Best Hockey Chirps

DustyMartellaughs

Flashing the leather.
Jun 12, 2009
4,953
1,246
Dawson Creek, BC
"You got a new stick, eh? Did the old one die of boredom?"

"Watching you on a breakaway is the most exciting ninety seconds in hockey!"

"I like watching you skate, and I sure hope they find a cure someday."

"You're not a goal scorer. You seem more like an assisted living type."


I'm a goalie, and like to chirp opposing forwards.
 
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houseleaguehero

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1
0
*To a slow player* Buddy I've seen better wheels on a canoe
*To a player with a terrible shot* Nice shooting soldier!
 

hillcrest34

Registered User
Jan 15, 2016
29
0
Adelaide, SA
Little bit of context to this one, guy in our league, wears 87, whinges constantly about how he never gets drafted to play in the higher leagues but one look at the puck and he falls over.

Puck ends up infront of our bench, no one near him, skates up to the puck, touches the puck with his stick then he’s on his ass. Cue me using the end of my stick like a microphone “ladies and gentlemen, Siiiiiiidneeeyyyy Croooooooooosbyyy.” One of our guys then takes the puck while he’s still on his ass and scores
 

Andrei79

Registered User
Jan 25, 2013
14,849
26,097
This one was for an awful goaltender named Annick who was of really small stature.

They called her : "la 'tite Annick", which in french means "small Annick", but said in a Quebecois way, is pronounced "Titanic".

It was great, because every team she played for sank.
 

Slats432

Registered User
Jun 2, 2002
14,757
2,778
hockeypedia.com
Midget Elite 3 on 3.

Guy gets slashed. Drops glove and stick and holding hand skates off and goes directly to dressing room. Comes out 1 minute later and takes next shift.

"He buddy, that reconstructive surgery on your wrist must have been a big f'ing success since you are back so fast. Congrats."
 

cynicalcitizen

Registered User
Feb 6, 2014
266
216
I'm really starting to wonder how we've had so many great comedians from Canada throughout history. They've obviously never played hockey or been afflicted with whatever has created this situation.
 
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mikemar1

Registered User
Apr 24, 2012
212
155
I am a player that likes to chrip, but only when the other team starts it.

Some of my favorites come on demand (as the best do), but include:

(Guy is all over the place acting ridiculous); "You're a clown. Where is your face paint, CLOWN!?"

(Guys is trying to chirp, looks at you); "You look like you're about to tell a joke, clown."

(Guy is whining about calls); "Do you want the rink to zamboni the ice with your tears? Cry about it more."

(Guy is diving); Where is your speedo? I don't see it. Do you dive withtout it?"

(Guy also diving) "Do you have a blanket? You keep trying to lay down there."

Randoms:
You're a joke (insert clown phrase)
Really? Trying to impress the fans?

The best ones come on the fly.
lame
 
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Sheppy

Registered User
Nov 23, 2011
55,689
57,324
The Arctic
Why do you have to “chirp?” The best thing is either score a goal or make a great defensive play. No need to talk or try hard to be funny.
I don't know, sometimes it's funny to get people a little riled up. I know i wouldn't really take it too serious at all.
 

ChuckLefley

Registered User
Jan 5, 2016
1,665
1,038
I don't know, sometimes it's funny to get people a little riled up. I know i wouldn't really take it too serious at all.
When I play I am more concerned with playing well and winning than trying to rile people up with trash talk. I guess that’s the difference between you and I.
 

LeifUK

Registered User
Jan 2, 2018
131
39
One of our goalies didn’t like me, so when he passed me the puck for a break out, he commented ‘try not to score an own goal’. Not particularly funny, but not a bad put down.

On another occasion my right skate felt odd, I bent down and pulled a damp tissue off it. A player on the boards said ‘I’m surprised you noticed a difference’. Mildly amusing. Intended as good natured banter.

In our scrimmages we go on five at a time, and at the end I always rush back to the benches to get at the head of the queue. A player said ‘Pity you don’t move that fast when playing, you’d be a star’. Again, mildly amusing banter.

I was annoyed in one game a few of the players in the other team were ringers from an earlier game, and they were of a much higher standard than us. So at a face off I said to one of them “I saw the rest of your team leaving the building a few minutes ago, if you hurry you’ll be able to catch them up”. Not particularly funny, but it made him smile.

I don’t much like mean put downs, as some people can’t get as much ice time as others, and most of us are on ice to have some fun and get some exercise. I particularly don’t like the ‘serious’ players that have a go at the less capable ones for ruining ‘their’ game.
 

hillcrest34

Registered User
Jan 15, 2016
29
0
Adelaide, SA
Guy in our league dives a lot. He got called for an embellishment last season, I was near him when he was arguing with the ref and I started singing Holy Diver
 

TheDawnOfANewTage

Dahlin, it’ll all be fine
Dec 17, 2018
12,022
17,499
Best pest move- I had long hair and some dude started pulling it going "Jagr! Jagr!" in front of the net. Wish I'd scored and chanted it in turn cause Jagr's a friggin beast, but nah..

My favorite one: Some douche was running around in my adult league, heavy slashes and overly physical play. He got a stupid penalty in a tied game- players standing around in front of the goalie after a whistle and he just kinda checked a dude.

Me: "Smart. We're gonna score on this power play. You just cost your team."
*goal 1:30 later*
I'm sitting on the bench, everyone jumps up like normal. When they sit back down I'm still just staring the dude in the box down with the biggest shit eating grin on my face. He gets up and yells "Ya ya, I like your red helmet."

..I have a red helmet. I know it was sarcastic.. so he doesn't like my helmet. Ouch, man.

I feel like there was a bit more to the back and forth, but I just enjoyed shitting on that dude in particular.
 

ApexAssassin

Registered User
Apr 11, 2019
1
0
When someone starts the “Wheel, snipe, celly boys” you say f*** bud you can’t even wheel a tire down a hill shit :eek::eek::eek::eek:, go dye your hair
 

YippieKaey

How you gonna do hockey like that?
Apr 2, 2012
2,896
2,371
Stockholm Sweden
Personally i find endless repetitions are the best. Just call the same guy "hot stuff" all game long. Whenever you see him it´s: "Hey hot stuff, how you doing hot stuff?". Eventually most people lose it to some degree….
 

YippieKaey

How you gonna do hockey like that?
Apr 2, 2012
2,896
2,371
Stockholm Sweden
Most of the chirps in here are premeditated garbage. Best way to chirp is to pick one player and spend the whole game chirping everything he does. Just simple stuff like everytime they take a shot, sarcastically yell "holy **** what a shot!!!". Do the same for every pass, dangle, hit, block, and anything else you can point out. By halfway through the game they'll be so annoyed and insecure about everything they'll starting gripping the stick way too hard, thus rendered useless.

Exactly.
 
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iamjs

Registered User
Oct 1, 2008
12,569
931
When someone starts the “Wheel, snipe, celly boys” you say **** bud you can’t even wheel a tire down a hill **** ****, go dye your hair

that makes no sense.


I am a player that likes to chrip, but only when the other team starts it.

Some of my favorites come on demand (as the best do), but include:

(Guy is all over the place acting ridiculous); "You're a clown. Where is your face paint, CLOWN!?"

(Guys is trying to chirp, looks at you); "You look like you're about to tell a joke, clown."

(Guy is whining about calls); "Do you want the rink to zamboni the ice with your tears? Cry about it more."

(Guy is diving); Where is your speedo? I don't see it. Do you dive withtout it?"

(Guy also diving) "Do you have a blanket? You keep trying to lay down there."

Randoms:
You're a joke (insert clown phrase)
Really? Trying to impress the fans?

The best ones come on the fly.

so that rules out those "chirps"
 

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