Do:
Bring Beer, especially for your first game. Think of it as a Rookie's duty. Usually we take turns in twos or threes but make a good first impression and bring a 24 racks for your new teammates. Oh yeah always get 24 racks, 12 guys on a team equals 2 beers a piece, 2-3 guys bringing 24 equals 4-6 brews per person.
Skate hard and take 60-80 second shifts. If you have a short bench and you have to stay out then coasting is somewhat acceptable but you damn well better be where you have to be when you have to be there. Treat that situation like soccer
Play smart, use your teammates and move your feet to get in to a position to receive a pass. Stick on the ice, give your boys a target to pass to. You can't dangle through five guys and roof it top titty, nobody can.
Chirp with a smile, everybody loves a funny dick. Keep family stuff out of it, just joke around and have a good time. Think of it as playing with friends even if you don't know others, eventually they'll become your buddies. This is for fun, so have fun and make new friends
Keep your cellys to a minimum. Modesty is a good quality to possess and you avoid looking like an idiot. Not saying that you have to be a Soviet Union robot but lets not start pulling the old William Tell shooting arrows in to the sky
Drink to get a good buzz, not to get belligerently drunk especially if you have to drive home. If your team is on the wild side and gets all ****ed up every game then just know you need a DD or cab.
Keep your point shots low, nobody wants to catch a clapper in the mouth from some dusty ****.
Play your position and know your roll. Don't try to be Gretzky/Lemieux, chances are you aren't that good and you end up looking like a fool.
Ask for clear even if you have some in your bag, that **** is a hot commodity.
Shoot in to your goalies pads and chest in warmups, don't be trying to snipe like Ovi in warmups. You look stupid and your goalie doesn't appreciate it.
Play a little physical, board battles and in front of the net it is okay to push a little but avoid trying to dummy someone in the neutral zone with their head down. Those days are best left in Juniors or travel leagues. Think of it like Women's Olympic Hockey - Lite
Playfully bust the ref's chops, don't come off as a dick but building a good rapport is never a bad thing.
Know that even if your dream of making it to the show is over there is still good reason to have good style. Tounges out, Hagelin visor with no ear pieces, flow for days, jersey tuck, sleeves pulled up a bit over elbow pads, stick taped heel to toe... Who knows, maybe that sick sty will pay off and you get your weenie played with in the parking lot or Glen Sather sees you and offers you a 25 million dollar contract; either way it is a win/win
Play Russian Roulette with the water bottles, 7 bottles full of water and 1 bottle full of vodka/beer. If your teammates are the rowdy alcoholic type, fill all the water bottles with brewski. After all it is called beer league for a reason
Lastly, just have fun. Competition is fun, but again this is not Juniors and you are not trying to get drafted. Stay level headed, at the end of the day you are still paying to play and you still have work/school/homelessness to look forward to in the morning.
Don't:
Okay Ovechkin, lets put the mirrored visor away because you look like a tool bag.
Be that guy with no shoulder pads pushing people around, if you aren't wearing shoulder pads you've already designated yourself to a finesse role.
***** and moan at your teammates, blaming a guy for a mistake he knew he made just pisses him off even more.
Be the plug that tells others how to play, if you are talented then go ahead and give advice otherwise worry about your own game.
Complain when it is your turn to buy the beer. You come off as a real ass. If you are short on money even a rack of Natty Light is welcomed, we all go through money troubles and we understand.
Complain to the ref. Think complaining will make calls go your way? Guess again pal. Getting on the bad side of an official almost always ensures that your team will be getting shafted with ticky tac calls.
Cherry pick, there is nothing worse than getting pinned in your zone while while Mr. Kovalev is chilling in the neutral zone looking for a breakaway pass so he can snap one over the net. Play solid D and let that funnel in to offensive opportunities.
Handle the puck like a grenade, there is a ton of time and space in beer league. Pick up your head, take a look, find an open man. Simple but so many guys get the puck and throw it away for no reason other than being scared to have the puck on their stick
Take head high clappers, already touched on it but it needs to be reiterated.
Coast on the backcheck, get back and help out. Get there to break up a pass/clear a rebound/pressure the other guy to think about whether to pass or shoot (pressure bursts pipes as my old coach would always say)
Talk excessively about how you were going to make the show/how good you were in Bantam AAA/your stints in Junior A/your career in Junior B or whatever it may be. You can talk about it, but you don't have to bring up the glory days every single time you see the boys.
And most importantly, don't be that dirt bag who tries to fight guys in the parking lot. Not only do you make an ass out of yourself but you are also an adult who will have to deal with Johnny Law. Once again, you are paying to play, people have families and use this as a time to get away and have a good time, there is absolutely no reason for anybody to try and be a macho man.
Honestly I was a bit apprehensive about joining a beer league team, I played high level hockey and there is a trust factor involved in the game of hockey. You have to trust that the guy next to you won't catch you in the mouth with his stick/run you in the boards and break you neck/hit you in the face with a shot. I was pleasantly surprised when I realized that almost everybody had played for quite some time and everybody was skilled in some facet of the game. Keep your stick down, head up, and your spirits high (in alcohol %) and you will have a blast.
