HandsomeHollywood
Brooke Shields ain't got nothin'
- Mar 20, 2017
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Megahab:
MEGAHAB WRESTLING FEDERATION
presents
WRESTLE EPIC
From The Skydome in Toronto, Ontario
Commentary: Mike Tenay & Corey Graves
Interviews: Sean Mooney and Jonathan Coachman
MWF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
Bret Hart vs. Chris Jericho
(Prime 1993-1994 Bret Hart vs. 2008 heel Chris Jericho. I think they may have had a throwaway match in WCW but imagine this with a proper feud and with a lot of time.)
Goldberg vs. Andre The Giant
HELL IN A CELL MATCH
Big Van Vader vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
(The two best big men ever. They were partners but I don’t think they ever faced each other.)
MWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Demolition vs. The Steiner Brothers
(Two of the best tag teams ever and I don’t think this match has ever happened)
MWF WORLD WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
Asuka vs. Awesome Kong
MWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
HARDCORE MATCH
Shane McMahon vs. Abyss vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Spike Dudley
MWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
10-MAN TLC MATCH
Dolph Ziggler vs. Bobby Roode vs. Mustafa Ali vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Sheamus vs. Fit Finlay vs. Rhyno vs. James Storm vs. MVP vs. Carlito
Taz vs. Rusev
Juventud Guerrera vs. Low Ki
TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH
The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Billy Kidman & Paul London vs. The Hart Dynasty
TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
Superstar Billy Graham vs. Antonio Inoki vs. Lou Thesz
(These guys are obviously before my time but I think the appeal of this match is that I doubt any of them have ever been in a 3-way match.)
SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: Muhammad Ali
Mr. T vs. Floyd “Money” Mayweather
30-MAN $100,000 BATTLE ROYAL
Wade Barrett vs. Honky Tonk Man vs. The Iron Shiek vs. Jinder Mahal vs. The Great Khali vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine vs. Test vs. Santino Marella vs. Zack Ryder vs. Orange Cassidy vs. Chris Kanyon vs. Baron Corbin vs. Ken Kennedy vs. R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Kamala vs. Adam Bomb vs. Ahmed Johnson vs. Mabel vs. Perry Saturn vs. Ryback vs. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart vs. Gangrel vs. Haku vs. Paul Orndorff vs. Koko B. Ware vs. Tiger Jeet Singh vs. Nikolai Volkoff vs. George “Animal” Steele
(I don’t know if this helps or hurts my card but I always love battle royals. I just threw all the remaining guys that were kind of memorable to me as a fan into this match.
-VS-
JackSlater:
JackSlater Promotions is pleased to welcome you all to SUMMERFEST XXXII, a special co-production between JackSlater Promotions and Rapture and Wrestling.
JackSlater Promotions President: Bill Watts
Ring Announcer: Eden Stiles
Backstage Interviewer: Caylee Turner
Event Card
Background:
MEGAHAB WRESTLING FEDERATION
presents
WRESTLE EPIC
From The Skydome in Toronto, Ontario
Commentary: Mike Tenay & Corey Graves
Interviews: Sean Mooney and Jonathan Coachman
MWF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
Bret Hart vs. Chris Jericho
(Prime 1993-1994 Bret Hart vs. 2008 heel Chris Jericho. I think they may have had a throwaway match in WCW but imagine this with a proper feud and with a lot of time.)
Goldberg vs. Andre The Giant
HELL IN A CELL MATCH
Big Van Vader vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
(The two best big men ever. They were partners but I don’t think they ever faced each other.)
MWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Demolition vs. The Steiner Brothers
(Two of the best tag teams ever and I don’t think this match has ever happened)
MWF WORLD WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
Asuka vs. Awesome Kong
MWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP
HARDCORE MATCH
Shane McMahon vs. Abyss vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Spike Dudley
MWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP
10-MAN TLC MATCH
Dolph Ziggler vs. Bobby Roode vs. Mustafa Ali vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Sheamus vs. Fit Finlay vs. Rhyno vs. James Storm vs. MVP vs. Carlito
Taz vs. Rusev
Juventud Guerrera vs. Low Ki
TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH
The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Billy Kidman & Paul London vs. The Hart Dynasty
TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
Superstar Billy Graham vs. Antonio Inoki vs. Lou Thesz
(These guys are obviously before my time but I think the appeal of this match is that I doubt any of them have ever been in a 3-way match.)
SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: Muhammad Ali
Mr. T vs. Floyd “Money” Mayweather
30-MAN $100,000 BATTLE ROYAL
Wade Barrett vs. Honky Tonk Man vs. The Iron Shiek vs. Jinder Mahal vs. The Great Khali vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine vs. Test vs. Santino Marella vs. Zack Ryder vs. Orange Cassidy vs. Chris Kanyon vs. Baron Corbin vs. Ken Kennedy vs. R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Kamala vs. Adam Bomb vs. Ahmed Johnson vs. Mabel vs. Perry Saturn vs. Ryback vs. Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart vs. Gangrel vs. Haku vs. Paul Orndorff vs. Koko B. Ware vs. Tiger Jeet Singh vs. Nikolai Volkoff vs. George “Animal” Steele
(I don’t know if this helps or hurts my card but I always love battle royals. I just threw all the remaining guys that were kind of memorable to me as a fan into this match.
-VS-
JackSlater:
SUMMERFEST XXXII
JackSlater Promotions is pleased to welcome you all to SUMMERFEST XXXII, a special co-production between JackSlater Promotions and Rapture and Wrestling.
SummerFest XXXII Official Theme:
Rapture and Wrestling Theme:
Rapture and Wrestling Theme:
JackSlater Promotions President: Bill Watts
Ring Announcer: Eden Stiles
Backstage Interviewer: Caylee Turner
Event Card
1. Bobby Eaton (With Stan Lane) vs. "The Great Namahage" Minoru Suzuki
2. Tommaso Ciampa vs. Diamond Dallas Page
3. Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kid Kash (Champion, with Kizarny) vs. Ultimo Dragon vs. Bandido vs. Mysterion (rumoured to be Matt Sydal, with Sweet Lady Mary Jane)
4. Kenta Kobashi vs. Katsuyori Shibata
5. Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior vs. Pac (Champion)
6. No Disqualification Match: Brian Pillman (With Erik Watts) vs. Jay White vs. Jeff Jarrett
*Special Guest Referee: Bill Watts
Sophisticated Symposium (Tuxedos Mandatory)
Guest List:
Nick Bockwinkel, Magnum TA, Kurt Russell, Damien Sandow, The Question Mark, La Parka, The Genius, Alex Wright, D’Lo Brown, Rob Conway, Val Venis, Fandango, Buddy Rose, Gino Hernandez, Norman Smiley, Buddy Landel, The Maestro, Salvatore Sincere, John Laurinaitis, Terry Taylor, Eli Drake
Special Bouncer: Steve Blackman
7. Austin Aries vs. Jushin Liger
*If Aries wins he claims Liger's mask. If Liger wins Aries must submit to an in ring covid vaccination immediately following the match.
8. Tag Team Championship Match: The Briscoes (Champions) vs. The Miracle Violence Connection (With Adrian Adonis)
9. Jake "The Snake" Roberts (With Eugene, Jocephus, Nicole Bass, and Francine) vs. Eddie Guerrero
10. Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Benoit (Champion, with Jim Cornette) vs. Daniel Bryan
2. Tommaso Ciampa vs. Diamond Dallas Page
3. Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kid Kash (Champion, with Kizarny) vs. Ultimo Dragon vs. Bandido vs. Mysterion (rumoured to be Matt Sydal, with Sweet Lady Mary Jane)
4. Kenta Kobashi vs. Katsuyori Shibata
5. Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior vs. Pac (Champion)
6. No Disqualification Match: Brian Pillman (With Erik Watts) vs. Jay White vs. Jeff Jarrett
*Special Guest Referee: Bill Watts
Sophisticated Symposium (Tuxedos Mandatory)
Guest List:
Nick Bockwinkel, Magnum TA, Kurt Russell, Damien Sandow, The Question Mark, La Parka, The Genius, Alex Wright, D’Lo Brown, Rob Conway, Val Venis, Fandango, Buddy Rose, Gino Hernandez, Norman Smiley, Buddy Landel, The Maestro, Salvatore Sincere, John Laurinaitis, Terry Taylor, Eli Drake
Special Bouncer: Steve Blackman
7. Austin Aries vs. Jushin Liger
*If Aries wins he claims Liger's mask. If Liger wins Aries must submit to an in ring covid vaccination immediately following the match.
8. Tag Team Championship Match: The Briscoes (Champions) vs. The Miracle Violence Connection (With Adrian Adonis)
9. Jake "The Snake" Roberts (With Eugene, Jocephus, Nicole Bass, and Francine) vs. Eddie Guerrero
10. Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Benoit (Champion, with Jim Cornette) vs. Daniel Bryan
Background:
Bobby Eaton (With Stan Lane) vs. "The Great Namahage" Minoru Suzuki
Bobby Eaton has begrudgingly become a singles wrestler, and he has Minoru Suzuki to blame for it. Suzuki, who has become The Great Namahage since his debut in Rapture and Wrestling, has become a truly demonic presence in the ring both with his new visage and brutal wrestling style. At a televised exhibition between JSP and RAW talent he spent two minutes staring down Sweet Stan Lane with head tilted to the side in front of a confused crowd before leaving Sweet Stan in a broken and bloody heap. Some say that Jimmy Cornette’s screams of terror are still echoing through the wrestling world. Beautiful Bobby, who was too shocked and horrified to intervene on behalf of Sweet Stan, was left without both a partner and a manager as Lane was forced into retirement and Cornette, now fascinated with independent and Japanese wrestling, abandoned his former charges. Waiting months for Suzuki to return to JSP, Eaton has honed his skills and impressed the JSP faithful with his singles abilities. Though he has earnestly admitted to being nervous to face the demonic Suzuki, Eaton is going to give it his all in avenging his retired teammate and friend.
One Minute Backstage Interview with DDP
Tommaso Ciampa vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Tommaso Ciampa has had a long road to JackSlater Promotions. Always an elite talent, his body has paid the price for his brutal style. Many feared that Ciampa had ended his career while working in outlaw mudshows before DDP brought him in to JSP as a special guest. Under DDP’s direction, Ciampa began coming to the ring with Page as well as participating in his DDP Y program. As Ciampa’s body began to heal month by month, so too did his demeanour change. One of the most dastardly wrestlers in memory began to show a more human side as he continued working with the endlessly positive Page. The People’s Champion took tremendous pride in Ciampa’s return to the ring as crowds raucously cheered his emotional return. Sales of DDPY DVDs had never been better.
Things changed at May Day Massacre, when Ciampa took a swig of Jake Roberts’ patented Snake Oil and smashed the jug over Page’s head, costing his once mentor, friend, and saviour a decision against JSP puppet master Roberts. Ciampa has sworn that Snake Oil and Roberts’ healing touch cured him before truly hurting Page by claiming that DDP Y is “just yoga”. Page has sworn that just as he was the one to literally get Ciampa back on his feet, he’ll be happy to be the one to take him down.
Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kid Kash (Champion, with Kizarny) vs. Ultimo Dragon vs. Bandido vs. Mysterion (rumoured to be Matt Sydal, with Sweet Lady Mary Jane)
High paced action in a four way cruiserweight matchup between JackSlater Promotions’ Kid Kash and Rapture and Wrestling’s Ultimo Dragon, Bandido, and Mysterion. Kash, a proud member of Roberts’ trailer park kingdom, holds the JackSlater Promotions cruiserweight gold. Fans and management have not been pleased as he has tied the belt to the front of his souped up Dodge Neon for his “grand” entrance. This was made even worse when Kash, along with Kizarny, crashed his sweet ride while reeking of Snake Oil. His job and championship were only saved due to the ministrations of Jake Roberts, who has managed to curry some favour with management by keeping some of the unruliest JSP elements (relatively) in line.
Ultimo Dragon formerly held the gold in JSP before jumping ship to RAW, though he remains a fan favourite. The explosive Bandido has emerged as Ultimo’s prime challenger in RAW, though his career has hit a snag after Austin Aries claimed his mask at May Day Massacre and prompted a change into a more brutal competitor. Mysterion is new to RAW and has taken the promotion by storm, with fans enthralled by his sudden appearances in the arena, always in a cloud of smoke, with his sidekick the redheaded Sweet Mary Jane by his side. Some have speculated, given his spectacular shooting star press, that Mysterion just may be Matt Sydal. Should that be the case he will need to retain his anonymity, as President Bill Watts banned Matt Sydal from competition in JSP due to substance abuse violations. Styles will truly clash as JSP’s cruiserweight champion takes on the best of RAW’s high flyers.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Brian Pillman
Kenta Kobashi vs. Katsuyori Shibata
Kenta Kobashi has long been a JackSlater Promotions megastar and one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. He is also Katsuyori Shibata’s idol. Fans have dreamt of a matchup between the two for years, with Kobashi as the personification of King’s Road Style and Shibata taking Strong Style to its most extreme ends. Things seemed chummy between the two until the ceremony for Kobashi at the Fire Burning in JSP as the company celebrated 20 years of Kobashi’s career. The ever serious Shibata himself presented Kobashi with a bouquet before imploring his idol to deliver the famous Kobashi chop to his chest. Kobashi politely smiled, gave a small bow, but refused to chop Shibata. Through a translator Kobashi declared that he only embraces violence for the sake of competition, not in order to demonstrate toughness and his warrior’s fortitude.
Shibata stewed for weeks, showing up at Kobashi matches and scowling. As crowds increasing suspected that Shibata planned to attack Kobashi, the Japanese legend continued with his matches as though Shibata were not there. This changed during a heated match with Magnum TA, when Shibata finally interfered – attacking Magnum just as he had Kobashi on the ropes. An enraged Kobashi went nose to nose with Shibata, furious that he had sullied the integrity of the match. Shibata again implored Kobashi to chop him, which Kobashi refused after an initial wind up. Shibata again interfered in Kobashi’s next match by hammering DDP with a brutal headbutt to secure Kobashi the victory. When Kobashi again confronted Shibata, the Strong Style master simply pointed to the unconscious body of DDP and shook his head from side to side before slowly pointing to himself and nodding. Kobashi and Shibata will now collide, King’s Road vs Strong Style and two very different views of honour and toughness coming head to head in the form of two Japanese legends.
Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior vs. Pac (Champion)
The Ultimate Warrior has found great success in Rapture and Wrestling, even becoming the current Rapture and Wrestling Intergalactic Champion. Despite this success and a lengthy undefeated streak, fans everywhere have taken to their keyboards in order to voice their displeasure with the behemoth. Pockets of fans even regularly attempt to hijack crowds in order to take down Warrior, drawing the ire of those just hoping to enjoy the show. While some fans appreciate Warrior’s strength and dominance, others complain about his supposed limitations in terms of moveset, workrate, and psychology. These fans have become increasingly enraged as Warrior has defeated countless online darlings for months on end in short but dominant displays, typically with merely one foot covered his vanquished foe. Many have claimed, with signs and chants attesting to this, that there are other powerhouses who can also take to the air and perform every hold in the book. Many have championed JSP Intercontinental champion Pac, himself a powerful wrestler, as a man who can do everything Warrior can do in terms of power – plus much more.
In one of Warriors not always coherent interviews he claimed that he would “challenge THE MAN THAT GRAVITY FORGOT” though with the stipulation that “HE MUST COME TO PARTS UNKNOWN UPON HIS DEFEAT TO THE WARRIOR”. At the press conference announcing the collaboration between JackSlater Promotions and Rapture and Wresting, the stipulation was signed that Pac would take on The Ultimate Warrior. Should Pac emerge victorious he can either take Warrior’s title to JSP or challenge for any title he wants. Should Warrior emerge victorious Pac must become a member of Rapture and Wrestling permanently. As they finally came together at the press conference fans finally recognized the disparity between the two as Warrior towered over Pac, dwarfing him despite his own muscularity. Pac has vowed to take the bastard down, even if it takes five black arrows. Warrior himself quietly vowed that he may hit five black arrows but it will still not be enough.
No Disqualification Match: Brian Pillman (With Erik Watts) vs. Jay White vs. Jeff Jarrett
JackSlater Promotions has been turned on its ear since the arrival of The Loose Cannon. Brian Pillman has proven very difficult for President Bill Watts to get a handle on, repeatedly making strangely prophetic statements to the crowd and engaging in matches that deny the expectations of even the most “informed” fans. Pillman escalated the situation by taking the unorthodox approach to a wrestling match by defeating Watts’ son Erik by delivering only piledrivers until Watts was completely incapacitated. Pillman further incensed Watts by taking a no disqualification match to an unprecedented extreme by bringing a gun to the match. Watts stormed the ring with the clear intent to fire Pillman immediately but stopped when Pillman had the apparently crippled Erik Watts wheeled out and revealed that he had arranged for Watts to sign his power of attorney over to The Loose Cannon. A stunned Bill Watts merely stared in a stupor as Pillman laughed maniacally.
In the meantime, Pillman has turned his attention toward Jay White and Jeff Jarrett. Pillman has resented White’s rapid ascent up the card as well as his persona, noting that “Switchblade” has never actually used his eponymous weapon and seems more like an emo poser with a perverted bent than the real deal. Attempts by White to engage Pillman in exchanges of neck forearms and chest slaps have proven fruitless as Pillman refuses to willingly be hit, instead hitting White and then retreating, frustrating White to no end. He’s also taken aim at Jeff Jarrett, one of wrestling’s golden boys, claiming that he wants “that Jarrett money”. He cost Jarrett his golden vocal cords, key to his successful country music career, by shoving a silver spoon deep in his mouth during an in-arena concert. When Jarrett returned and tried to get revenge on Pillman in his dressing room with cameras following him, Pillman was lying in wait, mocking Jarrett by proclaiming “I watch the show, you idiot!” as the television in his room showed the live broadcast and he swung a sledgehammer at Jarrett in a way that surely would have killed him. A terrified Jarrett fled all the way his grandma in Tennessee. Pillman has used his leverage over President Watts, by way of Erik, to secure a new no disqualification match with both White and Jarrett. President Watts signed on to be the referee, as no other referee would agree to work the match and also to ensure that The Loose Cannon does not end up actually killing someone.
Sophisticated Symposium (Tuxedos Mandatory)
Nick Bockwinkel has decided to show the JSP faithful that he is graceful in defeat. To his extreme shock, Bockwinkel was not the victor in the “JackSlater Promotions Best Dressed” poll as the fans favoured Magnum TA, opting for denim, chest hair, and blonde permed mullets over classic elegance. Though initially appearing dismayed, Bockwinkel has invited his many cultured and dignified friends to congratulate Magnum. The Symposium will feature enlightening conversation, classical music, and drinks galore, with only one rule – every guest must remain in his unblemished tuxedo. Should a guest sully his tuxedo he is to be promptly removed from the premises. Special bouncer Steve Blackman is present to ensure that anyone who resists removal will face the consequences. President Watts was reluctant to sanction such a “sissy” event on his show, but the inclusion of Hollywood legend Kurt Russell caused even The Cowboy to become a bit star struck.
*Event will be held next to entrance ramp so that ring can be cleaned following No DQ Match.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Jim Cornette and Chris Benoit
Austin Aries vs. Jushin Liger
The former Daniel Solwald-Caulfield has been unable to resist the lure of wrestling. His retirement from wrestling, some say brought on by his piss poor attitude, has proven short lived and the Austin Aries moniker is back. Initially brought back to JackSlater Promotions as an announcer, Aries quickly ran afoul of company policy by refusing to wear a mask (or “face diaper”) during the covid pandemic, instead walking around very slowly eating apples, even while on commentary, and insisting that he thus couldn’t wear a mask. As the weeks progressed Aries became even more adamant that he need not wear a mask to resist “covaids”. A proud plant based athlete, who has overcome self-diagnosed ADD, social anxiety, and a litany of other apparent ailments, Aries claims to have never taken a flu shot or been sick. He proudly told all of the JSP faithful that he wouldn’t play Big Pharma’s game. The crowd was mostly unreceptive to Aries’ rhetoric, only strengthening his resolve to educate the “sheep” as he ranted against Big Pharma and offered tinfoil hats to the fans at ringside. No meat and no masks for Austin Aries – the man who knows that killing workouts and not animal while being clean and green keeps you virus free. Allegedly the occasional swig of all natural non-GMO Snake Oil also helps. Awake Yet?
While Aries became a significant nuisance in JSP, he shocked the wrestling world by showing up at Rapture and Wrestling’s Endless Waltz PPV and interrupting a galactic title match. Enraged at the abundance of masks found in RAW, Aries attacked Galactic Champion Jushin Liger as he wrestled his hated rival Jashin Drago and attempted to steal the legend’s mask. Upon the agreement to have RAW stars at Summerfest, a match was set up – Austin Aries challenging RAW Galactic Champion Jushin Liger. Should Aries win, he claims Liger’s mask and a victory for all truth seers who won’t allow Big Pharma to mask them. If Liger wins, Aries must submit to a first vaccination from JSP doctors in the middle of the ring following the match.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Jake Roberts
Tag Team Championship Match: The Briscoes (Champions) vs. The Miracle Violence Connection (With Adrian Adonis)
JackSlater Promotions tag team champions The Briscoes have taken a dark turn since falling under the sway of JSP’s resident prophet/preacher/humble drifter Jake Roberts. The brothers were initially fan favourites, as people could not help but get behind their intensity and brutality, but things have changed as the Briscoes have become increasingly unhinged. Even their most ardent fans have been turned off by their recent focus – destroying Adrian Adonis. JSP’s most flamboyant wrestler innocently came to the ring before the Briscoes’ title defence at the JSP exhibition with Rapture and Wrestling and presented the champions with a colourful bouquet of flowers specially selected from his Flower Shop in addition to some vibrant streamers. Though this is a traditional practice in many places, including the Japanese wrestling scene from which RAW has some roots, the Briscoes took great offence – Jay cold cocked Adonis and began screaming that he would “f***ing kill” anyone who tried doing anything like that in front of his kids, while Mark joined in and referred to the bouquet as a “Boo-GAY” before braying like a jackass. Weekly attacks on Adonis persisted, culminating in the Briscoes destroying Adonis Flower Shop and leaving the wrestler as a bloody pulp draped in the Confederate Flag.
Dr. Death Steve Williams eventually had enough. Long one to stick up for the underdog, Williams began showing up for Adonis’ Flower Shop segments and standing guard in addition to showing up in his corner for matches. The Briscoes were initially wary and threw plenty of accusations in Williams’ direction before finally attacking him themselves. Williams offered to begin tagging with Adonis in an effort to put an end to the Briscoes’ reign of terror, but Adonis surprisingly demurred just before the bell rang as they faced the Briscoes. Williams was saved at the last moment by long-time friend Terry Gordy, and the Miracle Violence Connection was reborn. Despite Roberts’ cryptic comments that Williams is going to be betrayed by the one he has placed his trust in, the former Confederate flag wearing Gordy remains Williams’ partner of choice as he prepares to take down The Briscoes. Adrian Adonis will proudly stand in the corner of the Miracle Violence Connection during the match, his newest flashy and special bouquet at the ready.
Jake "The Snake" Roberts (With Eugene, Jocephus, Nicole Bass, and Francine) vs. Eddie Guerrero
Eddie Guerrero has a long list of screw-ups, but this time his well-known lust for large women has gotten him in hot water. Former drug addicted divorcee Guerrero, depressed over the dissolution of his friendship with Chris Benoit, began an oddball relationship with the one and only Nicole Bass. Both seemed happy, until the trailer park Svengali, Jake The Snake Roberts, began voicing his disapproval of one of his congregants settling down with an outsider. Unfortunately for Guerrero when Roberts speaks, his flock obeys. Bass insisted that her new beau go through with Roberts’ re-birth process – guzzling Snake Oil and taking an elevated DDT, which Roberts swears allows him to spread the healing power that “The Lord” imbued him with. Guerrero stuck around and witnessed Eugene be “cured” of his impairments after a brutal DDT, suspended by the Briscoes, but turned the tables on Roberts and his cronies. Guerrero, feigning a groggy stupor, countered the elevated DDT via a headscissor takedown and smashed his jug of Snake Oil, revealed to have been replaced with plain old water, over the head of an enraged Roberts.
What initially seemed like a series of pranks from Guerrero has turned into a more serious affair. Roberts has preached to his flock that while he is a man of peace, sometimes violence is needed to maintain that peace. Their beliefs and their way of life cannot be made to look foolish. Roberts’ followers, from the Briscoes to Eugene Dinsmore, Jocephus, Kizarny, and even Nicole Bass and the chain wearing “White Snake Moan” Francine, have made it so that Guerrero is unable safely to appear at JSP functions unless he “repents for his arrogance” and joins Roberts’ nest. Guerrero’s family has also struggled to evade Roberts’ wrath at various turns. Roberts’ itinerant band has even taken to showing up wherever Guerrero rests his head to cause disruption, an easy feat as Roberts notes that he and his followers pull and stakes and move wherever the wind and the good Lord takes them. Roberts has claimed that a man isn’t truly free if he has laid down roots and thus he will, one way or another, rip out any roots Guerrero has put down and set his troubled soul free.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Daniel Bryan
Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Benoit (Champion, with Jim Cornette) vs. Daniel Bryan
Nothing has gotten in Chris Benoit’s way as he ascended to JackSlater Promotions Heavyweight Champion. Once a much praised mid-card wrestler, Benoit has changed in his second JSP run. Young Jim Cornette, newly a devotee of indy style high workrate wrestling, used Mama Cornette’s money to bring in a wrestler loved from the Tokyo Dome to MSG and all places in between, the man who has set countless keyboards ablaze with his rapid and hard hitting in-ring work and mediocre promos. With Cornette providing everything that Benoit needs “nutritionally” and financially, the rabid wolverine has grown significantly in both physical size and reputation in the wrestling world. With Cornette on the mic and Benoit dominating in the ring, Benoit’s run has seen him run roughshod over the competition with a ferocity and resolve that no one has been able to match. Most fans have been turned off by Benoit’s increased intensity, which some feel has reached a scary level, but Jimmy Cornette remains nothing but pleased with the carnage his charge has wreaked.
Daniel Bryan has taken a different path. Young Jimmy Cornette’s first choice as an indy darling to manage, Bryan said very politely that he was happy to have Cornette as a fan but that he didn’t need a manager. Cornette attempted to use minions such as Rob Conway and Buddy Landel to humble Bryan, but it proved fruitless. Chris Benoit also sought to punish Bryan after he found Bryan eating granola near his bag, eventually choking him out with Cornette’s polyester tie. As Benoit continued to bulge in size his temper grew fiercer and he began not only beating everyone in his path but also hurting them. The fans have been clamouring for a Benoit vs Bryan match, noting the similarities between the two – the moveset, the execution, the in-ring mastery, even once upon a time the similar stature. Bryan himself has noted that while he’s looked up to Benoit for years, looking at him now is akin to looking at himself in a broken mirror. As Benoit seems to focus on nothing but his championship and doing anything in ring, to his opponent or even to himself, to maintain his position, Bryan chases the title both for personal pride and also to show the wrestling world that there is another, more sustainable way.
Bobby Eaton has begrudgingly become a singles wrestler, and he has Minoru Suzuki to blame for it. Suzuki, who has become The Great Namahage since his debut in Rapture and Wrestling, has become a truly demonic presence in the ring both with his new visage and brutal wrestling style. At a televised exhibition between JSP and RAW talent he spent two minutes staring down Sweet Stan Lane with head tilted to the side in front of a confused crowd before leaving Sweet Stan in a broken and bloody heap. Some say that Jimmy Cornette’s screams of terror are still echoing through the wrestling world. Beautiful Bobby, who was too shocked and horrified to intervene on behalf of Sweet Stan, was left without both a partner and a manager as Lane was forced into retirement and Cornette, now fascinated with independent and Japanese wrestling, abandoned his former charges. Waiting months for Suzuki to return to JSP, Eaton has honed his skills and impressed the JSP faithful with his singles abilities. Though he has earnestly admitted to being nervous to face the demonic Suzuki, Eaton is going to give it his all in avenging his retired teammate and friend.
One Minute Backstage Interview with DDP
Tommaso Ciampa vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Tommaso Ciampa has had a long road to JackSlater Promotions. Always an elite talent, his body has paid the price for his brutal style. Many feared that Ciampa had ended his career while working in outlaw mudshows before DDP brought him in to JSP as a special guest. Under DDP’s direction, Ciampa began coming to the ring with Page as well as participating in his DDP Y program. As Ciampa’s body began to heal month by month, so too did his demeanour change. One of the most dastardly wrestlers in memory began to show a more human side as he continued working with the endlessly positive Page. The People’s Champion took tremendous pride in Ciampa’s return to the ring as crowds raucously cheered his emotional return. Sales of DDPY DVDs had never been better.
Things changed at May Day Massacre, when Ciampa took a swig of Jake Roberts’ patented Snake Oil and smashed the jug over Page’s head, costing his once mentor, friend, and saviour a decision against JSP puppet master Roberts. Ciampa has sworn that Snake Oil and Roberts’ healing touch cured him before truly hurting Page by claiming that DDP Y is “just yoga”. Page has sworn that just as he was the one to literally get Ciampa back on his feet, he’ll be happy to be the one to take him down.
Cruiserweight Championship Match: Kid Kash (Champion, with Kizarny) vs. Ultimo Dragon vs. Bandido vs. Mysterion (rumoured to be Matt Sydal, with Sweet Lady Mary Jane)
High paced action in a four way cruiserweight matchup between JackSlater Promotions’ Kid Kash and Rapture and Wrestling’s Ultimo Dragon, Bandido, and Mysterion. Kash, a proud member of Roberts’ trailer park kingdom, holds the JackSlater Promotions cruiserweight gold. Fans and management have not been pleased as he has tied the belt to the front of his souped up Dodge Neon for his “grand” entrance. This was made even worse when Kash, along with Kizarny, crashed his sweet ride while reeking of Snake Oil. His job and championship were only saved due to the ministrations of Jake Roberts, who has managed to curry some favour with management by keeping some of the unruliest JSP elements (relatively) in line.
Ultimo Dragon formerly held the gold in JSP before jumping ship to RAW, though he remains a fan favourite. The explosive Bandido has emerged as Ultimo’s prime challenger in RAW, though his career has hit a snag after Austin Aries claimed his mask at May Day Massacre and prompted a change into a more brutal competitor. Mysterion is new to RAW and has taken the promotion by storm, with fans enthralled by his sudden appearances in the arena, always in a cloud of smoke, with his sidekick the redheaded Sweet Mary Jane by his side. Some have speculated, given his spectacular shooting star press, that Mysterion just may be Matt Sydal. Should that be the case he will need to retain his anonymity, as President Bill Watts banned Matt Sydal from competition in JSP due to substance abuse violations. Styles will truly clash as JSP’s cruiserweight champion takes on the best of RAW’s high flyers.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Brian Pillman
Kenta Kobashi vs. Katsuyori Shibata
Kenta Kobashi has long been a JackSlater Promotions megastar and one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. He is also Katsuyori Shibata’s idol. Fans have dreamt of a matchup between the two for years, with Kobashi as the personification of King’s Road Style and Shibata taking Strong Style to its most extreme ends. Things seemed chummy between the two until the ceremony for Kobashi at the Fire Burning in JSP as the company celebrated 20 years of Kobashi’s career. The ever serious Shibata himself presented Kobashi with a bouquet before imploring his idol to deliver the famous Kobashi chop to his chest. Kobashi politely smiled, gave a small bow, but refused to chop Shibata. Through a translator Kobashi declared that he only embraces violence for the sake of competition, not in order to demonstrate toughness and his warrior’s fortitude.
Shibata stewed for weeks, showing up at Kobashi matches and scowling. As crowds increasing suspected that Shibata planned to attack Kobashi, the Japanese legend continued with his matches as though Shibata were not there. This changed during a heated match with Magnum TA, when Shibata finally interfered – attacking Magnum just as he had Kobashi on the ropes. An enraged Kobashi went nose to nose with Shibata, furious that he had sullied the integrity of the match. Shibata again implored Kobashi to chop him, which Kobashi refused after an initial wind up. Shibata again interfered in Kobashi’s next match by hammering DDP with a brutal headbutt to secure Kobashi the victory. When Kobashi again confronted Shibata, the Strong Style master simply pointed to the unconscious body of DDP and shook his head from side to side before slowly pointing to himself and nodding. Kobashi and Shibata will now collide, King’s Road vs Strong Style and two very different views of honour and toughness coming head to head in the form of two Japanese legends.
Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior vs. Pac (Champion)
The Ultimate Warrior has found great success in Rapture and Wrestling, even becoming the current Rapture and Wrestling Intergalactic Champion. Despite this success and a lengthy undefeated streak, fans everywhere have taken to their keyboards in order to voice their displeasure with the behemoth. Pockets of fans even regularly attempt to hijack crowds in order to take down Warrior, drawing the ire of those just hoping to enjoy the show. While some fans appreciate Warrior’s strength and dominance, others complain about his supposed limitations in terms of moveset, workrate, and psychology. These fans have become increasingly enraged as Warrior has defeated countless online darlings for months on end in short but dominant displays, typically with merely one foot covered his vanquished foe. Many have claimed, with signs and chants attesting to this, that there are other powerhouses who can also take to the air and perform every hold in the book. Many have championed JSP Intercontinental champion Pac, himself a powerful wrestler, as a man who can do everything Warrior can do in terms of power – plus much more.
In one of Warriors not always coherent interviews he claimed that he would “challenge THE MAN THAT GRAVITY FORGOT” though with the stipulation that “HE MUST COME TO PARTS UNKNOWN UPON HIS DEFEAT TO THE WARRIOR”. At the press conference announcing the collaboration between JackSlater Promotions and Rapture and Wresting, the stipulation was signed that Pac would take on The Ultimate Warrior. Should Pac emerge victorious he can either take Warrior’s title to JSP or challenge for any title he wants. Should Warrior emerge victorious Pac must become a member of Rapture and Wrestling permanently. As they finally came together at the press conference fans finally recognized the disparity between the two as Warrior towered over Pac, dwarfing him despite his own muscularity. Pac has vowed to take the bastard down, even if it takes five black arrows. Warrior himself quietly vowed that he may hit five black arrows but it will still not be enough.
No Disqualification Match: Brian Pillman (With Erik Watts) vs. Jay White vs. Jeff Jarrett
JackSlater Promotions has been turned on its ear since the arrival of The Loose Cannon. Brian Pillman has proven very difficult for President Bill Watts to get a handle on, repeatedly making strangely prophetic statements to the crowd and engaging in matches that deny the expectations of even the most “informed” fans. Pillman escalated the situation by taking the unorthodox approach to a wrestling match by defeating Watts’ son Erik by delivering only piledrivers until Watts was completely incapacitated. Pillman further incensed Watts by taking a no disqualification match to an unprecedented extreme by bringing a gun to the match. Watts stormed the ring with the clear intent to fire Pillman immediately but stopped when Pillman had the apparently crippled Erik Watts wheeled out and revealed that he had arranged for Watts to sign his power of attorney over to The Loose Cannon. A stunned Bill Watts merely stared in a stupor as Pillman laughed maniacally.
In the meantime, Pillman has turned his attention toward Jay White and Jeff Jarrett. Pillman has resented White’s rapid ascent up the card as well as his persona, noting that “Switchblade” has never actually used his eponymous weapon and seems more like an emo poser with a perverted bent than the real deal. Attempts by White to engage Pillman in exchanges of neck forearms and chest slaps have proven fruitless as Pillman refuses to willingly be hit, instead hitting White and then retreating, frustrating White to no end. He’s also taken aim at Jeff Jarrett, one of wrestling’s golden boys, claiming that he wants “that Jarrett money”. He cost Jarrett his golden vocal cords, key to his successful country music career, by shoving a silver spoon deep in his mouth during an in-arena concert. When Jarrett returned and tried to get revenge on Pillman in his dressing room with cameras following him, Pillman was lying in wait, mocking Jarrett by proclaiming “I watch the show, you idiot!” as the television in his room showed the live broadcast and he swung a sledgehammer at Jarrett in a way that surely would have killed him. A terrified Jarrett fled all the way his grandma in Tennessee. Pillman has used his leverage over President Watts, by way of Erik, to secure a new no disqualification match with both White and Jarrett. President Watts signed on to be the referee, as no other referee would agree to work the match and also to ensure that The Loose Cannon does not end up actually killing someone.
Sophisticated Symposium (Tuxedos Mandatory)
Nick Bockwinkel has decided to show the JSP faithful that he is graceful in defeat. To his extreme shock, Bockwinkel was not the victor in the “JackSlater Promotions Best Dressed” poll as the fans favoured Magnum TA, opting for denim, chest hair, and blonde permed mullets over classic elegance. Though initially appearing dismayed, Bockwinkel has invited his many cultured and dignified friends to congratulate Magnum. The Symposium will feature enlightening conversation, classical music, and drinks galore, with only one rule – every guest must remain in his unblemished tuxedo. Should a guest sully his tuxedo he is to be promptly removed from the premises. Special bouncer Steve Blackman is present to ensure that anyone who resists removal will face the consequences. President Watts was reluctant to sanction such a “sissy” event on his show, but the inclusion of Hollywood legend Kurt Russell caused even The Cowboy to become a bit star struck.
*Event will be held next to entrance ramp so that ring can be cleaned following No DQ Match.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Jim Cornette and Chris Benoit
Austin Aries vs. Jushin Liger
The former Daniel Solwald-Caulfield has been unable to resist the lure of wrestling. His retirement from wrestling, some say brought on by his piss poor attitude, has proven short lived and the Austin Aries moniker is back. Initially brought back to JackSlater Promotions as an announcer, Aries quickly ran afoul of company policy by refusing to wear a mask (or “face diaper”) during the covid pandemic, instead walking around very slowly eating apples, even while on commentary, and insisting that he thus couldn’t wear a mask. As the weeks progressed Aries became even more adamant that he need not wear a mask to resist “covaids”. A proud plant based athlete, who has overcome self-diagnosed ADD, social anxiety, and a litany of other apparent ailments, Aries claims to have never taken a flu shot or been sick. He proudly told all of the JSP faithful that he wouldn’t play Big Pharma’s game. The crowd was mostly unreceptive to Aries’ rhetoric, only strengthening his resolve to educate the “sheep” as he ranted against Big Pharma and offered tinfoil hats to the fans at ringside. No meat and no masks for Austin Aries – the man who knows that killing workouts and not animal while being clean and green keeps you virus free. Allegedly the occasional swig of all natural non-GMO Snake Oil also helps. Awake Yet?
While Aries became a significant nuisance in JSP, he shocked the wrestling world by showing up at Rapture and Wrestling’s Endless Waltz PPV and interrupting a galactic title match. Enraged at the abundance of masks found in RAW, Aries attacked Galactic Champion Jushin Liger as he wrestled his hated rival Jashin Drago and attempted to steal the legend’s mask. Upon the agreement to have RAW stars at Summerfest, a match was set up – Austin Aries challenging RAW Galactic Champion Jushin Liger. Should Aries win, he claims Liger’s mask and a victory for all truth seers who won’t allow Big Pharma to mask them. If Liger wins, Aries must submit to a first vaccination from JSP doctors in the middle of the ring following the match.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Jake Roberts
Tag Team Championship Match: The Briscoes (Champions) vs. The Miracle Violence Connection (With Adrian Adonis)
JackSlater Promotions tag team champions The Briscoes have taken a dark turn since falling under the sway of JSP’s resident prophet/preacher/humble drifter Jake Roberts. The brothers were initially fan favourites, as people could not help but get behind their intensity and brutality, but things have changed as the Briscoes have become increasingly unhinged. Even their most ardent fans have been turned off by their recent focus – destroying Adrian Adonis. JSP’s most flamboyant wrestler innocently came to the ring before the Briscoes’ title defence at the JSP exhibition with Rapture and Wrestling and presented the champions with a colourful bouquet of flowers specially selected from his Flower Shop in addition to some vibrant streamers. Though this is a traditional practice in many places, including the Japanese wrestling scene from which RAW has some roots, the Briscoes took great offence – Jay cold cocked Adonis and began screaming that he would “f***ing kill” anyone who tried doing anything like that in front of his kids, while Mark joined in and referred to the bouquet as a “Boo-GAY” before braying like a jackass. Weekly attacks on Adonis persisted, culminating in the Briscoes destroying Adonis Flower Shop and leaving the wrestler as a bloody pulp draped in the Confederate Flag.
Dr. Death Steve Williams eventually had enough. Long one to stick up for the underdog, Williams began showing up for Adonis’ Flower Shop segments and standing guard in addition to showing up in his corner for matches. The Briscoes were initially wary and threw plenty of accusations in Williams’ direction before finally attacking him themselves. Williams offered to begin tagging with Adonis in an effort to put an end to the Briscoes’ reign of terror, but Adonis surprisingly demurred just before the bell rang as they faced the Briscoes. Williams was saved at the last moment by long-time friend Terry Gordy, and the Miracle Violence Connection was reborn. Despite Roberts’ cryptic comments that Williams is going to be betrayed by the one he has placed his trust in, the former Confederate flag wearing Gordy remains Williams’ partner of choice as he prepares to take down The Briscoes. Adrian Adonis will proudly stand in the corner of the Miracle Violence Connection during the match, his newest flashy and special bouquet at the ready.
Jake "The Snake" Roberts (With Eugene, Jocephus, Nicole Bass, and Francine) vs. Eddie Guerrero
Eddie Guerrero has a long list of screw-ups, but this time his well-known lust for large women has gotten him in hot water. Former drug addicted divorcee Guerrero, depressed over the dissolution of his friendship with Chris Benoit, began an oddball relationship with the one and only Nicole Bass. Both seemed happy, until the trailer park Svengali, Jake The Snake Roberts, began voicing his disapproval of one of his congregants settling down with an outsider. Unfortunately for Guerrero when Roberts speaks, his flock obeys. Bass insisted that her new beau go through with Roberts’ re-birth process – guzzling Snake Oil and taking an elevated DDT, which Roberts swears allows him to spread the healing power that “The Lord” imbued him with. Guerrero stuck around and witnessed Eugene be “cured” of his impairments after a brutal DDT, suspended by the Briscoes, but turned the tables on Roberts and his cronies. Guerrero, feigning a groggy stupor, countered the elevated DDT via a headscissor takedown and smashed his jug of Snake Oil, revealed to have been replaced with plain old water, over the head of an enraged Roberts.
What initially seemed like a series of pranks from Guerrero has turned into a more serious affair. Roberts has preached to his flock that while he is a man of peace, sometimes violence is needed to maintain that peace. Their beliefs and their way of life cannot be made to look foolish. Roberts’ followers, from the Briscoes to Eugene Dinsmore, Jocephus, Kizarny, and even Nicole Bass and the chain wearing “White Snake Moan” Francine, have made it so that Guerrero is unable safely to appear at JSP functions unless he “repents for his arrogance” and joins Roberts’ nest. Guerrero’s family has also struggled to evade Roberts’ wrath at various turns. Roberts’ itinerant band has even taken to showing up wherever Guerrero rests his head to cause disruption, an easy feat as Roberts notes that he and his followers pull and stakes and move wherever the wind and the good Lord takes them. Roberts has claimed that a man isn’t truly free if he has laid down roots and thus he will, one way or another, rip out any roots Guerrero has put down and set his troubled soul free.
One Minute Backstage Interview with Daniel Bryan
Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Benoit (Champion, with Jim Cornette) vs. Daniel Bryan
Nothing has gotten in Chris Benoit’s way as he ascended to JackSlater Promotions Heavyweight Champion. Once a much praised mid-card wrestler, Benoit has changed in his second JSP run. Young Jim Cornette, newly a devotee of indy style high workrate wrestling, used Mama Cornette’s money to bring in a wrestler loved from the Tokyo Dome to MSG and all places in between, the man who has set countless keyboards ablaze with his rapid and hard hitting in-ring work and mediocre promos. With Cornette providing everything that Benoit needs “nutritionally” and financially, the rabid wolverine has grown significantly in both physical size and reputation in the wrestling world. With Cornette on the mic and Benoit dominating in the ring, Benoit’s run has seen him run roughshod over the competition with a ferocity and resolve that no one has been able to match. Most fans have been turned off by Benoit’s increased intensity, which some feel has reached a scary level, but Jimmy Cornette remains nothing but pleased with the carnage his charge has wreaked.
Daniel Bryan has taken a different path. Young Jimmy Cornette’s first choice as an indy darling to manage, Bryan said very politely that he was happy to have Cornette as a fan but that he didn’t need a manager. Cornette attempted to use minions such as Rob Conway and Buddy Landel to humble Bryan, but it proved fruitless. Chris Benoit also sought to punish Bryan after he found Bryan eating granola near his bag, eventually choking him out with Cornette’s polyester tie. As Benoit continued to bulge in size his temper grew fiercer and he began not only beating everyone in his path but also hurting them. The fans have been clamouring for a Benoit vs Bryan match, noting the similarities between the two – the moveset, the execution, the in-ring mastery, even once upon a time the similar stature. Bryan himself has noted that while he’s looked up to Benoit for years, looking at him now is akin to looking at himself in a broken mirror. As Benoit seems to focus on nothing but his championship and doing anything in ring, to his opponent or even to himself, to maintain his position, Bryan chases the title both for personal pride and also to show the wrestling world that there is another, more sustainable way.
