"Hello darkness, my old friend"

[ElysiumAB]

My home town team, the Red Wings, end their 25 year playoff streak on the same night my favorite team, the Oilers, start theirs - and I couldn't be happier.

I won't get too much into how I ended up here, or how since the 2013-2014 season, I've read every Pre-Game, Game Day, and Post-Game thread created on HF Oil... and eventually created Oil-fans.com to document some of my favorite comments.

I've compiled all the quotes from each season that I thought were interesting, funny, self-deprecating, self-medicating and showed a love for the Oilers, for hockey, and for Canada - during the worst of times. I created the site for my own enjoyment, not caring if anyone else understood it or visited. This has provided me a lot of enjoyment, even at times when it was tedious. There are thousands of comments, it would take me hours to make a list of my favorites.

I've realized far more humor is needed during hard times than the successful times and it occurred to me the other day that perhaps this should be the last year. Oil-fans.com will remain up as a testament to what everyone went through, but with the drought over, I feel it's a fitting time to call it quits and not continue next season.

Thanks for the memories guys.

Cheers,

Oil-fans.com

Click to read more...

 

[Diamondillium]

There's some good stuff there, thanks for sharing! I like to think that our pity-based humor throughout the years has been one of our better features as fans.

After just a couple refreshes:
"McDavid has the advantage of being on the ice at the same time as McDavid."
"If somebody names their kid after a Subway sandwich I'm moving to Guam"
"If Zack Kassian scores on a pond in the woods, is it still offside?"
"Sometimes I think our fourth line ices it on purpose to get more playing time."
"Gustavsson reminds me of just some random guy with goalie gear on. Like, are even we sure it's him?"

 

[ElysiumAB]

There's some good stuff there, thanks for sharing! I like to think that our pity-based humor throughout the years has been one of our better features as fans.

After just a couple refreshes:
"McDavid has the advantage of being on the ice at the same time as McDavid."
"If somebody names their kid after a Subway sandwich I'm moving to Guam"
"If Zack Kassian scores on a pond in the woods, is it still offside?"

Thanks!

You can also go to previous years in the upper right. The 2013-2014 / Eakins years contain some of my favorites.

 

[Diamondillium]

Thanks!

You can also go to previous years in the upper right. The 2013-2014 / Eakins years contain some of my favorites.

Didn't even notice that. Beautiful.

"Eakins won't be going anywhere this off season. And I mean that literally. They'll tell him to take a vacation and he'll take a staycation."

 

[0ilerman]

Good stuff on your site Elysium. Just surfed through for a few minutes and thoroughly enjoyed it. Especially the images and clips

 

[ElysiumAB]

It crossed my mind to post some of my favorites while I was creating the OP. I started with 2013-14 and 30 minutes later I was only on Game #20 and figured I should get back to work.

If you haven't noticed, some of the humor is found when reading between the lines regarding the Game #, Score, or Opponent. The context makes some decent comments much better.

Here were the ones I had saved already, for those that don't feel like hitting F5 a bunch of times.



"Hello darkness, my old friend…" (This is the first quote, every season.)

"I'm loving Eakins system." - Game #1 | Oct 1, 2013, Oilers 4 – Jets 5

"Fire Eakins." - Game #1 | Oct 1, 2013", Oilers 4 – Jets 5

"Could they at least put up the 'This is Oil Country' sign straight?" - Game #1 | Oct 1, 2013, Oilers 4 – Jets 5

"I see Hall has been attending the Patrick Kane school of do-it-all yourself." - Game #2 | Oct 5, 2013, Oilers 2 – Canucks 6

"The Oilers are my own personal Groundhog day." - Game #2 | Oct 5, 2013, Oilers 2 – Canucks 6"

"6 million dollars is a lot of money to spend on beers on Toonie Tuesday." - Game #3 | Oct 7, 2013, Oilers 5 – Devils 4

"Great, now it's a soccer game." - Game #4 | Oct 10, 2013, Oilers 1 – Canadiens 4

"Nice Kesler there by Kadri." - Game #5 | Oct 12, 2013, Oilers 5 – Maple Leafs 6

"I’ve always suspected Lupul changed his last name just because he loves palindromes." - Game #5 | Oct 12, 2013, Oilers 5 – Maple Leafs 6

"There are goalies that have better save percentage in the SHOOTOUT than we have in this game." - Game #6 | Oct 14, 2013, Oilers 2 – Capitals 4

"If you're at the game, come down to section 122 and we'll share a good cry." - Game #7 | Oct 15, 2013, Oilers 2 – Penguins 3

"What is the record for most times pulling a goalie to start a season? We've got to be close." - Game #8 | Oct 17, 2013, Oilers 2 – Islanders 3

"Dubnyk looks like a user-controlled goalie in NHL 14." - Game #9 | Oct 19, 2013, Oilers 3 – Senators 1

"It pisses me off when the team is this disoriented on the ice and Eakins hair still looks PERFECT." - Game #11 | Oct 24, 2013, Oilers 1 – Capitals 4

"Nugent-Hopkins was a -4 and is 3rd star of the game? I'd bet money that's a first." - Game #11 | Oct 24, 2013, Oilers 1 – Capitals 4

"Alberta Premium and Safeway brand ginger ale. Started from the bottom, now I'm here." Game #13 | Oct 27, 2013, Oilers 1 – Kings 2

"I'm going to the game on the 15th. Thinking about wearing a bag." - Game #15 | Nov 2, 2013, Oilers 0 – Red Wings 5

"Cut everyone. Hold local tryouts." - Game #15 | Nov 2, 2013, Oilers 0 – Red Wings 5

"Instead of music, the DJ should just play gentle sobbing between whistles." - Game #15 | Nov 2, 2013, Oilers 0 – Red Wings 5

"I've already started to guzzle gin." - Game #18 | Nov 9, 2013", Oilers 2 – Flyers 4

"I'll fight Gazdic. Anything to get him off the ice..." - Game #18 | Nov 9, 2013, Oilers 2 – Flyers 4

"He definitely did go down the tunnel." - "What gave it away Louie? When the cameras showed him going down the tunnel?" - Game #18 | Nov 9, 2013, Oilers 2 – Flyers 4

"I’ll probably watch whatever the wife is watching (Housewives of wherever) and just check the score when it’s 2-0 Dallas." - Game #20 | Nov 13, 2013, Oilers 0 – Stars 3

"If we lose I'm going to leave an upper decker at Rexall." - Game #20 | Nov 13, 2013, Oilers 0 – Stars 3

"Can you use an amnesty buyout on a coach?" - Game #20 | Nov 13, 2013, Oilers 0 – Stars 3

"Was that woman breast feeding on national TV? Best performance of the night." - Game #20 | Nov 13, 2013, Oilers 0 – Stars 3

"The Western Conference is like a picnic where all the other teams bring steak, but the Oilers bring muffins. Low fat mother ****ing granola muffins." - Game #20 | Nov 13, 2013, Oilers 0 – Stars 3

"Someone texted 630 CHED and said "The lockout was better than this." - Game #20 | Nov 13, 2013, Oilers 0 – Stars 3


Thanks for the nice reception, I was a little concerned that some people wouldn't get it.

 

[Pointteen]

I think these quotes are good material for the Avatar theme

 

[McDNicks17]

I missed this classic:

 

[LemmyUlanov55]

That's a pretty good collection of quotes and gifs during a dark time. Some material is gold worthy. I didn't know about Hall's tweet when McD got drafted, WOW!

 

[Aerrol]

I had forgotten to check it in a while, but I really appreciated having your site during the dark years. Gallows humour was a must, then.

Also while we're talking about good Oilers sites:
http://gonestreaking.ca/

He at least updated it!

 

[doubledown99]

This is awesome. Those quotes made me die laughing. Man are some Oiler fans hilarious

 

[DreamTheatre]

Some of these Kessel ones are hilarious.

 

[ElysiumAB]

Aww, so cool some people are getting a laugh. I had a free minute so I pulled some other favorites, made it through the first half of the 2013-14 season.

"Once again Gene Principe makes a young lady happy." - Wow. Sportsnet. Wow." - Game #25 | Nov 25, 2013, Oilers 1 – Blackhawks 5

"Joensuu shoots the puck right into Crawford's indian head." - I think I would go with "crest" next time Kevin. Crest." - Game #25 | Nov 25, 2013, Oilers 1 – Blackhawks 5

"First time watching the Oilers feed... is Eberle in every commercial?" - Game #27 | Nov 29, 2013, Oilers 2 – Blue Jackets 4

"I wish I was at Rexall so I could boo them in person instead of just waking my dog up on the couch." - Game #29 | Dec 3, 2013, Oilers 2 – Coyotes 6

"Worst game since our last." - Game #29 | Dec 3, 2013", Oilers 2 – Coyotes 6

"In the battle of trash vs garbage, only the dump wins." - Game #30 | Dec 5, 2013, Oilers 8 – Avalanche 2

"You miss 100% of the shots you don’t drink. ~ Wayne Gretzky" - Game #31 | Dec 7, 2013, Oilers 1 – Flames 2

"Keith Acton looks like one of the engineers from Prometheus." - Game #31 | Dec 7, 2013, Oilers 1 – Flames 2

"You'd think they would try to time it differently so Gene isn't trying to scream over the sound of that obnoxious horn every single game." - Game #33 | Dec 12, 2013, Oilers 2 – Bruins 4

"My ball hockey team was down 3-0 and came back and lost 4-2 but god damn we battled hard." - Game #33 | Dec 12, 2013, Oilers 2 – Bruins 4

"I have had some beverages tonight but I haven’t seen Hall out there for a while. Nevermind, there he is." - Game #33 | Dec 12, 2013", Oilers 2 – Bruins 4

"I'm dead serious, the next time we get a power play, Larsen should go back into his own zone and flip the puck over the glass." - Game #34 | Dec 13, 2013, Oilers 0 – Canucks 4

"Alright fellas, to have a 37% chance of making the playoffs we need to go 33-7-6." - Game #37 | Dec 19, 2013, Oilers 2 – Avalanche 4

"The guy who threw the jersey gets to drop the puck at the Oilers first playoff game." - Game #39 | Dec 23, 2013, Oilers 6 – Jets 2

 

[bobbythebrain]

I missed this classic:

Typical old Oilers...none of his teammates came to his defense

 

[The Bored Man]

This is fantastic.

 

[Based Anime Fan]

My favorites:

"Miles Wood sounds like a porn name"

"I like the idea of Lucic beating up everyone in our locker room during intermissions, to encourage them."

"Patrick Roy looks like an off-brand Baldwin brother."

"What censored word is even that long?"

"At least Hall had exciting tantrums when we were losing."

"Tim ****ing Peel"

 

[tempest2i]

I just wanted to stop by and say I really enjoyed this.

 

[ElysiumAB]

Seems like a few people got a laugh out of these (and I actually enjoyed going back through these old ones), here's my remaining favorites to finish out the 2013-14 season.

If there's any interest I can do 2014-2015 next week.


"During the intermission they may not even need to clean that end of the ice." - Game #46 | Jan 7, 2014, Oilers 2 – Blues 5

"I like this lineup. Not the players listed, just the shape it makes." - Game #48 | Jan 12, 2014, Oilers 3 – Blackhawks 5

"On the brightside, it's supposed to be +4 out tomorrow." - Game #49 | Jan 14, 2014, Oilers 2 – Stars 5

"I wish I could package Eakins’ delusional positive outlook, synthesize it, mix it with baking soda, and sell it on the streets." - Game #50 | Jan 16, 2014, Oilers 1 – Wild 4

"Did Eberle just do a drop pass while he was in the crease?" - Game #50 | Jan 16, 2014, Oilers 1 – Wild 4

"The microphones are really picking up the ****s tonight." - Game #50 | Jan 16, 2014, Oilers 1 – Wild 4

"The Oilers with tremendous perimeter pressure." - Game #50 | Jan 16, 2014, Oilers 1 – Wild 4

"The Wild broadcaster just called the Oilers 'a generous team defensively.'" - Game #50 | Jan 16, 2014, Oilers 1 – Wild 4

"I need another apology letter." - Game #52 | Jan 21, 2014, Oilers 1 – Canucks 2

"I painted a mural of a lumberjack riding a lion in the hallway outside the dressing room... it should take a few games to take effect." - Game #53 | Jan 24, 2014, Oilers 3 – Coyotes 4

"Hall with a 'Top Gun' level fly-by." - Game #56 | Jan 29, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sharks 0

"Scriven la vida loca. Scriven on a prayer. Scriven on the edge. Scriven let die. All acceptable." - Game #56 | Jan 29, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sharks 0

"These teams are in the same league? How is this fair?" - Game #57 | Feb 1, 2014, Oilers 0 – Bruins 4

"Ben Scrivens is going to have PTSD from his half season as an Edmonton Oiler." - Game #56 | Jan 29, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sharks 0

"If we lose tonight I'm going outside and fighting the first three people I see." - Game #58 | Feb 3, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sabres 2

"Our special teams would be better if we actually put special needs players on the ice." - Game #58 | Feb 3, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sabres 2

"If F-bombs were worth 2 minutes Hall would be leading the league in PIMs." - Game #58 | Feb 3, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sabres 2

"Every scout at this game just sent a text to their team demanding a raise." - Game #58 | Feb 3, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sabres 2

"Oilers broadcasts should officially rename 'intermission' to 'scotch time.'" - Game #58 | Feb 3, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sabres 2

"Rogers, Safeway, Boston Pizza... repeat." - Game #58 | Feb 3, 2014, Oilers 3 – Sabres 2

"My liver needs the olympic break more than the players do." - Game #60 | Feb 7, 2014, Oilers 1 – Devils 2

"Watching this game is like watching SEGA Genesis hockey if the three controller buttons were A) Toe Drag, B) Drop Pass, C) Coast." - Game #61 | Feb 27, 2014, score: Oilers 0 – Wild 3

"I haven't seen this little heart and emotion in a sporting event since that show with robots that fought each other." - Game #62 | Mar 1, 2014, Oilers 1 – Flames 2

"They better stop showing Eakins or my TV is going in the lake." - Game #63 | Mar 4, 2014, Oilers 3 – Senators 2

"This is like a reverse dynasty." - Game #64 | Mar 6, 2014, Oilers 3 – Islanders 2

"Wayne Gretzky is in the stands watching this, like Picasso at a three-hour long finger painting seminar." - Game #64 | Mar 6, 2014, Oilers 3 – Islanders 2

"I can already tell I'm gonna hate what comes of this Taylor Hall interview." - Game #66 | Mar 11, 2014, Oilers 4 – Wild 3

"If anyone wants to do something more useful than watch this mess, there is a crowd searching effort going on for that lost Malaysian 777." - Game #66 | Mar 11, 2014, Oilers 4 – Wild 3

"Dammit, St. Louis knows the game plan." - Game #67 | Mar 13, 2014, Oilers 2 – Blues 6

"Hey, at least we might get one of those interviews where Ryan Miller looks like a borderline psychopath." - Game #67 | Mar 13, 2014, Oilers 2 – Blues 6

"The future is brighter in Mordor." - Game #72 | Mar 22, 2014, Oilers 1 – Flames 8

"I'm convinced Ryan Jones is being pulled around the rink solely by the gravitational force of the moon." - Game #73 | Mar 25, 2014, Oilers 2 – Sharks 5

"I loved Eakin's interview before the game when he said we're trying to hammer down the system. It's the 75th ****ing game of the season." - Game #75 | Mar 30, 2014, Oilers 0 – Rangers 5

"Have they played Cotton Eyed Joe yet? The team doesn't usually dial it up until Cotton Eyed Joe is played." - Game #75 | Mar 30, 2014, Oilers 0 – Rangers 5

"Corey Perry looks like a Sesame Street character." - Game #79 | Apr 6, 2014, Oilers 4 – Ducks 2

"Corey Perry looks like what I, as a child, presumed clowns looked like without their make-up on." - Game #79 | Apr 6, 2014, Oilers 4 – Ducks 2

"The Kings game winning goal came at the 27-second mark of the first period. Have a nice night." - Game #81 | Apr 10, 2014, Oilers 0 – Kings 3

"Scrivens set out to prove himself after no one recognized him handing out coffee at Hortons." - Game #82 | Apr 12, 2014, Oilers 5 – Canucks 2

"Smytty, I met you when I was 10 at Sorrentino's." - Game #82 | Apr 12, 2014, Oilers 5 – Canucks 2

 

[Diamondillium]

"Have they played Cotton Eyed Joe yet? The team doesn't usually dial it up until Cotton Eyed Joe is played." - Game #75 | Mar 30, 2014, Oilers 0 – Rangers 5

They must not have played Cotton Eyed Joe that night.

 

[Worraps]

I missed this classic:

My all-time favourite.

 

[Digger12]

I laughed way too hard at these. My gosh the **** we went through watching this team during the Eakins "era".

I wish more teams had sites like this. There's probably tons of hilarious anecdotes/GIFs piled up by HF fans over the past decade that have been lost forever.

 

[ElysiumAB]

I laughed way too hard at these. My gosh the **** we went through watching this team during the Eakins "era".

I wish more teams had sites like this. There's probably tons of hilarious anecdotes/GIFs piled up by HF fans over the past decade that have been lost forever.

Shortly after Center Ice was available (not sure if Game Center existed yet) I gained interest in the team. The mix of a historic Canadian franchise with a great fan base, a likeable team, but a complete drama-filled dumpster fire really hit me in all the right places and it was also the first time I could watch any team I wanted through my cable provider.

I stumbled upon this board somehow and I started following the GDTs along with the game - completely entertained. After awhile I came to the conclusion that the comments were too great for me not to document, so I started saving some in a text file. I'm also a fan of obscure, random, dark humor I guess, along with a love for hockey and Canada - so it was a great mix for me. I just had to save some of them - I don't think I had any thought of putting them online until maybe a year later (and even then, it was still just for me).

Unfortunately, this decision didn't come until about game 30 into the season. Being kind of a completionist, I went back and read the previous 30 games of PGTs, GDTs, and Post-Game threads.

Going back through those original 30 games of comments was tedious, I did one or two a night for a few weeks.

Since then, I've mostly been able avoid any back logs - thankfully.

 

[Paralyzer]

LOL you got my comment!

"It's so quiet in there you can hear the village drunk say "Lesch go oiylers!""

HAHA Awesome!

 

[ElysiumAB]

LOL you got my comment!

"It's so quiet in there you can hear the village drunk say "Lesch go oiylers!""

HAHA Awesome!

Awesome. I take artistic license with some, for grammar/punctuation - hopefully I didn't butcher it.

I heard it too.

 

[HockeyGuy1964]

To answer your question, yes, do it for the next season & the season after that & so on & so on.

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.