I'm not a PR person, here's what I would have like to read:
"Guys/Gals/Non-binaries
I screwed up.
I didn't spend enough money on this team. I cheaped out on the org. We have no scouts, no analytics. The one scout I have is running the NHL team and the masseur is running the AHL team. Sure, we fluked into a good season last year, but that was unsustainable. This is entirely my fault. Lesson learned.
You guys/gals/non-binaries pissed me off for not even selling out our home playoff games (hence my cheaping out), but that was no reason for lashing out at you, and threatening to relocate. I fricking love this team and this city. I owe you my liver feggodsake! Why would I relocate? That was the emotion talking. That was stupid. I need a PR person. Lesson Learned.
This is all on me. I need to convince you that the product is good, and that this team is going in the right direction now. I will hire competent people. We will have the best scouts the NHL has seen. Our analytics department will be the envy of Brad.. I mean Billy Beane. Hell, I will hire Billy Beane.
Karlsson? Hoffman? Duchene? They're going nowhere. We need to be fast, skilled. Enough "intangibles" BS. We all know "intangibles" is the word you use when you have nothing good to say about a player *cough*Burrows*cough*.
How am I going to finance all that, you're asking? It's time I realize I cannot do this alone. This is also a letter to announce that I'm now partnering with the competing bidders for Lebreton. With their money and my charm, we will together build a sustainable organization for the long term. Buckle up!
Love,
Your Euge.
PS: Parking is free next year."