He tries elbowing Lesnar in the ribs and Lesnar loosens the hold further. Suddenly Hogan is free of the bearhug. Lesnar tries punching Hogan, but he blocks it and responds with punches of his own. Hogan points to a stunned Lesnar! YOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!! as the audience erupts. Hogan whips Lesnar into the ropes and hits the big boot. Heyman tries to distract Hebner again but Heenan rushes over the pulls Heyman off the apron followed by a punch to Heyman’s lying fat face. Hogan hits the leg drop on Lesnar and the Skydome comes unglued as Earl Hebner counts 1...2..3 and Hogan pins Lesnar to become WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion once again!
WINNER – Hollywood Hulk Hogan
FINKEL – Winner and NNNNEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion…. HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN!
Referee Earl Hebner raises Hogan’s hand in victory and hands him the world championship belt. Hogan raises it up as the crowd goes wild. Lesnar is ringside tearing things apart in rage. Heyman sits with his hands over his mouth in stunned silence, realizing his plan failed.
Hogan begins to celebrate in the ring with REAL AMERICAN blaring out of the Skydome speakers.
Heyman eventually convinces Lesnar to leave the ringside area. Heenan gets in the ring as Hogan is in the middle of a pose-down. Hogan’s music stops. Hogan sees Heenan busted open and realizes Heenan took a chair-shot from Lesnar for him. Both men shake hands and Hogan raises Heenan’s arm in the air while he points to him as the crowd erupts again as pyro goes off throughout the arena.
REAL AMERICAN kicks in again and Hogan begins ANOTHER pose-down routine as the Skydome audience eats it up. Eventually Heenan leaves the ringside area as well. Hogan is continuing his pose-down routine as host Arnold Schwarzenegger comes down to the ring and he and Hogan engage in a synchronized pose down routine as the event draws to a close.
MONSOON – Thank you everyone for being here and for those around the world watching on pay-per-view. As they say, Hogan must pose, and Hulkamania will live forever! Good night, folks!
L……A……KNIGHT!
Just as the event is about to sign off, the electronic sound of L…..A….Knight roars throughout the Skydome and out comes the new Money-in-the-Bank briefcase holder, The Megastar, Professional Wrestling’s No. 1 Free Agent. The one with the undeniable kavorka. It’s L A Knight!
Knight goes to the ring and hands Schwarzenegger his briefcase. Arnold asks if he’s sure and Knight is emphatic that, he’s sure. Hogan is exhausted after three matches already (and a prolonged pose down routine) and covered in blood. Schwarzenegger has no choice and rings the bell, and the match is on.
MATCH #15 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. L A Knight – WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship.
Referee: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Hogan isn’t prepared at all for Knight but holds his own the first few minutes. After having competed in three grueling matches already, fatigue began to set in, and Hogan began to slow down. Knight begins hammering Hogan with hard hitting maneuvers. Hogan can barely get any momentum past the onset of the match. Knight maintains his edge and eventually takes advantage of an extremely fatigued Hogan.
THE FINISH - Hogan starts to Hulk up but he doesn’t have enough in the tank and Knight stops Hogan’s comeback in his tracks. Knight hits the three consecutive BTF’s on Hollywood Hulk Hogan before making a pinfall attempt. Referee Arnold Schwarzenegger counts the 1-2-3 and L A Knight is your new WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion!
WINNER – L A Knight
Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger hands Knight the world championship belt as he raises it above his head and then L A hits the turnbuckles.
FINKEL – Your winner AND NNNNEEEEEEEEWWWWWW WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion…..L..A..Knight!
VENTURA – Do you know what this means Gorilla? It means a free agent holds the most coveted prize in our sport, the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship. He could go anywhere with that belt. Vince McMahon has lost control of his own World’s Championship! On the same night his wife Linda files for divorce! What a horrible night for McMahon!
MONSOON – This is a very interesting development. A free agent holds the WWF title, and Linda wants her half of the WWF. It will be intriguing to see what happens next!
L A Knight celebrates his dramatic win as he walks back up the ramp and continues to celebrate up on the entrance stage.
Some more pyro goes off. The Canadian audience at the Skydome is in complete and total shock.
MONSOON – For Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Mean Gene Okerlund, Billy Red Lyons, Howard Finkel, and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, I’m Gorilla Monsoon! Good-night from Toronto!
A closing montage airs to recap tonight’s events to the sound of alternate theme for the pay-per-view, ADRENALINE by GAVIN ROSSDALE.
And in the end, it was L A Knight who finally conquered Hulkamania.
YEAH!
Pennsylvania Championship Wrestling presents: Wrestlevania 7
Once again from Philadelphia, PA. Tony Schiavone is on the call, along with, for the first time ever, the chairman of PCW, G. Kim Johnson! A reliable and credible voice to the proceedings, who did not draft anyone else to the role this year.
1. Drew Gulak vs. Sammy Guevara
Pre-Show Singles Match
Truth be told, the chairman forgot to draft a General Manager this year and got too caught up to remember to properly book these two. Gulak, a native of Philadelphia, has demanded and open challenge which has been answered by Sammy Guevara on the Wrestlevania Pre-Show.
2. The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford)(c) vs. the New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn)
PCW Men's Tag Team Title Match
After all the fireworks and pyrotechnics go off, the crowd will surely be please with the show-proper opening with a tag team title match featuring some of the better talkers of their prime years. The Street Profits are the champions, the New Age Outlaws the first-time challengers. Both sides have talked to the high heavens in attempts to curry favor with the audience, but the best team will be determined inside the squared circle.
3. Lay-Cool (Layla & Michelle McCool)(c) vs. Bison Kimura & Aja Kong vs. Tay Melo & Anna Jay vs. Saki Kashina & Mayu Iwatani
PCW Women's Tag Team Title 4-Way Match
A fatal eras-spanning fatal 4-way match showcasing popular (or not). Aja Kong & Bison Kimura are a legendary team spanning decades of yesteryear, while Anna Jay & Tay Melo are current best friends, among the best teams of today. Sami Kashina & Mayu Iwatani, the latter no stranger to PCW, took the scene by storm over the previous decade. And LayCool, we’re the most visible, and outspoken, also known to commentate their own matches.
4. Dominik Mysterio vs. Minoru Suzuki
Hair vs. Hair Match
As we are all painfully aware by now, Dominik Mysterio, having abandoned his teachings as a by his family by embracing his dark side, has since gone to jail and done real hard time in the clink. We know this because he keeps saying it. There are things you don’t see that you don’t know what you do to a man. He has made his way to PCW to impart his lessons and wisdom on us.
During an appearance on PCW “Thursday Night Jawn,” his fabrications and machinations have caught the attention of a man who takes no shit and knows how to make people suffer. Kaze Ni Nare plays in the arena, as Minoru Suzuki enters the scene to make a challenge to show such an insufferable brat what real pain and suffering will feel like. If Dominik is so inclined to show his lack of self-awareness with a ridiculous hair cut, Suzuki leaves an electric razor in the ring to symbolize the stipulation
5. Finn Bálor vs. Eddie Kingston
2nd Annual Keystone Cup Tournament Final
In the shadowed realm of professional wrestling, a clash of tormented souls was set to unfold. Finn Bálor, known for his transformative alter ego, the Demon, will face off against Eddie Kingston, a warrior battling his own inner demons. This unique encounter would delve deep into the psyche of both competitors, exploring the power of their respective demons and their paths to redemption. To further the backdrop, it is also the finals of the Keystone Cup. Both wrestlers are also plagued by past high-stakes failures, with Bálor having been injured in another promotion upon winning a world title, while Kingston has never claimed one at all. The winner will have the opportunity to rectify that.
Finn Bálor, a master of darkness, had long embraced his supernatural persona. The Demon, an embodiment of his inner turmoil and ferocity, had brought him both victories and acclaim. On the other hand, Eddie Kingston, a wrestler whose life had been marred by personal struggles and adversity, had recently found solace within the wrestling ring. His real-life inner demons provided the backdrop for an intense and emotional showdown. He’s not going to be phased by the Bálor Demon persona - the paint that takes all day to put on, the smoke machines, the fake aggressive tough guy shtick. None of it is real because Bálor has to go to that place while Kingston has to live it and breathe it. Every day he carries the weight of his personal struggles. “This ain’t a Halloween party, partnah, this is real life shit.”
6. Powerhouse Hobbs (w. MVP) vs. Antonio Inoki vs. Diamond Dallas Page (c)
PCW Men's Commonwealth Championship Triple Threat Match
MVP has been looking traveling amongst promotions and terriories in hopes of expanding the brand of the Hurt Business. Having had, in general, subpar representation in his career, has found a willing client in Powerhouse Hobbs as he looks to increase his profile, or more aptly, victims. Scouring the world, MVP has found the perfect opponent familiar to PCW in Antonio Inoki, who appears in his third Wrestlevania.
Diamond Dallas Page, is surprised to be overlooked as he is the current holder of the PCW Men’s Commonwealth Championship, and thus has used this stature to insert himself into the match and put extra stakes on the line. The chairman may or may not have also forgotten to book him, so he obliges.
7. Becky Lynch (w/ Cyndi Lauper) (c) vs. Dr. Britt Baker, D.M.D.
PCW Women's Commonwealth Championship Match
Becky Lynch had recently landed a role on a popular television show depicting Cyndi Lauper's involvement in pro wrestling. In this dramatized retelling, Lynch portrayed the charismatic Lauper, capturing her spirit and paving the way for an unforeseen alliance.
Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D., a skilled practitioner in the ring and an emerging star, became determined to prove her superiority over Lynch. Lynch is also the holder of the Women’s Commonwealth Belt, giving further ambition for Baker to achieve. In an interview with her good friend, Tony Schiavone, Baker undermines Lynch's role as Lauper, dismissing it as mere acting and refusing to acknowledge its significance. She feels Lynch proper respect to the company for being a champion that’s is busy with other projects which does not allow the other women in the company enough opportunities (especially given that none of the women have been able to beat the top women’s champion). Baker is a dentist after all, working a real job, with real people and patients while juggling a pro wrestling career. Baker is not galavanting back and forth to Hollywood, she is here every week having matches with everyone, and feels she is the real leader of the women’s division. Also, she wants to know why Wrestlevania is never in Pittsburgh.
As their rivalry intensified, Lynch found herself inspired by Lauper's real-life contributions to professional wrestling. She recognized the parallel between her own journey and the struggles Lauper faced during her involvement in the industry. Determined to honor Lauper's legacy, Lynch sought out the iconic singer and persuaded her to return to PCW (where she had met Lauper backstage years ago) to lend her support in the upcoming battle against Baker.
The stage was set for a clash that would transcend mere athleticism. In one corner stood Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D., fueled by her competitive drive and relentless ambition. Aiming to expose Lynch's association with Lauper as nothing more than a flimsy facade. In the other corner, Becky Lynch, carrying the weight of Cyndi Lauper's legacy and the belief that she was destined to make a lasting impact in both wrestling and entertainment. Perhaps igniting a newfound fire within Lynch. Inspired by the legendary singer's charisma and strength and driven by the determination to honor Lauper's impact on wrestling. Maybe the doctor has bitten off more than she can chew.
8. Seth Rollins vs. Brian Pillman
Unsanctioned Match
Seth Rollins, the inaugural winner of last year’s Keystone Cup, was set to embark on winning it for a second time. He had been down a villainous path last year, but as fans began to react to him positively, singing his song each night, recent introspection had led him to yearn for a chance at different path this year, with the evolution of his over-the-top exuberant character on full display.
Rollins had initially been billed to be facing a mystery opponent to begin the tournament - with had been revealed to be the PCW debut of ‘the Loose Cannon’ Brian Pillman. The following week, before upon the open of the tournament, Pillman jumps Rollins, a brawl breaks out between the two, rendering neither to be able to compete. The match is called off as a result as a double DQ, and it’s insinuated that this was Pullman’s plan. Rollins is irate, naturally, and questions why Pillman has come in specifically to derail him from his goals.
Pillman is unimpressed by this turn by Rollins, and also unconvinced. He feels it makes him predictable. As we know Pillman thrives on his own unpredictability, he lives to be wild, and understands people like him because he’s not trying to cater to anyone. He demands a match with Rollins to be unsanctioned, which usually is at the discretion of the company, but Pillman needs the freedom to not have PCW be held responsible. He’s going to prove that it’s in Seth’s true nature to be destructive, sadistic, and ruthless. Rollins thinks that’s bullshit reasoning, but accepts the conditions. Just because he’s evolved, he’s still the architect, he still poked someone’s eye out, he still hit someone in the head with a sledgehammer, and he still tore someone’s shoulder nearly clean off his body. It’s still a part of him, but is it too much a part of him? The chairman has obliged the request and agreement to make this match unsanctioned, but request that, please, be judicious with the weapons they use.
9. Mercedes Moné (c) vs. Hana Kimura
PCW Women's World Championship Match
Perhaps it’s become a bit too predictable over the years for the once-Sasha Banks, whether it’s her long rise as one of the top stars of PCW, or the adoration the chairman has for her. And chairman G. Kim Johnsson keeps finding opponents that she keeps beating. As a result of that, and, uh, other reasons, the current women’s champion saw it fit to make some new changes, which includes a new name and reinvigorating mentality that the now-Mercedes Moné has displayed in recent months.
Now, we know that the many of the previous opponents brought in are no shortage of women that Mercedes has, or should have admired in various types of matches, so perhaps it’s time to turn the tables around and bring someone in who viewed her in the same way, whose goal it was to come to this continent so they could share the ring. This being the introduction of Hana Kimura.
So, we have the tables turning. Two women who to varying degrees play the same character. The unmistakeable and unabashed confidence of both on full display. The similarities rather striking, to the point they once used the same gear (editors note - because Kimura’s friends and contemporaries in Japan approved of that is why I felt comfortable doing this, it was a long debate in my head before the draft). Because the similarities and comparisons that exist, the admiration is forced to be mutual.
At the press conference, it’s seems to play out that Mercedes sees this as something as a mirror match. She can’t call her names, she can’t jump her and do her finish, she can’t sing weird songs about how her opponent sucks because it will hit herself too deep, (and also Kimura can sing better). Kimura sensing the opportunity to have Mercedes off her game, instead smacks her and holds up the title. Her infectious charisma on display as she makes it known that she may admire and look up to her, but it doesn’t mean she isn’t better than her. This surprises Mercedes as she questions whether the actual respect is mutual. As she is shaken, perhaps she doesn’t know how to take on someone she she’s too much like herself. Maybe she needs to continue evolving within herself to stay on top.
10. Kenny Omega (c) vs. "the Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels
PCW Men's World Championship Hell in a Cell Match
The main event is an epic clash between two wrestling icons who are defining to their eras. Shawn Michaels has been observing Kenny Omega's rise to greatness ostensibly creating legacies to multiple promotions in themselves to exist and feels compelled to test the mettle of the self-proclaimed "Best Bout Machine" and claims near and far insinuating that Kenny Omega is the actual greatest of all time.
In the backdrop of this, is Don Callis, having been Omega’s manager and recently turning, is believed to be the catalyst in creating the match as he seeks to bring down a creation he sees have being out of his control. This added measure, Callis will remain on commentary for the match adding the extra pressure Omega puts on himself to overcome such shock and betrayal of a trusted mentor. Callis is not so much specificity aligned with Michaels, but tasked himself with creating the scenario.
Michaels, seeing the turmoil within Omega, offers a proposition that will give Omega a chance to prove himself. The Heartbreak Kid challenges Omega to a Hell in a Cell match, a specialty bout that Michaels himself gets credited with creating and establishing. He believes that inside the unforgiving structure, Omega will have to adapt and show his dominance in any wrestling style, thus solidifying his legacy as the best in the world on the basis of Omega’s stated personal criteria.
Perhaps at the end of this, we will see Shawn Michaels reclaim his spot as (perhaps) the greatest wrestler of all-time, and his era will be the best, or Omega will not only rise to yet another challenge but overcome the emotions that come with the unscrupulous duplicity of a trusted familial-like ally. While Shawn Michaels, who will always retain his standing of greatness, will be fulfilled in his challenge to Omega or be satisfied that it is he who takes on the mantle for future generations.
Once again from Philadelphia, PA. Tony Schiavone is on the call, along with, for the first time ever, the chairman of PCW, G. Kim Johnson! A reliable and credible voice to the proceedings, who did not draft anyone else to the role this year.
1. Drew Gulak vs. Sammy Guevara
Pre-Show Singles Match
Truth be told, the chairman forgot to draft a General Manager this year and got too caught up to remember to properly book these two. Gulak, a native of Philadelphia, has demanded and open challenge which has been answered by Sammy Guevara on the Wrestlevania Pre-Show.
2. The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford)(c) vs. the New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn)
PCW Men's Tag Team Title Match
After all the fireworks and pyrotechnics go off, the crowd will surely be please with the show-proper opening with a tag team title match featuring some of the better talkers of their prime years. The Street Profits are the champions, the New Age Outlaws the first-time challengers. Both sides have talked to the high heavens in attempts to curry favor with the audience, but the best team will be determined inside the squared circle.
3. Lay-Cool (Layla & Michelle McCool)(c) vs. Bison Kimura & Aja Kong vs. Tay Melo & Anna Jay vs. Saki Kashina & Mayu Iwatani
PCW Women's Tag Team Title 4-Way Match
A fatal eras-spanning fatal 4-way match showcasing popular (or not). Aja Kong & Bison Kimura are a legendary team spanning decades of yesteryear, while Anna Jay & Tay Melo are current best friends, among the best teams of today. Sami Kashina & Mayu Iwatani, the latter no stranger to PCW, took the scene by storm over the previous decade. And LayCool, we’re the most visible, and outspoken, also known to commentate their own matches.
4. Dominik Mysterio vs. Minoru Suzuki
Hair vs. Hair Match
As we are all painfully aware by now, Dominik Mysterio, having abandoned his teachings as a by his family by embracing his dark side, has since gone to jail and done real hard time in the clink. We know this because he keeps saying it. There are things you don’t see that you don’t know what you do to a man. He has made his way to PCW to impart his lessons and wisdom on us.
During an appearance on PCW “Thursday Night Jawn,” his fabrications and machinations have caught the attention of a man who takes no shit and knows how to make people suffer. Kaze Ni Nare plays in the arena, as Minoru Suzuki enters the scene to make a challenge to show such an insufferable brat what real pain and suffering will feel like. If Dominik is so inclined to show his lack of self-awareness with a ridiculous hair cut, Suzuki leaves an electric razor in the ring to symbolize the stipulation
5. Finn Bálor vs. Eddie Kingston
2nd Annual Keystone Cup Tournament Final
In the shadowed realm of professional wrestling, a clash of tormented souls was set to unfold. Finn Bálor, known for his transformative alter ego, the Demon, will face off against Eddie Kingston, a warrior battling his own inner demons. This unique encounter would delve deep into the psyche of both competitors, exploring the power of their respective demons and their paths to redemption. To further the backdrop, it is also the finals of the Keystone Cup. Both wrestlers are also plagued by past high-stakes failures, with Bálor having been injured in another promotion upon winning a world title, while Kingston has never claimed one at all. The winner will have the opportunity to rectify that.
Finn Bálor, a master of darkness, had long embraced his supernatural persona. The Demon, an embodiment of his inner turmoil and ferocity, had brought him both victories and acclaim. On the other hand, Eddie Kingston, a wrestler whose life had been marred by personal struggles and adversity, had recently found solace within the wrestling ring. His real-life inner demons provided the backdrop for an intense and emotional showdown. He’s not going to be phased by the Bálor Demon persona - the paint that takes all day to put on, the smoke machines, the fake aggressive tough guy shtick. None of it is real because Bálor has to go to that place while Kingston has to live it and breathe it. Every day he carries the weight of his personal struggles. “This ain’t a Halloween party, partnah, this is real life shit.”
6. Powerhouse Hobbs (w. MVP) vs. Antonio Inoki vs. Diamond Dallas Page (c)
PCW Men's Commonwealth Championship Triple Threat Match
MVP has been looking traveling amongst promotions and terriories in hopes of expanding the brand of the Hurt Business. Having had, in general, subpar representation in his career, has found a willing client in Powerhouse Hobbs as he looks to increase his profile, or more aptly, victims. Scouring the world, MVP has found the perfect opponent familiar to PCW in Antonio Inoki, who appears in his third Wrestlevania.
Diamond Dallas Page, is surprised to be overlooked as he is the current holder of the PCW Men’s Commonwealth Championship, and thus has used this stature to insert himself into the match and put extra stakes on the line. The chairman may or may not have also forgotten to book him, so he obliges.
7. Becky Lynch (w/ Cyndi Lauper) (c) vs. Dr. Britt Baker, D.M.D.
PCW Women's Commonwealth Championship Match
Becky Lynch had recently landed a role on a popular television show depicting Cyndi Lauper's involvement in pro wrestling. In this dramatized retelling, Lynch portrayed the charismatic Lauper, capturing her spirit and paving the way for an unforeseen alliance.
Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D., a skilled practitioner in the ring and an emerging star, became determined to prove her superiority over Lynch. Lynch is also the holder of the Women’s Commonwealth Belt, giving further ambition for Baker to achieve. In an interview with her good friend, Tony Schiavone, Baker undermines Lynch's role as Lauper, dismissing it as mere acting and refusing to acknowledge its significance. She feels Lynch proper respect to the company for being a champion that’s is busy with other projects which does not allow the other women in the company enough opportunities (especially given that none of the women have been able to beat the top women’s champion). Baker is a dentist after all, working a real job, with real people and patients while juggling a pro wrestling career. Baker is not galavanting back and forth to Hollywood, she is here every week having matches with everyone, and feels she is the real leader of the women’s division. Also, she wants to know why Wrestlevania is never in Pittsburgh.
As their rivalry intensified, Lynch found herself inspired by Lauper's real-life contributions to professional wrestling. She recognized the parallel between her own journey and the struggles Lauper faced during her involvement in the industry. Determined to honor Lauper's legacy, Lynch sought out the iconic singer and persuaded her to return to PCW (where she had met Lauper backstage years ago) to lend her support in the upcoming battle against Baker.
The stage was set for a clash that would transcend mere athleticism. In one corner stood Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D., fueled by her competitive drive and relentless ambition. Aiming to expose Lynch's association with Lauper as nothing more than a flimsy facade. In the other corner, Becky Lynch, carrying the weight of Cyndi Lauper's legacy and the belief that she was destined to make a lasting impact in both wrestling and entertainment. Perhaps igniting a newfound fire within Lynch. Inspired by the legendary singer's charisma and strength and driven by the determination to honor Lauper's impact on wrestling. Maybe the doctor has bitten off more than she can chew.
8. Seth Rollins vs. Brian Pillman
Unsanctioned Match
Seth Rollins, the inaugural winner of last year’s Keystone Cup, was set to embark on winning it for a second time. He had been down a villainous path last year, but as fans began to react to him positively, singing his song each night, recent introspection had led him to yearn for a chance at different path this year, with the evolution of his over-the-top exuberant character on full display.
Rollins had initially been billed to be facing a mystery opponent to begin the tournament - with had been revealed to be the PCW debut of ‘the Loose Cannon’ Brian Pillman. The following week, before upon the open of the tournament, Pillman jumps Rollins, a brawl breaks out between the two, rendering neither to be able to compete. The match is called off as a result as a double DQ, and it’s insinuated that this was Pullman’s plan. Rollins is irate, naturally, and questions why Pillman has come in specifically to derail him from his goals.
Pillman is unimpressed by this turn by Rollins, and also unconvinced. He feels it makes him predictable. As we know Pillman thrives on his own unpredictability, he lives to be wild, and understands people like him because he’s not trying to cater to anyone. He demands a match with Rollins to be unsanctioned, which usually is at the discretion of the company, but Pillman needs the freedom to not have PCW be held responsible. He’s going to prove that it’s in Seth’s true nature to be destructive, sadistic, and ruthless. Rollins thinks that’s bullshit reasoning, but accepts the conditions. Just because he’s evolved, he’s still the architect, he still poked someone’s eye out, he still hit someone in the head with a sledgehammer, and he still tore someone’s shoulder nearly clean off his body. It’s still a part of him, but is it too much a part of him? The chairman has obliged the request and agreement to make this match unsanctioned, but request that, please, be judicious with the weapons they use.
9. Mercedes Moné (c) vs. Hana Kimura
PCW Women's World Championship Match
Perhaps it’s become a bit too predictable over the years for the once-Sasha Banks, whether it’s her long rise as one of the top stars of PCW, or the adoration the chairman has for her. And chairman G. Kim Johnsson keeps finding opponents that she keeps beating. As a result of that, and, uh, other reasons, the current women’s champion saw it fit to make some new changes, which includes a new name and reinvigorating mentality that the now-Mercedes Moné has displayed in recent months.
Now, we know that the many of the previous opponents brought in are no shortage of women that Mercedes has, or should have admired in various types of matches, so perhaps it’s time to turn the tables around and bring someone in who viewed her in the same way, whose goal it was to come to this continent so they could share the ring. This being the introduction of Hana Kimura.
So, we have the tables turning. Two women who to varying degrees play the same character. The unmistakeable and unabashed confidence of both on full display. The similarities rather striking, to the point they once used the same gear (editors note - because Kimura’s friends and contemporaries in Japan approved of that is why I felt comfortable doing this, it was a long debate in my head before the draft). Because the similarities and comparisons that exist, the admiration is forced to be mutual.
At the press conference, it’s seems to play out that Mercedes sees this as something as a mirror match. She can’t call her names, she can’t jump her and do her finish, she can’t sing weird songs about how her opponent sucks because it will hit herself too deep, (and also Kimura can sing better). Kimura sensing the opportunity to have Mercedes off her game, instead smacks her and holds up the title. Her infectious charisma on display as she makes it known that she may admire and look up to her, but it doesn’t mean she isn’t better than her. This surprises Mercedes as she questions whether the actual respect is mutual. As she is shaken, perhaps she doesn’t know how to take on someone she she’s too much like herself. Maybe she needs to continue evolving within herself to stay on top.
10. Kenny Omega (c) vs. "the Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels
PCW Men's World Championship Hell in a Cell Match
The main event is an epic clash between two wrestling icons who are defining to their eras. Shawn Michaels has been observing Kenny Omega's rise to greatness ostensibly creating legacies to multiple promotions in themselves to exist and feels compelled to test the mettle of the self-proclaimed "Best Bout Machine" and claims near and far insinuating that Kenny Omega is the actual greatest of all time.
In the backdrop of this, is Don Callis, having been Omega’s manager and recently turning, is believed to be the catalyst in creating the match as he seeks to bring down a creation he sees have being out of his control. This added measure, Callis will remain on commentary for the match adding the extra pressure Omega puts on himself to overcome such shock and betrayal of a trusted mentor. Callis is not so much specificity aligned with Michaels, but tasked himself with creating the scenario.
Michaels, seeing the turmoil within Omega, offers a proposition that will give Omega a chance to prove himself. The Heartbreak Kid challenges Omega to a Hell in a Cell match, a specialty bout that Michaels himself gets credited with creating and establishing. He believes that inside the unforgiving structure, Omega will have to adapt and show his dominance in any wrestling style, thus solidifying his legacy as the best in the world on the basis of Omega’s stated personal criteria.
Perhaps at the end of this, we will see Shawn Michaels reclaim his spot as (perhaps) the greatest wrestler of all-time, and his era will be the best, or Omega will not only rise to yet another challenge but overcome the emotions that come with the unscrupulous duplicity of a trusted familial-like ally. While Shawn Michaels, who will always retain his standing of greatness, will be fulfilled in his challenge to Omega or be satisfied that it is he who takes on the mantle for future generations.
-VS-
BruinDust:
AND NOW, HEENAN & HEYMAN PROMOTIONS, T2: THE ARCADE GAME AND xXx (TRIPLE X) PRESENTS…. THE GREATEST
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT EXTRAVAGANZA OF ALL-TIME….THE GHOSTS OF HULKAMANIA! (a Wrestling Carol)
GHOST OF HULKAMANIA’s FUTURE
Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship
GHOST OF HULKAMANIA’s PRESENT
Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash
GHOST OF HULKAMANIA’s PAST
Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant
EXHIBITION MATCHES
Andre the Giant vs. Brock Lesnar
Kevin Nash vs. X-Pac
GRUDGE MATCHES
Jesse “The Body” Ventura vs. Mr. McMahon – Taped Fist Match w/Special Ref Arnold Schwarzenegger
Mike Tyson w/Run DMC vs. Don Frye w/Lennox Lewis – Boxing Match w/Special Ref - Dan Severn
Trish Stratus vs. Melina vs. Natalya – Icon vs. Icon vs. Icon - Triple Threat Elimination Match
Money Inc. vs. Beer Money Inc. – Judgement on a Pole Match w/ Special Ref - Mills Lane
Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie vs. Sgt. Slaughter – Canadian Strap Match
Harley Race vs. “Dr. D” David Schultz – Hell in a Cell
Booker T vs. Batista – I Quit Match
PLUS
Lifetime Achievement Award Presentation – Jack Tunney presenting to “Whipper” Billy Watson
The Brother Love Show with featured guest L A Knight.
The Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal
Arnold Schwarzenegger as host
Limp Bizkit in Concert
And Other Suprises
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT EXTRAVAGANZA OF ALL-TIME….THE GHOSTS OF HULKAMANIA! (a Wrestling Carol)
GHOST OF HULKAMANIA’s FUTURE
Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Brock Lesnar for the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship
GHOST OF HULKAMANIA’s PRESENT
Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash
GHOST OF HULKAMANIA’s PAST
Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant
EXHIBITION MATCHES
Andre the Giant vs. Brock Lesnar
Kevin Nash vs. X-Pac
GRUDGE MATCHES
Jesse “The Body” Ventura vs. Mr. McMahon – Taped Fist Match w/Special Ref Arnold Schwarzenegger
Mike Tyson w/Run DMC vs. Don Frye w/Lennox Lewis – Boxing Match w/Special Ref - Dan Severn
Trish Stratus vs. Melina vs. Natalya – Icon vs. Icon vs. Icon - Triple Threat Elimination Match
Money Inc. vs. Beer Money Inc. – Judgement on a Pole Match w/ Special Ref - Mills Lane
Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie vs. Sgt. Slaughter – Canadian Strap Match
Harley Race vs. “Dr. D” David Schultz – Hell in a Cell
Booker T vs. Batista – I Quit Match
PLUS
Lifetime Achievement Award Presentation – Jack Tunney presenting to “Whipper” Billy Watson
The Brother Love Show with featured guest L A Knight.
The Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal
Arnold Schwarzenegger as host
Limp Bizkit in Concert
And Other Suprises
Location: The Skydome, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Scene Set: A large stage and entranceway is set-up underneath the big screen out in center field with a descending ramp leading down to the ring. The set uses a dystopic metallic futuristic theme similar to that found in T2: THE ARCADE GAME. The ring and ringside area is primarily black with a light blue canvas displaying the logos of both sponsors, and light gray ring ropes. Pyro goes off to kick start the event. Flashbulbs are going off everywhere. Our announcers are down at ringside.
THEME SONG: YOU COULD BE MINE by GUNS N’ ROSES
MONSOON – Hello everyone and welcome to the greatest sports entertainment extravaganza of all-time, The Ghosts of Hulkamania. I am here with the propriators of this fine event, my old colleague, Bobby “The Brain”Heenan and his business partner, Mr. Paul Heyman. We are here in Toronto, Ontario, Canada at the world famous Skydome for what should be a stupendous night of entertainment. I must say Brain, you two have put together quite the card here. Tremendous match-ups from start to finish.
HEENAN – Only men with the smarts, the savvy, and the financial wherewithal like myself and my good friend here Mr. Heyman, could bring all the pieces together for a show of this magnitude.
HEYMAN – Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman. And tonight I….we bring you an event so stupendous, so spectacular, so EXTREME, that you will never, ever forget where you were on this night.
MONSOON – Mr. Heyman you had quite the eventful press conference when you and Brain here announced this show. Lets go to the highlights!
VIDEO PACKAGE - On Smackdown, Hollywood Hulk Hogan faced the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. At the end of the match, Lesnar kicked out of the legdrop twice. Lesnar F-5’d Hogan then placed him in a bearhug and squeezed the life out of Hollywood and the ref rang the bell as Hogan couldn’t continue, awarding the match to Lesnar. Lesnar refused to break the bearhug even after the match was over until Paul Heyman convinced his client to let go. Lesnar then smeared some of Hogan’s blood on his chest following the match as he looked down at the broken Hulkster crumpled up on the mat in pain. In the weeks following, Hogan was nowhere to be seen. Lesnar began to claim publically that he finally ended Hulkamania after many years and many attempts by lesser competitors. “Conquored Hulkamania” was the term Lesnar and his advocate used.
Hogan eventually return to competition. An irate Lesnar and Heyman decided to devise a plan to conquor Hulkamania once and for all. Heyman contacted Hogan’s ancient advisary, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, where they agreed to pool their resources to finally end Hulkamania. Heenan put in his own funds earned from years as the world’s greatest manager in professional wrestling and as a broadcast journalist with the WWF and WCW.
Heyman then sold ECW to The Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase, to raise funds. For years, Dibiase tried to buy himself a championship, to no avail. So instead he purchased an entire promotion, and immediately stripped the ECW Championship and awarded it to HIMSELF!
Heenan and Heyman devised both a challenge and an event like no other. Thus, The Ghosts of Hulkamania was born.
We go to the press conference:
Seated on one side of the podium from left to right are X-Pac, Kevin Nash, Andre the Giant, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. On the other side to the right sits Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Paul Heyman takes the microphone.
Heyman: Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman. Myself and my business partner, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, would like to announce the greatest sports entertainment extravaganza of all-time, The Ghosts of Hulkamania. Brought to you by Heenan & Heyman Promotions, T2: The Arcade Game, and the new motion picture, xXx. Myself and Mr. Heenan have joined forces, a Dangerous Alliance to End Hulkamania if you will. Hollywood Hulk Hogan will face three opponents. The Ghost of Hulkamania’s Past , Andre the Giant. The Ghost of Hulkamania’s Present, Kevin Nash. And the Ghost of Hulkamania’s Future, the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar for the WWF Undisputed Championship. This part is not a prediction, but a spoiler. You will finally see the end of Hulkamania at the Skydome in Toronto, Ontario, Canada in front of 60,000 plus screaming Hulkamaniacs. I am pleased to say that after much negotiation, all parties had finally agreed to the conditions necessary to put off this event.
⦁ Hogan would three opponents in the same night. 1st he would face Andre the Giant. 2nd he would face Kevin Nash. 3rd and in the main event, he would face Brock Lesnar.
⦁ Hogan’s match with Brock Lesnar would be for the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship.
⦁ All three of Andre, Nash, and Brock would compete in matches earlier in the night in order to even the odds for Hogan having three matches.
⦁ Brock would have to face Andre one-on-one in the first match of the night.
⦁ Nash would compete in the second match of the night. He will compete in a one-on-one match with an opponent of his choosing. He chose current D-Generation X member, X-Pac.
Kevin Nash steps up to the podium and begins laying all the blame on Hogan for the collapse of the original New World Order (nWo) in the aftermath of their first and only megashow, nWo HOSS-a-Mania at the Geogia Dome. The original nWo is now dead and gone, having completely imploded thanks to their epic failure against Vince McMahon, DX and the rest of the World Wrestling Federation Superstars at that same event. Nash also blamed Hogan for the subsequent selling of the nWo trademarks, like the name and logo, to Dennis Rodman for pennies on the dollar.
(Rodman then went on to form his own version of the New World Order from the remnants of the original group without any involvement from Hogan or Nash. Rodman formed the nWo Black and Aquamarine. A lean and mean aquamarine express! Although this version seemed more concerned with selling t-shirts and merchandise than it did trying to dominate the world of professional wrestling. They attempted to invade the Don King promoted pay-per-view, Last Call, the final show at the famous Sportatorium in Dallas. This attempt didn’t go exactly as planned as they were defeated in a 4 on 4 Team Elimination match. Later that same evening, Rodman and his nWo cut a deal with Lenny Montana, who at that time was representing then NWA World Champion Harley Race, but this also back-fired on the group. After the show Race was in a fouled mood, having lost the the NWA World Heavyweight Championship that night thanks to outside interference from “Dr. D” David Schultz, Race then fired Montana before leaving the Sportatorium.
But all of this failure gave Rodman pause for thought and he decided dominating the world of professional wrestling merchandise might be more lucrative than actually dominating inside the squared circle. He realized he could make nWo T-shirts in any color he wanted and that’s where the real money was).
Heenan stepped up to the podium and revealed to the presser audience that Arnold Schwarzenegger, current Governor of California, has agreed to participate as host of the event and special referee between Mr. McMahon and Minnesota Governor, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, in their Taped Fist Match on the undercard. Heenan also announces “The Mad Dog” Harley Race versus “Dr. D” David Schultz in a Hell in a Cell match.
After some more hyping by Heyman and Heenan followed by some hyping by Hogan, the press conference ended but not before Brock Lesnar attempts to get in Hogan’s face. This kicks off a melee between the two that takes several minutes to break-up.
MONSOON - We now go to the ring, and our ring announcer for tonight, Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Welcome everyone to The Ghosts of Hulkamania!
BROCK LESNAR’S THEME hits as the Next Big Thing walks down the ramp to the ring.
Andre the Giant walks out without theme music.
MATCH #1 – Andre the Giant vs. Brock Lesnar – Exhibition Match
Referee: Earl Hebner
MONSOON: Paul, do you think your client can get the 8th wonder of the world up on his shoulders for an F-5?
HEYMAN: While Broooocccckkk Leeeeessssnnnnaaarrr is capable of many incredible feats of strength, I don’t think he can get Andre up on his shoulders, so the F-5 will be a non-factor.
Brock Lesnar attempts to get Andre off his feet and into a submission hold but to no avail. Andre is absorbing most of his blows and controls the middle of the ring. Lesnar hasn’t encountered an opponent like this before in his career and he grows more agitated and frustrated.
THE FINISH – Suddenly, one of Brock’s many clothes-lines staggers Andre. The Giant stumbles backwards into the ropes and bounces off towards Lesnar. The added momentum helped Lesnar get Andre up on his shoulders to perform an incredible F-5.
HEENAN: What the hell is he doing? This was meant to be an exhibition!
HEYMAN: I don’t know, I didn’t think he could do that!
Lesnar locks in the Kimura lock and forces Andre the Giant to submit.
WINNER- Brock Lesnar
An agitated Brock Lesnar refuses to release the Kimura lock. Heyman rushes to the ring and convinces Brock to release the hold. Andre voices his displeasure at Heyman and Lesnar then he returns to the backstage area. Eventually Brock Lesnar also returns to the backstage area. Heyman returns to the broadcast table.
MONSOON – Your client is a bit overly aggressive there at the end Paul.
HEYMAN – He could of easily broken Andre’s arm if he wanted. Thankfully Brooooccckkk Leeessssnnnnaaarr is a merciful undisputed champion.
HEENAN – Andre would have had a hard time beating Hogan with one arm.
MONSOON – He has a point there Mr. Heyman. Alright folks, we are already set for our next match-up!
Are you ready! D-GENERATION X’s THEME kicks in and X-Pac makes his way down.
A wolf’s howl echoes throughout the Skydome and Kevin Nash walks out to the nWo WOLFPAC THEME.
MATCH #2 – X-Pac vs. “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash – Exhibition Match
Referee – Dave Hebner
At the start of the match, Nash goes to shake X-Pac’s hand but the DX member declines and gives Nash a DX crotch-chop.
After a short period of offense from Nash, X-Pac begins to take over and goes all out, breaking out all the stops to defeat his former friend Nash.
HEENAN: Why is he (X-Pac) going full-tilt? He’s aware this is an exhibition match, right?
HEYMAN: Maybe Nash thought choosing X-Pac would make for an easy victory given the size difference. Nobody told Syxx apparently…..I mean X-Pac.
THE FINISH: X-Pac brought his A-game against a strongly favored Nash and made it a very competitive match-up. X-Pac pins Nash with a roll-up for the 1-2-3. Nash is furious following the pinfall.
WINNER – X-Pac
MONSOON – Folks, you are in for a treat. Next up we have the Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal featuring some of the most famous superstars of all-time. Quite an eclectic group of competitors you have assembled here Brain.
HEENAN – Myself and Mr. Heyman scoured the entire globe to bring you humanoids the best-of-the-best, the cream of the crop. We spared no expense.
MONSOON – I can believe it. And now we got to the ring, and Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Ladies and Gentlemen. This is the Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal! Brought to you by T2: THE ARCADE GAME. First, please welcome the host of our event, The Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
BAD TO THE BONE by GEORGE THOROGOOD & THE DESTROYERS, plays as Schwarzenegger comes out onto the entrance stage and speaks to the audience.
He cracks a few jokes about Bobby Heenan being a weasel and gets in a few T2 catchphrases like “Asta la Vista baby” and “I’ll be back”.
HEENAN – Who does this guy think he is?
MONSOON – He’s the Governor of California Brain. He can say pretty much whatever he wants.
SCHWARZENEGGER – Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the participants!
The THEME MUSIC from T2: THE ARCADE GAME plays; one by one each competitor walks down the ramp towards the ring to a nice ovation.
Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake
King Kong Bundy
“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff
“The Widowmaker” Barry Windham
S.D. Jones
The Brooklyn Brawler
“The Magnificent” Don Muraco
Hercules Hernandez
Tugboat
Mr. T
“The Natural” Butch Reed
“Hacksaw“ Jim Duggan
The Red Rooster
The Barbarian
The Goon
George “The Animal” Steele
Jim Brunzell
B. Brian Blair
Tatanka
Dino Bravo
MATCH #3 – The Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal
Outside Referee(s) – Earl Hebner and Dave Hebner
The action is fast and furious as all twenty competitors’ brawl. S.D Jones is the first man eliminated, following quickly afterwards by The Red Rooster and The Goon. Don Muraco almost has The Barbarian over the top rope when George Steele sneaks up from behind and tosses out both men. As he turns around, Dino Bravo clotheslines The Animal over the top rope. Jim Brunzell and B. Brian Blair are the only tag team in this match and use it to their advantage to eliminate Barry Windham and Brutus Beefcake. They try their luck with King Kong Bundy but Bundy’s size and girth prove to be too much for the Killer B’s as he eliminates both at the same time. After witnessing Bundy’s feat of strength, the remaining competitors all team up to eliminate Bundy. After eliminating Bundy, the Brooklyn Brawler starts to try and high-5 the other competitors and they turn on him and eliminate him.
It's now down to eight competitors; Orndorff, Hercules, Tugboat, Mr. T, Butch Reed, Duggan, Tantanka and Dino Bravo.
Hercules and Bravo go after Tugboat and both strongmen combine to toss the massive Tugboat over the top. Bravo then turns on Hercules and eliminates him. Meanwhile, Mr. T tosses Butch Reed over. Duggan hits a 3-point stance on Tatanka then tosses him out.
THE FINISH - Were down to the final four. Orndorff, Mr. T, Duggan, and Bravo. The four competitors circle around the ring until Hacksaw Jim lets out a trademark “HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” which prompts the other three to attack Duggan and he’s eliminated. Orndorff and Mr. T then renew hostilities from yesteryear and Mr. T almost has Orndorff out, but Dino Bravo takes advantage to eliminate both and win the Maple Leaf Wrestling Battle Royal!
WINNER – Dino Bravo
MONSOON – Brain, next we have vicious feud between two of the biggest superstars of all-time, I’m talking about Booker T and Batista. Batista looks as good in the ring as he’s ever looked, do you think Booker has a chance in this I Quit match-up after briefly retiring?
HEENAN – You look at what Batista did to Booker’s students down at his Reality of Wrestling promotion, and you can see that Booker has all the motivation in the world to want to exact revenge on Dave Batista. That motivation might prove to be a big advantage for Booker T. Just roll the footage you humanoids.
VIDEO PACKAGE – Booker T had recently retired from professional wrestling and while being interviewed, discussed when he beat up Batista backstage over what he felt was Batista’s rumored transgressions regarding Melina and overall lack of respect. Batista had recently been spending time in Hollywood and was incensed that his brand was hurt by Booker T’s admission of their confrontation. A few movie roles he had secured were promptly rescinded following Booker’s comments. Batista challenged Booker T to a match however, Booker’s response was “nah dawg, I’m retired. I already beat your ass once I got nuttin’ to prove”.
Batista was unwilling to take no for an answer. Late one night, he went to the training facility for Booker T’s Reality of Wrestling promotion. When Batista exited his black SUV, he was greeted by Jay Alexander in the parking lot as he was leaving the facility. Batista immediately attacked him and used a parked car as a weapon to inflict damage. He then entered the facility where he ran into Edge Stone, who was also jumped by Batista. While Batista was laying a beating on Stone, Raychell Rose jumped Batista from behind and grabbed onto his neck. Batista paused from hammering Stone to hip toss Rose over his shoulder. He then continued further into the facility and encountered ROW Heavyweight champ, The Mysterious Q, and attacked him viciously until “Q” could no longer defend himself. Batista then began to scream out to Booker T (who was not present) to face him at Ghosts of Hulkamania in an I Quit match or else, he was going to keep hurting people Booker cared about. When Booker was made aware of Batista’s actions, he begrudgingly accepted the match.
MONSOON – (Shakes his head) …..And now we go back-stage to hear from Booker T now with Mean Gene.
OKERLUND – Booker T, I’ve known you for many years, how are you feeling after watching that disturbing footage again?
BOOKER T – Mean Gene, we go back a long way. I won’t lie, that’s hard to watch again. Batista is a coward. He was a coward back in the day when I beat his ass backstage, and he’s still a coward today. That’s a bunch of students’ dawg, they never had a chance against an animal like Dave Batista. But we ain’t pressing no charges. I ain’t no rat. I’m from the street’s dawg. I’m the 5-time, 5-time, 5-time 5-time WCW Champion and I’m just gonna take it outta your D-list carcass tonight in an I QUIT MATCH! Now can you dig that! Suuuuuuucccccckkkkkkaaaaa!!!!!
OKERLUND – Bobby, Gorilla, and Mr. Heyman. Back to you!
The familiar opening riff of “I WALK ALONE” by SALIVA hits and out walks Batista to do his signature poses.
“CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA!” comes over the PA system and out comes BOOKER T to his THEME while flames shoot up from the entrance stage.
MATCH #4 – Booker T vs. Batista – I Quit Match
Referee: Earl Hebner
Booker T and Batista begin inside the ring and keep the action to the confines of the ring for quite some time, trading maneuvers back-and-forth. Booker T does find time for a Spinaroonie! Eventually the combat spilled out of the ring and up the ramp towards the entranceway.
THE FINISH – After a twenty-minute bout, Booker catches Batista in a Book End and slams him hard onto the steel of the entrance stage. Batista is in quite a bit of pain and rolls over onto his stomach. Booker grabs the microphone from the ref and shoves it down near Batista’s mouth while he is face down. Booker asks Batista is he wants to quit. Immediately a long and slightly familiar “IIIIIIIIIIIII QUUUUUUIIIIITTTTT! Is heard throughout the Skydome. Referee Earl Hebner signals for the bell declaring Booker T the winner.
WINNER – Booker T
When the announcement is made, Batista gets back to his feet in a state of shock. He begins arguing with Hebner that he never said, “I quit”, even shoving Hebner he is so upset at the outcome, profusely screaming he never quit. Batista claims that is not him live tonight but a recording of him from Monday Night Raw when he was in a wheelchair and decided to quit the business. Hebner isn’t buying it.
Booker T begins leaving the ring area and walking up the ramp. As he gets close to the entrance he is greeted by his wife, Queen Sharmell. They embrace and look back towards Batista, who is still pleading his case with Hebner, and give him a sly look before turning and exiting the stage.
MONSOON – We now go to a live musical performance by a special musical guest, the one and only, Limp Bizkit.
LIMP BIZKIT perform a hit single from their Chocolate Starfish album, MY GENERATION.
They then play arguably their biggest hit from their Significant Other album, NOOKIE, much to the delight of the crowd.
MONSOON – Our next match is the first match of the evening for Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Right now, the Hulkster is standing by, with Mean Gene Okerlund.
OKERLUND – Hollywood Hulk Hogan, here we are again, facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge as your advisories try to finally end Hulkamania once and for all. What do you have to say about that Hulkster?
HOGAN - Well you know something Mean Gene, any match now, could be Hulk Hogan's last match brother. Hulkamania has been running wild seemingly forever now. And never has Hulkmania faced a challenge, an ultimate challenge, like the one faced by Hulk Hogan and all the Hulkamaniacs tonight. I am going to wrestle three matches in one night. First, I got that stinky giant one more time in the 8th wonder of the world, Andre the Giant. Next, I'll face my former nWo brother "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash. 4 Life! And finally, I'll face a man who placed me in a bearhug on Smackdown months ago, and squeezed the life out of Hulk Hogan, conquering Hulkamania, or so he claims.
But the thing they forget...........is that I am the greatest of all-time. This business isn't what it is without Hollywood. All these Johnny-come-latelys, all these wannabes, they wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for Hollywood Hogan. And Hollywood is going to grace his opponents with his presence, in his wrestling boots, and beat all of them up real bad Hollywood style, right in the middle of the ring.................And whatcha gonna do Mean Gene. Whatcha gonna do? When Hollywood Hulk Hogan, Hulkamania and all the Hulkamaniacs, run wild on you! Whatcha gonna do dude?
OKERLUND – Ladies and Gentlemen. Hollywood Hulk Hogan sounds like a man on a mission. Back to you Gorilla
Andre the Giant comes out first, once again to no theme music.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan arrives with a thunderous ovation all decked out in red and yellow airbrushed pants and red and yellow airbrushed boots with a large red and yellow feather boa. Hogan is air guitaring his way down the entrance ramp to the sweet tune of JIMI HENDRIX’S VOODOO CHILD.
MATCH #5 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant – Ghost of Hulkamania’s Past
Referee – Dave Hebner
Hogan and Andre are renewing hostilities for what shall likely be the final time. Both men handing out heavy shots with most of the action occurring while on their feet within the confines of the ring.
THE FINISH – Hogan runs at Andre with a clothesline, but Andre blocks it and pushes Hogan backwards. Hogan comes charging again, but this time, Andre grabs Hogan and body-slams him to the canvas close to the center of the ring. Moving faster than he has in years, Andre races to the corner, steps through the ropes and out of nowhere, ascends to the top turnbuckle to perform a TSUNAMI on the prone Hogan. Andre goes for the pinfall and gets the 1-2-3 to defeat Hogan to the shock of the audience in Toronto.
WINNER – Andre the Giant
HEENAN – See, I knew Andre could do it. What great advice you had Paul to get Andre to try the TSUNAMI on Hogan. Perfect strategy.
HEYMAN – That’s why they pay me the big bucks Bobby, it’s my job to advise. People think I’m a very wise man.
MONSOON – Will you both stop?
We go backstage where Melina is walking down a hallway just prior to her match with Trish Stratus and Natalya. She crosses paths with Queen Sharmell and they both stop and stare for a couple seconds before bursting out laughing and smiling and suddenly they embrace.
MELINA – Thank you so much for being my “fixer” and helping put that pig Batista in his place.
SHARMELL – Anytime girl, F&*&^ that guy. Wait…..did you see that?
MELINA – See what?
SHARMELL – Over there! It was large and it was green. It moved so quickly I didn’t get a good look at it, it was like a green blur.
MELINA – I don’t see anything. I must go to my match. Thanks again for all your help!
Melina leaves while Sharmell has a perplexed look on her face.
We go back to ringside with Gorilla, Bobby Heenan, and Paul Heyman.
MONSOON – And once again, the host of our grand spectacle, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Schwarzenegger comes out again to BAD TO THE BONE by GEORGE THOROGOOD & THE DESTROYERS.
Arnold has a mic in one hand and hamburger in the other. He walks two-thirds of the way down the ramp then goes over to one side of the aisle where one of the stars of xXx, Samuel L. Jackson, is seated to help promote the motion picture.
ARNOLD – I heard a tumor you were hungry and that you love burgers?
JACKSON – Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. Do you have burgers for Samuel L. Jackson?
ARNOLD – We have some burgers on the way out for you right now.
JACKSON – What kind of hamburgers?
ARNOLD – Cheeseburgers
JACKSON – No, no, no…where did you get them? Harvey’s? A&W? Boston Pizza?
ARNOLD – Big Kahuna Burger
JACKSON – Big Kahuna Burger! That’s that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they got some tasty burgers. Ain’t never had one myself. How are they?
ARNOLD – Good
JACKSON – I see you have a burger there. You mind if I try one of yours?
Samuel L. Jackson takes a big bite out of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s burger.
JACKSON -This is a tasty burger. I can’t usually get them because my girlfriend is a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. I do love the taste of a good burger. Do you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?
ARNOLD – (Shaking his head) No!
JACKSON – Royale with cheese. Like Battle Royale. Do you know why they call it that?
ARNOLD – Because of the metric system.
JACKSON – Check out the big brain on Mr. Governor. You a smart MFer. The metric system. Just like up here in Canada. They should call it Royale with cheese up here too. How about we get some of those tasty Royale’s with cheese out here for old Samuel L.?
Schwarzenegger motions to the entrance way. As a surprise, Canadian celebrity, Pamala Anderson, emerges from the back with an entire platter of Big Kahuna cheeseburgers, which prompts a big reaction from the audience in attendance. She delivers them to Samuel L. Jackson who throws some of them out to the crowd seated behind him then takes a big bite of his own burger.
ARNOLD – I’m looking forward to your new film, xXx! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Samuel L. Jackson!
Schwarzenegger and Jackson shake hands.
ARNOLD – Back to you Gorilla!
MONSOON – Gentlemen our next match-up pits arguably the two greatest Canadian female competitors we have ever seen against one another. Trish Stratus and Natalya. For good measure, they’ll also have to deal with the skill of multi-time champion in Melina in a Triple Threat Elimination Match where count-outs and disqualifications matter. You two have dubbed this match-up “Icon vs. Icon vs. Icon”. Care to elaborate? You are a broadcast journalist after all! Heyman? Anything to say?
HEENAN – I have a better idea Gorilla, why don’t we just go to the footage of how this match came to be.
MONSOON – Good enough Brain, please roll the footage!
VIDEO PACKAGE – On Monday Night Raw, Trish Stratus cuts a promo in the ring to announce she has been given an invitation to Ghosts of Hulkamania in her hometown of Toronto and she wants to face a worthy opponent. She says there is only one other female performer that is on her level and that performer is Melina. She calls out Melina, who appears and walks to meet Trish in the ring. Trish asks her if she wants to decide, once and for all, who is the GOAT of women’s wrestlers. Melina accepts the challenge in Toronto.
A couple weeks later, Trish is performing her judge duties on Canada’s Got Talent. During a standout performance, Trish decides to use her “Golden Buzzer” which automatically puts that performer into the semi-finals. She leaves her seat to go up onstage and hug the performer, but as soon as she hits the stage, Natalya runs out from the backstage area and begins a vicious attack on Trish in front of the entire audience and those at home. Security intervened and got Natalya off a bloodied Trish. Natalya keeps screaming “I’m the GOAT, I’m the GOAT”! Eventually the police arrive, and Natalya is hauled off for a night in jail.
The next Monday Night Raw, Natalya comes to the ring to explain her actions. She is extremely insulted that either Trish or Melina think they are the GOATS because she holds all the women’s records. Most Pay-Per-View Appearances, Most Matches and Most Wins. Total Divas was WAY bigger than Canada’s Got Talent she says. She claims she is the one true icon in women’s wrestling, and a true Canadian heroine. She demands to be added to the match at Ghosts of Hulkamania. A bandaged and bruised Trish arrives and says if that is what Natalya wants, then fine. She can come to Toronto and make the match an elimination Triple Threat where Trish will be more than happy to show Natalya who the greatest Canadian female performer of all-time really is. Natalya should be careful what she wishes for, she might get some Stratus-faction!
MONSOON – And now to Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our surprise guest timekeeper for our next match-up. Please welcome Miss Elizabeth!
Using POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE as her entrance, the beautiful Miss Elizabeth walks down gracefully to the ringside area to very nice ovation from the Canadian crowd.
MONSOON – Look at her Brain. Just as elegant as ever.
HEENAN – She is something! Wow!
Melina comes out next to her WWF THEME.
Natalya comes out second. The crowd pops slightly hearing the opening squealing riff of her WWF THEME, but it’s quickly subdued when they realize it’s Natalya.
Trish Stratus arrives to her main WWF THEME to a huge ovation from her hometown crowd in the Skydome.
MATCH # 6 – Trish Status vs. Melina vs. Natalya – Icon vs. Icon vs. Icon - Triple Threat Elimination match w/ Special Timekeeper Miss Elizabeth
Referee: Earl Hebner
All three women circle the ring as the fans wait in anticipation. They eventually engage and a fast-paced bout commences that have all three women getting in a relatively equal amount of offense. Eventually, Trish Stratus gets knocked out of the ring by Melina but walks into a superkick from Natalya and locks her into a Sharpshooter. Trish Stratus gets back in the ring before a 10 count but not before Melina taps out to the Sharpshooter.
The arguably two greatest Canadian female wrestlers of all-time square off and the fans erupt. Trish and Natalya go hold-for-hold for about 10 minutes in a display of technical wrestling.
THE FINISH: Natalya eventually gets Trish in the Sharpshooter right in the middle of the ring, but Trish refuses to tap and makes it to the ropes. In frustration, she leaves the ring and tries to grab the ring bell, but Miss Elizabeth stops her and holds onto the bell. Earl Hebner comes outside and gets in-between Miss Elizabeth and Natalya. Natalya returns to the ring but as she does, she’s met by Trish on a running slide. Trish tosses Natalya back in, kicks her in the breadbasket and hits the Stratus-faction for the pinfall.
WINNER – Trish Stratus
Post-match, Trish takes some time to celebrate and take in the scene of the hometown crowd of the Skydome and celebrate with the fans as well. She eventually brings Miss Elizabeth into the ring and raises her hand to the delight of the crowd as POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE rings out again.
Suddenly we go backstage to the parking area where we see from a distance what looks like Andre the Giant getting into a black Hummer limousine.
HEENAN – Where’s he going? He rode here with me.
MONSOON – Look’s like your train is leaving the station Brain.
HEENAN – Heyman, do you know anything about this? Who ordered that limo?
HEYMAN – I have no idea sir. I wasn’t privy to any conversations about a limo.
MONSOON – I’ll call you a cab later Brain. On to our next match-up. An interesting bout that arose out of a lawsuit filed by my old colleague Jesse the Body that kick-started a rivalry with my old employer, Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon, and has evolved into a score to be settled in a Taped Fist Match. Here’s how it all came about.
VIDEO PACKAGE – Jesse “The Body” Ventura was essentially swindled by Vince McMahon when he mistakenly waived away his royalty rights for his voicework as color commentator. He proceeded to launch a lawsuit against McMahon and the WWF. Ventura won his lawsuit and was awarded a settlement. The case became a landmark case in restitution law. Later Jesse
Ventura went on to become Governor of Minnesota.
While Governor, Ventura agreed to be the special guest referee in the main event of nWo HOSS-a-Mania which ended up involving both Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Mr. McMahon. While neither McMahon nor Ventura did anything during the main event to rekindle their grudge against one another, they crossed paths briefly backstage after the event. Despite McMahon’s success at the PPV defeating the nWo with his WWF army, he wasn’t in a celebratory mood (is he ever?). When he ran into Ventura, old wounds were reopened regarding the lawsuit that McMahon lost. Vince rarely lost anything and losing that lawsuit never sat well with him. Vince is way too competitive and enjoys conflict. A kerfuffle broke out backstage and both men needed to be separated. The following week, Vince’s people contacted Ventura’s people and it was agreed between both parties to settle the score, once and for all, at Ghosts of Hulkamania where McMahon was already a guest of Heenan and Heyman. Ventura didn’t trust McMahon and insisted on choosing a special guest referee for their match. Ventura chose the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to be the special guest referee as he was already onboard as host and both men had worked together on both The Predator and The Running Man.
When we return from the video package, host and special guest referee Arnold Schwarzenegger is already in the ring wearing a black and white referee’s shirt with the arms cut off.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura struts to the ring to a song sung by Ventura himself, THE BODY RULES!
Mr. McMahon is dress in his typical match attire. Black jeans and a black cut-off sweat-shirt. He does his power walk all the way down the ramp to his familiar NO CHANCE IN HELL.
MATCH #7 – Jesse “The Body” Ventura vs. Mr. McMahon – Taped Fist Match
Referee: Arnold Schwarzenegger
McMahon and Ventura go toe-to-toe, blow-for-blow, in a taped fist match that suits both men’s skillsets. Jesse, being a trained wrestler, gets in some maneuvers on the ground and keeps McMahon contained during the mid-portion of the match. Several times an angered McMahon got in Schwarzenegger’s face, accusing him of bias, but Schwarzenegger called it right down the middle.
THE FINISH – The tape on Jesse’s right arm begins to unravel as the match progresses. McMahon takes advantage of this and pushes Ventura towards the rope and when he gets him there, begins to tie the unraveled tape around the top rope, securing Ventura. Ventura is almost defenseless as McMahon hauls off with three fierce roundhouse punches followed by an uppercut that bloodies Ventura, who doesn’t have time to bleed. Ventura is freed by Schwarzenegger and falls face first into the mat but is still conscious.
Suddenly, Vince’s illegitimate son, Hornswoggle, dressed like a green leprechaun, comes out from underneath the ring, and distracts the Governator, Schwarzenegger. This gives McMahon the opportunity to low-blow Ventura. Then Vince gives Jesse a stiff uppercut that knocks him out. Arnold makes the 10-count and awards the victory to a blooded and battered Mr. McMahon.
WINNER – Vince McMahon
Arnold lifts Mr. McMahon’s arm in the air in victory over his friend Ventura. Vince and Hornswoggle leave together up the ramp arm-in-arm with a look of satisfaction on both of their faces.
MONSOON – Well folks our next match-up is between former WWF Champion Sgt. Slaughter, and the man trying to defend his countries honor it seems. A legend of Stampede Wrestling. I’m talking about Archie Gouldie, better known as The Stomper. Brain, have you crossed paths with The Stomper?
HEENAN – I ran into The Stomper down in St. Louis territory many years ago. He is one tough son-of-a-gun. His hobby was filling up the St. Louis hospital emergency room.
MONSOON – What about you Mr. Heyman?
HEYMAN – Thankfully, I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting the one they call The Stomper. I don’t get out to Calgary much. Cow manure does nothing for my complexion sir.
MONSOON – Good to know. And this is how this match-up came to be.
VIDEO PACKAGE – Sgt. Slaughter appeared on Monday Night Raw in Calgary and started making claims that Canada was weak and relied on the United States for protection and took this protection for granted. He said if not for the US of A, Canada would have been conquered by Russia by now.
Well Archie the Stomper was in attendance that night and heard what Slaughter had said and took great offense to those comments. He issued a challenge for Slaughter to meet him on Canadian soil, at the Skydome in Toronto, in a Canadian Strap Match.
Slaughter gladly accepted the challenge despite not wanting to ever appear in Canada again. He relished the opportunity to put Archie Gouldie, and the entire nation, in their place.
MONSOON – And we go now to our colleague Billy Red Lyons standing by with Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie.
LYONS – Mr. Gouldie, tonight you are facing a former worlds champion in the diabolical Sgt. Slaughter in a Canadian Strap Match and the fans want to know what The Stomper is thinking heading into this match-up?
GOULDIE – What Sgt. Slaughter has been saying about my home country is inexcusable. Canada stands on its own two feet. Some of the toughest men on planet earth come from Canada. I searched high and low, across Alberta, for the toughest leather I could find for the strap that I will use to punish Sgt. Slaughter tonight. I’ve crippled more men and put more wrestlers in the hospital than anyone else. Sgt. Slaughters night will end with him in an ambulance on the way to a Canadian hospital. The good news Sarge is that we have universal health care up here, so you’ll be well cared for after I strap you a thousand times before this night is over.
LYONS – Thank you Stomper! And now back to ringside.
Sgt. Slaughter makes his way out first to a chorus of boos and his WWF THEME. He calls the audience “Canadian Maggots” multiple times on the way to the ring.
Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie appears to a roaring ovation, carrying a large Canadian flag as he makes his way to the ring to RAISE A LITTLE HELL by TROOPER! The crowd is clapping and stomping to the beat of the song.
MATCH #8 - Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie vs. Sgt. Slaughter - Canadian Strap Match
Referee: Dave Hebner
The Stomper and Slaughter waste no time trying to find ways to use the tough leather strap to their advantage. They both whipped, choked, throttled, and maimed each other throughout the contest. They would often wrap the strap around their knuckles for added effect for punches.
THE FINISH – Sgt. Slaughter finally got Archie in the Camel Clutch, but the crowd cheered on Gouldie and he found the willpower and strength to break the hold. The Stomper began to wrap the strap around Slaughters neck over and over until he had enough leverage to force Slaughters’ head downward. The Stomper then runs off the rope and hits his new finisher, THE CURB STOMPER. This allows Gouldie to hit all four turnbuckles and win the match.
WINNER – Archie “The Stomper” Gouldie
Post-match The Stomper grabs the Canadian flag and waves it around as the crowd cheers.
MONSOON – What a great ovation for a Canadian wrestling legend. Now we go back to the ring with Billy Red Lyons.
LYONS – Hello fans here in Toronto and all around the world watching at home. I am here to introduce two men who are very familiar here to wrestling fans in Toronto. First, I would like to introduce my good friend and WWF President, Mr. Jack Tunney.
Jack Tunney walks down the entranceway to a nice respectful ovation. When he gets to the ring the fans acknowledge him and his family’s contribution to professional wrestling in Toronto.
LYONS – Next, please give a warm welcome to a legend of the sport. And the man we are here to honor tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the man who owned Maple Leaf Gardens. Please welcome “Whipper” Billy Watson!
“Whipper” Billy Watson walks down the ramp to thunderous applause as many of the fans in attendance remember Watson in his prime. When he was wrestling in main events here in Canada and all over the world.
Whipper Watson takes the microphone and thanks the audience for all their support over the years. Jack Tunney then presents Watson with a Lifetime Achievement Award for his contributions to wrestling and society in general.
MONSOON – Folks we are about ready for Hollywood Hulk Hogan’s 2nd match of the night, this time against his old friend turned enemy, the 7’ foot Kevin Nash.
HEENAN – Hogan’s already lost once tonight that doesn’t bode well for his chances.
HEYMAN – True Mr. Heenan, but as you’ve found out many times, sometimes you can never count out Hogan.
HEENAN – Don’t remind me.
For the 2nd time tonight, a wolfs howl echoes throughout the Skydome and “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash walks out to the nWo WOLFPAC THEME. A red and black screen effect is added for his entrance.
The nWo ROCKHOUSE THEME hits and Hollywood Hulk Hogan arrives this time in the black and white colors (no logo though) of the now defunct original nWo. For added effect, the screen goes black and white for his entrance.
MATCH #9 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash- Ghost of Hulkamania’s Present
Referee – Earl Hebner
Hogan and Nash butted heads for much of the nWo’s existence and each man was looking forward to the opportunity to take those frustrations out on the other. They engaged in a physical contest with both competitors hitting some of their signature moves. Action spilled back and forth from the inside and outside of the ring. Eventually Hogan gets Nash down prone in the corner closest to the announce- tables.
Suddenly, BREAK IT DOWN! Is heard over the Skydome PA system and out rushes X-Pac.
THE FINISH - Hogan sees X-Pac coming and doesn’t want his help and yells at him to get out of here. He meets X-Pac on the apron telling him again to leave. Meanwhile Earl Hebner also sees X-Pac and goes over to get him to leave. Suddenly Paul Heyman leaves the announce-table and rushes over to the prone Kevin Nash.
HEENAN – Paul, where the hell are you going?
Heyman hands Nash a set of brass knucks. Nash begins to get to his feet. Hogan turns around while Hebner is still arguing with X-Pac and Nash blasts him with the knucks and tosses them out of the ring. X-Pac immediately jumps off the apron and Hebner turns around in time to see Nash have Hogan in position for a Jackknife Powerbomb. X-Pac runs over and grabs the brass knucks and hides them in his trunks. Nash hits the Powerbomb on Hogan for the pinfall and Hogan’s 2nd loss of the evening.
WINNER – Kevin Nash
After the match, Heyman gets in the ring and gives Nash a signal to hit another Power Bomb. Before he has a chance, X-Pac is busy grabbing an injured Hogan and hitting his X-Factor finishing maneuver. X-Pac hits another X-Factor than tosses Hogan’s prone body towards Nash.
Nash sets Hogan up for a 2nd Powerbomb and hits it close to the ropes where there is less give in the ring.
HEENAN – Monsoon, they are going to ruin the main event! We don’t have one if Hogan can’t compete! These Canadians will riot. Sponsors will sue. I’ll lose millions!
Heenan throws off his headset and goes into the ring. He immediately gets in Heyman’s face screaming about ruining the main event. All while Nash is hitting a 3rd Powerbomb. Heenan and Heyman start pushing back and forth and Heenan pushes Heyman down to the mat. Nash and X-Pac motion towards Heenan but Heenan yells he’s got a fleet of lawyers. Heyman motions Nash and Waltman to back off and they leave the ringside area. Heenan realizes they were in cahoots the entire time and he was cut out of the conversation and betrayed by Heyman and Co.
Eventually Heenan follows suit and heads to the back. Hogan is taken away on a stretcher by EMTs, putting the main event of the evening in doubt. The audience is in stunned silence.
MONSOON – Well I guess I’m flying solo from here on out.
Suddenly Jesse “The Body” Ventura struts to the ring again to THE BODY RULES!
VENTURA – Hello Gorilla, you were saying something about flying solo?
MONSOON – I could use all the help I can get Jess. What an event so far. Sorry about your loss to Mr. McMahon.
VENTURA – I won the lawsuit; he can have his precious taped fist match. He cheated anyways. Because he’s a cheat and a crook. Always has been.
MONSOON – He also had a bit of help in the form of his son, Hornswoggle.
VENTURA – The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree apparently. Although he doesn’t look much like Vince to me. Hornswoggle’s mother must be a real prize!
MONSOON – Come on now Jess! Up next, we have two very different teams. The young upstarts Beer Money Inc. And the grizzled veterans, Money Inc. In a dispute, well, over money. Take a look!
VIDEO PACKAGE – Beer Money Inc. had established itself as a top tag team in TNA and won multiple world championships there and are the current TNA tag team champions. As their notoriety grew, they drew the attention of The Million Dollar Man and IRS, collectively known as Money Inc., former WWF Tag Team Champions. Dibiase, the new and current ECW Champion thanks to his purchase of said promotion, wanted to raise some capital to help finance his purchase of ECW from Heyman. IRS just hates tax cheats.
Dibiase and IRS sensed an opportunity and felt that Beer Money Inc. were making money off their names and filed a lawsuit in court. They felt the lawsuit was an easy win. This case ended up in the courtroom of Judge Mills Lane. Dibiase and IRS argue that they came up with the name first. Roode and Storm claiming that the name was different enough from simply “Money Inc’” that it should be acceptable.
After a rowdy court hearing, Judge Lane decided. He said he was ordering a “Judgement on a Pole” match to take place at Ghosts of Hulkamania. Count-outs and disqualifications will count. The first team to get up the top rope and retrieve the envelope holding the judgement will be awarded the case and can continue to use the “Money Inc.” name and restitution will be made by the losing party. Finally, Judge Mills Lane announces that just to make sure this unique match-up goes by the numbers, he will be the Special Guest Referee. Lane has pro wrestling referee experience, having been one of the two main referees who worked for Don King at the Last Call PPV.
MONSOON – I always knew Dibiase was desperate. But to buy an entire promotion? And make yourself the champion? That’s pretty weak Jess.
VENTURA – Hey if you got the money, who am I to argue? Good on Dibiase. He didn’t break any laws. What do you think he paid for ECW anyways?
MONSOON – I have no idea. And now to Mean Gene, standing by with Money Inc.
OKERLUND – Mr. Dibiase, Mr. Schyster…. Tonight, you are facing the upstart team of Beer Money Inc. in a Judgement on a Poll match. What are your thoughts heading into this one-of-a-kind match?
DIBIASE – You know I always say, everyone has a price for the Million Dollar Man. But this isn’t about price, this is about theft. Two greasy rednecks from some bush-league promotion stole what belongs to the Million Dollar Man and IRS and have taken money right out of our pocket. And no one steals from IRS and the Million Dollar Man. Bahahahaha!
SCHYESTER – And I can guarantee you they don’t pay their taxes either.
DIBIASE – Did you see that?
SCHYESTER – Huh?
DIBIASE – That green thing. Way back there? Look!
SCHYESTER – Green? Like money?
DIBIASE – Yes, like money. See now it’s gone. What the hell was that?
SCHYESTER – Probably that known tax cheat, Hornswoggle.
OKERLUND – Just one second (He presses his hand up to his earpiece). We are going now to Billy Red Lyons who is outside Paul Heyman’s dressing room.
LYONS – As you can see, Bobby Heenan is attempting to get inside Mr. Heyman’s dressing room.
We go outside Paul Heyman’s dressing room where Heenan is trying to get to Heyman, and a large commotion occurs. X-Pac and Nash guard the door to Heyman’s room.
HEENAN – Get out here Heyman! Get out here and explain yourself!
Heyman opens the door just enough so Heenan can hear him.
HEYMAN – I don’t need you anymore. I only partnered with you to get Andre involved. You’ve outlived your usefulness. Brock Lesnar and I will handle it from here. Goodbye Bobby.
HEENAN – Nobody makes a fool out of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan! You hear me! Nobody!
Bobby “The Brain” storms off still cursing on Heyman.
We go back to the ring to hear the familiar laughter of the MILLION DOLLAR MAN’s THEME, signaling the entrance of the ECW Champion, The Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase and Irwin R. Schyster……..Money Inc.
The soothing sound of a can of beer opening is heard and the THEME of the TNA Tag Team champions, BEER MONEY INC. kicks in. Out comes Bobby Roode and James Storm. Roode carrying a Canadian flag. Storm carting down a cooler full of Freedom 35 brand beer and he throws a few out to the thirsty Canadian crowd.
MATCH #10 – Money Inc. vs. Beer Money Inc. – Judgement on a Pole Match
Special Referee – Mills Lane
Referee Mills Lane awaited the competitors in the ring while Howard Finkel read out the stipulations for a “Judgement on a Pole” match. They are reminded counts-outs and disqualifications matter.
All four men are very well-rounded competitors and perform a clinic in technical tag team wrestling. Lots of mat-work, double-teams, tandem maneuvers, and solid striking.
THE FINISH – Both teams make multiple attempts capture the envelope hanging from the pole to no avail. IRS goes for the envelope again and he almost got it when he’s stopped by Roode and Storm. They push IRS off the top rope and he falls hard on the floor. Dibiase runs over to stop Beer Money, but Storm gets Dibiase in the Power bomb position and Roode locks in the neckbreaker and they hit the DWI (Drinking While Investing) from the 2nd turnbuckle. Roode climbs the turnbuckles again and retrieves the envelope.
WINNER – Beer Money Inc.
MONSOON – Once again here is a live musical performance by special musical guest, Limp Bizkit.
VENTURA – I can’t wait for this Gorilla.
LIMP BIZKIT performed another hit from their Significant Other album, BREAK STUFF, sending the crowd into a frenzy.
Out of nowhere, Snoop Dogg walks out onto the entrance stage where Limp Bizkit are just finishing playing the song.
DURST – Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Snoop Dogg!
Limp Bizkit and Snoop break into a rendition of their latest team-up effort and new single, RED LIGHT-GREEN LIGHT.
MONSOON – What a performance by Limp Bizkit and Snoop Dogg. The electricity in here now, you could cut it with a knife. Jess our next match is a boxing match between one of the greatest boxers of all-time, “Iron” Mike Tyson, and an MMA Legend, the incomparable Don Frye. Don Frye has been being trained by future Tyson opponent, Lennox Lewis.
VENTURA – I don’t care who is training him. Tyson is one of the greatest punchers in human history. I’m not putting my money on Frye. This isn’t MMA. That was smart of Tyson to keep the match in his wheelhouse. And Tyson is a member of DX, which can’t hurt. I bet if I was a full-timer again, I’d be a perfect fit for DX!
MONSOON – I’m not so sure about that Jess. They are a little bit too hip for even you.
VENTURA – I’m still hip and cool. I sing my own theme song Monsoon!
MONSOON - Anyways did you know that Dan Severn is our special guest referee for this bout. You know he’ll call it right down the middle. Let’s go to the footage!
VIDEO PACKAGE – Don Frye and Dan Severn teamed up at nWo HOSS-a-Mania which brought both men closer. They later teamed up again, only this time it was for a radio show, the Realest Guys in the Room. But Frye kept taking potshots at Severn and claiming he could never defeat him. This caused a falling out between two MMA legends. Which lead to a match at Don King’s Last Call PPV where Mike Tyson was the special guest referee.
Late in the match, Tyson slips on Severn’s blood trying to make a 3-count, giving Severn time to kick out. Frye got in Tyson’s face and Tyson knocked out Frye with a bit of a sucker punch. Severn then makes the pinfall to win the match.
Frye wanted revenge on Tyson for the sucker punch and costing him the match. Tyson is smarter than he gets credit for and straight up refuses to engage Frye in a wrestling match or MMA fight. Tyson says if Frye wants him in the ring, it must be in a boxing match. Frye agrees and recruits someone who has studied Tyson to help him train, World Boxing Champion Lennox Lewis. Lewis has a World Title boxing match with Tyson scheduled for later in the year. Severn is brought in as the special referee due to his familiarity with both Tyson and Frye. Thanks to Hollywood Hulk Hogan, Brutus Beefcake, Mr. T, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan are named the guest ring judges.
The judges are already ringside and introduced to the audience by Howard Finkel.
Dan Severn makes his entrance first, to his WWF THEME.
“Iron” Mike Tyson walks to the ring in a DX shirt flanked by the legendary rap group, RUN DMC, as they perform “THE KINGS” D-GENERATION X THEME.
Don Frye looks confident as he takes his time on the entranceway. Following him is World Boxing Champion, Lennox Lewis. They make their way out together to the heavy riffs of CHAOS A.D by SEPULTURA.
MATCH #11 – “Iron” Mike Tyson vs. Don Frye – Boxing Match – 12 Rounds of Boxing
Special Referee – Dan Severn
Ring Judges – Brutus Beefcake, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and Mr. T
Tyson and Frye engage in a boxing match that is much more competitive than any of the pundits in Vegas gave it credit for. Not many gave Frye a chance in this bout. Severn does as many expected and calls it fair and right down the middle. In Round 4, Frye hits Tyson with a quick uppercut that staggered Tyson and he gets a standing 8-count.
FINISH – Tyson and Frye go the distance in this 12-round bout. By the end of the match, the Canadian audience was solidly behind a now bloodied Frye and booing Tyson. Despite his best effort, Tyson won more rounds and Severn raises Tyson’s hand in the air based on the judge’s decision.
WINNER – “Iron” Mike Tyson
The ring crew begins to dissemble the boxing ring set-up and get ready for the next match-up, HELL IN A CELL!
MONSOON – We are in for a treat Jess. Our first time calling a Hell in a Cell match.
VENTURA – I’ve always wanted to call one of these. Nothing gets more brutal and sadistic than when guys are locked in this cell.
MONSOON – This is a vicious and violent structure. Which should suit our two participants here tonight.
VENTURA – Both these guys are legit tough and are cut from the same cloth as yours truly. Both will do anything to win. This feels a lot like an unstoppable force meeting an unmovable object. Two big rams butting heads.
MONSOON – Lets’ go to the video package!
VIDEO PACKAGE – During the main event of Last Call, “Dr. D” David Schultz got involved late in the match. He arrived on-scene with a rifle, which caused a huge commotion and the distraction cost Harley Race the match and his NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Race sought revenge on Schultz but there was just one problem. Because of the incident at the PPV and because the rifle Schultz used (which he claimed he just found backstage at the Sportatorium) had the serial numbers removed, which is a Felony 2 spot, Schultz found himself in legal hot water. He received 18 months in prison and was sent to ADX Montrose, also known as “the Alcatraz of the Rockies”. Judge Mills Lane presided over the case and found Dr. D to be particularly deranged and placed him in the max security prison. Race had to wait for his chance at revenge. Schultz’s release date coincided right around the time of Ghost of Hulkamania. Race was friends with Heenan and arranged to have a match with Schultz at the event. He even convinced Heenan to shell out to have the match be a Hell in a Cell match. Schultz, being a raging lunatic, didn’t hesitate to accept. As he was on parole, he needed special permission to travel into Canada and would receive a police escort all the way from the airport to the Skydome, back to the airport to continue his parole. That wasn’t cheap and Race convinced Heenan to pay for that as well.
MONSOON – And now we are going to the Event Center with our friend, Billy Red Lyons.
LYONS – Hello everyone, Billy Red here in the Event Center to tell you about some great upcoming events. The WWF will be in London, Ontario two Sundays from now. WCW are travelling to Ottawa, Ontario for a live event a week from today. The AWA are in Thunder Bay during the month of May for two shows. AEW will be venturing to Sudbury this summer. All these great events will be loaded with many superstars of professional wrestling. Don’t you dare miss it!
Also, many of these same superstars will also be appearing at the big show at the Skydome in Toronto brought to you by Heenan & Heyman Promotions, The Ghosts of Hulkamania. Superstars like the notorious “Dr. D” David Schultz. Here are some pre-taped comments from “Dr. D” about his upcoming Hell-in-a-Cell match with “The Mad Dog” Harley Race.
Schultz appears in a pre-taped interview. As Dr. D’s release date was so close to the PPV, this interview was taped while Schultz was still behind bars in his orange prison jumpsuit and in handcuffs and shackles while sat in a chair directly facing the camera.
SCHULTZ – Race you must be as stupid as you look. What a pile of crap! Blaming me for you losing the World Heavyweight Championship? That’s on you Race, that’s on you. Did I hit you with that rifle or something? What’s wrong with you? Just a miserable pile of excuses. I thought you were a man’s man but turns out you’re just a chicken $#%& coward like Hogan and all the rest. When we get to Toronto, I’m going to teach you a lesson inside that cell. You’ll wish they kept me in my cell up here in the Rocky Mountains before the end. I $#&% you not.
Back in the Skydome, the ominous cell is lowered down to surround the ringside area.
After a brief pause in anticipation, GALAXY EXPRESS hits and “The Mad Dog” Harley Race makes his way to the ring with a scowl on his face.
The sound of “BAD BOYS” by INNER CIRCLE rings out and here comes “Dr. D” David Schultz wheeled into the arena in a police van. He is taken out of the van in shackles, given a full police escort to the ring, where his shackles are removed and he enters the cage. He is wearing his normal black wrestling attire.
MATCH #12 – “The Mad Dog” Harley Race vs. “Dr. D” David Schultz – Hell in a Cell
Referee: Dave Hebner
The match begins with both wrestlers trading fierce blows. Neither seems to hurt the other much, they just keep on coming, trading shots. The match is particularly vicious and both Schultz and Race use the cell structure to their advantage. Grinding faces across the cage. Using maneuvers to launch your opponent into the cell walls. They go to war for about 25 minutes. Steel chair shots are involved. Both are covered in blood and exhausted. Unlike most Hell in a Cell matches, this one doesn’t leave the confines of the cage.
THE FINISH – Schultz is frustrated for his inability to put away Race. He reaches under the ring and somehow finds a rifle!
VENTURA – How the heck did that get there Gorilla? Mans been under police escort since he crossed the border.
MONSOON – I don’t know Jess. I can’t imagine someone putting it there on purpose. It is highly suspicious, no question.
Schultz smiles and as Race (who is in the ring) walks over and grabs Schultz by the hair to pull him into the ring, Schultz blasts Race with the butt end of the rifle. Schultz gets in the ring and tries to hit Race again in the breadbasket with the rifle, but Race catches him and turns the rifle around and hits Schultz in the face with the butt-end, stunning Schultz. Race hits him again to put Schultz down and then Race gets rid of the rifle. He puts Schultz in the Fisherman’s Suplex and pins him for a 3 count.
WINNER – Harley Race
After the match, the cage is quickly raised and the police rush the ring and subdue Schultz, placing him in cuffs and escorting him back to the police van. As carrying a firearm, in any country, is a breach of Schultz’s parole, he appears to be on his way back to ADX Montrose high in the Rocky Mountains. The police van closes its doors, fires up its sirens and drives out of the arena. As it leaves you can slightly hear Schultz screaming seemingly unintelligible things. Race remains in the ring being checked by doctors then leaves as the fans salute his effort in this classic Hell in a Cell match with a standing ovation.
MONSOON – That was a brutal Hell in a Cell match Jess.
VENTURA – It’s been a while since we’ve seen a match as raw and vicious as what we just witness from two old warhorses. I give credit to both guys for laying it all out there, even if Dr. D got hauled away in cuffs.
The camera goes backstage to Mr. McMahon and Hornswoggle, still dressed as a leprechaun, sitting in a dressing room drinking Freedom 35 beer, celebrating Vince’s win over Ventura. Linda McMahon walks into the room and surprises Vince.
VINCE – Linda, what are you doing here?
LINDA – Hello Vince. Having a good time, you and your illegitimate bastard son?
VINCE – Well, um, yes, kinda. I wasn’t expecting you here.
LINDA – Vince, I’ve come to tell you something. I’m filing for divorce. Not because you’re now associating with your illegitimate bastard son. Not because I’m now a US Government Administrator. And not because you’re an asshole. (The crowd starts chanting ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE). But because I’ve met someone else. And I’ll be taking my half of the WWF in the divorce. Good-bye Vince!
Linda leaves the room as Vince shouts out to her trying to get her to come back, but is unsuccessful.
VENTURA – My heart is breaking for McMahon. Really it is.
MONSOON - That was a long-time coming Jess. And once again, Howard Finkel.
FINKEL – Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for attending Ghosts of Hulkamania. Tonight’s attendance here at the Skydome in Toronto, Canada, an incredible sixty-nine thousand, three hundred and sixteen fans. The largest audience in Skydome history. Thank you again!
MONSOON – Next up we have an episode of the Brother Love Show with his featured guest, one L A Knight.
VENTURA – My all-time favorite talk-show host, after myself of course.
Standing in the ring is the rotund red-faced preacher, Brother Love.
LOVE – I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvvvvvvvvvvvv yoooooooooooouuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!
The Canadian Audience boos profusely.
LOVE – Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest. He is the No. 1 free agent in all of professional wrestling. Please welcome Brother L A Knight.
L..A…KNIGHT! Out comes the Megastar himself, L A KNIGHT to his WWF THEME.
LOVE – Welcome Brother L A Knight. Brother Knight, how are you this fine evening?
KNIGHT – Let me talk to yah! I’ll tell you what fatso, Brother Knight is doing just fine. I’ll be doing better when I get the hell out of Canada. That’ll happen soon enough. In the meantime, these Canadians get to appreciate the undeniable kavorka of L A Knight…YEAH!
LOVE – Brother Knight, the question on everyone’s mind is? Where is the Megastar going?
KNIGHT – I can tell you where I’m not going. I’m not going back down in the bush-leagues in TNA or Impact Wrestling or whatever it’s called now. NXT called L A Knight’s agents, agents as in plural. But we told them you gotta draw at least four figures on a nightly basis to get L A Knight on the marquee. And NXT just don’t qualify down there at old Full Sail. YEAH!
WWF? WCW? ECW? AWA? AEW? All Japan? New Japan? L A Knight could end up anywhere he wants. It all depends on who is ready to pony up for the Megastar. Who’s got the Money Truck to back up into L A Knights 1000 ft. driveway? In the meantime, oh I don’t know, maybe I’ll start my own talk show. The Brother Kavorka Show! Better yet, how about the Fact of Life!..YEAH!
Suddenly HEEEELLLLOOOOO LAAADDDIEEESS! roars over the PA system and the opening saxophones of the WWF THEME for VAL VENIS. The current Money-in-the-Bank briefcase holder Val Venis walks out and down to the ring.
VENIS – HEEELLLOOOO LAAADDDDIEESSS! You know something ladies. Whenever The Big Valbowski is in the Great White North, he is always standing on guard for thee! Hehehe. L A Knight, I hear you keep talking about kavorka. Do you really think you got more kavorka than The Big Valbowski? I should be called the Big Kavorka!
KNIGHT - L A Knight got more kavorka in his left pinky finger than you got in your entire body. YEAH!
VENIS – Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is? All this talk of Money Trucks and I got a Money Shot waiting for yah!
KNIGHT – Nah, nah, nah. I’m not wrestling in front of these Canadian incels for free. What’s in it for L A Knight? You know whose game it is? It’s L A Knight’s game. YEAH! I’ll tell you what sunshine. Put that Money-in-the-Bank contract on the line, and we’ll find out who got the most kavorka. Although I can guaran-damn-tee-yah that it’s L A Knight. And that’s not an insult, that’s a fact. YEAH!
VENIS – You wanna shot at by Money-in-the-Bank contract? You’re on! Let’s go!
KNIGHT – Get a referee out here dummies! YEAH!
Referee Jimmy Korderas runs out and rings the bell.
Match #13– L A Knight vs. Val Venis – Impromptu Singles Match for the Money-in-the-Bank Contract
Referee – Jimmy Korderas
The crowd is on their feet for this unexpected match-up.
Knight and Venis have a very competitive match-up as both guys can do a bit of everything in the ring. After about 12 minutes of fast-paced action, referee Jimmy Korderas is in the wrong place and the wrong time and gets hit with a shot from Knight intended for Venis. Suddenly a masked individual with large glasses and dressed completely in green comes out of the crowd and is at ringside.
VENTURA – Do you know who that is Gorilla?
MONSOON – I have no idea, Jess.
VENTURA – I can’t believe it. IT’S THE GREEN BASTARD! PARTS UNKNOWN!
The Green Bastard goes over to a timekeeper. “Gimme that chair you son of a….”
THE FINISH - He proceeds to get up on the apron of the ring where Venis has L A Knight tied up and holding him so GB can hit him with the chair. GB swings the chair at Knight’s head but Knight DUCKS and GB misses and instead catches Venis with a hard chair shot. This stuns Venis and Knight hits the BTF and grabs Jimmy Korderas. Korderas regains enough consciousness to make a pinfall count and Knight pins Venis for the 1-2-3 and the new Money-in-the-Bank briefcase holder!
WINNER – L A Knight
Knight quickly gathers up the case and makes his way up the ramp. Venis is infuriated as one would expect. GB gets in the ring as Venis grabs a mic. He gets angry and calls GB an idiot. The fans boo. GB grabs Venis by the hand and holds the mic up.
GREEN BASTARD – I’m sorry you lost your fancy brief-case Mr. Venis. But I think your being a bit of an arsehole!
The entire audience begins a chant. ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE!
Venis drops the mic and starts to push GB. Suddenly GB kicks Venis right in the breadbasket then hits a STUNNER! Venis is out on his feet when GB kicks him again and hits him with a 2nd STUNNER! Venis goes tumbling out of the ring. The crowd goes wild. TOM SAWYER by RUSH kicks in mid-song about a minute in, over the PA system.
The Green Bastard hits the turnbuckles and signals for some beer. A ring crew member throws GB a few Freedom 35 Lager. GB downs a couple cold ones, getting most of it all over himself. He gets two more and it’s much of the same. It’s a Green Bastard beer bash!
GIN N’ JUICE by SNOOP DOGG hits and out comes the D-O-Double G himself.
Snoop Dogg emerges on the entranceway smoking a triple paper joint and has an acoustic guitar in hand. He makes his way to the ring. The Green Bastard’s trademark is he can smoke a pound in a single bound. He lights a large joint himself and engages in beer bash and smoke fest with his buddy Snoop Dogg. Snoop passes the guitar to GB and grabs a mic. GB starts cutting a funky beat with the guitar.
SNOOP – All we want to do….is smoke and drink some beer……All we want to do…..is smoke and drink some beer……Sing it wit me y’all……All we want to do……is smoke and drink some beer……
Green Bastard’s fellow Canadians start singing and clapping along to the beat with Snoop Dogg, savoring every moment.
SNOOP –Give it up for The Green Bastard y’all. My favorite, your favorite. He’s got to be the champ. Don’t doubt him, crown him. The Green Bastard y’all! Straight outta Parts Unknown!
MONSOON – Well Jess, have you ever seen anything like that?
VENTURA – That was something else Gorilla. I think The Green Bastard is my new hero. I just want to hang with Snoop, drink beer and smoke weed too.
MONSOON – Not quite prayers and vitamins. Hold on one second, we are going backstage with Billy Red Lyons.
LYONS – Folks, we are here on scene of a vehicular accident……
The camara goes backstage to the entrance to the underground parking area. We see the police van that was escorting Dr.
D. David Schultz. The van crashed into a cement truck. All the doors of the van are open and the officers are strewn about and unconscious.
LYONS – Unfortunately, it seems Dr. D is nowhere to be seen. No sign of the driver of the cement truck either. This can’t be good. Jesse, Gorilla, back to you!
MONSOON - Well Jess, it’s been an eventful evening thus far and finally we are ready for our main event of the evening. So far, no word if Hollywood Hulk Hogan will be able to compete in the championship match against Brock Lesnar. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
VENTURA – As much as I dislike Hogan, I’ve seen him rise up against seemingly insurmountable odds too many times to completely count him out. But Nash and X-Pac laid a hell of a beating on Hogan and anytime you’re stretchered out, it isn’t good. It’s 50/50 Gorilla.
BROCK LESNAR’S THEME hits again, signaling it’s time for the main event. This time Lesnar is accompanied by his advocate Paul Heyman.
There is a pause as the audience waits for Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The is a murmur over the crowd, wondering if Hogan will appear and face Lesnar for the title. After what was an agonizing wait, the comforting opening riff of REAL AMERICAN is heard reverberating throughout the Skydome as the audience erupts.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan comes out in his traditional yellow trunks, red knee pads, yellow boots, and a ripped-up shirt. He’s shaved his black shadow. His ribs are bandaged up. He looks around at the crowd still up on the large entrance stage and does the “nWo” double finger point towards the entrance way.
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan emerges with a Hulkamania T-shirt on, as well as a look of disbelief on his face. Hogan and Heenan make their way down to the ring to meet Lesnar and Heyman as the crowd loses their minds.
MATCH #14 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan w/Bobby Heenan vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman for the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship – The Ghost of Hulkamania’s Future
Referee: Earl Hebner
Hogan and Lesnar circle while the crowd gets itself worked up to a frenzy. Hogan challenges Lesnar to a test of strength and we’re off and running in the main event. 69, 316 fans here at the Skydome are on their feet.
Hogan and Lesnar engage in a classic match of big man performers. Hogan displays more technical prowess than we’ve become accustomed to. Comparable to how he’d wrestle in Japan. Lesnar does take him to Suplex City. The wear and tear of the previous two matches becomes more apparent the longer the main event goes on. Lesnar targets Hogan’s busted ribs. It’s Lesnar, not the veteran Hogan, who’s wearing crimson first. Eventually Lesnar busts open Hogan as well.
THE FINISH – Hogan is pounding on Lesnar in a corner. Heyman gets up on the apron to distract referee Earl Hebner. Hogan goes over to Heyman and Lesnar sneaks out and goes over to grab a chair. Lesnar grabs a chair, but Heenan grabs it and tries to get it from Lesnar. Lesnar rips it out of Heenan’s hands and doesn’t hesitate to club Heenan right over the head, busting him open as well. Lesnar heads to the ring chair in hand but Hogan punches Heyman knocking him off the apron in time to catch Lesnar coming into the ring with a big boot. Lesnar gets up quickly and he and Hogan go punch for punch. Lesnar locks Hogan in the bearhug just like on Smackdown months ago and it appears to be over. Hogan’s ribs are in bad shape already. Referee Earl Hebner raises Hogan’s hand once and it falls. He raises it again and it falls. He raises it a third time, but Hogan’s arm begins shaking. He’s Hulking up! Hogan begins to loosen Lesnar’s grip. He tries elbowing Lesnar in the ribs and Lesnar loosens the hold further. Suddenly Hogan is free of the bearhug. Lesnar tries punching Hogan, but he blocks it and responds with punches of his own. Hogan points to a stunned Lesnar! YOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!! as the audience erupts. Hogan whips Lesnar into the ropes and hits the big boot. Heyman tries to distract Hebner again but Heenan rushes over the pulls Heyman off the apron followed by a punch to Heyman’s lying fat face. Hogan hits the leg drop on Lesnar and the Skydome comes unglued as Earl Hebner counts 1...2..3 and Hogan pins Lesnar to become WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion once again!
WINNER – Hollywood Hulk Hogan
FINKEL – Winner and NNNNEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion…. HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN!
Referee Earl Hebner raises Hogan’s hand in victory and hands him the world championship belt. Hogan raises it up as the crowd goes wild. Lesnar is ringside tearing things apart in rage. Heyman sits with his hands over his mouth in stunned silence, realizing his plan failed.
Hogan begins to celebrate in the ring with REAL AMERICAN blaring out of the Skydome speakers.
Heyman eventually convinces Lesnar to leave the ringside area. Heenan gets in the ring as Hogan is in the middle of a pose-down. Hogan’s music stops. Hogan sees Heenan busted open and realizes Heenan took a chair-shot from Lesnar for him. Both men shake hands and Hogan raises Heenan’s arm in the air while he points to him as the crowd erupts again as pyro goes off throughout the arena.
REAL AMERICAN kicks in again and Hogan begins ANOTHER pose-down routine as the Skydome audience eats it up. Eventually Heenan leaves the ringside area as well. Hogan is continuing his pose-down routine as host Arnold Schwarzenegger comes down to the ring and he and Hogan engage in a synchronized pose down routine as the event draws to a close.
MONSOON – Thank you everyone for being here and for those around the world watching on pay-per-view. As they say, Hogan must pose, and Hulkamania will live forever! Good night, folks!
L……A……KNIGHT!
Just as the event is about to sign off, the electronic sound of L…..A….Knight roars throughout the Skydome and out comes the new Money-in-the-Bank briefcase holder, The Megastar, Professional Wrestling’s No. 1 Free Agent. The one with the undeniable kavorka. It’s L A Knight!
Knight goes to the ring and hands Schwarzenegger his briefcase. Arnold asks if he’s sure and Knight is emphatic that, he’s sure. Hogan is exhausted after three matches already (and a prolonged pose down routine) and covered in blood. Schwarzenegger has no choice and rings the bell, and the match is on.
MATCH #15 – Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. L A Knight – WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship.
Referee: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Hogan isn’t prepared at all for Knight but holds his own the first few minutes. After having competed in three grueling matches already, fatigue began to set in, and Hogan began to slow down. Knight begins hammering Hogan with hard hitting maneuvers. Hogan can barely get any momentum past the onset of the match. Knight maintains his edge and eventually takes advantage of an extremely fatigued Hogan.
THE FINISH - Hogan starts to Hulk up but he doesn’t have enough in the tank and Knight stops Hogan’s comeback in his tracks. Knight hits the three consecutive BTF’s on Hollywood Hulk Hogan before making a pinfall attempt. Referee Arnold Schwarzenegger counts the 1-2-3 and L A Knight is your new WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion!
WINNER – L A Knight
Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger hands Knight the world championship belt as he raises it above his head and then L A hits the turnbuckles.
FINKEL – Your winner AND NNNNEEEEEEEEWWWWWW WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion…..L..A..Knight!
VENTURA – Do you know what this means Gorilla? It means a free agent holds the most coveted prize in our sport, the WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship. He could go anywhere with that belt. Vince McMahon has lost control of his own World’s Championship! On the same night his wife Linda files for divorce! What a horrible night for McMahon!
MONSOON – This is a very interesting development. A free agent holds the WWF title, and Linda wants her half of the WWF. It will be intriguing to see what happens next!
L A Knight celebrates his dramatic win as he walks back up the ramp and continues to celebrate up on the entrance stage.
Some more pyro goes off. The Canadian audience at the Skydome is in complete and total shock.
MONSOON – For Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Mean Gene Okerlund, Billy Red Lyons, Howard Finkel, and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, I’m Gorilla Monsoon! Good-night from Toronto!
A closing montage airs to recap tonight’s events to the sound of alternate theme for the pay-per-view, ADRENALINE by GAVIN ROSSDALE.
And in the end, it was L A Knight who finally conquered Hulkamania.
YEAH!
