League News: NHL Talk - (News n' Scores n' Stuff) Vol. 6

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txpd

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Jan 25, 2003
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Principle? Pride? Self worth? Self respect? Strong belief in what's right? Preventing others from suffering the same or similar if not worse fates? There are plenty of reasons to on both sides of this issue it's hardly worth going into. I'm not saying there aren't potential scenario's where standing up for yourself isn't entirely painful if not unbearable for some.

When you are 23 years old and away from home for the first time, you don't think about any of that stuff. You are often just trying to survive.
 
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Melkor

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When you are 23 years old and away from home for the first time, you don't think about any of that stuff. You are often just trying to survive.
You know there's always a choice to come back home if you stood up for yourself and got fired or whatever and struggle to find another job. Yeah, not a very nice experience to say the least but at least you can look in the mirror afterwards and be sure you won't let any asshole punk you for whatever reason. I'm not talking about women against men situation although women also have a choice to do something like call the police if they get threatened or call their husband or brother or father or any man they got among close ones. I'm mostly talking about men in this situation.
careful our resident social activists will out you for victim shaming.

I agree somewhat with the piling on aspect, but it’s very easy to suggest powerless employees stand up for themselves and much harder to actually do it.
I've learned it myself but chose to do what I have to do and get another job. It's hard but life is hard anyways, who gives a crap what your feelings are? That's people's nature to consider you a bitch if they see you get attacked and you just stand there with a shut mouth. I don't even want to know how does that feel working in such environment when people look at you as a whipping boy and treat that way. No money or career worth that stress and that damage for self-respect.
Worked well for Caepernick, no?
I'm not sure if Kaepernick got insulted personally and then protested. From what I've heard, some policeman shot a black guy to death and Colin just decided not to kneel during the anthem. Doesn't matter how that worked out for him, he's shown that he has some principles and he stood by them although it's not actually the situation that was requiring any action from him no matter what.
 
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g00n

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Nov 22, 2007
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So let's say the player says "I don't think you should use that slur around me, it's offensive".
Coach says "Ok, no problem. If you're offended I'm sorry. Hear that, boys? Let's not offend him anymore."
Player thinks it's resolved there and then. He stood up. He's shown HE'S A MAN to the entire locker room.

Over the next few weeks he's noticing less playing time and some cheap shots or cold shoulders from teammates.
His laundry is getting messed up, and maybe there are clerical errors with his travel arrangements.
His stats are dipping and newer guys on the roster are being promoted ahead of him.
His value as a player is dropping like a stone and he can't get a look from another team because of it.
Eventually he's benched for lack of production, and by next season he's cut from the team for not making the grade.
He struggles to find work and ends up scraping by, or maybe with CTE & addiction problems.

But at least he's "a man" in his own eyes.

Right?
 

AlexBrovechkin8

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Principle? Pride? Self worth? Self respect? Strong belief in what's right? Preventing others from suffering the same or similar if not worse fates? There are plenty of reasons to on both sides of this issue it's hardly worth going into. I'm not saying there aren't potential scenario's where standing up for yourself isn't entirely painful if not unbearable for some.

How many of those things pay the bills?
 

Ajax1995

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Dec 9, 2002
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So let's say the player says "I don't think you should use that slur around me, it's offensive".
Coach says "Ok, no problem. If you're offended I'm sorry. Hear that, boys? Let's not offend him anymore."
Player thinks it's resolved there and then. He stood up. He's shown HE'S A MAN to the entire locker room.

Over the next few weeks he's noticing less playing time and some cheap shots or cold shoulders from teammates.
His laundry is getting messed up, and maybe there are clerical errors with his travel arrangements.
His stats are dipping and newer guys on the roster are being promoted ahead of him.
His value as a player is dropping like a stone and he can't get a look from another team because of it.
Eventually he's benched for lack of production, and by next season he's cut from the team for not making the grade.
He struggles to find work and ends up scraping by, or maybe with CTE & addiction problems.

But at least he's "a man" in his own eyes.

Right?

I haven’t been part of this conversation but do you think there is a 100% chance it would go that way or only 95%...?
 

g00n

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I haven’t been part of this conversation but do you think there is a 100% chance it would go that way or only 95%...?

Not sure what you mean, but it's an entirely possible anecdote illustrating why "stand up and be a man" will cause people to think twice when they're at a severe disadvantage and the stakes are high.

I mean, isn't that obvious to everyone?
 

Corby78

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My only real issue is line moving. There is a line between calling someone a slur and telling them they stink to get them to play better. Society moves that line over time, sometimes I agree sometimes I don’t, but it happens over time. What I hate is when someone gets called out for crossing a line that wasn’t there years ago. To me that’s wrong.
 

kicksavedave

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Not sure what you mean, but it's an entirely possible anecdote illustrating why "stand up and be a man" will cause people to think twice when they're at a severe disadvantage and the stakes are high.

I mean, isn't that obvious to everyone?

It should be obvious to anyone that this is how the world works. Stand up to someone, you might get the immediate issue resolved, but to suggest that the person who you stood up to, isn't now more motivated against you in any variety of ways, is naive.

Not to get political, but look at what happens when people, even in his own party, who have been supporters of his, stand up to Trump. He shames them, insults them, ridicules them.

People in power generally don't take kindly to having their methods or manners questioned. Do so at your own risk, moral victories often come at great cost.
 

IafrateOvie34

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May 14, 2009
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I agree with both sides when it comes to this conversation. I believe in standing up for yourself immediately, however there are circumstances where individuals or groups cannot like with children, rape victims, and groups with a special rule set like the military. Specifically speaking, as a former Army officer I've seen it all and there is an outlet through EEO and other advocacy groups, however many fail to use them due to fear of being humiliated, peer pressure, career advancement, or fear of UCMJ. For example, you just cannot punch or verbally assault a superior officer or ranking NCO without having repercussions even if they were in the wrong, however there is a tactful way to respond. Alexbro makes excellent points with the Sandusky and gymnasts. In those cases, many of them were children and often takes years for them to come forward. I do agree with Ovechkintooth in there are those who use sad situations to stir the pot for whatever reason whether it's monetary gain or notoriety. Unfortunately, the cry wolf or attention seekers with false allegations keep real victims from coming forward and the result is reactive rather than proactive which never improves the problem.
 

CapitalsCupReality

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A lot of people do just that. Not everyone has multiple options in their career/location.

but you really do have a choice....that may involve a new employer or even a new career, but the choice is there in most cases.

what I see here is people trying to invent or focus on extreme scenarios to fit their position. We could sit here and waste all day doing that.

In some minority of scenarios there may be limited/no options, but that’s not the norm IMO.
 
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CapitalsCupReality

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I agree with both sides when it comes to this conversation. I believe in standing up for yourself immediately, however there are circumstances where individuals or groups cannot like with children, rape victims, and groups with a special rule set like the military. Specifically speaking, as a former Army officer I've seen it all and there is an outlet through EEO and other advocacy groups, however many fail to use them due to fear of being humiliated, peer pressure, career advancement, or fear of UCMJ. For example, you just cannot punch or verbally assault a superior officer or ranking NCO without having repercussions even if they were in the wrong, however there is a tactful way to respond. Alexbro makes excellent points with the Sandusky and gymnasts. In those cases, many of them were children and often takes years for them to come forward. I do agree with Ovechkintooth in there are those who use sad situations to stir the pot for whatever reason whether it's monetary gain or notoriety. Unfortunately, the cry wolf or attention seekers with false allegations keep real victims from coming forward and the result is reactive rather than proactive which never improves the problem.

Good stuff. Like I said, extreme scenarios do exist (like the gymnasts) where coming forward is just too painful. Not the norm IMO.


Anyway, depressing topic, back to hockey.
 

AlexBrovechkin8

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surely you’re not suggesting people continue to subject themselves to abuse and worse, just to “pay the bills”....

Yes? Of course I am. Do you honestly think that's not the case? Ever heard of Harvey Weinstein? For many people they don't have a choice. People have bills, debt, kids, student loans, etc or they've worked their whole lives to set themselves up on a certain career path and if their boss is being abusive saying "f*** you" and walking out without a safety net isn't an option for the overwhelming majority of people. And it's statistically much harder to make those moves if you're a women, person of color, or of a non-hetero sexual orientation. You're a smart dude, I know you don't think the world is as simple and fair as you're implying.
 
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CapitalsCupReality

It’s Go Time!!
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Yes? Of course I am. Do you honestly think that's not the case? Ever heard of Harvey Weinstein? For many people they don't have a choice. People have bills, debt, kids, student loans, etc or they've worked their whole lives to set themselves up on a certain career path and if their boss is being abusive saying "**** you" and walking out without a safety net isn't an option for the overwhelming majority of people. And it's statistically much harder to make those moves if you're a women, person of color, or of a non-hetero sexual orientation. You're a smart dude, I know you don't think the world is as simple and fair as you're implying.

everyone has a limit....stop trying to generalize what I’m saying. I’ve said it depends, one instance is different than another and not all are so melodramatic as you’re suggesting.

Teaching my daughter someday to stand up against this kind of treatment be it by girls/kids her own age, a man, or a boss scares me as a parent because bullies are hard to deal with at any age, but I won’t tell her to just accept it because she would have to change jobs or even careers.

So back to the hockey piece of this debate, if my kid played for a coach who made racists comments or was otherwise truly abusive, no chance I would condone it as a parent or want my kid to take it because that’s what it takes to make it at the top level, ie they have no other choice.
 
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