Fantasy Sports: Flyers Board Mock Draft 2019

Ghosts Beer

I saw Goody Fletcher with the Devil!
Feb 10, 2014
22,590
16,402
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pit

5th Most Improved Poster
Jun 25, 2005
4,987
20,292
Toronto
@Ruck Over In case you've missed it, you're up now.

Hopefully I get to pick in the morning because I have a 14 hour shift tomorrow and I won't be home until near midnight. I do have my text and pick ready to roll though.
 
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Ruck Over

When the revolution comes, pants will do you no gd
Apr 19, 2016
4,197
3,323
Philadelphia, Pa
Unseen up to now, there’s an escalator behind the stage. Unused, it was easily missed hiding in the shadows from the spot and flood lights suspended above on rigging drawing the eye to other portions of the stage. Unexpectedly, bright/blinking lights suddenly illuminate the escalator and a Vegas-casino inspired marque above blaze in golden yellow bathing warm light upon the stage.

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GMGM is accompanied by another fellow, Misha Donskov, the guy responsible for Golden Knights analytics department and usage. They are dressed to the nines, dapper is an understatement. A quick look at Misha, and one must assume he’s has been hard at work for a prolonged period of time, because the usually clean shaven man has a well-groomed, bushy beard. It does make sense though, however illogical in the hot Vegas desert- the Knights have only experienced long playoff runs, never in Vegas' club history have they missed the playoffs, nor have they ever failed to exit the first round. This beard must be a tribute to the players as they continue their Goldilocks run for the ultimate silver prize.

GMGM: Go ahead Misha, lay it on them.

Misha tentatively looks at GMGM, then approaches the lectern and appears to zone out.

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He opens his mouth, then stutters. There is a brief moment of silence, then he begins to speak in an confident and assured tone

Donskov: The Vegas Golden Knights have reviewed the numbers, measured the variables, and with a high probability are proud to select with the #84 pick from Duluth, Minnesota, 6’3”, 183 lbs. right hand shooting center, committed to the University of Wisconsin (suck it North Dakota), great flow – Ryder Donovan. Ryder is an elite diamond in the rough, and with the sands of the desert, he’s going to be polished into an amazing gem.

Donovan.jpg


The two men return to the escalator, face the crowd, and ride up backwards, disappearing from site. When the camera pans back to the Vegas draft table, the two men are sitting with the rest of the Golden Knights staff. They moved across the arena, unseen. No one in attendance knows how the men did that, or where that escalator came from.

Vegas Picks
17th – Arthur Kaliyev, RW, Hamilton (OHL)
48th – Patrik Puistola, LW, LeKi (Mestis)
79th – Hunter Jones, G, Peterborough (OHL)
84th – Ryder Donovan, C, Duluth East (USHS-MN)

@pit is up next, but he knows that
 

pit

5th Most Improved Poster
Jun 25, 2005
4,987
20,292
Toronto
A visibly tired and shamed Gary Bettman walks to the podium, stands there, and then his head slumps forward as his forehead hits the mic with a dull thud. His voice barely catching the mic, Bettman says in exhaustion “Why is the only person at the Sens table a cardboard cut out of their deceased General Manager?”

If one were to listen closely, one might hear, over the sniffles and sobs of the commissioner, the sound of a meek little voice chattering on and on. Just off to the side of the draft tables, huddled in a corner, next to the side of the men’s room, sits Pierre Dorion in a crouch.

Dorion: Mister Lemieuxs doesn’t come to make the pick, maybe he will let Dorion make the pick. Lemieuxs likes Dorion.

Just then, Dorion’s head twitches to the side and another more raspy voice comes out of his mouth.

XjZ4Mx0.jpg

Dollum: YOUSE IS A FOOLS IFS YOU THINKS THE LEMIEUXS LIKESES US! HE HATESES DORION. HATESES! And do you know why? Its because we’s is smartsers than hims. We’s should be managers and presidents. But Lemieuxes is tricksy and takeses it from us, trickses the Melnyks and makes him takeses away what is OURS!

Dorion: No, no, Lemieuxs is friiiend. He let us sit at table and not spitses at us like Hollands or act like he wins trades like Sakics. We waits for Lemieuxs. He friend.

Dollum: NO! We makes the Lemieuxs pays for taking our pickses and only using them on safes Canadians players. YUCK! Wese wants EUROPEAAAANS withs upsides. Show them we smart, that wese knowses the hockeys best. DORION make this pick, shows them all!

Dorion: H-how?

Dollum: Wese creeps up to the stinkroom where Lemieux makes the smells and humpses the Crosbymouth. Theeeeens we takes a broom and jams it through the door handles and he nevers gets free. THEN, Dorion is free. Free to makes the pickses.

Dorion: C-can’t do that to Lemieuxs.

Dollum: Wese do it or he takes our picks, then takeses our job and giveses it to the fat hobbit.

Dorion: Phil Kessels?

Dollum: YEEESSSSS!

Dorion: No, no, Dorion will do it! Locks him up and never be frees!

Dorion jams the broom through the door handles, preventing it from opening, and then rushes the stage, slamming into the still morose and slumped over Bettman, knocking him to the ground. Dorion clambers atop the podium and crouches over the mic.

Dorion: Heeeeh, heeehh, heeeeh. Hellos Vancouverses. Yeees. With my precious 85th picks, oh, so precious... Ottawa selectses from Kärpät, winger Tuukka Tieksola.

303ac68137dfae2bc8d992b87f5d07bf_XL.jpg


Squealing with glee, Dorion clambers off the podium and out of view under the tablecloth of the Ottawa table.

Dollum: My precious, precious PICKSeeesssSSSss!

Ottawa Picks
17th - Thomas Harley, LHD, Mississauga (OHL)
32nd - Nolan Foote, LW, Kelowna (WHL)
44th - Kaedan Korczak, RHD, Kelowna (WHL)
85th – Tuukka Tieksola, LW, Kärpät (Liiga)

@Ruck Over , you’re up again! Escalator away!

With special thanks for the Photoshop assist from @Captain Dave Poulin
 

Ruck Over

When the revolution comes, pants will do you no gd
Apr 19, 2016
4,197
3,323
Philadelphia, Pa
GMGM stands up, and remarkably has undergone a full wardrobe transformation in the middle of the draft on the floor at his table. Vegas folks aren’t known to be modest, where did he get the new threads, and where did he change? Elvis? McPhee and the Vegas delegation are all wearing jumpers and wigs. And sunglasses, indoors? These guys.

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GMGM: Let me give you Vancouver residents a history lesson about the King of Rock’n’Roll! You folks are allergic to a good time, it’s a shame. Did you know Vancouver was the last Canadian city Elvis Presley toured in? Back on August 31, 1957, a 22-year-old Elvis played at the Empire Stadium. 26,000 people crammed in to see him, way more than an average Canucks game, and the ticket prices ranged from $1.50 to $3.50. Much like the rioting occurring after the 2011 Cup loss, the people of Vancouver could not control themselves, and the show had to be stopped TWICE as the crowd attempted to bypass security and crowd the stage.
Who’s seen the movie “3000 Miles to Graceland”? These boys are here to keep you punks at bay.
So, after the show, Elvis gave this quote to the Vancouver Province columnist Hugh Watson et al., and I quote, “Without a doubt this is the worst audience I’ve ever played to. I’d heard that Canadians were a little more rational.” End quote. Good going VANCOUVER, you louts ruined it for the rest of us!

Bettman, a sweaty disheveled man, burn stain on his suit, greatly fatigued (physically and mentally) with all the nonsense that has gone on during this draft, not yet half-way over, drags his feet as he approaches the Vegas contingent. There’s a look of both anger and sadness in his beady rat-like eyes. And while Bettman may not notice it, his fist is clenched and his lips are pursed.

GMGM: Elvis #2! Karate CHOP!

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The Elvis swiftly moves toward Bettman, too close for comfort of GMGM. Elvis in a flurry of movement strikes the NHL commissioner, incapacitating him to a sack of human debris in front of the whole world to see. The assailant then bows deeply at the waist to GMGM, and with an exaggerated lip twitch says in a sultry voice, “Thank you, thank you very much.”

GMGM: ooohh nOO! Whatever ever happened to our NHL commissioner?! When you step to GMGM, you best come correct. Remember that Buttman.
With no further ado, The Las Vegas Golden Knights, are proud to select with the #86 pick in the 2019 NHL Entry Draft, from the Blainville-Boisbriand Aramada, 6’4”, 212 lbs, left-hand shooting, silky smooth sublime shooter skater, developing dominant dastardly deft defender, SAMUEL BOLDUC!
In the immortal words of Elvis himself, “VIVA LAS VEGAS!”

samuel-bolduc-of-the-blainvilleboisbriand-armada-skates-the-puck-the-picture-id1048005268


GMGM: Kid, you want to go places in this world? Grow out your sideburns first.

The collection of jumpsuits exit the stage, striking various poses, feigning karate chops and kicks, or swinging there hips here, there and everywhere. With no coordination, they all quote lines of various songs, "Don't step on my blue seude shoes," "I ain't nothing but a hound dog," "I'm in love, I'm all shook up," "Well, it's down at the end of Lonely Street, at Heartbreak Hotel," "Love me tender, love me sweet." The group makes as confusing an exit from the stage, as they did upon the approach to the stage. Always a show, that Vegas squad.

Vegas Picks
17th – Arthur Kaliyev, RW, Hamilton (OHL)
48th – Patrik Puistola, LW, LeKi (Mestis)
79th – Hunter Jones, G, Peterborough (OHL)
84th – Ryder Donovan, C, Duluth East (USHS-MN)
86th – Samuel Bolduc, D, Blainville-Boisbriand (QMJHL)

@Ernest95 is up next!
 
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Ruck Over

When the revolution comes, pants will do you no gd
Apr 19, 2016
4,197
3,323
Philadelphia, Pa
SHUT THE f*** UP @Magua

We're gonna MOCK however the hell we *** damn please to!

(But seriously, I am a sucker for black sheep, and selecting Kaliyev screwed up everything for me. Neither of the guys I really wanted lasted to pick #48, and after that it's been damage control of assumptions for bpa, unfraid of projects.)
 

Ruck Over

When the revolution comes, pants will do you no gd
Apr 19, 2016
4,197
3,323
Philadelphia, Pa
I actually came to this site via Yahoo Sports, I forget the column, haven't been there in years, but in a weekly piece, a writer would hat tip to the most outlandish hfboard trade scene and just leave it there to be ridiculed.
So that's one "professional" who lurks these boards.

Then we have our very own Jake dropping tweet references to posters on the Flyers board.

It would take some, a lot of, finagling, but if there were a publisher out there, collecting our draft picks and the stories could be a thing. Give it to an animator, a la Game of Zones or something, boom, instant win. Stretching but yeah, the NHL is passe at times. Our mock drafts would be the best thing on tv by miles if it came true to pass.
 

Strawberry Fields

12x Calder Cup Champs
Sep 29, 2017
8,367
28,051
Central PA
You people are putting more effort into these stories than NHL GMs are probably putting into their actual picks. :laugh:

I will back read these eventually. I'm not even convinced this is a mock draft anymore. It's a writer's workshop.
You'll be pleased to know the only effort I put into my posts is finding a picture of the guy I'm taking and double checking that they're still on the board
 

Bruckuss

FML & FCF
Apr 1, 2012
776
1,302
Not Toronto
Keep the epic scenes coming, they are amazingly creative and pure entertainment to envision - some talented writers in here for sure!

Now that the main playoff photoshop thread is seemingly toast, this is honestly the funniest stuff going on HF
 

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