And you've all missed out the real story - Liverpool denying Newcastle silverware. Namely, the 'More Points than Last Season Cup'
This was a trophy specially created by the English media on 1 July, to be presented to any English manager whose team surpassed their points tally from the season before, provided they met one of the following criteria:
1) their name was Steve Bruce
2) their predecessor was Rafa Benitez
Since Newcastle entered their final six games of the season on 42 points, and Benitez led NUFC to 45 points last season, the trophy was within Bruce's grasp, and certain English 'journalists' as well as one or two journalists, were positively creaming their pants in excitement. Some people were even touting Bruce as a Manager of the Season candidate.
NUFC's results over their final six games: two draws, four defeats, goal difference 5-15.
Thus can the 'More Points than Last Season Cup' be reverently placed back in the cabinet along with the North East Top Dogs Trophy (which hasn't been awarded for the last three years either).
Bruce, you may recall, was given the job with the brief of improving NUFC's style. (Actually, you may not recall, since the media rarely addresses this point. The fact that addressing this point shines a light on how turgid has been much of the football his team has played - ie that Bruce has failed in his brief - is purely coincidental, of course.)
One game less won than last season, fewer goals scored, ten more conceded. This despite the net spend rising from zero to nigh on £30 million. Bruce's supporters will point out that most of the money was splurged on Joelinton - a player he didn't choose. This is true, but not a particularly honest defence of their man given the club made clear that accepting the Joelinton deal was a precondition for Bruce's employment. And being agreeable to people who further his mediocre career is something Steve Bruce does exceedingly well.
No doubt as we speak Steve is brushing up his skills for defending human rights abuses or explaining why vulture capitalism ain't so bad, to hedge his bets in case either one of the mooted takeovers goes through. Whether he can incorporate into his tactical manual anything more recent than 2008 is altogether thornier.