OT: For once I can agree with a Poutineville columist.

[ODAAT]

I coached at various levels for many years, absolutely loved working with kids, teaching them while at the same time placing an emphasis on enjoying the game.

I won`t say the only reason I stepped away from coaching was the parents but it got worse over the years, often many of them calling me at home stating their case for why their kid should be on the ice every other shift etc....

My dad was not a hockey dad in the sense that he`d interfere with coaching and coaching decisions but the moment I stepped into the car he was on my a** for something. I`m not a shrinking violet, constructive criticism I can handle but I recall one incident where my only responsibility was to shut down a kid from the other team who was their biggest offensive threat.

I did just that and chipped in a goal (remember it like it was yesterday), my coaches after the game gave me the "game puck", I was on cloud 9, got into the car and Dad (may he rest in peace) pointed out the 2-3 times that the kid I was suppose to shadow was able to get a bit too much space on me and how those times could have cost us the game if he converted his chances. While perhaps not untrue, it was comments like this that just took the wind out of my sails eventually.

Parents need to stay the he** out of their kids way, let them enjoy this beautiful game

 

[Hali33]

Don’t get me started on this. A parent already had to be spoken to at a U-7 soccer game this summer. What the **** is wrong with people?

 

[Glove Malfunction]

I know of one rink in suburban Chicago that doesn't allow ANYONE to watch games in person but instead televises them to the coffee shop/bar and it seems to be working.

Remember what happened in Reading almost 20 years ago?

This wasn't even a game. It was a stick practice. And neither of the two guys involved were from Reading. But it does go to show that hockey parents can be out of control.

 

[Nothingbutglass]

Don’t get me started on this. A parent already had to be spoken to at a U-7 soccer game this summer. What the **** is wrong with people?

My question is when this started to become a thing. Does everyone seriously think their kid is going to be a pro athlete or is it just ok now to be an asshole

 

[Donnie Shulzhoffer]

My question is when this started to become a thing. Does everyone seriously think their kid is going to be a pro athlete or is it just ok now to be an *******

Yes

 

[Fenway]

My question is when this started to become a thing. Does everyone seriously think their kid is going to be a pro athlete or is it just ok now to be an *******

Around New England, the prize now is a hockey scholarship at a good school. Tuition/Room and Board have escalated far over the rate of inflation.

What I paid for tuition at BU would be $19172.45 today but now BU charges $52,082 - I didn't pay room and board.

I was a decent goalie in high school and even spent one year at a hockey factory prep school in Cambridge called New Prep where the owners of the school lived for to win hockey hardware but in the end, no college offered me a dime.

I have no doubt that is what drives the parents today.

 

[BigBadBruins7708]

Around New England, the prize now is a hockey scholarship at a good school. Tuition/Room and Board have escalated far over the rate of inflation.

What I paid for tuition at BU would be $19172.45 today but now BU charges $52,082 - I didn't pay room and board.

I was a decent goalie in high school and even spent one year at a hockey factory prep school in Cambridge called New Prep where the owners of the school lived for to win hockey hardware but in the end, no college offered me a dime.

I have no doubt that is what drives the parents today.

i think it goes beyond that.

Used to be it was parents living vicariously through their kids so that the kids' accomplishments were the parents accomplishments. The parent got bragging rights over the other parents because their kid was better.

Now its worse because more and more parents are lost in the 'my kid is perfect' mentality. So many parents think their kid is just the cutest and God's gift to the world and can do no wrong.

It's all over social media, you have parents posting constantly things like "look at what my kid did, isnt he the cutest?" validation seeking crap.

Its not just showing up in sports either. Its why every teacher that dares challenge little Johnny is evil and out to get them. And why parents go screaming to the principal or admins all the time. Its also why teachers cant even yell at kids anymore because the parents will raise hell and the teacher gets in trouble for it.

These are the same parents that get things like tag banned from recess or why some school districts have banned having best friends because it could hurt feelings.

They want to sugar coat the world, and make everyone believe their kid is special and perfect because they cant accept the fact that their kid is just another person in the world, same as everyone else.

So when their kid gets into sports and sucks, their brain cant handle it. Its a threat to their belief so their response is to say "its the coach's fault, or the ump's fault...my kid is really good, they're the problem"

 

[jgatie]

Around New England, the prize now is a hockey scholarship at a good school. Tuition/Room and Board have escalated far over the rate of inflation.

What I paid for tuition at BU would be $19172.45 today but now BU charges $52,082 - I didn't pay room and board.

I was a decent goalie in high school and even spent one year at a hockey factory prep school in Cambridge called New Prep where the owners of the school lived for to win hockey hardware but in the end, no college offered me a dime.

I have no doubt that is what drives the parents today.

My brother went to New Prep, then was a walk on at Northeastern. What year were you there?

 

[CharasLazyWrister]

My question is when this started to become a thing. Does everyone seriously think their kid is going to be a pro athlete or is it just ok now to be an *******

Even if they did, that's still no reason to stick your nose in anything.

I don't agree with all of my parents' parenting techniques. But one thing they did was teach me to respect whomever the authority was at a given time. My parents were not the boss of me when I was not directly under their direction. If I was playing a sport, the coach was the ultimate authority.

When parents inject themselves into every aspect of their kids' lives, and demean other people who should be respected, it teachers a terrible (and I think, unrecoverable) life lesson.

 

[Chief Nine]

Even if they did, that's still no reason to stick your nose in anything.

I didn't agree with all of my parents' parenting techniques. But one thing they did was teach me to respect whomever the authority was at a given time. My parents were not the boss of me when I was not directly under their direction. If I was playing a sport, the coach was the ultimate authority.

When parents inject themselves into every aspect of their kids' lives, and demean other people who should be respected, it teachers a terrible (and I think, unrecoverable) life lesson.

Or worse, when parents who aren't there to live up to their responsibilities, it creates the monstrous problems we have today with generations who have no respect for anything, understanding of boundaries, and feel that the world owes them for just existing

 

[GloryDaze4877]

Time to ban ALL parents from attending.

I respectfully disagree.

I have been on both sides of the equation. I am a parent that has had three children play a variety of sports. My youngest currently plays hockey, golf, and lacrosse for our high school. I have also coached a variety of sports and reffed hockey when I was younger.

I am what you would probably categorize as an “enthusiastic” parent at games. I cheer loudly for our teams and stay positive the vast majority of the time. I don’t ever direct any negative comments at opposing players, but I am loud. I sometimes disagree with decisions that the coaches make, but I would never publicly question them. If I have that big an issue with something, I have a conversion with the coach privately. I know how much time and effort the coaches put in for very little compensation.

Officiating is an issue for me. I realize that they aren’t professionals, but I do expect some level of consistency when they are getting paid to do a job. I’m sure I can be unfair at times with my expectations. I am also an avid supporter of my son’s teams (and his siblings before that) with my time and and money. I believe in the “student/athlete” credo and that school comes first.

I think that I am probably representative of the majority of parents whose kids play sports and I love watching them participate. Why should I or other parents be denied that because of the behavior of a select few?

 

[ODAAT]

The majority of parents and their kids get "it". Most understand their child is likely not moving onto the pro game but it`s those few who can just ruin things. I also agree with Glory about the officiating and it`s hardly a shock. I look at the lack of competent officials in the NHL and it`s hardly shocking that this has funnelled down to the house leagues, competitive hockey, junior etc.....

It`s a tough job being a ref but I question the level of training many receive

 

[Coach Parker]

After giving back to the game I love through coaching for many years, I called it quits for the time being. 5 days a week, 7-10 tournaments in Canada and the US with parent meetings after games to vent to you afterwards was too much. Hell, some of the parents even had to audacity to question the decisions of my assistant coach who is now a senior executive for a NHL team! They actually questioned what he was teaching and seeing in individual players.

I love the game but I've had to toss out parents from rinks, deal with coaches/parents making racial slurs to players, a ref crying to me and wanting to leave the ice from harassment. You name it, I've seen it.

Minor hockey has become a culture that I'd rather not be a part of and that saddens me. I thanked the association for the support and opportunity to give back to the sport I love and then declined the future jobs that just looked to me like more junior hockey headaches with parents multiplying the negative aspects of the game.

'Coach, I can't wait to ******* quit hockey and stick it to my Dad' is a term I heard multiple times in hockey.

Don't be that parent.

 

[CharasLazyWrister]

Or worse, when parents who aren't there to live up to their responsibilities, it creates the monstrous problems we have today with generations who have no respect for anything, understanding of boundaries, and feel that the world owes them for just existing

I myself am 29 and am under the belief that there is a lot less difference between generations on this. A lot has shifted in the world including how people are portrayed depending on the outlet in which you watch. A given media source has enough at their disposal to really manipulate your mind and its also a human tendency to put yourself on a pedestal when you see others acting "out of line". I do it myself ALL THE TIME.

My father, who worked for the same company for 34 years, just retired, and preached "hard work" to me every day of my upbringing...falls right in line with me about all of my issues with corporate America. Complaints and issues which I know others would consider a "spoiled" point of view and things I should just deal with.

But, we digress.

 

[Chief Nine]

I myself am 29 and am under the belief that there is a lot less difference between generations on this. A lot has shifted in the world including how people are portrayed depending on the outlet in which you watch. A given media source has enough at their disposal to really manipulate your mind and its also a human tendency to put yourself on a pedestal when you see others acting "out of line". I do it myself ALL THE TIME.

My father, who worked for the same company for 34 years, just retired, and preached "hard work" to me every day of my upbringing...falls right in line with me about all of my issues with corporate America. Complaints and issues which I know others would consider a "spoiled" point of view and things I should just deal with.

But, we digress.

Upbringing, no matter if you lived in the 5th century or today, has everything to do with how you’re shaped and equipped to deal with life.

The formula is timeless: bad upbringing = bad adults

 

[CharasLazyWrister]

I respectfully disagree.

I have been on both sides of the equation. I am a parent that has had three children play a variety of sports. My youngest currently plays hockey, golf, and lacrosse for our high school. I have also coached a variety of sports and reffed hockey when I was younger.

I am what you would probably categorize as an “enthusiastic” parent at games. I cheer loudly for our teams and stay positive the vast majority of the time. I don’t ever direct any negative comments at opposing players, but I am loud. I sometimes disagree with decisions that the coaches make, but I would never publicly question them. If I have that big an issue with something, I have a conversion with the coach privately. I know how much time and effort the coaches put in for very little compensation.

Officiating is an issue for me. I realize that they aren’t professionals, but I do expect some level of consistency when they are getting paid to do a job. I’m sure I can be unfair at times with my expectations. I am also an avid supporter of my son’s teams (and his siblings before that) with my time and and money. I believe in the “student/athlete” credo and that school comes first.

I think that I am probably representative of the majority of parents whose kids play sports and I love watching them participate. Why should I or other parents be denied that because of the behavior of a select few?

Just as your kids are just kids playing hockey, those officials are doing a side job and doing their best. There is also plenty of bias behind your opinions on what the "correct" calls are and what is not, I am sure.

I am under the opinion that you should certainly be cheering, but you need to keep your opinions to yourself on the refereeing and coaching at a youth hockey game, publicly or privately. If you want to go be the coach, go down that route. The coaches are trying to do what's best for the kids, and what they feel is best for the overall team, not keep you or other parents satisfied.

 

[GloryDaze4877]

Just as your kids are just kids playing hockey, those officials are doing a side job and doing their best. There is also plenty of bias behind your opinions on what the "correct" calls are and what is not, I am sure.

I am under the opinion that you should certainly be cheering, but you need to keep your opinions to yourself on the refereeing and coaching at a youth hockey game, publicly or privately. If you want to go be the coach, go down that route. The coaches are trying to do what's best for the kids, and what they feel is best for the overall team, not keep you or other parents satisfied.

I guess you didn’t read the post?

I have been the coach, with hockey and other sports, which is why I pretty clearly stated that I were to have an issue with a coach, I would speak to them privately.

I stopped coaching because I felt at a certain age, it would be best for my son to hear someone else’s voice in regards to his athletic endeavors. That doesn’t mean you stop caring about their development. And it also doesn’t mean you should not communicate with the coach if you think he’s doing something wrong. I’m not sure where/what you coach, but I have come across many coaches that were far more concerned about the good of their own child or their rep, than they were about the team.

As far as the refs go, as I said, my son plays high school sports. At that age, I don’t expect perfection, but the officials get paid more money than lower levels and have a certain responsibility to know what the **** they are doing. I’m not talking about Squirt refs and I am also not talking about judgement calls. I’m talking about obvious stuff that gets missed and blatant misinterpretation of set rules.

My son’s team was playing this team that liked to goon it up last year and they had multiple penalties and guys in the box at one point. The ref completely messed up on a couple of the situations where we should have had 5 on 3 advantages and he ruled it as a 5-4. We ended up losing by one and his lack of knowledge may have easily impacted the result of the game. I talked to him after the game (very civily) and asked why he called it the way he did. He thought about it and said you know what, I f***ed up. You guys should have been on two man advantages, not one.

I’m sorry if you feel otherwise, but I don’t believe coaches or refs should never be criticized, “just because”. There is a time, place and way to go about things the proper way. Some parents don’t do this, but that doesn’t mean that I should have to sit on my hands while something I know is wrong takes place.

 

[CharasLazyWrister]

I guess you didn’t read the post?

I have been the coach, with hockey and other sports, which is why I pretty clearly stated that I were to have an issue with a coach, I would speak to them privately.

I stopped coaching because I felt at a certain age, it would be best for my son to hear someone else’s voice in regards to his athletic endeavors. That doesn’t mean you stop caring about their development. And it also doesn’t mean you should not communicate with the coach if you think he’s doing something wrong. I’m not sure where/what you coach, but I have come across many coaches that were far more concerned about the good of their own child or their rep, than they were about the team.

As far as the refs go, as I said, my son plays high school sports. At that age, I don’t expect perfection, but the officials get paid more money than lower levels and have a certain responsibility to know what the **** they are doing. I’m not talking about Squirt refs and I am also not talking about judgement calls. I’m talking about obvious stuff that gets missed and blatant misinterpretation of set rules.

My son’s team was playing this team that liked to goon it up last year and they had multiple penalties and guys in the box at one point. The ref completely messed up on a couple of the situations where we should have had 5 on 3 advantages and he ruled it as a 5-4. We ended up losing by one and his lack of knowledge may have easily impacted the result of the game. I talked to him after the game (very civily) and asked why he called it the way he did. He thought about it and said you know what, I ****ed up. You guys should have been on two man advantages, not one.

I’m sorry if you feel otherwise, but I don’t believe coaches or refs should never be criticized, “just because”. There is a time, place and way to go about things the proper way. Some parents don’t do this, but that doesn’t mean that I should have to sit on my hands while something I know is wrong takes place.

I did read your previous post and I read this one.

I can rather easily tell we don't see eye to eye on this, just as a general observation. It's okay, and maybe I was a bit harsh in my prior post, but we're not going to get very far on this.

The basis of the issue, in my mind, is you view your opinion as WHAT IS RIGHT. You claim to run into referees that "don't know what the f*** they are doing" and you need to set them straight on what are the right calls. You are passionate about it, and I get it, it's your kids out there. But, I really think you should just stay out of it. At most, chat with your kids and maybe say that you would have liked to seen it called one way, but ultimately it's the referees responsibility to use their best judgement. And yes, judgement is even what you consider "obvious calls".

That's nice that you spoke with a referee who appreciated your input, but I am just guessing that given your self-admitted passion, not all of them appreciate it. Both coaches and refs most likely have five or six of you coming to them after the game with varying complaints. After awhile, it's just going to become noise and I don't blame them. They are going off of their experience and their training from hopefully objective sources when they call a game, and I give them more credit for an understanding of your side of things, rather than you going to them.

At the youth level, when you've got a vested interest in particular players' performance or a team, I really do think the best thing is just to let it be. And that's just a philosophical difference, if you will. Not much we're going to do to convince one another otherwise.

 

[GloryDaze4877]

I did read your previous post and I read this one.

I can rather easily tell we don't see eye to eye on this, just as a general observation. It's okay, and maybe I was a bit harsh in my prior post, but we're not going to get very far on this.

The basis of the issue, in my mind, is you view your opinion as WHAT IS RIGHT. You claim to run into referees that "don't know what the **** they are doing" and you need to set them straight on what are the right calls. You are passionate about it, and I get it, it's your kids out there. But, I really think you should just stay out of it. At most, chat with your kids and maybe say that you would have liked to seen it called one way, but ultimately it's the referees responsibility to use their best judgement. And yes, judgement is even what you consider "obvious calls".

That's nice that you spoke with a referee who appreciated your input, but I am just guessing that given your self-admitted passion, not all of them appreciate it. Both coaches and refs most likely have five or six of you coming to them after the game with varying complaints. After awhile, it's just going to become noise and I don't blame them. They are going off of their experience and their training from hopefully objective sources when they call a game, and I give them more credit for an understanding of your side of things, rather than you going to them.

At the youth level, when you've got a vested interest in particular players' performance or a team, I really do think the best thing is just to let it be. And that's just a philosophical difference, if you will. Not much we're going to do to convince one another otherwise.

I don’t expect to convince you to change your mind.

The instance I sited was not a “judgment call”. The ref was wrong, and called the play incorrectly. He either didn’t know the rule or maybe just forgot it.

I would say that I am one of the few, if not the only one, that would approach the ref after the game and ask the question. Most parents would prefer to just bitch about it in the stands.

Also, again, even though you said you read the post, perhaps you failed to comprehend?

1) We are beyond the “youth level”, which ends with Bantams.

2) I have never and will never approach a coach immediately after a game to discuss something. If I were to discuss something with a coach, it would have to be something that happened repeatedly, not in one game. And I would do it privately.

There would not be five or six of “me” approaching the coaches after games because I have never done it. Me approaching the ref after that game was a one time thing based on an egregious mistake he made.



ps I have taken both the USA Hockey coaching classes and the referees course. So, I actually have had the same training they have.

 

[Marcobruin]

These parents feel like losers and depend on their kids to give them a sense of winner-being. Those mom's Todd(I like. Todd btw) is referring too are large size unattractive home "makers" who wallow in their very empty lives where gossip is the hi lite of their days

 

[BigBadBruins7708]

I don’t expect to convince you to change your mind.

The instance I sited was not a “judgment call”. The ref was wrong, and called the play incorrectly. He either didn’t know the rule or maybe just forgot it.

I would say that I am one of the few, if not the only one, that would approach the ref after the game and ask the question. Most parents would prefer to just ***** about it in the stands.

Also, again, even though you said you read the post, perhaps you failed to comprehend?

1) We are beyond the “youth level”, which ends with Bantams.

2) I have never and will never approach a coach immediately after a game to discuss something. If I were to discuss something with a coach, it would have to be something that happened repeatedly, not in one game. And I would do it privately.

There would not be five or six of “me” approaching the coaches after games because I have never done it. Me approaching the ref after that game was a one time thing based on an egregious mistake he made.



ps I have taken both the USA Hockey coaching classes and the referees course. So, I actually have had the same training they have.

when you're a parent in the stands cheer for your kid and their team, but otherwise sit down and shut up.

just because you reffed some doesnt mean you're any different than any other loudmouth parent in the stands.

And as a ref you more than the others should know how much easier it is to sit in the stands than to be on the ice. You know how easy it is to miss things and how different things look when you're at ice level and up close.

the whole condescending attitude of talking to the refs to let them know what you think they're doing wrong is just the icing on the cake. Youre entire series of posts here you sound and act like you are some beacon of perfect officiating that needs to give out your wealth of knowledge to the less fortunate peasants who arent on your level.