As y'all know, my name is Kevin and I'm a certified Corporate Security Fella. I'm divorced, haven't seen my kids in 6 years and currently struggle with alcoholism.
A couple of days ago I came close to ending it all. The suffering we call "life", I mean. I asked myself: Kevin, what's the purpose of your existence? Is it the chronic anxiety, the consant mockery you face at work, or just the fact that someone has to be the fat, bald and depressed fella with a dead-end job? I decided that none of those reasons were enough to make me continue living.
So I tried to OD with hydrocodone. Took 18 Vicodins and just waited for the good ol' grim reaper to come and get me, to guide me to the promised land. I wanted to see the face of God, and of those that I lost long time ago.
As you can see, it didn't quite work out the way I thought it would. What a shame.
But I do believe I learnt something.
"What? What is it, share your knowledge with us, old man Kevs!"
I will, kiddos. I will... I learnt that you should love yourself. That's the key to happiness.
I took a long, hard look at myself. What I saw wasn't pretty. How could I possibly ever love myself? I've done some real brutal stuff... I'm not the nicest guy... I'm ugly... I have no ambitions, dreams or any of that stuff. I'm just not a very great guy.
So what I did next will shock you.
I decided to give myself a fresh start. What's in the past, is in the past. I've got a debt of $120,000. I hate my job. I hate my dear friend Brad. I hate the Maple Leafs community. But none of that **** matters anymore. I've decided to let it all go. I don't worry about those things anymore. I just decided to ignore Brad's calls, half-ass my job, root for the Canes and tell the bank to **** off. Fresh start. And a completely new mindset.
Every morning I say to myself these simple words:
Kevin. You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You matter. I love you.
And you know what? I no longer suffer from anxiety or depression. It's awesome.
Fellas. If you can't justify some of the things you did in the past, just ignore them. Give yourself a fresh start. Start loving yourselves, one day at a time. And who knows, maybe some day y'all will love yourselves like I love myself. Overcoming depression, dark thoughts and your mistakes from years ago is important. Allow yourself to forgive yourself for the horrible things you've done. I don't let the Kevin from ten years ago define the Kevin I am today. Neither should you. Just repeat after me:
I love myself.
Loving yourself one day at a time... it's the path towards happines and glory. I will be the Prime Minister of Canada some day. I will reconnect with my kids. I will. Because I believe in myself and I love myself, and I know that anything is possible if you just don't want to kill yourself the every other minute.
-Kevin
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