The Oilers and Canucks play a meaningless afternoon game, the final tune up for the Oilers before the playoffs begin Wednesday.
It is the perfect game for a final tune-up, keep the motors running for most players, rest the ones who are banged up a bit and get the depth players some ice time.
It would be nice to win. But whatever the score the ultimate goal is to have no injuries.
So to that end the Oilers have invested in new equipment for tomorrows game.
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First is the cut proof undergarments. These are state of the art combat wear, fully resistant to cuts, slashes and punctures.
Here we see Leon Draisaitl and Kailer Yamamoto demonstrating it to the rest of the team.
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Next is the SlashPro hoodie, which is fully slash, cut and puncture proof and fits nice and loose over the slash resistant undergarments.
Our model (Guess the Oiler) is a bit nervous however as Kailer is overly enthusiastic about demonstrating how cut resistant it is and is cutting back and forth so fast that he might cause a fire.
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On top of the cut resistant undergarments and the slash proof hoodie is the bulletproof vest, as seen here by Jesse Puljujarvi.
Ummm Kailer, we're good here, we don't need anymore cutting demonstrations. You can go.
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On top of the bulletproof vest, slash proof hoodie and cut resistant undergarments, we have a bespoke duct tape suit, custom fitted for every individual Oiler.
Here is Dave Tippett showing the team how flexible and strong the duct tape suit it. And it is nearly indestructible.
Kailer! Jesus man. You were just to be demonstrating the cut resistant undershirt with Leon!
What........NO! KAILER!!!! DONT TRY TO CUT THAT OFF!!!!!
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Above the duct tape suit, the bulletproof vest, slash proof hoodie and cut resistant undergarments ,goes a nice breathable air suit, to absorb body checks and nasty falls.
The one problem is that the air nozzle to blow the air suit up is.....well.....its in a bit of a unique place......
KAILER GODDAMIT DONT CUT JJ's NOZZLE OFF! These are air suits Kailer, and they are not cut proof!
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Overtop of the air suit, the duct tape suit, the bulletproof vest, the slash proof hoodie and the cut resistant undergarments we will be sporting a full set of urban tactical combat gear.
No guns of course. It is fully fitted head to toe, with fireproof pants and jacket.
Yes. I agree....Kailer is starting to become a pain in the ass. This must be what the opponents feel like when he is hounding pucks.
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Above the tactical combat gear, the air suit, the duct tape suit, the bulletproof vest, the slash proof hoodie and the cut resistant undergarments we have a custom fitted medieval suit of plate mail.
It is forged in a rolled alloy out of lightweight space age metals so as not to impede skating and speed. Optional shield as well for the shot blockers.
Kailer that knife of yours must be getting awfully dull by now.
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Over top of the medieval suit of space age plate mail, the tactical combat gear, the air suit, the duct tape suit, the bulletproof vest, the slash proof hoodie and the cut resistant undergarments is 60 feet of bubble wrap held together by deluxe extra strong shipping tape.
Kailer is really testing Connor's patience......
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And finally, overtop the 60 feet of bubble wrap, the medieval suit of space age plate mail, the tactical combat gear, the air suit, the duct tape suit, the bulletproof vest, the slash proof hoodie and the cut resistant undergarments is a giant bubble ball filled with nitrogen so slow leakage is avoided.
This is the final layer in the perfect combination of on ice protective gear.
It may seem like overkill, but we must ensure that we have no injuries in the Saturday matinee.
And Kailer, feel free to cut off all the Canucks armor, because we want to win and we want the Flames to beat them in the final 3 games as well, so they move up in the draft order and lower their lottery odds!
Lets Go Oilers and Lets Not Get Hurt!
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Today’s Lines
Kahun - McDavid - Puljujarvi
RNH - Draisaitl - Chiasson
Neal - Haas
Nygard - Khaira - Archibald
Nurse - Barrie
Kulikov - Larsson
Koekkoek - Bear
Bouchard
Koskinen and pray
Stalock
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Today’s Lines
Hoglander - Miller - Boeser
Pearson - Horvat - Highmore
Michaelis - Graovac - Hawryluk
Vesey - Boyd - Macewan
Edler - Hamonic
Hughes - Myers
Chatfield - Rathbone
Demko
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GDT MUSIC
OVERKILL - MOTORHEAD
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FEARLESS PREDICTION
An uneventful boring game which we win and nobody gets hurt.
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