10 commandments of beer league hockey, a fail-proof guide to getting the most out of your experience:
1) Beer leagues are a good place to get "chippy" with your opponent. With so many fans watching and experienced officials in control, there's no way anyone will go overboard in retaliation.
2) Score as often as possible against weak opponents (rule of thumb: goals count, assists don't). This will impress any scouts who happen to be dropping their kids off for a birthday party.
3) With such a bright spotlight on these games, the only thing more important than padding your stats is looking good doing it. Be sure to purchase brand-new color-coordinated equipment, and celebrate your goals with as much enthusiasm as an NHL player.
4) Don't be afraid to give the refs an earful when they miss a call. That's the only way you'll ever gain their respect, and ensure that future calls go your way.
5) Much like the NHL, ice time is distributed on the basis of skill. If a player comes off the ice, he is admitting that someone else should be taking the majority of the ice time from now on.
6) Encourage your friends to show up and cheer loudly for you throughout the game. They may even be able to help you by heckling the other team.
7) "Non contact" is more of a guideline than a rule. Nobody should seriously expect to go into the corners or slot without getting bodychecked. This is hockey, after all.
8) As a budding beer league star, your time is best devoted to offense. Try to stay a step behind the trailing defenseman at all times, looking for a breakout pass.
9) Tip for scoring extra goals: bump the goalie frequently, and try to jam rebounds through his pads and into the net.
10) Never, ever volunteer to bring the beer.
