My 5-year-old wants to quit hockey

[BogsDiamond]

I assist on my son's house league PeeWee team. Our rink follows ADM, so there are a lot of small drills and at least one, mostly pure fun drill every practice. Last week, the first 10 minutes was a game of full ice soccer with two full teams on the ice and two soccer balls. It was total chaos and one of our coaches was pissed at the league for wasting time on it. Funny thing was, after practice it was all the kids wanted to talk about. They loved it and it got them in a good mood for the rest of the practice. Sometimes, you just gotta let them be kids.

LOL. The scary thing is, that coach that was upset makes up the majority of coaches in most leagues.

They don't see the obvious advantages of these fun games.
Soccer on ice teaches incredible skating skills.

But I've had parents who have literally said that if they're kid isn't crying when they get off the ice, it wasn't a good practice. I wish I was joking about that.

 

[jorbjorb]

Uhm. Too bad it's not his choice. Get his ass to the rink and make him SKATE! HARD!

 

[BogsDiamond]

Uhm. Too bad it's not his choice. Get his ass to the rink and make him SKATE! HARD!

Hahaha!

 

[shawn1331]

Oh god, i'm in the same boat for a different reason though. I am 16 and I play major midget, with the same kids I've played with for 5-6 years because we're a small center. We're all great friends and we all know each other, we've been on the same team for years and we're the only team in the league that's like that because the other teams are made up of kids from all around the county.

So they have a few "A" kids and some "B's" and "C's" so on and so forth. My team has 3 "A's" (myself included) and the rest are mostly C's and maybe a couple B's. We aren't the best team out there and never were but we were usually middle of the pack or top 5. So this year we got a new league conveynor. And no offence to them but she is a woman. Her first rule change was to introduce no contact into the league. This IMO slaughtered hockey for our team and a couple of the weaker teams in the league, and naturally the good teams are flying with 100's of goals scored where as my team has 26 goals for as opposed to 49 against. And we have a goalie who was playing up a year for juvenile rep the year they won the silver stick. So our goalie is no slouch but our team has no chance against these other guys. Because we can't check our players aren't fast enough and skilled enough stickcheckers to compete with these kids who quit AAA because they heard it was no contact and wanted to be a ringer.

The idea of the no contact was to create a "safe" "fun" and more "skilled" "cleaner" enviroment to play in. Notice how I used quotations around those words because those things DO NOT exist. Safer my ass, there is so much slashing, highsticking, and spearing going on now becuase of the contact being removed you have nothing to do when a guy chips the puck around you so players have started slashing you, AND they're getting away with it too because the refs don't want to have a 32 minute game have 80+ PIM. A kid actually got his arm broken this year from a slash on our team.I don't know about you but I'd much rather take a check than get a slash off the forearm any day.

Hockey this year ISN'T fun for me and on top of that we're losing every game. We play 24 games and we're into game 16 tonight with a 1-11-5 record. It's horrible and I almost dread going but my dad enjoys watching and I do enjoy playing if we're having a good game with good reffing for once. I am so glad I'm playing HS hockey this year as well, at least we win and it's contact.

 

[BLBarmada]

As far as I'm concerned players don't start to really develop until peewee, and usually it's 2nd year.

Before the there's no point cause well, the gap is so small, and it's tough to widen, theyre all physically immature kids, I coach peewee because this is when we can still teach the kids and have fun.

Our only promiss is that they will ge better, and that they'll have fun.

If you don't like the program your kid is in change it right away, and tell your son to try the new one.

Believe me it can make a huge difference.

 

[jorbjorb]

He's only 5. maybe give him some time off. I started playing at the age of 8 and I played some pretty competative hockey later on.

 

[Stickmata]

Were they on skates for that soccer game? Sticks?

Sounds like a great way to get kids to improve their balance, skating, and agility to me.

Yup, on skates but no sticks. Another great ADM drill is to play cross ice soccer, but each player has a stick and their own puck that they have to maintain possession of while they skate around and play soccer. Teaches them how to stick handle with their heads up.

 

[CornKicker]

Well, it looks like my little 5-year-old wants to quit hockey.
I can't say I blame him.

Some history:

In his first year of Timbits our local hockey powers-that-be decided to remove their brains and change the program up completely.
They decided to take games away from the kids for most of the season.
They introduced half-ice games in February and the last 2 weeks they played full ice.
The whole purpose was to better develop their skills. It failed miserably. This was my fourth year helping with Mites and the kids in the first season of The Program didn't improve at all.
In fact, about 30% of the kids outright quit. The ones that stayed in were there because they were forced to be.
I heard more crying and complaining than I ever had.
Why? The practices were horrendous. 12 minutes of T-pushes. 12 minutes of C-cuts. 8 minutes of back-hand shots against the boards. 12 minutes of cross overs on the blueline.
They even took away the 'free time' at the beginning of the practices - where we dump pucks on the ice and let the kids have fun with them. I'd usually stand in a net to play goalie and the kids and I would have a hoot while they tried to score on me and I trash-talked them.
The convener saw no value in free-time so he'd either remove the pucks from the ice, or if they were given a puck to play with, they'd remove the nets forcing them to skate in a circle for 10 minutes with a puck. No British-Bulldog, no Asteroids, No Freeze-tag to end games. The practices were completely devoid of fun.
Parents complained. Volunteers, such as myself, complained. The convener didn't care.
I tried reasoning with him but it didn't work. I tried to point out that 4 and 5 year olds should be having fun first and foremost. If they don't, they'll quit.
And they did. This year they lost about 20 kids to neighboring towns. I was one of them.

This year I went to a different centre and it's run so much better. In fact, this centre's teams routinely kick the butt of my old centre and they've always allowed games for the youngest group.

The problem this year is that my son is on a horrible team. Despite having 4-weeks of evaluations to make fair teams, it didn't work. We get beat 30-1 every game. And I'm not exaggerating.
No changes have been made because kids don't want to be moved to different teams this late in the season.
That's fine.
Where my mistake was, was allowing them to label my kid an "A" player so he's in the Tyke division (mostly 6 and 7 year olds) instead of the Mites (mostly 4 and 5's).
My kid is a good skater. His puck handling is weak though. And he's a very late 5-year-old. He only turned 5 in October. So most games, he's playing against 6 and 7 year olds who are unbeleivable with the puck.
I'm not one of those crazy dads that forces my kids into power-skating, and spring & summer hockey. The only skating he gets is in his Timbit program and on our backyard rink.

But now he wants to quit hockey, and I'm depressed about it.
I'm not that upset that he doesn't care to play the sport, it's that he started off so gung-ho for it. Right before his first year in hockey, he was chewing off his own leg to get on the ice. He'd wear his equipment while playing, eating, even napping. It was so cute.
But then The Program destroyed nearly all his desire to play. He was gung-ho to start season 2 as long as he got to play games. But now he can barely touch the puck and has to skate his butt off to catch kids that have been in skates since they were 2, and also go to countless skating and hockey programs 12 months out of the year.
I just hate that this great little boy was so passionate about the game, and us idiot adults killed it for him.
I should also mention that he can't get enough of road hockey, basement hockey, pond-hockey, etc. He basically loves every form of hockey except for the organized kind.
I'm not going to lose any sleep over my youngest not playing hockey. What bothers me is how he DID want to play and couldn't wait. But that love was destroyed by dumb adults (me included).

It's too bad that there aren't any 'fun' programs for him to join. He plays basketball and baseball as well. Both those sports are shorter (12 weeks compared to 24), only once a week, better hours and there's a heavier emphasis on fun.
Why can't hockey do that?
I've tried contacting our local hockey board to form a "Pond Hockey" league. It would only be 12 weeks, once a week and no rules. Just screw around and have a great time.
But that would mean taking an hour of ice away from a precious travel or AE team and we can't have that.

I used to love hockey. I lived and breathed it. But over the past 2 years I've seen some very ugly things associated with minor hockey. And it's all because of stupid parents who take the game far too seriously.
If it was colder in my area, I'd just build a rink and let my kids skate on that for 4 months of the year. Screw organized hockey. But we don't have that luxery where I live.

the answer my friend is to volunteer to coach, be the coach, then you decide what happens with the kids. what part of the country do you live in? timbit coaches are a different breed man. This is my first year coaching 5 year olds ever, my sons first year of hockey. I have coached at bantam and peewee even 2 seasons as a junior coach. the plan with 5 year old is teaching them the basic skills, but in a fun way. via games etc etc, even our skating drills arent "skate here do this" type drills, they are all superheros do this or racecars do this. our kids love it, but we share ice with other teams and i have had our coordinator tell me that parents have been asking if their kids could come to our team. the honest answer is if you want it done right do it yourself. teach those kids via fun, it is the ONLY way to teach 5 year olds

 

[beth]

Yup, on skates but no sticks. Another great ADM drill is to play cross ice soccer, but each player has a stick and their own puck that they have to maintain possession of while they skate around and play soccer. Teaches them how to stick handle with their heads up.

I am totally going to remember that one. We do soccer all the time, but having to keep a puck on your stick at the same time takes it to a whole 'nother level!

 

[SCritical]

ugh what a horrible situation. And there are no other programs in your area? That sucks. But you know, if he just hates the program, not the hockey, then letting him have a break could be a positive thing. If he loves the sport after a bit of time off he'll miss it and come back with a clear head.

 

[BogsDiamond]

the answer my friend is to volunteer to coach, be the coach, then you decide what happens with the kids. what part of the country do you live in? timbit coaches are a different breed man. This is my first year coaching 5 year olds ever, my sons first year of hockey. I have coached at bantam and peewee even 2 seasons as a junior coach. the plan with 5 year old is teaching them the basic skills, but in a fun way. via games etc etc, even our skating drills arent "skate here do this" type drills, they are all superheros do this or racecars do this. our kids love it, but we share ice with other teams and i have had our coordinator tell me that parents have been asking if their kids could come to our team. the honest answer is if you want it done right do it yourself. teach those kids via fun, it is the ONLY way to teach 5 year olds

I live in Southwest Ontario.
The practice you describe is precisely what we did in the past, before the current convener took over. The atmosphere was awesome. Kids couldn't wait to get on the ice because every drill we did had an element of fun to it.
But that all changed when the current convener took over.

And I WAS the coach of my son's team.
If we went off the script the convener had planned for our practices we got an earful.
It got to the point where I either wanted to have a confrontation twice a week, or do my best to bend the plan here or there and try to make it as fun as possible.

I had several confrontations, even a bit of a yelling match in front of several parents and players. I hated that. I didn't think it was appropriate to act like that in front of anyone - especially the kids.
But that's what it was like all year long. Another coach blasted him inside the canteen while little kids were trying to order slushies. Another coach nearly dropped the gloves with him on the ice.
One parent tried to speak with him rationally about what wasn't working and the guy just turned his back and walked away in mid-sentence.
The man simply didn't care. He's universally hated inside our ENTIRE TOWN so for someone to bark and yell at him, means nothing. He's been insulted and berated so often, that it doesn't phase him anymore. He just presses forward.
It was a nightmare of a season.

But, I just found out that things have changed and he's no longer in charge, so I think I'll place my son back into our local centre.
I've already signed up to be a coach again for next year as well. I'm hoping my boy can finish Timbit hockey on a good note.

Thanks for letting me complain everyone.

 

[CornKicker]

oh man i would lose my mind. im lucky enough to have solid hockey guys running our association. i presented the higher ups my coaching credentials and they awarded me a team, after 2 months i got th green light to do what ever i wanted on the ice as our kids are showing exponential imrpovement.


I realize there is a lot of politics and BS associated with minor hockey but if the kids are really not enjoying it you can always sponser a petition to have the person removed from their "voluntary" position. some people are jsut idiots adn need to be removed from the situation.

 

[CornKicker]

the other work around is the old "censorship for radio trick" where you take the specific skills he mandates and put them in a drill that is the opposite of what he said to do. your arguement is always "the skills you wanted are right there, "technically" we did exactly what you said. LOL

 

[CornKicker]

edit good to hear he is gone, i just saw that now as your post mad me mad so i didnt finish reading it

 

[Jarick]

Shawn it sounds like the problem is not enough parity/levels in that league. When you're mixing AAA, A, B, and C, it's just going to be a disaster. Half a dozen kids will score 90% of the goals and everyone else gets frustrated and chippy. Hope you can get into a different league next year.

 

[BogsDiamond]

edit good to hear he is gone, i just saw that now as your post mad me mad so i didnt finish reading it

Haha, I know.
Parents tried petitions, scheduling 'black outs' where nobody would show up to the rink, nothing worked.
The problem is exactly what you mentioned; politics.
The summer before this guy took over, I applied for the position of being convener. So did another guy I knew.
Both of us submitted applications giving our ideas (which were pretty similar).
The spring turned to summer, then to Fall and neither of us got a phone call, email, nothing.
Suddenly we get a call from the new convener telling us how his program is going to run.
We were both livid. The VP claimed he never got our applications. This was a lie and I even spoke personally to a number of different members on the board so people were well aware of the interest for the position.

During the season, when parents complained about this guy, the VP told them "That's what happens when only one person applies".
Everyone in the town knew that the VP and the convener were great buddies.
Our entire board is corrupt like that.

Shawn it sounds like the problem is not enough parity/levels in that league. When you're mixing AAA, A, B, and C, it's just going to be a disaster. Half a dozen kids will score 90% of the goals and everyone else gets frustrated and chippy. Hope you can get into a different league next year.

I've seen some centres that do it right. They take out the true AAA, AA players and build their own teams, so the B's and C's can have their own little league against one another.

It stinks to play that one team with the AAA player because we never touch the puck. But it's even worse for his own team because none of his own teammates every get to touch it either.
What really burns me is that this kids parents have obviously never spoken to him about passing.
I know one mother who has a phenom on her hands. The kid is amazing. She tells him before every game that he's only allowed 3 goals and then he has to pass.
Every kid on that team has scored goals this year because this kid sets them up left-and-right. He's also gotten good at letting other kids carry the puck more too, so that he's not the only one that does all the work.
That's parenting.
But this hottog has never gotten that speech.

The league even tried moving him up to Novice but the kid didn't like it. I guess he cried everytime someone took the puck away from him.

 

[NDiesel]

When I was 3, 4, 5, 6 and so on, the leagues was very fun for me. In my city it was a bit different. Each line was based on age. The 1st line was the 3/4 year old kids. We would 2 minutes, then the buzzer would go. The 5/6 line would come on and they would play each other. Then the 6/7 line. And then start again.

It was fun, everyone was the same skill level on each line...if a 3 or 4 year old was exceptional, then he'd switch onto the older line to make it more fair. I loved it, and that's what kept me into hockey, still play now, 14/15 years later.

 

[greyraven8]

When I was 3, 4, 5, 6 and so on, the leagues was very fun for me. In my city it was a bit different. Each line was based on age. The 1st line was the 3/4 year old kids. We would 2 minutes, then the buzzer would go. The 5/6 line would come on and they would play each other. Then the 6/7 line. And then start again.

It was fun, everyone was the same skill level on each line...if a 3 or 4 year old was exceptional, then he'd switch onto the older line to make it more fair. I loved it, and that's what kept me into hockey, still play now, 14/15 years later.

Same for me with the 2 minute shifts by age [though it was longer ago than you - mid 1970's to early 1980's].

 

[greyraven8]

In response to the original poster:

"I've tried contacting our local hockey board to form a "Pond Hockey" league. It would only be 12 weeks, once a week and no rules. Just screw around and have a great time.
But that would mean taking an hour of ice away from a precious travel or AE team and we can't have that."

Not sure where you are and what the weather and outdoor rink situation is like, but if you can't get indoor ice maybe you can rent some outdoor ice.

The league that I was in as a kid used to have to have some practices and games on outdoor rinks. I know a lot has changed in that long time (and not just the overall warmer winters), but maybe you could organize something through your city (or town?) with renting some ice time on some of the outdoor rinks.

 

[shawn1331]

Shawn it sounds like the problem is not enough parity/levels in that league. When you're mixing AAA, A, B, and C, it's just going to be a disaster. Half a dozen kids will score 90% of the goals and everyone else gets frustrated and chippy. Hope you can get into a different league next year.

True but it has worked for the last 6 years I've played in Orono for. Taking away the checking really hurt our chances because aside from me and our other center no one can play good stick checking or is quick enough. Thats what really killed the game, our D used to just nail the kid but now they can only wave there stick at him as he waltzes around them for his 7th goal of the game.

 

[Royal Canuck]

if the kid doesnt wanna play, dont make him play.

 

[sanityplease]

OP, hope everything works out.

I think if the kid really doesn't have an interest that's fine, as long as quitting doesn't turn into a pattern/habit. My wife & I have some friends who are extreme 'homebodies' & don't do anything with their kids. Their kids have no self confidence, I've been @ the local outdoor rink with them & they don't want to be there for more than a few minutes, they want to go home, the parents pack them up & go. @ the smallest indication of adversity the kids are allowed to quit (this goes for everything in their life, not just hockey). The kids are getting to the age where EVERYONE in their school can skate except them & while I'm absolutely against being borderline abusive, they should be guided with a bit of firmness mixed with encouragement & be involved in some type of organized sport (or develop skill in something) with their peers.

Funny thing is that the parents are both educators. They're really raising the boys with a PC, hands off/do what they want approach & I'm already seeing sad signs of it not working very well.

 

[utah]

I'm very tight with a couple ( they're my best friends ) who enrolled their little guy in Novice this year. It's his first season. He is also a kid with a late Dec birthday, so he is easily one of the youngest kids in the league and one of the smallest as well. Although he is not my kid, I'm very close to him and his parents. I go to all of his games.

Fortunately, it's worked out great. He has shown remarkable improvement from the evaluation period, and now he scores regularly, skates like the wind and battles hard all game. He has become a team leader, and he just seems to love hockey. The team record is 14-3 and it's all good.

But.....a couple of weeks ago, they played a team that had lost all of their games. The other coach, asked my buddy ( who coaches his son's team ) to 'go easy on them'. He said his kids were fragile, and not enjoying hockey much.

We talked about it afterwards. I said to my friends.....be thankful that your boy is having a great experience his first year because....sometimes teams, despite the best effort be balanced, stink. At least this way, he has experienced success, so if he gets stuck on a bad team....he will know it's not always that way.

 

[Ivica Prtenjaca]

*I am on this page because I am looking for and want to find a place where my 5 year old grandson can play hockey on a team.*

As a father of 3 kids who grew up playing both hockey and soccer in the 80s' I am truly disgusted with the recent programs for my 3 grandsons in both hockey and soccer. The 10 and 8 year old started playing hockey games as Tykes. Both are competitive in nature and play in Rep leagues. They both worked hard on their skating and other skills to make it where they are, thanks to the help of their parents who sacrificed a lot of time and money to support their goals. Now my 5 year old is in his 3rd year of what the local league calls "player development". He skates with 1st year kids in circles for the most part (still). He is an excellent skater and competitive, growing up with 2 older brothers, and will probably be the best of all 3 in the future, if he does not quit due to boredom. My son tells me that it will be another 3 years before he plays his first game. This is ridiculous. Given his ability, he and other children of his ability need to play organized games. Its the only way they will learn the game and develop social skills. Not being monkeys on the ice with adult "organ grinders" repeating the same drills over and over again.
The local soccer league has jumped on the same band wagon. The oldest plays travel and is talented. And next year the 8 year old who is also talented, gets to try out for the travel. But its a waste of time and travel and money for both given the rules. There are no offside calls. There are no throw ins from the sideline. Are they supposed to absorb thes rules and skills overnight? The league and ref do not keep scores or games won, lost or tied even though there is a standings page. Even in tournaments everyone gets the same medal, regardless of results or effort. Please bear in mind that their parents are worn out by now and don't mind the break.
If this continues our children will useless as players, if they don't quit first, and become "no name" hybrids that some old farts sitting around the table decide is best.
Still looking.

 

[Canadiens1958]

If possible,place youngsters at the intro levels in grade schools wherehockey is part of the curriculum.