Might come down to this, unfortunately. Remember though
@Mr Jiggyfly , no matter how many times he's been talked to, you will catch more flies with honey than vinegar. When you approach him on the subject that he clearly shows a bias to, you have a narrow window to make your case. If you let your emotions get the better of you (or approach with the tone and manner a lot here have) and instantly start with a negative, you will lose the battle in the first seconds and strengthen his resolve towards the behavior. In his mind, it reaffirms that he is not the asshole but rather you (or whoever talks to him) is and that's the opposite of what you want. Perception is reality and reality is subjective.
The messaging behind masks has been a complete and utter failure and everyone has played their role in making that happen. We are all way too quick to assign and categorize people as good or bad based on little information. And please, don't say something like "believe in science". That makes you look stupid, ironically. That's both from that guy's POV and from a general POV. So this goes back to my original statement, a lot matters on how you approach a defiant person on the subject. If you immediately attack and he gets defensive, you have yourself to blame for the interaction. Too often, people don't understand what a person is actually responding to.
Here is an approach that I have found that works more often than not and I think will be of some help. I'll call him Jack and the daughter Kate and your daughter Jade.
"Hey Jack, how's it going? Blah blah blah (something about the weather or recent events that he would relate to). How's Kate enjoying the season? Pretty crummy with COVID, eh? How's it going for you guys on that front? How's work been? (*it is at this point you actively listen to what he has to say from an objective stance. You can disagree but still listen like a good person*). Yeah, I hear ya. Works been tough, the kids are certainly sick of it, and schools been (however school has been going - likely his daughter is going through the same). Thankfully though we can still come here though, right? Yeah, it's nice that the league/rink was able to keep this going. I know Jade really enjoys being able to play and we certainly love being able to watch. Hey listen, Jack, on that subject, the parents got together and asked me to talk to you. There are several people that get uncomfortable when you put the mask under your chin. (*At this point, let him respond but remember to keep your cool or you'll blow it*). Yeah, I understand your position on it. Everyone has a different point of view. But here's the thing Jack, each parent wants to come here and enjoy watching their kid. That's why we're all here, right? You love coming here and watching Kate. When you put that mask under your chin, which is against what has been asked, it causes the other parents not to enjoy their time watching their kid. And yeah, I get it that some people are absolutely ruined mentally by this thing (meaning COVID), I do. In reality though, we are all doing our best to manage with it and that means different things to different people. One of the things we are asking is that you wear the mask properly so that it doesn't add to the mental anguish/frustration. This is supposed to be a place where we come for some relief and some good times. When you don't wear your mask properly, you are taking that away from some of the other parents, which is why I've been asked to talk to you. We're not mad, we still like you, we still want you and Kate to come here obviously, but we would like for you to wear the mask properly. It may or may not help with the actual virus exposure, I don't know, it may or may not. But what it does help with is calming and providing comfort to the other parents that come to watch their kids.
*Here is where you can go a step further - what type of mask does he wear? If all you see are those garbage second rate china "surgical masks", then you may opt to purchase him a better one. Hell, at Coscto, you can get a 4 pack of nice ones for like $10. You can get the balaclavas to do the trick cheap as well. "ramble ramble ramble not MY job to buy the asshole masks!" Yup, totally right, but if he sees that you've gone out of your way to get him one, that elicits a subconscious response in him that you care. Whether that manifests into shame, anger, or thankfulness is up for debate - keep in mind, your approach and tone will heavily weight into this. If you are that hard up for cash, let me know, and I'll buy and send you one myself.*
"Here Jack, we thought this mask/balaclava/etc, would work a little better or be more comfortable. We got it because we want you to be able to come and enjoy watching Jade and help other parents feel more comfortable too. The rink manager was suggesting that they may no longer allow Jade to come if it continues. And the other parents don't want that."
In this conversation, you approached it from a non-threatening manner. You didn't start on the offense and put him on the defense to start. That ruins any and all ability to influence change. Instead, you talked to him like a decent person, let him explain his position, and most importantly, you didn't rage against his opinions (like so many people do). Each time he directs it towards reinforcing his behavior, acknowledge and accept and then redirect towards the reasons I mentioned above. And you've kept your cool because you understand that tone and manner is paramount. When you use those points, it's not an "us vs you and you better conform to us or else" but rather a "Hey, we're all in this together and we want you here". The "us vs you and 'you're selfish' and 'blah blah blah science!'" and all that...toxic. To both causes.
I think Jiggy remembers what I do for a living. For the rest of you, this is what I do for a living. 2 BSs, 2 MSs, a bunch of letters after the name, and over 8 months of helping 50+ companies with tens of thousands of employees navigate this stuff. Here's a couple of tidbits I can share with you: 1. Remember, 99.9% of people don't know what the f*** they are talking about so be careful with how confident you are in berating others for having different opinions. The person who knows how to put on a bandaid thinks he's smart until he talks to an EMT. The EMT thinks he's smart until he talks to a paramedic. The paramedic thinks he's smart until he talks to the doctor. 2. Every person is struggling. Some more than others. Deciding good vs bad using your viewpoint as the standard puts you in the bad category more often than not. 3. Sometimes defiant behavior is a defense mechanism in which the person is exerting control over something they can actually control...while living in a world full of things they can't. He may not be a "selfish, science-denying asshole"...he may just be scared. Have empathy and compassion for people. We all come from different places. What's "easy" to you may not be "easy" to the next person. Smoking to me is easy not to do especially with all the evidence out there and yet...people smoke. Making "good decisions" seems relatively easy to me...to others, obviously, not so easy. We, as a society, are filled with different perspectives and viewpoints. 4. It's not that hard to be a good guy. Help others. Especially now.
I came this forum to get advice on sticks...that's where I will return to.
