Advice: How to control the frustration?

[Jarick]

I would agree with picking up Hockey Tough, it's a good book and worth owning.


Is this your first year in the league or at this level?


IMO, controlling your frustrations is a skill that can be built. I think you're probably frustrated because you're expecting too much of yourself or focused on the wrong things.

One thing you will have to learn to recognize is what is and is not under your control. And really, it comes down to effort and attitude. You can't control your skill level, your natural talent, all the bounces on the ice, or anybody else.

So if you worked hard and tried to stay positive, that's all you can do. If you're not at the same level as everyone else, you can't control that. So work on recognizing that and just letting it go.

As far as interacting with others, that's about a million times more challenging in my mind. I've learned that I can get frustrated with myself to an extent, process it, and start to move on. Hell, there are times I need to beat myself up a bit mentally, and a lot of my long-time teammates know that.

The tricky part is when you are hard on yourself and others start coming down on you as well. That drives me nuts and can spiral out of control. That takes the most restraint to deal with. And there are certain guys I can't really play with or sit next to on the bench because it frequently ends up with them trying to lecture me after mistakes.

Another thing that might help is seeing yourself as a leader on the team or someone that others might look up to. That might help you stop from lashing out or doing something dumb.

Finally, probably the best thing is to get yourself into a good situation. Find the right level to play at if you can, and find a team full of upbeat people. It makes a world of difference. When everyone on my team knows we're not good at hockey and are here to have fun and try and win some games, but if we make mistakes it's not the end of the world and the camaraderie is more important than the score, it takes pressure off and makes it easier to let go.

 

[jazzykat]

Unless you are getting paid to play it's supposed to be fun and reasonably safe. Since your problem is with yourself I'd do a few things:

1. Stop slamming things. No-one outside of high school thinks it's cool and it sets a bad tone/example (Yes...some people probably look up to you since you are a top player).

2. Take a deep breath and stop thinking. Let your instincts guide you.

3. Backcheck. Just because you're not scoring doesn't mean you can't help the Dmen and your goalie.

4. Assuming you have a leadership role with the team don't neglect it. Be an example and still help/look out for other people.

 

[BogsDiamond]

If you won 10 championships in a row and won every scoring title by 30 points, you would still be a beer leaguer.

What matters is the competition within yourself, during the competition. When the game is over, it is over.

Best.Post.Ever.

It's beer league. You have to PAY to play, not the other way around.
Play the game with a smile, have a beer when it's over, and chill the eff out.

If you seriously need advice in how to enjoy beer league hockey, then you should probably just quit.
I don't know what options there are in the U.S., but in Canada, we have Senior-A. It's serious hockey for people that can't seem to give up competitive hockey.
The best Senior clubs play for the Alan Cup at the end of the year.
Maybe find a league like that.

But if you're not interested in that, then you need to sit out for a while and truly learn to love the game.
You're not Sidney Crosby or Jonathan Toews. You're a beer-leaguer like 99.999999% of the hockey players in the world. Stop taking it so seriously.

 

[ponder]

After tonight's blowout loss, our beer league is only one game away from ending... Our team has played horrible all session and I can't find my groove anymore. I was the first round pick this session and just cannot seem to generate any offense or bank any goals... and feel like a complete flop. I workout 4-5 times a week, read hockey articles, watch videos... anything to better myself. Basically I live and beathe hockey.

So at this point I'm just completely frustrated with everything and it's starting to show... on the ice, the bench and the lockeroom. Slamming my stick, slamming the doors and so on... Yeah, I'm aware it's childish, but I can't seem to control my frustration anymore.

Minus the upcoming break, what can I do to fix this? What can I do to just have fun with it? Is it time to just hang up my skates? I'm at wits end and need some adivice... thanks.

I wouldn't take a break from hockey, I'd just take a break from being so intense about hockey. Keep going to games, but stop practicing, and don't worry much about your production in the game or whether you win or lose. It's beer league, the whole reason you're there in the first place is to just go out and have fun, so just have fun! Once hockey becomes fun again, you can decide whether or not you want to ramp up your intensity/commitment, but for now just treat it like a chill pickup hockey game.

Basically, unless you're a pro, hockey should be a small part of your life, something you do for fun an hour (or a few hours) per week, it shouldn't be taking over your life. Your friends, family, significant other, career, etc. should be your main focus, hockey is a fun activity on top of this. No point in living and breathing hockey if it's not going to be your career.

 

[Jarick]

I'll tack on to that and say that having other interests has mellowed me out some with hockey. Being single-minded is only really useful when you're playing competitively (i.e. not rec league as an adult). You can still be focused on improving, but if you have other things to concentrate on (work, family, other hobbies, other sports, etc), then it becomes something fun to do rather than something you really identify yourself with. And that can help put less pressure on yourself.

 

[Jisatsu]

Being frustrated in hockey is fairly common. You'd be surprised how many people get frustrated, even on winning teams. I've seen too level players go crazy because they didn't score in a game, I've seen beginner players go crazy because they missed a pass in a pick up game. It happens.

Here's how I handle it frustration. I stop putting high expectations on myself. I love this sport, been playing a hair over 20 years now. I stopped swearing, stopped slamming the door, stopped yelling at the refs, and started smiling and laughing. Having fun. If I lose the puck in the corner to someone, I laugh it off because it's fun. It's a game. When I miss a shot on an open net, I laugh it off. I don't take it seriously. But when I score, all that positive energy makes the goal that much better. Yeah I talk trash about dirty players on the bench, yeah I swear at the refs when they **** up, but I don't lose my cool and I enjoy the game. I'm just happy I'm healthy enough to still play.

Yeah I practice a lot, spend 4 days a week on the ice or more. Mess around at home stick handling, shoot pucks at the park, ect.. But I don't take it seriously. It's fun, and it keeps me in shape. Will I go pro? Nope. Will my team win the beer league championship? Maybe. If we don't, no big deal.

Anyways, if you are so frustrated that you are causing a scene, maybe you should just take a couple weeks off, get the game out of your head, go for a hike or something completely different. Have a few drinks with friends, talk to some ladies, whatever. Just get your head straight. I guarantee when you come back, you'll be surprised at the results.

 

[TheSkatingDead]

Thank you all for the comments, suggestions and honesty... it's appreciated. I've had a few games since my original post and I've calmed down and just started enjoying the game... and this is working out very well. I will give Hockey Tough a read and the post below was the best I read and definitely something I need to work on.

Thanks again - cheers.

Its extremely important to have control over your mind and spirit. In order to strengthen these parts of your life you need to practice and train it, just like you would your body. All three aspects of life, body mind and spirit, are vastly important in your life no matter what you do.

My dad once told me that really helped me out in those situations. He repeated what he heard Mark Messier say once... "You cant focus on scoring goals, the goals will come just play hard and play smart and the goals will come." [maybe a loose translation of the quote if Messier said it at all, but It always stuck with me and I even use it in life.