HandsomeHollywood
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- Mar 20, 2017
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CHgoalie27:
JackSlater:
SUMMERFEST XXXI
JackSlater Promotions President: Bill Watts; Executive Assistant: Tammy Sytch
Ring Announcer: Eden Stiles
Backstage Interviewer: Caylee Turner
Optional Pre-Show – Marking the Demise of the High Horsemen
1. Alex Wright vs. Buddy Rose vs. Kento Miyahara (With Johnny Ace)
2. Intercontinental Championship Match: Tully Blanchárd (Champion) vs. Chad Gable
3. Dean Malenko vs. Sammy Guevara (With Kamille and Terry Taylor)
4. Trillion Dollar Trio Championship Match: The Bohemian Club: Ted DiBiase and William Regal and Gino Hernandez (With Monsieur Duprée) vs. Mitsuharu Misawa and Genichiro Tenryu and Kototenzan (John Tenta) (With Johnny Ace)
5. Last Man Standing Match: Fit Finlay vs. Eddie Gilbert (With Missy Hyatt)
State of the Promotion Address – The Ruling Council addresses the fans
6. Val Venis (With Cutie Suzuki and Mayumi Ozaki) vs. 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Marty Jannetty vs. La Parka (With Salina de la Renta)
7. Owen Hart vs. Chris Jericho (With Smith Hart, Bruce Hart, Keith Hart, Helen Hart, and Diana Hart sitting ringside near his corner)
8. Tag Team Championship Match: The Jeff Jarrett Experience (Champions Jeff Jarrett and Scott Norton, with Colonel Rob Parker) vs. The Reckoning (Bobby Eaton and Dr. Death Steve Williams)
9. Mask Match: Christian vs. Andrade Almas (Special Guest Referee Atlantis)*
*If Christian wins he no longer has to wear a plain blue mask while in JackSlater Promotions. If Almas wins he is allowed to don his mask once again and become La Sombra.
10. Heavyweight Championship Match: Scott Steiner (Champion, with Tammy Sytch and Buff Bagwell) vs. Bret Hart
Background:
Times have changed in JackSlater Promotions. President Watts, for years now the firm but fair leader of the promotion, has seen his condition deteriorate over the last year. Some consider it very fortunate that Watts hired former thorn in his side Tammy Sytch, destitute after her daddy’s money was lost defending her in a lawsuit stemming from Summerfest 29, as a secretary. While the job initially seemed degrading to Sytch, which Watts reveled in, the cowboy’s health began deteriorating as he made bizarre decisions that left people concerned for his mental state, such as looking into starting a football league and booking a ladder match with nothing above the ladder. Requiring help, he promoted Miss Sytch to his Executive Assistant. Watts began withdrawing from even the backstage area as Miss Sytch stepped into a leadership role, speaking for Watts and punishing those who questioned her newfound authority.
A crisis occurred as the flamboyant head of the wrestler’s union founded before Summerfest XXX, given a share of revenues by Watts, absconded to The Baja with a significant portion of the promotion’s funds. As fans became increasingly disillusioned with the direction of JSP, with underhanded and handsome wrestlers seeing their status rise for seemingly no reason, money dwindled and Miss Sytch brought in a series of wealthy investors – Billionaire Ponzi Scheme operator Ted DiBiase, love-struck promoter Motoko Baba, new age tech guru Jim Theranos, formerly known as Jimmy Jacobs – to help out. To the shock of fans, Sytch rolled a seemingly non-responsive Watts out to the ring in a wheelchair, where, after having been dropped by bumbling “executives” Johnny Ace and Terry Taylor, he was eventually coaxed by Miss Sytch into signing over partial control of the company to the her new ruling council. Dark times have followed for many of JackSlater Promotions’ fan favourites.
Optional Pre-Show: Marking the Demise of the High Horsemen
Alex Wright vs. Buddy Rose vs. Kento Miyahara (With Johnny Ace)
In an attempt to pursue the female demographic while eyeing global expansion for JackSlater Promotions, Miss Sytch has decided to begin the card with a few of her “pretty things” she’s gathered from around the world. It’s a battle of the boy toys as Das Wunderkind Alex Wright will take on newcomer and aspiring Japanese ace Kento Miyahara, with Director of Executive Relations Johnny Ace, one of Bret Hart's casualties, sent in by Motoko Baba as his guide, and American Playboy Buddy Rose in a fast paced match that is sure to set pulses racing and hearts fluttering around the world.
Intercontinental Championship Match: Tully Blanchárd (Champion) vs. Chad Gable
President Bill Watts had been trying to strip longstanding Intercontinental champion Tully Blanchard of his title due to Blanchard’s years long refusal to defend his title against worthy opponents. Blanchard evaded Watts’ plan by dropping a bombshell – he was in fact born in Calgary, and as a “Canadian” he felt discriminated against by the all-American President. As Watts grew visibly weaker, business savvy Miss Sytch convinced him to leave the new, denim-clad Blanchard as champion and hire a bevy of Canadian stars. An appeased Blanchard, “as Canadian as maple pie eh”, has gone on to embrace Canadiana. Cutting promos in both English and what he believes to be French about how he represents all the Canadian fans from Toronto all the way to Montreal, saying sorry sarcastically after defeating his outclassed opponents, boasting of being friends with the President of Canada, and proudly wearing a jersey of Canada’s team – the Vancouver Canucks, Blanchard seems to be a changed man. After Miss Sytch gave him permission to select his next challenger Blanchard finally settled on Chad Gable, the smallest man on the roster and a proud American who has represented his country in international competition. Blanchard has been mercilessly attacking Gable, battering “les shrimp” as they allegedly say in Quebec and laughing that it will probably cost him a fortune to pay his medical bills in the United States, while also accusing him rather baselessly of being a gun-toting, bigoted, bible thumping, culturally ignorant, overly patriotic American idiot. Gable has borne these insults with quiet dignity and at Summerfest plans to exact revenge by taking the title back to the United States and stopping the man giving mass exposure to the rarely discussed Ugly Canadian stereotype.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Chris Jericho
Dean Malenko vs. Sammy Guevara (With Kamille and Terry Taylor)
GTV has been causing turmoil in JackSlater Promotions for nearly a year now. The increasingly popular webseries sponsored by Jim Theranos has been highlighting the seedy underbelly of the promotion through its various “found footage” videos, including scandals such as:
Buff Bagwell having Mother call in sick for him
Christian bathing in a tub of self-tanner, unaware of its horrid appearance on HD television cameras
The secret truth of Val Venis’ relationship with his valets and “co-stars” Cutie Suzuki and Mayumi Ozaki
Finlay drinking non-Irish coffee with his potato breakfast
Bret Hart’s house reeks of old man stink, leading to much mocking from his neighbour The Shrieking Sheik
Jericho and Gable discussing the best shoe lifts on the market and revealing their real heights
Kamille’s foot based Patreon, which has since been promoted on GTV; Also that Bobby Eaton is a Patron
Gino Hernandez haggling with a used car salesman over his “new” Cadillac
Dr. Death Steve Williams does not have a doctorate but rather a Master’s Degree in Art History
Bill Watts blasting someone on the phone for daring to bring up his “god danged bastard of a son”
William Regal excusing himself from a meeting to enjoy his afternoon tea only to drink a can of Pepsi and eat some pudding with a soup spoon rather than a dessert spoon
Eden Stiles kissing a man with the world’s ugliest tattoo
Marty Jannetty flirting online with a young woman who is reputed to be a very close relation to him
Tully Blanchard struggling to memorize the Canadian anthem in both French and English
Johnny Ace and Motoko Baba shopping for Mr. and Mrs. matching fanny packs
Owen Hart catfishing computer expert Terry Taylor and spiking President Watts’ chili with hot sauce
Buddy Rose weighing himself and revealing that he is in fact not a slim, trim, 217 pounds
Despite these truly stunning revelations, the most damning reveal was that Dean Malenko is in fact not a renowned ladies man and international man of mystery often lovingly referred to as Double Ho Seven, but rather a happily married father of three. His career in tatters, Malenko re-emerged as The Ice Man. After revealing that Guevara, was behind GTV by catching him as he live streamed an “unplugged” concert featuring Jericho and Jarrett, Malenko has set out to stretch Guevara until he begs for mercy.
Trillion Dollar Trio Championship Match: The Bohemian Club: Ted DiBiase and William Regal and Gino Hernandez (With Monsieur Duprée) vs. Mitsuharu Misawa and Genichiro Tenryu and Kototenzan (John Tenta) (With Johnny Ace)
The Trillion Dollar Trios belt, donated by DiBiase, is on the line as The Bohemian Club defends against Motoko Baba’s imports with a one million dollar (or ten million yen should DiBiase win) wager on the line. Ted DiBiase, one of JackSlater Promotions’ new investors, has made it his mission to increase the promotion’s value and saw to classing the joint up by bringing in a touch of class with Lord William Regal and a wealthy up and comer in Handsome Gino Hernandez, mysteriously banned from the promotion by President Watts when he was still active despite the lobbying of Tully Blanchard. DiBiase’s loss to Bret Hart further incentivize him to bring in the trios belt and he has encouraged other wealthy wrestlers to do the same. His French man-servant, Monsieur Duprée, is on the premises to assure that things do not get unseemly. Baba’s group is led By Misawa, disgruntled about his previous JSP run and eliminated from singles competition due to his defeat at the hands of Bret Hart. Tenryu is helping his stablemate out and has brought in his new protégé, Kototenzan. The former Earthquake John Tenta, a victim of Steiner's reign of terror who has yet to fully recover mentally after he came in as part of the Canadian influx, was brought in by Tenryu due to their shared sumo background. Tenryu has pulled rank on Tenta several times, smacking him stiffly for failing to lower the ropes for his superiors or trying to speak in English. This harsh discipline has drawn long hard stares from the Canadian big man. Johnny Ace will be there at Motoko Baba’s behest to ensure that her representatives are respectful and to translate as required, despite his rather limited Japanese vocabulary.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Owen Hart
Last Man Standing Match: Fit Finlay vs. Eddie Gilbert (With Missy Hyatt)
Miss Sytch has looked at the key demographics and decreed that JackSlater Promotions needs a women’s wrestling division in order to appeal to the legions of wrestling fans whom she believes want to ogle barely clothed women under the guise of enjoying their wrestling. No one seemed better suited to the job of training these wrestlers than Fit Finlay, recently retired after having his body and ego severely bruised in a match with Scott Steiner. Finlay’s first trainee has been Missy Hyatt, the spoiled rich girl with feathered hair and padded shoulder jackets with miniskirts, who has thus far gotten by on her looks but has been selected by Miss Sytch as the ideal first candidate to be trained. This development did not sit well with her partner and paramour at Hot Stuff International, Eddie Gilbert, who wanted Hyatt at his side or in his corner at all times. Hyatt has been making great strides in the ring and even appeared in a few training vignettes in her cut off sweat shirts and leg warmers, but she has also no showed some Gilbert matches and been too sore to lower the ropes for Gilbert upon his entrance to the ring. Her failure to utilize her loaded Gucci purse to assist Gilbert in a match with Christian further enraged Hot Stuff. After the loss Gilbert grabbed Hyatt and harshly threw her into the Vector W2 that he typically drives to ringside and sped off in a cloud of exhaust to the loud jeers of the JSP faithful.
Gilbert initially wore uneasy smiles when dealing with Finlay which progressed to disdainful scowls as he has walked up to his limo only to find Finlay sitting with Hyatt discussing wrestling, found them standing close together in the concession line whispering about wrestling, and even sitting ringside together… discussing wrestling. The happiness that Hyatt seems to get from wrestling and her training with the man she dubbed “more rugged than Fit” seems to matter not to Gilbert. Convinced that Hyatt has no place in the ring and that no man actually wants to talk to her just about wrestling, Gilbert took matters into his own hands by donning his neon semi rimless sunglasses before blasting Finlay with his patented fireball, even burning off the Irishman’s greasy mustache, when he found him poolside with Hyatt once again discussing wrestling. Only a quick leap into the pool saved Finlay from dire damage. Gilbert has vowed to beat Finlay in the ring, in the stands, the parking lot, and even at the concession stand in a Last Man Standing match that he feels will prove once and for all where Hyatt’s priorities should be. Finlay has vowed to defeat Gilbert while expressing that Hyatt’s agency alone should dictate what she does and who she does it with.
State of the Promotion Address – The Ruling Council addresses the fans
Jim Theranos will lead the ruling council and associates through a concise PowerPoint presentation detailing the new immersive initiatives JackSlater Promotions is undertaking in order to increase customer engagement with the product and find innovative new revenue streams. Terry Taylor, Theranos' assistant and a victim of Bret Hart, will assist.
Val Venis (With Cutie Suzuki and Mayumi Ozaki) vs. 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Marty Jannetty vs. La Parka (With Salina de la Renta)
Vendettas abound among some of JackSlater Promotions’ most eclectic figures. Val Venis, renowned for his crossover appeal in two industries, was pulsating with pent up aggression after seeing a GTV segment in which Miss Sytch escorted 2 Cold Scorpio out of “her” office and dreamily giggled that from that point on she’d have to call Val “the little Valbowski”. Scorpio himself has been disgruntled ever since his debut promo was ruined as a red-eyed and grinning Marty Jannetty walked through the background of an otherwise intense promo and laughed at the camera while shooting a thumbs up as wafts of smoke followed from behind him. Marty himself has a bone to pick. He had previously been fired yet again by Bill Watts after he, while in a chemically altered state, freaked out backstage when “a literal freakin skeleton” walked by and spooked him so badly that he disappeared for days. Having convinced Miss Sytch to hire him back by helping her fulfill one of her teenage dreams, he’s vowed revenge on La Parka for ruining what was sure to be a big time run in JSP. The Chairman La Parka has been hunting for Val Venis as well after he propositioned La Parka’s manager, Salina de la Renta, by crudely asking her if she wanted a real boning for once in his new crossover film – No Ho’s Barred. Desperate to get the feuding men out of her hair, Miss Sytch has washed her hands of each of the men and thrown them into one match to settle their differences.
Owen Hart vs. Chris Jericho (With Smith Hart, Bruce Hart, Keith Hart, Helen Hart, and Diana Hart sitting ringside near his corner)
Chris Jericho has made his triumphant return to “save” JackSlater Promotions as part of the Canadian invasion and has stressed to the legions of fans that he is now the best in the world at what he does. A calm and confident Jericho has set out to right some past wrongs before he pursues the heavyweight championship, with his sights first set on the Harts. Jericho has mentioned how he once looked up to the Harts as an aspiring Canadian wrestler, but when he turned 18 and went to the Hart brothers wrestling school all they taught was how to write a cheque as they droned on about their glory days in between taking liberties with their trainees. Now an international superstar and with the backing of good friend Ted DiBiase, Jericho has purchased the Hart mansion, turning the famed Dungeon into the Lion’s Den recording studio for Fozzy and friends like Jarrett. He has also hired the hapless Hart brothers, penniless and without a clue after their father died of shame and they jealously cast out their brother Bret, to work as his chauffeurs, butlers, and bathroom attendants as Helen bakes for him all day and Diana follows him around clapping.
The youngest Hart brother has been an exception, as Jericho holds self-sufficient and talented Owen in very high regard as an inspirational figure, even going the wrestling hipster route by saying that he is “even better than Bret”. Still, the prankster who proudly called himself The Black Hart has become increasingly uncomfortable with Jericho’s treatment of his family. Owen has stopped laughing at Jericho’s abuse of his family after Jericho chastised him to stop fraternizing with the help while he attempted to visit his mother and after a close call in his classic match with Bret at May Day Massacre, in which Bret risked his career by intentionally causing a no contest that would allow Owen to continue as a singles wrestler. The youngest Hart has seemingly become a different man. Owen’s pranks have increasingly centered on Jericho - tampering with his scarves, light up jackets, tour bus, and even with the scheduling of Jericho’s signing tour for his 8th autobiography - until Jericho could take no more. Family honour is on the line as Owen Hart sets out to prove that even the Black Hart is in the right place sometimes. Jericho may own the Hart House, but Owen has declared that he’ll never own the Hart family legacy.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Scott Steiner
Tag Team Championship Match: The Jeff Jarrett Experience (Champions Jeff Jarrett and Scott Norton, with Colonel Rob Parker) vs. The Reckoning (Bobby Eaton and Dr. Death Steve Williams)
Desperate times have created a new partnership as Bobby Eaton and Dr. Death Steve Williams have come together to form The Reckoning. Scott Steiner broke the neck of Eaton’s previous partner, ending his career, leaving the man Miss Sytch dubbed “not so Beautiful Bobby” on his own. Dr. Death, long a Bill Watts favourite, saw his reputation tarnished after he was put on the shelf for months by an extended stay in the Steiner Recliner. Coming together as a team after securing Watts’ signature directly, a rare instance of anyone bypassing Miss Sytch, they have ascended the tag ranks. Country music superstar Jeff Jarrett, no longer allowed to participate in singles matches after submitting to Bret Hart, moved into the tag ranks and was given the tag titles, without even a match, by Miss Sytch and allowed to choose his fellow champion. Along with bodyguard to the stars Scott Norton, Jarrett has spent most of his time standing on the apron crooning his biggest hits for the “lucky” fans as Norton dominates in the ring. Jarrett may have been given the right, along with Fozzy, to record the theme music for every wrestler in JackSlater Promotions, but he may soon lose the right to call himself champion before the night is through. As The Jeff Jarrett Experience manager Colonel Rob Parker often says – Ain’t he great?!
Mask Match: Christian vs. Andrade Almas (Special Guest Referee Atlantis)
Fan favourite and burgeoning main eventer Christian saw his momentum crash to a halt as Miss Sytch rose to power. Despite bringing his three Cs – Christian, Charisma, and Canada – to JackSlater Promotions, Miss Sytch deemed Christian an eyesore and threatened to enact the Ugly Laws from American history to ban Christian from appearing in JSP. A brutal Steiner Screwdriver in a title match forced matters and Christian was required to wear a blue mask over his mangled face if he desired to continue in the promotion. His claims that he has healed have fallen on deaf ears with Miss Sytch as she has dismissively shooed him away.
Andrade Almas has had a very different experience. A favourite of Miss Sytch, and dubbed her “hot tamale”, Almas saw himself put in favourable matches and pushed quickly through the ranks. After his former manager and translator was fired, largely due to a fit of jealousy from the Executive Assistant, Almas began practicing English and cutting short promos in front of fans. Miss Sytch put an end to this, assuring Almas that no one was buying a ticket to hear what he had to say and that all he had to do was stay sweaty and pretty as he ran around the ring “like a good little Mexican jumping bean”. Growing increasingly disillusioned, Almas has looked to his past and desires to prove that his talent alone is what brings him success at the grandest promotion in wrestling. A Mask Match has been set up, as Sytch and the ruling council hope to generate interest for JackSlater Promotions in the hot Mexican wrestling market, and either Christian will be allowed to wrestle without his humiliating plain blue mask or Almas will be allowed to don his mask again and become La Sombra once more. Atlantis, the man who initially claimed Almas’ mask and who has been inspired by Almas’ recent fire and passion, will be refereeing to ensure that if Almas wins his mask it is truly well earned.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Bret Hart
Heavyweight Championship Match: Scott Steiner (Champion, with Tammy Sytch and Buff Bagwell) vs. Brett Hart
As President Watts weakened and JackSlater Promotions began taking in investors, an issue emerged – no one in power, especially Executive Assistant Miss Sytch, was happy with the world heavyweight champion. A solution emerged when Scott Steiner was brought in, his new Big Poppa Pump persona a shock to those who only knew him as the freakishly strong and deceptively agile wrestling innovator. Steiner, with his amateur wrestling background, colossal physique, newly bleached hair, and extremely arrogant and abrasive attention-getting attitude, was the only man who appealed to each stakeholder within the company. Steiner won the championship in convincing fashion and has since been on a reign of terror, defeating all comers in brutal fashion and causing numerous injuries, all while cutting scathing promos and backing up even some of his most ridiculous threats. Miss Sytch and oiled up gigolo Buff Bagwell have almost always been found hanging onto Steiner’s every word and in some cases literally hanging off Steiner himself.
During Steiner’s reign of terror a new hope has emerged. Bret Hart has risen through JSP much to the chagrin of the ruling council. A desperate President Watts signed Hart to a massive contract when he was desperate for Canadian talent, and this contract became particularly onerous after Executive Assistant Miss Sytch began booking Hart in irrelevant opening matches or handicap matches and cryptically chastising him for wasting his "Sunny Days". With the ruling council making many cuts in order to meet the terms of Hart’s contract, including cutting ties with all other Harts, Bret found himself highly paid but on the bottom of the card and spurned by his own jealous family. The frustrated Hitman eventually offered a solution – he would work in JSP for free and even quit the promotion upon his first loss, provided that every wrestler he defeated would from that point on be barred from singles competition while Bret remained under contract. The council agreed and The Hitman began excellently executing the roster, decimating the underlings and friends of the ruling council over the last several months. As Hart mounted a massive winning streak, with the one exception being against his younger brother, and Steiner continued injuring both fan favourites and perceived villains alike, pressure mounted as the roster was stretched precariously thin. The ruling council has come up with the only solution agreeable to both sides– Hart vs Steiner, for the Heavyweight Championship, with Hart agreeing to talk privately with Watts, and only Watts, about renegotiating the terms of his contract should he win. Watts himself shocked the fans and especially Miss Sytch by slowly grabbing the pen from her hand and signing the match contract himself just one week prior to Summerfest, as The Hitman confidently stared down a flexing and swearing Steiner in the middle of the ring.
MONOPOLY GAMES Hosted By President Donald Trump
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, NEW YORK, NY
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, NEW YORK, NY
TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS FOR TOTAL REGIONAL CONTROL
Vince McMahon vs Antonio Inoki vs Atsushi Onita vs Giant Baba
Vince McMahon vs Antonio Inoki vs Atsushi Onita vs Giant Baba
(WWE, Inc.) (NJPW) (FMW) (AJPW)
STEEL CAGE GRUDGE-MATCH FOR ALL ECW & NWA PROPERTY RIGHTS
Lou Thesz (w/Mildred Burke) vs Shane Douglas(w/Francine)
Lou Thesz (w/Mildred Burke) vs Shane Douglas(w/Francine)
(On behalf of Lightning One, Inc.) (On Behalf of WWE, Inc.)
WWF vs IWGP WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP UNIFICATION
Macho King Randy Savage vs Hiroshi Tanahashi
Macho King Randy Savage vs Hiroshi Tanahashi
(WWF Champion) (IWGP Champion)
WWE/WWF WOMENS CHAMPIONSHIP UNIFICATION
Ronda Rousey vs Chyna
Ronda Rousey vs Chyna
(WWE Champion) (WWF CHAMPION)
IWGP VS NWA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS VS CHAMPIONS MATCH
Minnesota Wrecking Crew vs Cho-Ten
Gene Anderson & Masahiro Chono &
Ole Anderson Hiroyoshi Tenzan
Minnesota Wrecking Crew vs Cho-Ten
Gene Anderson & Masahiro Chono &
Ole Anderson Hiroyoshi Tenzan
(WCW Champions) (IWGP Champions)
TRIPLE CROWN HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP LAST MAN STANDING MATCH
Stan Hansen vs Mike Awesome
Stan Hansen vs Mike Awesome
(Champion) (Challenger)
FMW BRASS KNUCKLES CHAMPIONSHIP
Hayabusa vs Velveteen Dream
Hayabusa vs Velveteen Dream
(Champion) (Challenger)
HARDCORE MATCH FOR WWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
The Nasty Boys vs The Bad Breed
Brian Knobbs & Jerry Saggs Axl Rotten & Ian Rotten
The Nasty Boys vs The Bad Breed
Brian Knobbs & Jerry Saggs Axl Rotten & Ian Rotten
(Champions) (Challengers)
NXT CHAMPIONSHIP
Aleister Black vs Rob Van Dam
Aleister Black vs Rob Van Dam
(Champion) (Challenger)
NXT TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Street Profits vs Guerillas Of Destiny
Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa
Street Profits vs Guerillas Of Destiny
Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa
(Champions) (Challengers)
WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
The Miz vs Maxwell Jacob Friedman
The Miz vs Maxwell Jacob Friedman
(Champion) (Challenger)
BEST of 3 FALLS FOR VACATED WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TAG TEAM CHAMPIOSHIP
Psicosis & Super Crazy vs Bushi & Evil
Psicosis & Super Crazy vs Bushi & Evil
COCKFIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP HANDS TIED BEHIND THE BACK MATCH
Joey Ryan vs Sonny Kiss vs The Good Boy Jack Russell
VS
JackSlater:
SUMMERFEST XXXI
JackSlater Promotions President: Bill Watts; Executive Assistant: Tammy Sytch
Ring Announcer: Eden Stiles
Backstage Interviewer: Caylee Turner
Optional Pre-Show – Marking the Demise of the High Horsemen
1. Alex Wright vs. Buddy Rose vs. Kento Miyahara (With Johnny Ace)
2. Intercontinental Championship Match: Tully Blanchárd (Champion) vs. Chad Gable
3. Dean Malenko vs. Sammy Guevara (With Kamille and Terry Taylor)
4. Trillion Dollar Trio Championship Match: The Bohemian Club: Ted DiBiase and William Regal and Gino Hernandez (With Monsieur Duprée) vs. Mitsuharu Misawa and Genichiro Tenryu and Kototenzan (John Tenta) (With Johnny Ace)
5. Last Man Standing Match: Fit Finlay vs. Eddie Gilbert (With Missy Hyatt)
State of the Promotion Address – The Ruling Council addresses the fans
6. Val Venis (With Cutie Suzuki and Mayumi Ozaki) vs. 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Marty Jannetty vs. La Parka (With Salina de la Renta)
7. Owen Hart vs. Chris Jericho (With Smith Hart, Bruce Hart, Keith Hart, Helen Hart, and Diana Hart sitting ringside near his corner)
8. Tag Team Championship Match: The Jeff Jarrett Experience (Champions Jeff Jarrett and Scott Norton, with Colonel Rob Parker) vs. The Reckoning (Bobby Eaton and Dr. Death Steve Williams)
9. Mask Match: Christian vs. Andrade Almas (Special Guest Referee Atlantis)*
*If Christian wins he no longer has to wear a plain blue mask while in JackSlater Promotions. If Almas wins he is allowed to don his mask once again and become La Sombra.
10. Heavyweight Championship Match: Scott Steiner (Champion, with Tammy Sytch and Buff Bagwell) vs. Bret Hart
Background:
Times have changed in JackSlater Promotions. President Watts, for years now the firm but fair leader of the promotion, has seen his condition deteriorate over the last year. Some consider it very fortunate that Watts hired former thorn in his side Tammy Sytch, destitute after her daddy’s money was lost defending her in a lawsuit stemming from Summerfest 29, as a secretary. While the job initially seemed degrading to Sytch, which Watts reveled in, the cowboy’s health began deteriorating as he made bizarre decisions that left people concerned for his mental state, such as looking into starting a football league and booking a ladder match with nothing above the ladder. Requiring help, he promoted Miss Sytch to his Executive Assistant. Watts began withdrawing from even the backstage area as Miss Sytch stepped into a leadership role, speaking for Watts and punishing those who questioned her newfound authority.
A crisis occurred as the flamboyant head of the wrestler’s union founded before Summerfest XXX, given a share of revenues by Watts, absconded to The Baja with a significant portion of the promotion’s funds. As fans became increasingly disillusioned with the direction of JSP, with underhanded and handsome wrestlers seeing their status rise for seemingly no reason, money dwindled and Miss Sytch brought in a series of wealthy investors – Billionaire Ponzi Scheme operator Ted DiBiase, love-struck promoter Motoko Baba, new age tech guru Jim Theranos, formerly known as Jimmy Jacobs – to help out. To the shock of fans, Sytch rolled a seemingly non-responsive Watts out to the ring in a wheelchair, where, after having been dropped by bumbling “executives” Johnny Ace and Terry Taylor, he was eventually coaxed by Miss Sytch into signing over partial control of the company to the her new ruling council. Dark times have followed for many of JackSlater Promotions’ fan favourites.
Optional Pre-Show: Marking the Demise of the High Horsemen
Wrestling’s High Horsemen – Buck Zumhofe, Grizzly Smith, Terry Garvin, Steve Gatorwolf, Bill Armstrong, Ken Wayne, and Hardbody Harrison – left JackSlater Promotions several months ago in pursuit of a promotion where rules didn’t exist, logic had no place, and grandstanding was encouraged. Though the High Horsemen often made efforts to show up once again and draw attention to their departure, fans did not miss them and their dedication to all things except wrestling. It has been revealed that this motley crew of aspiring wrestling philosophers and moral beacons eventually rode their high horses straight off a cliff, into obscurity and also the very sharp rocks below. Some lingered on painfully but in the end there were no survivors. Though they are not missed and attempts to create a highlight package proved impossible, JackSlater Promotions will mark their timely demise with a quick ringing of the bell and the blowing of a slide whistle to remind the fans of how much worse things could be.
Alex Wright vs. Buddy Rose vs. Kento Miyahara (With Johnny Ace)
In an attempt to pursue the female demographic while eyeing global expansion for JackSlater Promotions, Miss Sytch has decided to begin the card with a few of her “pretty things” she’s gathered from around the world. It’s a battle of the boy toys as Das Wunderkind Alex Wright will take on newcomer and aspiring Japanese ace Kento Miyahara, with Director of Executive Relations Johnny Ace, one of Bret Hart's casualties, sent in by Motoko Baba as his guide, and American Playboy Buddy Rose in a fast paced match that is sure to set pulses racing and hearts fluttering around the world.
Intercontinental Championship Match: Tully Blanchárd (Champion) vs. Chad Gable
President Bill Watts had been trying to strip longstanding Intercontinental champion Tully Blanchard of his title due to Blanchard’s years long refusal to defend his title against worthy opponents. Blanchard evaded Watts’ plan by dropping a bombshell – he was in fact born in Calgary, and as a “Canadian” he felt discriminated against by the all-American President. As Watts grew visibly weaker, business savvy Miss Sytch convinced him to leave the new, denim-clad Blanchard as champion and hire a bevy of Canadian stars. An appeased Blanchard, “as Canadian as maple pie eh”, has gone on to embrace Canadiana. Cutting promos in both English and what he believes to be French about how he represents all the Canadian fans from Toronto all the way to Montreal, saying sorry sarcastically after defeating his outclassed opponents, boasting of being friends with the President of Canada, and proudly wearing a jersey of Canada’s team – the Vancouver Canucks, Blanchard seems to be a changed man. After Miss Sytch gave him permission to select his next challenger Blanchard finally settled on Chad Gable, the smallest man on the roster and a proud American who has represented his country in international competition. Blanchard has been mercilessly attacking Gable, battering “les shrimp” as they allegedly say in Quebec and laughing that it will probably cost him a fortune to pay his medical bills in the United States, while also accusing him rather baselessly of being a gun-toting, bigoted, bible thumping, culturally ignorant, overly patriotic American idiot. Gable has borne these insults with quiet dignity and at Summerfest plans to exact revenge by taking the title back to the United States and stopping the man giving mass exposure to the rarely discussed Ugly Canadian stereotype.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Chris Jericho
Dean Malenko vs. Sammy Guevara (With Kamille and Terry Taylor)
GTV has been causing turmoil in JackSlater Promotions for nearly a year now. The increasingly popular webseries sponsored by Jim Theranos has been highlighting the seedy underbelly of the promotion through its various “found footage” videos, including scandals such as:
Buff Bagwell having Mother call in sick for him
Christian bathing in a tub of self-tanner, unaware of its horrid appearance on HD television cameras
The secret truth of Val Venis’ relationship with his valets and “co-stars” Cutie Suzuki and Mayumi Ozaki
Finlay drinking non-Irish coffee with his potato breakfast
Bret Hart’s house reeks of old man stink, leading to much mocking from his neighbour The Shrieking Sheik
Jericho and Gable discussing the best shoe lifts on the market and revealing their real heights
Kamille’s foot based Patreon, which has since been promoted on GTV; Also that Bobby Eaton is a Patron
Gino Hernandez haggling with a used car salesman over his “new” Cadillac
Dr. Death Steve Williams does not have a doctorate but rather a Master’s Degree in Art History
Bill Watts blasting someone on the phone for daring to bring up his “god danged bastard of a son”
William Regal excusing himself from a meeting to enjoy his afternoon tea only to drink a can of Pepsi and eat some pudding with a soup spoon rather than a dessert spoon
Eden Stiles kissing a man with the world’s ugliest tattoo
Marty Jannetty flirting online with a young woman who is reputed to be a very close relation to him
Tully Blanchard struggling to memorize the Canadian anthem in both French and English
Johnny Ace and Motoko Baba shopping for Mr. and Mrs. matching fanny packs
Owen Hart catfishing computer expert Terry Taylor and spiking President Watts’ chili with hot sauce
Buddy Rose weighing himself and revealing that he is in fact not a slim, trim, 217 pounds
Despite these truly stunning revelations, the most damning reveal was that Dean Malenko is in fact not a renowned ladies man and international man of mystery often lovingly referred to as Double Ho Seven, but rather a happily married father of three. His career in tatters, Malenko re-emerged as The Ice Man. After revealing that Guevara, was behind GTV by catching him as he live streamed an “unplugged” concert featuring Jericho and Jarrett, Malenko has set out to stretch Guevara until he begs for mercy.
Trillion Dollar Trio Championship Match: The Bohemian Club: Ted DiBiase and William Regal and Gino Hernandez (With Monsieur Duprée) vs. Mitsuharu Misawa and Genichiro Tenryu and Kototenzan (John Tenta) (With Johnny Ace)
The Trillion Dollar Trios belt, donated by DiBiase, is on the line as The Bohemian Club defends against Motoko Baba’s imports with a one million dollar (or ten million yen should DiBiase win) wager on the line. Ted DiBiase, one of JackSlater Promotions’ new investors, has made it his mission to increase the promotion’s value and saw to classing the joint up by bringing in a touch of class with Lord William Regal and a wealthy up and comer in Handsome Gino Hernandez, mysteriously banned from the promotion by President Watts when he was still active despite the lobbying of Tully Blanchard. DiBiase’s loss to Bret Hart further incentivize him to bring in the trios belt and he has encouraged other wealthy wrestlers to do the same. His French man-servant, Monsieur Duprée, is on the premises to assure that things do not get unseemly. Baba’s group is led By Misawa, disgruntled about his previous JSP run and eliminated from singles competition due to his defeat at the hands of Bret Hart. Tenryu is helping his stablemate out and has brought in his new protégé, Kototenzan. The former Earthquake John Tenta, a victim of Steiner's reign of terror who has yet to fully recover mentally after he came in as part of the Canadian influx, was brought in by Tenryu due to their shared sumo background. Tenryu has pulled rank on Tenta several times, smacking him stiffly for failing to lower the ropes for his superiors or trying to speak in English. This harsh discipline has drawn long hard stares from the Canadian big man. Johnny Ace will be there at Motoko Baba’s behest to ensure that her representatives are respectful and to translate as required, despite his rather limited Japanese vocabulary.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Owen Hart
Last Man Standing Match: Fit Finlay vs. Eddie Gilbert (With Missy Hyatt)
Miss Sytch has looked at the key demographics and decreed that JackSlater Promotions needs a women’s wrestling division in order to appeal to the legions of wrestling fans whom she believes want to ogle barely clothed women under the guise of enjoying their wrestling. No one seemed better suited to the job of training these wrestlers than Fit Finlay, recently retired after having his body and ego severely bruised in a match with Scott Steiner. Finlay’s first trainee has been Missy Hyatt, the spoiled rich girl with feathered hair and padded shoulder jackets with miniskirts, who has thus far gotten by on her looks but has been selected by Miss Sytch as the ideal first candidate to be trained. This development did not sit well with her partner and paramour at Hot Stuff International, Eddie Gilbert, who wanted Hyatt at his side or in his corner at all times. Hyatt has been making great strides in the ring and even appeared in a few training vignettes in her cut off sweat shirts and leg warmers, but she has also no showed some Gilbert matches and been too sore to lower the ropes for Gilbert upon his entrance to the ring. Her failure to utilize her loaded Gucci purse to assist Gilbert in a match with Christian further enraged Hot Stuff. After the loss Gilbert grabbed Hyatt and harshly threw her into the Vector W2 that he typically drives to ringside and sped off in a cloud of exhaust to the loud jeers of the JSP faithful.
Gilbert initially wore uneasy smiles when dealing with Finlay which progressed to disdainful scowls as he has walked up to his limo only to find Finlay sitting with Hyatt discussing wrestling, found them standing close together in the concession line whispering about wrestling, and even sitting ringside together… discussing wrestling. The happiness that Hyatt seems to get from wrestling and her training with the man she dubbed “more rugged than Fit” seems to matter not to Gilbert. Convinced that Hyatt has no place in the ring and that no man actually wants to talk to her just about wrestling, Gilbert took matters into his own hands by donning his neon semi rimless sunglasses before blasting Finlay with his patented fireball, even burning off the Irishman’s greasy mustache, when he found him poolside with Hyatt once again discussing wrestling. Only a quick leap into the pool saved Finlay from dire damage. Gilbert has vowed to beat Finlay in the ring, in the stands, the parking lot, and even at the concession stand in a Last Man Standing match that he feels will prove once and for all where Hyatt’s priorities should be. Finlay has vowed to defeat Gilbert while expressing that Hyatt’s agency alone should dictate what she does and who she does it with.
State of the Promotion Address – The Ruling Council addresses the fans
Jim Theranos will lead the ruling council and associates through a concise PowerPoint presentation detailing the new immersive initiatives JackSlater Promotions is undertaking in order to increase customer engagement with the product and find innovative new revenue streams. Terry Taylor, Theranos' assistant and a victim of Bret Hart, will assist.
Val Venis (With Cutie Suzuki and Mayumi Ozaki) vs. 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Marty Jannetty vs. La Parka (With Salina de la Renta)
Vendettas abound among some of JackSlater Promotions’ most eclectic figures. Val Venis, renowned for his crossover appeal in two industries, was pulsating with pent up aggression after seeing a GTV segment in which Miss Sytch escorted 2 Cold Scorpio out of “her” office and dreamily giggled that from that point on she’d have to call Val “the little Valbowski”. Scorpio himself has been disgruntled ever since his debut promo was ruined as a red-eyed and grinning Marty Jannetty walked through the background of an otherwise intense promo and laughed at the camera while shooting a thumbs up as wafts of smoke followed from behind him. Marty himself has a bone to pick. He had previously been fired yet again by Bill Watts after he, while in a chemically altered state, freaked out backstage when “a literal freakin skeleton” walked by and spooked him so badly that he disappeared for days. Having convinced Miss Sytch to hire him back by helping her fulfill one of her teenage dreams, he’s vowed revenge on La Parka for ruining what was sure to be a big time run in JSP. The Chairman La Parka has been hunting for Val Venis as well after he propositioned La Parka’s manager, Salina de la Renta, by crudely asking her if she wanted a real boning for once in his new crossover film – No Ho’s Barred. Desperate to get the feuding men out of her hair, Miss Sytch has washed her hands of each of the men and thrown them into one match to settle their differences.
Owen Hart vs. Chris Jericho (With Smith Hart, Bruce Hart, Keith Hart, Helen Hart, and Diana Hart sitting ringside near his corner)
Chris Jericho has made his triumphant return to “save” JackSlater Promotions as part of the Canadian invasion and has stressed to the legions of fans that he is now the best in the world at what he does. A calm and confident Jericho has set out to right some past wrongs before he pursues the heavyweight championship, with his sights first set on the Harts. Jericho has mentioned how he once looked up to the Harts as an aspiring Canadian wrestler, but when he turned 18 and went to the Hart brothers wrestling school all they taught was how to write a cheque as they droned on about their glory days in between taking liberties with their trainees. Now an international superstar and with the backing of good friend Ted DiBiase, Jericho has purchased the Hart mansion, turning the famed Dungeon into the Lion’s Den recording studio for Fozzy and friends like Jarrett. He has also hired the hapless Hart brothers, penniless and without a clue after their father died of shame and they jealously cast out their brother Bret, to work as his chauffeurs, butlers, and bathroom attendants as Helen bakes for him all day and Diana follows him around clapping.
The youngest Hart brother has been an exception, as Jericho holds self-sufficient and talented Owen in very high regard as an inspirational figure, even going the wrestling hipster route by saying that he is “even better than Bret”. Still, the prankster who proudly called himself The Black Hart has become increasingly uncomfortable with Jericho’s treatment of his family. Owen has stopped laughing at Jericho’s abuse of his family after Jericho chastised him to stop fraternizing with the help while he attempted to visit his mother and after a close call in his classic match with Bret at May Day Massacre, in which Bret risked his career by intentionally causing a no contest that would allow Owen to continue as a singles wrestler. The youngest Hart has seemingly become a different man. Owen’s pranks have increasingly centered on Jericho - tampering with his scarves, light up jackets, tour bus, and even with the scheduling of Jericho’s signing tour for his 8th autobiography - until Jericho could take no more. Family honour is on the line as Owen Hart sets out to prove that even the Black Hart is in the right place sometimes. Jericho may own the Hart House, but Owen has declared that he’ll never own the Hart family legacy.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Scott Steiner
Tag Team Championship Match: The Jeff Jarrett Experience (Champions Jeff Jarrett and Scott Norton, with Colonel Rob Parker) vs. The Reckoning (Bobby Eaton and Dr. Death Steve Williams)
Desperate times have created a new partnership as Bobby Eaton and Dr. Death Steve Williams have come together to form The Reckoning. Scott Steiner broke the neck of Eaton’s previous partner, ending his career, leaving the man Miss Sytch dubbed “not so Beautiful Bobby” on his own. Dr. Death, long a Bill Watts favourite, saw his reputation tarnished after he was put on the shelf for months by an extended stay in the Steiner Recliner. Coming together as a team after securing Watts’ signature directly, a rare instance of anyone bypassing Miss Sytch, they have ascended the tag ranks. Country music superstar Jeff Jarrett, no longer allowed to participate in singles matches after submitting to Bret Hart, moved into the tag ranks and was given the tag titles, without even a match, by Miss Sytch and allowed to choose his fellow champion. Along with bodyguard to the stars Scott Norton, Jarrett has spent most of his time standing on the apron crooning his biggest hits for the “lucky” fans as Norton dominates in the ring. Jarrett may have been given the right, along with Fozzy, to record the theme music for every wrestler in JackSlater Promotions, but he may soon lose the right to call himself champion before the night is through. As The Jeff Jarrett Experience manager Colonel Rob Parker often says – Ain’t he great?!
Mask Match: Christian vs. Andrade Almas (Special Guest Referee Atlantis)
Fan favourite and burgeoning main eventer Christian saw his momentum crash to a halt as Miss Sytch rose to power. Despite bringing his three Cs – Christian, Charisma, and Canada – to JackSlater Promotions, Miss Sytch deemed Christian an eyesore and threatened to enact the Ugly Laws from American history to ban Christian from appearing in JSP. A brutal Steiner Screwdriver in a title match forced matters and Christian was required to wear a blue mask over his mangled face if he desired to continue in the promotion. His claims that he has healed have fallen on deaf ears with Miss Sytch as she has dismissively shooed him away.
Andrade Almas has had a very different experience. A favourite of Miss Sytch, and dubbed her “hot tamale”, Almas saw himself put in favourable matches and pushed quickly through the ranks. After his former manager and translator was fired, largely due to a fit of jealousy from the Executive Assistant, Almas began practicing English and cutting short promos in front of fans. Miss Sytch put an end to this, assuring Almas that no one was buying a ticket to hear what he had to say and that all he had to do was stay sweaty and pretty as he ran around the ring “like a good little Mexican jumping bean”. Growing increasingly disillusioned, Almas has looked to his past and desires to prove that his talent alone is what brings him success at the grandest promotion in wrestling. A Mask Match has been set up, as Sytch and the ruling council hope to generate interest for JackSlater Promotions in the hot Mexican wrestling market, and either Christian will be allowed to wrestle without his humiliating plain blue mask or Almas will be allowed to don his mask again and become La Sombra once more. Atlantis, the man who initially claimed Almas’ mask and who has been inspired by Almas’ recent fire and passion, will be refereeing to ensure that if Almas wins his mask it is truly well earned.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Bret Hart
Heavyweight Championship Match: Scott Steiner (Champion, with Tammy Sytch and Buff Bagwell) vs. Brett Hart
As President Watts weakened and JackSlater Promotions began taking in investors, an issue emerged – no one in power, especially Executive Assistant Miss Sytch, was happy with the world heavyweight champion. A solution emerged when Scott Steiner was brought in, his new Big Poppa Pump persona a shock to those who only knew him as the freakishly strong and deceptively agile wrestling innovator. Steiner, with his amateur wrestling background, colossal physique, newly bleached hair, and extremely arrogant and abrasive attention-getting attitude, was the only man who appealed to each stakeholder within the company. Steiner won the championship in convincing fashion and has since been on a reign of terror, defeating all comers in brutal fashion and causing numerous injuries, all while cutting scathing promos and backing up even some of his most ridiculous threats. Miss Sytch and oiled up gigolo Buff Bagwell have almost always been found hanging onto Steiner’s every word and in some cases literally hanging off Steiner himself.
During Steiner’s reign of terror a new hope has emerged. Bret Hart has risen through JSP much to the chagrin of the ruling council. A desperate President Watts signed Hart to a massive contract when he was desperate for Canadian talent, and this contract became particularly onerous after Executive Assistant Miss Sytch began booking Hart in irrelevant opening matches or handicap matches and cryptically chastising him for wasting his "Sunny Days". With the ruling council making many cuts in order to meet the terms of Hart’s contract, including cutting ties with all other Harts, Bret found himself highly paid but on the bottom of the card and spurned by his own jealous family. The frustrated Hitman eventually offered a solution – he would work in JSP for free and even quit the promotion upon his first loss, provided that every wrestler he defeated would from that point on be barred from singles competition while Bret remained under contract. The council agreed and The Hitman began excellently executing the roster, decimating the underlings and friends of the ruling council over the last several months. As Hart mounted a massive winning streak, with the one exception being against his younger brother, and Steiner continued injuring both fan favourites and perceived villains alike, pressure mounted as the roster was stretched precariously thin. The ruling council has come up with the only solution agreeable to both sides– Hart vs Steiner, for the Heavyweight Championship, with Hart agreeing to talk privately with Watts, and only Watts, about renegotiating the terms of his contract should he win. Watts himself shocked the fans and especially Miss Sytch by slowly grabbing the pen from her hand and signing the match contract himself just one week prior to Summerfest, as The Hitman confidently stared down a flexing and swearing Steiner in the middle of the ring.
