Fantasy Sports: Flyers Board Mock Draft 2018

[Chuck Downie]

GM sent a PM last night to make a selection -

Flyers select 5'7" forward Alexander Zhabreyev from St. Petersburg (MHL)

 

[Chuck Downie]

After awaking from a nightmare from watching Being John Malkovich last night...

...Stevie Y texts in his next selection:

selects defenceman Connor Corcoran from Windsor (OHL)

@SnS is up next.

 

[SnS]

San Jose selects Riley McCourt

@Tripod

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

selects defenceman Connor Corcoran from Windsor (OHL)

What a goofy photo. I hope we draft that guy lol.

 

[Ghosts Beer]

What a goofy photo. I hope we draft that guy lol.

Clearly the Eminem of the ice hockey world.

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

Clearly the Eminem of the ice hockey world.

Put some glasses on him, and he's a dead ringer for one of the Hanson brothers.

 

[BernieParent]

After awaking from a nightmare from watching Being John Malkovich last night...

...Stevie Y texts in his next selection:

selects defenceman Connor Corcoran from Windsor (OHL)

@SnS is up next.

I have to say what an AWFUL choice Corcoran is for an alleged genius like Yzerman. Just look at that photo. He doesn't even wear skates when he plays! Sure, he will still be faster than Lehtera but otherwise this is a wasted pick.

Sorry for having to break the Do Not Criticize request, which Corcoran or his well wishes obviously added to the photo in recognition of his uselessness. It's the Do Not Resuscitate of prospect evaluations.

 

[Tripod]

Mark Recchi- "Sorry to everyone as it seems Jim Rutherford and the scouting staff slept in on day 2 and had the first 2 picks drawn out of a hat for them. Since taking over, I have tried my best to select the best players based on their names. Let's see how that works out. And for our last pick, I would like to bring up our Special Assignment Scout, Kevin Stevens. Hopefully he is not still at the bar, hahaha"

"crickets"

Kevin shoots him a death stare, "thanks Ricci"

"With the 208th pick in the draft, the Penguins are happy to select Declan Chisholm from the Peterborough Petes.

53 - Pittsburgh - Milos Roman, C, Vancouver (WHL) auto-pick
64 - Pittsburgh - Dmitri Zavgorodny, C, Rimouski (QMJHL) auto-pick
129 - Pittsburgh - Kyle Topping, C, Kelowna (WHL)
146 - Pittsburgh - Spencer Stastney, D, USNTDP (USHL)
177 - Pittsburgh - Marcus Westfalt, C, Brynas (SHL)
208 - Pittsburgh- Declan Chisholm, D, Peterborough (OHL)


Toronto is on the clock @Captain Dave Poulin

 

[Ruck Over]

Haha, Chisholm, sounds like...

 

[pit]

Put some glasses on him, and he's a dead ringer for one of the Hanson brothers.

The guys who sing Mmmbop?

 

[pit]

The Toronto Maple Leafs decided their prospect pool is hugely deep and they don't need seventh round picks. I believe a proxy has been selected to deal with it, but he hasn't arrived yet. He will before the time limit expires though, never fear.

 

[pit]

*Gary Bettman walks up to the podium*
"Well, as it looks like the Toronto Maple Leafs' draft table is empty, so their picks will be forfeit if they don't respond before time is up."

*From underneath the Ottawa draft table, the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly emerges*

"Uh, is that someone with the terrible phlegm in their throat here to represent Toronto?"

*From under the linens of the Ottawa table emerges a figure in a trench coat, wearing glasses, a Maple Leafs ballcap and holding a Maple Leafs' helium balloon. He lurches and stumbles a bit as he makes his way to the podium. Bettman is shoved aside as the man leans into the mic, pauses, and then quickly turns his back to the audience. When he turns back around, his balloon is mostly deflated*

(in a high pitched voice) Hiii, everyone, I'm Kyyyle Dubas, general manager of the...the... Toronto Make B..Maple Leafs. I'm sure glad to be here today, proud of my full head of haAAaaiir, my job with benefiths and not having a micromanaging prick of a bosshsh.

*inhales a bit more helium*
I'm pleased to say we have a trade to announce. Toronto is happy to trade their sheventh round pick in the drafht, along with Aushton Maffews, to the Ottawa Senatorhssh for Matt Frattin and Ryan Rupert, two key pieches we lost in that trade we lost horribly when we sent away Dion Phaneeooooof, and a sthixth round pick in 2045.

Whaddaya mean there are no trades in thish draft? What kind of Micky Mouse bullshit is this? f*** you Daly and your midget boss too.

*finishes the helium* Whaddaya gonna do? Fine us? We're Toronto, we can afford it. Go to...go to town buddy. Thatsht Dubas, spelled D-U-M-B-A-S-S. Write...write that down on the fine asshole.

Uuggghhh, fine, whatever, I'll pick.

With the two hunnert and ninfth pick of the draft, the Toronto LEAVES select Demetrios Koumontzis.

@Ghosts Beer , oh, hey beer...I mean, your pick MAAAAN!

 

[Ghosts Beer]

All eyes are fixed on the north end of the American Airlines Arena as a high as a kite "Kyle Dubas" stumbles away from the podium, and a screen on the stage switches from Maple Leafs to Minnesota.

As interim Minnesota GM Ghosts Beer huddles with his scouts, in what will be his final act as Minnesota's GM before Paul Fenton takes over and reinstitutes the woeful Wild nickname, "Kyle Dubas" inebriatedly trips over a cable, ripping it from its electrical socket. As Dubas tumbles off the stage, uproarious laughter halts to a hush as the arena turns pitch black. The power is out.

Ghosts Beer and the interim Minnesota draft team are lost. Unable to see anything in the total darkness, they have no idea how to navigate to the podium to make their selection, and time is running out. Suddenly, as if by magic, someone in the crowd notices that one small light has not burnt out -- it is the top of the classic "N" logo of the Minnesota North Stars, beckoning from the screen at the north end of the arena, behind the podium. "Follow the North Star!" audience members begin to chant. Led by the light of the logo, Ghosts Beer and team make their way to the stage and podium, announcing,

"With the 210th pick of the 2018 Fake Draft, the Minnesota North Stars select Dmitry Semykin, D, SKA-1946 St. Petersburg (MHL). And that concludes our draft."

Minnesota Draft Recap:

1 (24) Vitali Kravtsov, RW, Chelyabinsk (KHL) Vitali Kravtsov - Elite Prospects
3 (63) Ondrej Buchtela, D, Chomutov (Extraliga) Ondrej Buchtela - Elite Prospects
3 (86) Gabriel Fortier, LW, Baie-Comeau (QMJHL) Gabriel Fortier - Elite Prospects
3 (91) Slava Demin, D, Wenatchee (BCHL) Slava Demin - Elite Prospects
5 (148) Adam Samuelsson, D, USNDTP (USHL) Adam Samuelsson at eliteprospects.com
5 (152) Martin Pospisil, C, Sioux City (USHL) Martin Pospisil at eliteprospects.com
6 (179) Brendan Budy, LW, Langley (BCHL) Brendan Budy at eliteprospects.com
7 (210) Dmitry Semykin, D, SKA-1946 St. Petersburg (MHL) Dmitri Semykin at eliteprospects.com

@pit You're back up. Good luck with the lights.

 

[pit]

*A voice in the darkness behind the stage, muffled by quiet sobbing*
I can't fake thishsh anymore. I'm never going to be the GM of a real team. Why even pretend to run the Maple Leafths? I guessths I'll make one last pick and resign myself to my schtupid schtupid fate.

With the two hunnert and elevenfth pick, the Maple Leafs waste a pick by choosing a Russian, yes he is Russian because he is from belaRUSSIA, Vladislav Yeryomenko from the Calgary Hitmen.

*Other GMs and scouts have begun using the flashlights on their phone and in the darkness illuminate a slightly more sober Pierre Dorion sitting on the edge of the stage, naked and crying*

"PIERRE! THERE YOU ARE!"

*All of the flashlights swivel to the top of the lower bowl where an enraged and exhausted Eugene Melnyk, his jacket torn and his face smeared with blood (of others), begins descending towards the stage. Just then, the ringtone on someone's cellphone goes off and it just happens to be Yakety Sax from the Benny Hill show (). A frantic chase ensues with a naked Pierre Dorion finally running down the zamboni tunnel and out to freedom, pursued by a fist-shaking Melnyk, some Dallas fans who Dorion stole some hot dogs from, a priest and some inexplicably hot and scantily clad women.*

 

[pit]

@Chinatown88 You're up!

 

[Chinatown88]

Going to make my selection in the morning. Get some sleep folks!

 

[Ruck Over]

Going to make my selection in the morning. Get some sleep folks!

BOOOO

Keep it going!

 

[Chinatown88]

Jim Gregory: Lickers may I have your selection please.

Don Sweeney: Why? Why is he doing this to us?

Cam Neely: It's just one old man. Nothing to worry about Don.

Jim Gregory: Hit it boys.

The arena video screens in Dallas proceed to replay both Marchand licking incidents over and over. The Bruins logo is now a giant L on the draft board.

Cam Neely: *grabs the mic* Gary! Get your ass out here! This is crossing the ****ing line!

The elf slowly walks onto the stage with a microphone.

Gary Bettman: Well well Cam. I regret to inform you that due to your little Frenchmen, I've decided to rename your franchise.

Neely: What?! You can't ****ing do that.

Bettman: I have the approval of the BoG and the rest of the owners. Look around at the other draft tables.

The Bruins' management turns their heads to see everyone holding back their laughter.

Drunk Dorion: That's what you ****ers get! Anyways boys let's make sure we grab all the wires too. Eugene cut back the budget for IT.

Don: What do we do Cam?

Cam Neely: *slams the table with his fists* Mother****er! Call our legal team. I have to ****ing swallow my pride. The Boston Lickers select from Cape Breton of the QMJHL Mathias Laferriere.

Jim Gregory after hearing Cam Neely:

2018 Boston Lickers Selections

2-57 - Boston - Alec Regula, D, London (OHL)
3-77 - Boston - Luka Burzan, C, Brandon (WHL)
4-119 - Boston - Liam Kirk, F, Sheffield (EIHL)
6-181 - Boston - Angus Crookshank, F, Langley (BCHL)
7-212 - Boston - Mathias Laferriere F, Cape Breton (QMJHL)


Will PM and tag next GM
@Ernest95 You're up!

 

[Ghosts Beer]

Btw, vladislav yeryomenko has been drafted twice.

 

[GKJ]

Round 7 looks like the Russian Round

 

[Chuck Downie]

Btw, vladislav yeryomenko has been drafted twice.

Thanks. Messaged @pit to change his pick.

 

[pit]

*Gary Bettman takes the stage*

I have a text message here from someone named Kyle Dumbass saying "Change the last pick by the Toronto Maple Leafs to Jackson Leppard from the Prince George Cougars of the WHL because he has a cool name".

So, uh, with the 211th pick, once again, the Toronto Maple Leafs select Jackson Leppard from the Prince George Cougars.

*phone buzzes again*

He also says "Suck it Eugene. Woo."

Winnipeg continues to be on the clock.

 

[Chinatown88]

*Gary Bettman takes the stage*

I have a text message here from someone named Kyle Dumbass saying "Change the last pick by the Toronto Maple Leafs to Angus Crookshank from the Langley Rivermen of the BCHL because he has a cool name".

So, uh, with the 211th pick, once again, the Toronto Maple Leafs select Angus Crookshank from the Langley Rivermen.

*phone buzzes again*

He also says "Suck it Eugene. Woo."

Winnipeg continues to be on the clock.

The Lickers took him in the sixth round. Fight us for him.

 

[pit]

The Lickers took him in the sixth round. Fight us for him.

Fake news. That text clearly said Jackson Leppard, for the same cool-name reasons. This is all a Bettman conspiracy to make Pierre Dorion look bad.

(Sorry, fixed now)

 

[Ernest95]

Now with the 213th pick in the mock draft the Jets select Maxim Golod!
Can anyone tell me if any of the people I picked have a chance
pm'ing next gm.