OT: Relationship Advice Thread

[SnowblindNYR]

Yes. If she’s meeting you in person, just act like it doesn’t exist. You can talk about how it’s effected life a bit, without complaining, and if conversation goes there, but otherwise she’s agreeing to meet so treat it as if things were normal.

I have considered asking her about how Covid risk averse she was. I was on a date before the shutdowns either in early March or late February. We shook hands when we met (it was a semi-blind date) and then she used hand sanitizer. It's a bit awkward. So I'm considering getting ahead of it and asking. I'd rather the awkwardness before the date than during.

 

[GoAwayPanarin]

I have considered asking her about how Covid risk averse she was. I was on a date before the shutdowns either in early March or late February. We shook hands when we met (it was a semi-blind date) and then she used hand sanitizer. It's a bit awkward. So I'm considering getting ahead of it and asking. I'd rather the awkwardness before the date than during.

Dude there is nothing wrong with doing this!

This shit is hella contagious and obviously has impacted a shit load of people around the world. If you're worried about it, ask and if she has a problem with that, then she ain't worth it.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Dude there is nothing wrong with doing this!

This shit is hella contagious and obviously has impacted a shit load of people around the world. If you're worried about it, ask and if she has a problem with that, then she ain't worth it.

I was going to try to naturally work it in conversation but then I got an earful from my friend because I became a downer talking about Covid. So I settled on asking her when I meet her something like "hug or social distant?"

 

[ponzu4u]

The weirdest thing will be if COVID somehow doesn't come up on the date.

You're already overthinking it if you're worrying about whether to hug or shake her hand before the date even happens. It truly doesn't matter, do whatever is natural in the moment. But considering there's a global pandemic happening -- if it were me I'd not try and initiate physical contact the moment I met a new person. Are you immediately hugging your friends and family members or whoever else you see these days?

If the date goes well and she likes you, it should be clear whether or not she's looking for some form of physical contact.

I think the general MO for most people dating in COVID (granted I'm in my 30s so can't really speak to what the yoof are doing) is that you go on a date or two without physical contact to see if it's worth taking on the COVID risk on hooking up.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

The weirdest thing will be if COVID somehow doesn't come up on the date.

You're already overthinking it if you're worrying about whether to hug or shake her hand before the date even happens. It truly doesn't matter, do whatever is natural in the moment. But considering there's a global pandemic happening -- if it were me I'd not try and initiate physical contact the moment I met a new person. Are you immediately hugging your friends and family members or whoever else you see these days?

If the date goes well and she likes you, it should be clear whether or not she's looking for some form of physical contact.

I think the general MO for most people dating in COVID (granted I'm in my 30s so can't really speak to what the yoof are doing) is that you go on a date or two without physical contact to see if it's worth taking on the COVID risk on hooking up.

I'm in my 30s too! Ugh, dating is hard enough without this nonsense.

 

[Barnaby]

Yes. If she’s meeting you in person, just act like it doesn’t exist. You can talk about how it’s effected life a bit, without complaining, and if conversation goes there, but otherwise she’s agreeing to meet so treat it as if things were normal.

This. If she’s going out to meet you then just play it cool. Obviously, your both fine with it to some extent. Naturally, it’ll probably come up in some capacity (How your job has changed or whatever as you talk about your jobs), but I wouldn’t want our first impression of each other to go down the CoVid rabbit hole. I want her first thoughts to be that I’m kind, witty, or funny - not jumping right into a potentially bleak conversation right off the bat. I think the handshake is a good move, then maybe just give her a fair amount of space when you sit down - but not a weird amount. By the time the dates over you’ll probably have a feel for how to end it.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

This. If she’s going out to meet you then just play it cool. Obviously, your both fine with it to some extent. Naturally, it’ll probably come up in some capacity (How your job has changed or whatever as you talk about your jobs), but I wouldn’t want our first impression of each other to go down the CoVid rabbit hole. I want her first thoughts to be that I’m kind, witty, or funny - not jumping right into a potentially bleak conversation right off the bat. I think the handshake is a good move, then maybe just give her a fair amount of space when you sit down - but not a weird amount. By the time the dates over you’ll probably have a feel for how to end it.

I already kind of went down a Covid rabbit hole, I switched topics at some point but yeah probably not a great idea. Oh well, honestly it's fine going forward.

 

[ponzu4u]

I'm in my 30s too! Ugh, dating is hard enough without this nonsense.

Ha, tell me about it... I broke up w/my girlfriend of 8 months about a month ago, and I'm basically resigned to not dating (or getting laid) until the new year or maybe even until the vaccine starts being distributed (thinking that will be summer of next year).

The dating apps are hell. Been there, done that, and can't/won't do it again. I was always best meeting girls in person - in public, through work or through friends, but none of those situations seem like they'll be happening anytime soon...

 

[kovazub94]

I'm in my 30s too! Ugh, dating is hard enough without this nonsense.

Think about yourself as a spy or double agent: you need to find out as much as you can about the girl and withhold secrets about yourself. Asking questions and agreeing is very important. Then more questions based on what she already shared. Obviously no political topics, at least don’t initiate and if she does - see above.

Even if you ask a question about Covid, do with a joke (like hey I want to make sure some other in a mask guy doesn’t steal my date) or if it’s your “rule” then just mention an elderly relative with complications that’s you are visiting soon and who’s very nervous.

 

[kovazub94]

Guys I need help. When I was a kid I loved action figures. I had them until well into my teens. It was an awesome hobby. I didn't touch an action figure again until last November when I ordered a Mandalorian Black Series. Well then I got this other and another and another. And after the pandemic I broke up with my girlfriend and now Ive spent like nearly 2000 dollars building an action figure collection. And its like crack. And I cant stop. And now I don't know where to hide them. I dont know how to bring women back into my apartment and explain this. What do I do? I'm damn serious this shit is like my addiction. I just bought a tyranosaurus rex from Jurrasic World because it was 20 dollars. Yesterday it was a transformer. I feel like I am in some kind of crisis. I am 38 f***ing years old and I have no kids, pets or responsibilities and I happened to have rediscovered a love for action figures. Worst thing is I just love opening them and then putting them on a shelf, but I only have 4 shelves so I put the rest away in boxes and rotate them. But still IDK... I have enough figures to fill an entire room and I got them all in less than a year. Ahhh.

Honestly, I wouldn't hide all of them. I'd definitely keep a few out on the shelves for display, as it's who you are. Don't be ashamed of it.

It's your money, and you're comfortable spending some of your expendable cash on figurines. So what?

But, if you're concerned about potential partners viewing your entire collection at first sight, then I'd just keep a select few out for display. They can be a conversational piece for your interests, which obviously a partner will want to know more about. And if, should you and this potential partner get more serious/involved, you could open up about having a "deeper collection" and slowly reveal more. Heck, you could even rotate them every now and then, like you said. Maybe keep it to one or two shelves with some really nice/prized figurines.

Don't be ashamed of your interests, but if you think they are over-bearing, then the best thing to do would be reigning it in a bit and only showing a little, and then loosening it up as you become more involved with a partner.

I’d suggest going a step further. It sounds like you’re already concerned about your addiction to start with. “Exposing” it to others just adds even more anxiety. Sounds like there’s a part of your life that want / need to address and action figures’ addition is just a symptom, not an issue.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Think about yourself as a spy or double agent: you need to find out as much as you can about the girl and withhold secrets about yourself. Asking questions and agreeing is very important. Then more questions based on what she already shared. Obviously no political topics, at least don’t initiate and if she does - see above.

Even if you ask a question about Covid, do with a joke (like hey I want to make sure some other in a mask guy doesn’t steal my date) or if it’s your “rule” then just mention an elderly relative with complications that’s you are visiting soon and who’s very nervous.

You know, I used to buy the politics as a taboo conversation logic. I think however with most girls (don't think this one is included) that I would like to date they're SUPER into liberal politics and I already ruined an opportunity I think with one girl because she kept bringing politics up and I kept trying to change the subject.

Just another complication. I don't think this girl is in that group though.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Guys I need help. When I was a kid I loved action figures. I had them until well into my teens. It was an awesome hobby. I didn't touch an action figure again until last November when I ordered a Mandalorian Black Series. Well then I got this other and another and another. And after the pandemic I broke up with my girlfriend and now Ive spent like nearly 2000 dollars building an action figure collection. And its like crack. And I cant stop. And now I don't know where to hide them. I dont know how to bring women back into my apartment and explain this. What do I do? I'm damn serious this shit is like my addiction. I just bought a tyranosaurus rex from Jurrasic World because it was 20 dollars. Yesterday it was a transformer. I feel like I am in some kind of crisis. I am 38 f***ing years old and I have no kids, pets or responsibilities and I happened to have rediscovered a love for action figures. Worst thing is I just love opening them and then putting them on a shelf, but I only have 4 shelves so I put the rest away in boxes and rotate them. But still IDK... I have enough figures to fill an entire room and I got them all in less than a year. Ahhh.

I'm not great with the dating advice but I'll tell you my best friend and I used to collect action figures he still has a bunch. His wife doesn't care and sometimes plays with him. He does sound like he has fewer than you but I feel like any woman that judges you on a hobby like that isn't worth your time. It's not like you collect heads of your dates.

 

[kovazub94]

You know, I used to buy the politics as a taboo conversation logic. I think however with most girls (don't think this one is included) that I would like to date they're SUPER into liberal politics and I already ruined an opportunity I think with one girl because she kept bringing politics up and I kept trying to change the subject.

Just another complication. I don't think this girl is in that group though.

If she brings up politics, as long as her views are not overly extreme, you go along with the questioning tactic. Staying away or too obviously changing the topic could give the girl a wrong impression (that your views too extreme or that you don’t care for her opinions).

 

[LokiDog]

You guys are all massive over thinkers. That’s all I’ve got.

 

[kovazub94]

You guys are all massive over thinkers. That’s all I’ve got.

Not everyone got vikings looks to fallback.

 

[LokiDog]

Not everyone got vikings looks to fallback.

Nicer than anything any woman has ever said to me

 

[Machinehead]

Ha, tell me about it... I broke up w/my girlfriend of 8 months about a month ago, and I'm basically resigned to not dating (or getting laid) until the new year or maybe even until the vaccine starts being distributed (thinking that will be summer of next year).

The dating apps are hell. Been there, done that, and can't/won't do it again. I was always best meeting girls in person - in public, through work or through friends, but none of those situations seem like they'll be happening anytime soon...

Yeah, that's where I'm at. Too much on the plate. Plus, the apps bore me.

If this was a long-term way of life, maybe that's different but it looks like we'll have a pretty effective vaccine some time in 2021, so f*** it. I don't need the stress.

I the meantime, I'm just doing me. Working on metal health, working on hobbies, maybe I'll get back in shape although I do like pie. I've learned to enjoy my own company over the course of the pandemic.

 

[East Coast Bias]

If it makes you guys feel better, marriage in the pandemic isn’t a breeze.

 

[LokiDog]

If it makes you guys feel better, marriage in the pandemic isn’t a breeze.

I will (unnecessarily) attempt to one up you; my fiancé and I got engaged in April. Never did we expect that Covid and quarantine would last this long. We have had to “prove” that we can make it while suddenly having less to do than ever before on our weekends, having gone through job loss and financial strain, having been cut off from our social life and really just being relegated to the two of us, 99% of the time. Yes, getting engaged is one of the happiest and most enthusiastic times but also you’re in a moment where you want to really be sure before you take the next step and this has certainly been the best test to make positive that we’re sure.

 

[Roo Returns]

If it makes you guys feel better, marriage in the pandemic isn’t a breeze.

The divorce and breakup rate are going to go through the roof.

Single guys in their late 20s-early 40s who have their s%%t together when this thing is over are in a prime position to benefit the most.

 

[ponzu4u]

Yeah, that's where I'm at. Too much on the plate. Plus, the apps bore me.

If this was a long-term way of life, maybe that's different but it looks like we'll have a pretty effective vaccine some time in 2021, so f*** it. I don't need the stress.

I the meantime, I'm just doing me. Working on metal health, working on hobbies, maybe I'll get back in shape although I do like pie. I've learned to enjoy my own company over the course of the pandemic.

All of this x1000. I'm about to run my first half-marathon. Started the year having never run more than a mile at one time. Definitely not a bad idea for people to start getting in shape now if possible as I truly believe the casual sex/hook-up scene is going to be out of control if/when vaccine drops during the summer.

 

[ponzu4u]

I will (unnecessarily) attempt to one up you; my fiancé and I got engaged in April. Never did we expect that Covid and quarantine would last this long. We have had to “prove” that we can make it while suddenly having less to do than ever before on our weekends, having gone through job loss and financial strain, having been cut off from our social life and really just being relegated to the two of us, 99% of the time. Yes, getting engaged is one of the happiest and most enthusiastic times but also you’re in a moment where you want to really be sure before you take the next step and this has certainly been the best test to make positive that we’re sure.

Wow, I can only imagine. I went on my first date with the ex the day after Valentine's day. I think it was 2 more dates out in the world before the quarantine hit. Best of luck to you guys and hey, at least now it looks good for actually being able to have a "public" wedding. My sister had a 125 person wedding scheduled for August that ended up being a 10 person wedding. Still beautiful, but definitely not what she'd envisioned for basically her entire life.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

If she brings up politics, as long as her views are not overly extreme, you go along with the questioning tactic. Staying away or too obviously changing the topic could give the girl a wrong impression (that your views too extreme or that you don’t care for her opinions).

This girl had views that seemed extreme to me and that's why I decided to switch topics. Different girl, not the one I'm going on a date with tomorrow. But in hindsight I could have discussed it diplomatically.

 

[Roo Returns]

@SnowblindNYR, @ponzu4u , and others, don't feel bad if you're in a slump now. We're entering the worst phase of the pandemic and it's the coldest months of the year. Don't force it if it isn't there.

Think of it like a salary cap in the NHL. Do you really want to sign a Wade Redden or an Andrew Ladd to a max contract because they're the only available options right now? Hell no!

I've come to terms and accepted that I'm going to be single and not even date the rest of this year and Q1 2021. Now some people might say I'm in giving up, but it's not that at all. Rising pandemic numbers ,no places to go in public and get to know people, and not enough comfort from either side to go to each others places.

You can't go hiking in a park with someone you barely know when it's less than 30 degrees out.

I'm not going to try to be desperate or thirsty and get attention from the 3-4 "options" I have when none are anyone I will be in a long term relationship with.

So what to do in the interim? Finish strong at work. I want to maximize my bonus and maybe even get a raise, get a promotion, even if the later is only a title.

Keep working out. I'm thin now. Lost all the weight I put on year one from the big boy job. We're going to be in this minimum four more months and maximum 10-11, so now get toned.

Finish all my personal projects, and keep reading and learning. It's not always about women, about leadership, adversity, even something like the Grant Presidency for example.

As I said in my post above, if you do all the work you will put yourself in prime position for success when this thing ends whether that is beginning Q2, or end of Q3.

The divorce and break up rates are going through the roof. People from both genders will be thirsty. You show strength, success, and confidence, and you will do well.

I still have oneitus^2, I still have one situation far away I'd like a happy ending to after covid when she takes care of her stuff, but that's not the be all end all.

This ain't Disney, it's real life.

 

[SnowblindNYR]

Yeah, that's where I'm at. Too much on the plate. Plus, the apps bore me.

If this was a long-term way of life, maybe that's different but it looks like we'll have a pretty effective vaccine some time in 2021, so f*** it. I don't need the stress.

I the meantime, I'm just doing me. Working on metal health, working on hobbies, maybe I'll get back in shape although I do like pie. I've learned to enjoy my own company over the course of the pandemic.

I figured a math nerd like you would enjoy pi.