I love my job

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Kevs Security, Nov 7, 2018.

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  1. Kevs Security

    Kevs Security aka InmateMack, ultimate NHL insider

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    As y'all know, I love my job. I'm currently employed by a local media giant here in Toronto, Ontario. I work as a Corporate Security Investigator. But how would I describe my job? Well... my main job is to catch cyber bullies. These cancerous pieces of crap make me so mad. Just the other day my dear friend Jack authorized me to suspend some shady Twitter accounts. I was just scrolling by, making my way to yesterdays tweets, when something caught my eye.

    "f**k off u gay", posted by @Darren_Drager. I knew I had to do something. Why, you may ask?

    1. The real "Darren Drager" works for the media giant I am employed by. It's not in our interests to have a fake Darren telling people to f-off.

    2. Extremely homophobic language. Although the tweet was a direct reply to Pete Blackburn, I label this as hate speech.

    3. You can't just pretend to be someone you are not on the internet. That's just rude. Also consider the fact that you could be sued for identity theft.

    So I did what I had to do. Slid in to that poor fella's DM's.

    "Hello. I work for [my company] in the Corporate Security Department. I need to speak to you, can you please call me at [my number], it is very important that we talk." You know what he did next? Changed his bio, pic and name. Yeah. I was really confused when I opened my private messages and saw a new message from myself, to myself.

    Kevin L
    Corporate Security Investigator
    [My company], Toronto, Ontario
    [My picture]

    It was a complete ****ing nightmare. Somehow this dude had found my LinkedIn-page, copied all of my personal information and was now pretending to be me on Twitter. Heck, I didn't know what to do next. So I DM'd Jack and told him what's going on. The account was suspended and rightly so. I also made it so that if anyone tried to register on Twitter using my name or pic, they would be suspended immediately. Just try it, my mans.

    But yeah. Regardless of everything, I still love my job. I'm truly making the world a better place.

    -Kevin
     
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  2. Jiminy Cricket

    Jiminy Cricket #TeamMeat

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    Thank you for your service.
     
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  3. Kevs Security

    Kevs Security aka InmateMack, ultimate NHL insider

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    It's guys like us who make Canada the greatest nation in the world, James. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for your wife's amazing feet. I could just lick 'em. She literally has the most beautiful toes, I want to insert them in my mouth. She is literally a gazillionaire with the most beautiful toes and feet.
     
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  4. 112

    112 Registered User

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    Imagine working for a living.
     
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  5. H3ckt1k

    H3ckt1k Registered User

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    imagine that @HFBCommenter
     
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  6. HFBCommenter

    HFBCommenter Rick Ro$$

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    I was driving into a Wal-Mart parking lot yesterday and there was this truck

    "Make money while you sleep, website"

    That is how I earned my fortune and how I don't need to work like the rest of you peons. Keep slaving away for the man !
     
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  7. valeriammm

    valeriammm Registered User

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    Braver than the Marines
     
  8. Kevs Security

    Kevs Security aka InmateMack, ultimate NHL insider

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    Driving under the influence might seem like a correct thing to do after a long night shift, but I'm not going to do it. Three beers is enough, I'll drink more once I get home. Man, what a day. 'Em cyber bullies better watch out, they've got a big storm coming. My grandma (Rest In Piece Gramma Felicia) always said that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. No one ever died because they got cyber bullied. But no one ever gained an extra 20lbs of muscle because they were cyber bullied either. So I guess grams' was wrong, after all.
     

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