Ajacied
Stay strong Appie! ❤
Courtesy of Andrews..
(it's not an official article, so it could be posted entirely)..
June 26, 2004
Associated Press
RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA ---- The Dallas Stars took a gigantic sh*t this afternoon in the land of Dixie, where the 2004 NHL Entry Draft is currently unfolding. Dallas, unable to deal forward Bill Guerin to Florida for the 7th overall pick (as speculated), began the day with the 20th overall pick.
As things worked out, however, the Stars didn't need that 7th pick to land a highly-talented player. The downward spiral of such top-rated talent as Robbie Schremp and Wojtek Wolski should have ensured a top offensive prospect to add to the talent-deprived Stars system. Instead of drafting at 20 GM Doug Armstong instead chose to deal the pick to New Jersey for the 22nd overall and a third round pick later in the day.
Wolski went to Colorado at 21, adding to their already top-notch offensive depth and virtually ensuring their dominance of Dallas for years to come. Nonetheless, Dallas had the chance to take Robbie Schremp again at 22, but opted to trade yet again. This time it was the bitter rival San Jose Sharks who came calling. Army put aside his hatred for the divisional foe, and bent over and placed his hands facedown on the table while the Sharks sent the 28 and nine billionth picks in exchange for the 22 (which was used on Lukas Kaspar, who will kick Dallas' ass for years to come).
Despite Army's furious insistence that Dallas trade that 28th pick as well, no other NHL team had the lack of conscience to take him up on the offer. "We just couldn't do it" said Calgary Flames coach and GM Daryl Sutter. "It would have been akin to trading the mentally Pejorative Slured kid down the street a Bo Jackson 93 Donruss for his Roger Clemens rookie, just because the poor shlub was a huge Bo homer."
Armstrong, forced to draft a player with the pick, employed the old 'cover your eyes and point to a name in the book' trick to select Mark Fistric aproximately 80 picks before projected. "He'll do" Armstong was immediatley quoted as saying, as he returned to his Disney KidTeaser crossword puzzle.
Fistric's RedLine report didn't faze Armstrong one bit. Despite possessing what is described as "Beer-League Skating Skills," Army lauded the newest Dallas Star as "being a perfect fit for our already awful talent pool." Armestrong furthur stated that "Fistic's lack of offensive and skating skill fits our needs like a glove. My hope is that we can pair him with John Erskine next year for the overall worst defensive duo to ever lace 'em up." When asked to explain the obvious lack of hockey knowledge that he possessed, Armstrong dodged the question by banging on the table with his clipboard and loudly demanding "More Kool-Aid!!!"
Fistric wasn't on hand to respond. When contacted by telephone, his mother informed us that he was not home, and that he nor she were aware that Fistric was eligible for the draft. Needless to say, Mrs. Fistric was elated at the news. "I can't beleive this!" she belted. "He just started playing three weeks ago with some guys at work down at the A&P! And now he's a first rounder?!?"
Armstrong wasn't done embarassing himself there, however. Dallas amassed most of the picks in the 2nd round today, and were forced to decide on a name at 34. Surprisingly, Army decided on Defenseman Johan Fransson of Sweden.
Surprising because Fransson has displayed great talent and promise thus far in his career. What isn't surprising is that he suffered a shoulder injury two years ago that required major reconstuction surgery earlier this year. "Our hope is that the arm will have to be removed," said Armstrong. "Jim Abbott was a huge hit for a few years in the Major Leagues, and we're shooting for the first one-armed NHLer." Armstrong then rolled up his sleeve to reveal a Def Leppard tattoo, while flashing the "devil horns."
With their later 2nd round picks, the Stars returned to the plan of drafting unknowns. Winger Raymond Swabata, who has a snowball's chance in hell of making the NHL, was taken with the 52nd overall pick. Raymond was not available for comment, and we are currently working to confirm that he is still alive. At 56, Dallas selected Niklas Grossman of the Swedish Junior League. Grossman scored 1 goal and had 2 assists in 32 games for Sodertajle SK, and fits Armstong's "no talent" plan nicely.
Story developing...
(it's not an official article, so it could be posted entirely)..
June 26, 2004
Associated Press
RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA ---- The Dallas Stars took a gigantic sh*t this afternoon in the land of Dixie, where the 2004 NHL Entry Draft is currently unfolding. Dallas, unable to deal forward Bill Guerin to Florida for the 7th overall pick (as speculated), began the day with the 20th overall pick.
As things worked out, however, the Stars didn't need that 7th pick to land a highly-talented player. The downward spiral of such top-rated talent as Robbie Schremp and Wojtek Wolski should have ensured a top offensive prospect to add to the talent-deprived Stars system. Instead of drafting at 20 GM Doug Armstong instead chose to deal the pick to New Jersey for the 22nd overall and a third round pick later in the day.
Wolski went to Colorado at 21, adding to their already top-notch offensive depth and virtually ensuring their dominance of Dallas for years to come. Nonetheless, Dallas had the chance to take Robbie Schremp again at 22, but opted to trade yet again. This time it was the bitter rival San Jose Sharks who came calling. Army put aside his hatred for the divisional foe, and bent over and placed his hands facedown on the table while the Sharks sent the 28 and nine billionth picks in exchange for the 22 (which was used on Lukas Kaspar, who will kick Dallas' ass for years to come).
Despite Army's furious insistence that Dallas trade that 28th pick as well, no other NHL team had the lack of conscience to take him up on the offer. "We just couldn't do it" said Calgary Flames coach and GM Daryl Sutter. "It would have been akin to trading the mentally Pejorative Slured kid down the street a Bo Jackson 93 Donruss for his Roger Clemens rookie, just because the poor shlub was a huge Bo homer."
Armstrong, forced to draft a player with the pick, employed the old 'cover your eyes and point to a name in the book' trick to select Mark Fistric aproximately 80 picks before projected. "He'll do" Armstong was immediatley quoted as saying, as he returned to his Disney KidTeaser crossword puzzle.
Fistric's RedLine report didn't faze Armstrong one bit. Despite possessing what is described as "Beer-League Skating Skills," Army lauded the newest Dallas Star as "being a perfect fit for our already awful talent pool." Armestrong furthur stated that "Fistic's lack of offensive and skating skill fits our needs like a glove. My hope is that we can pair him with John Erskine next year for the overall worst defensive duo to ever lace 'em up." When asked to explain the obvious lack of hockey knowledge that he possessed, Armstrong dodged the question by banging on the table with his clipboard and loudly demanding "More Kool-Aid!!!"
Fistric wasn't on hand to respond. When contacted by telephone, his mother informed us that he was not home, and that he nor she were aware that Fistric was eligible for the draft. Needless to say, Mrs. Fistric was elated at the news. "I can't beleive this!" she belted. "He just started playing three weeks ago with some guys at work down at the A&P! And now he's a first rounder?!?"
Armstrong wasn't done embarassing himself there, however. Dallas amassed most of the picks in the 2nd round today, and were forced to decide on a name at 34. Surprisingly, Army decided on Defenseman Johan Fransson of Sweden.
Surprising because Fransson has displayed great talent and promise thus far in his career. What isn't surprising is that he suffered a shoulder injury two years ago that required major reconstuction surgery earlier this year. "Our hope is that the arm will have to be removed," said Armstrong. "Jim Abbott was a huge hit for a few years in the Major Leagues, and we're shooting for the first one-armed NHLer." Armstrong then rolled up his sleeve to reveal a Def Leppard tattoo, while flashing the "devil horns."
With their later 2nd round picks, the Stars returned to the plan of drafting unknowns. Winger Raymond Swabata, who has a snowball's chance in hell of making the NHL, was taken with the 52nd overall pick. Raymond was not available for comment, and we are currently working to confirm that he is still alive. At 56, Dallas selected Niklas Grossman of the Swedish Junior League. Grossman scored 1 goal and had 2 assists in 32 games for Sodertajle SK, and fits Armstong's "no talent" plan nicely.
Story developing...