OT: Sabres Joke Conspiracy Thread

[kirby11]

I saw this on the Oilers board, and it looked pretty funny. Basically, they just list absurd, nonsense reasons for their team's recent failures.

My conspiracy theory: Jerry Sullivan tainted the organization when he stepped on the Sabre logo in the middle of the locker room. The team must douse the logo in bleach and ask Mr. Clean to scour away Jerry's foul presence, or else his lack of talent in writing will transfer over to hockey. This plague, if left unchecked, will continue to infect the team even when they have acquired seemingly good or great players, leaving the Sabres stuck in the crushing, endless wheel of 9th place mediocrity and first round playoff exits.

P.S: Since it's nearly midnight, happy early thanksgiving!

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[Moncton man]

Well really it's because Buffalo is snug up against the Canadian border, too close to Leafs land. And we know Bettman doesn't want good things to happen to Toronto.... and the Leafs fans flood Buffalo AND because neither Toronto nor Buffalo are in the preferred sun belt of hockey .... so they'll either go to a frozen envelope or a secret ballot (wait don't they do the latter already) to screw Buffalo out of the coveted first pick they so richly deserve.

 

[haseoke39]

Pat Lafontaine is a Wiccan.

 

[Moncton man]

Pat Lafontaine is a Wiccan.

And what, Tim Murray isn't and only pretended he was just so he could get the job. And then Pat found out Terry wasn't Wiccan either so he quit?