Entire Senators Franchise Up for Grabs ?

Friday, January 23, 2003 -

It seems that new general manager Keith Fernandes was not bluffing when he said "changes will be made soon". Only on the job for a few hours, Fernandes pulled off two trades. Both of the trades are under review at this point as it seems Fernandes has angered the HFNHL front office.

"He's reckless. He doesn't seem to follow the rules very well." stated one league official.

"Frankly, I don't like him Or his donuts. Ship him back to Mississauga." stated another.

The names of the players that were/are involved in the trades were not disclosed.

Fernandes held a press conference outside the Corel Centre, in front of a 20 ft container marked "Krispy Kreme".

"I would like to apologize to the HFNHL and its executives. I was unaware of certain rules and did not mean to bypass them intentionally. As a good-will gesture, I am sending over 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts to the HFNHL head-office.

That being said, I am actively looking to shake this team up. I want to build a Senators dynasty, insead of one shot at the Cup and then a long stretch of rebuilding.

Everyone on the team is available. EVERYONE. I would like to add that there are certain players that I would like to hold on to; these include Henrik Zetterberg, Denis Grebeshkov, Dan Blackburn, Markus Naslund and Mike Peca.

That is not to say that the aforementioned players are not up for grabs, but they will command a hefty return.

The Senators are interested in draft picks, established young players, prospects and money." proclaimed Fernandes as he scarfed down a donut.

In other Senator news - the petition to kick Fernandes out of town has registered over 300,000 signatures.

-Dash Domi

 

AP - New York

"Mmmpphh. Nmmphh Moot fthwerrrr." The HFNHL's Director of Player Personnel tried to make himself understood around a Krispy Kreme donut wedged in his mouth. We think he was saying this:

"I'm not sure where reports of the league office being upset would have come from. To be sure, Mr. Fernandes submitted trades for our review inside of 24 hours of havin been named the Sens GM. We were frankly surprised, given that all incoming GMs - for the past several years - have had it made clear to them that they are not to finalize any trades for at least a week of taking over, to better enable them to get a feel for market values in the league before making any firm decisions. Clearly, however, Mr. Fernandes didn't understand that, so either he missed the point or it was not explained to him.

"In either event, this is simple to remedy. The typical waiting period is being assumed pending a decision from the Commissioner on whether there should be an exception granted in this case. While there is concern about the wellfare of the team in the midst of this difficult transition, (especially when the new GM in question is talking about turning over almost the entire roster), it is clearly just a misunderstanding, and not something about which anyone needs to feel angry. Until and unless we hear otherwise from the Commissioner, everyone (including Mr. Fernandes) can assume that Ottawa will be talking trade but will not actually be pulling any triggers - including on currently negotiated deals - until a week from now."

Like the man said: "Mmmpphh. Nmmphh Moot fthwerrrr."

Mile Minderbinder
Columbus Discoverer