You talk about your play in pick-up vs. your play in league games like it’s two different people. It’s important for you to acknowledge that it’s all you. You are the player you want to be, the objective is figuring out how to be that player all of the time. When you get down to it, what is the difference between a pick-up game and a league game? Refs, a scorekeeper, and points in the standings. You still pay for pick-up. You still compete at pick-up. You still want to avoid letting your team down at pick-up. You still have beer afterward and BS with the guys at pick-up. So where does the pressure come from? I understand that nobody wants to make the mistake that costs your team, but if you don’t someone else will. You see that when they do, they are not publically stoned, shamed, humiliated, etc. and the sun still comes up the next day. You are in control of the pressure. You’re still finding out how to get a grip on it and in time you will. That book is a great start.
One of the first things I started doing to take control of my anxiety was getting into my preparation. I felt like if I obsessed about every little detail before arriving at the rink, getting dressed and stepping on the ice, I could just shut my mind off and play. The less I had to think about on the ice, the better. Any equipment tweaks, stick adjustments, even tape jobs are handled ahead of time. Another big thing for me is packing my bag the night before. If I pack everything up even a couple hours before I leave, I always feel like I’m forgetting something. I also started keeping my game day preparation the same, no matter what kind of game I’m playing. The meals are all the same, the rituals are all the same, the stretches are all the same, the warmups are all the same, etc. If you are following the same routines and are processing information the same way, your brain can sort of go on auto-pilot once you get the rink whether it’s pick-up or playoffs. Clearly, we all have our own bugaboos, so this may or may not be helpful to you. I’m just passing it along because managing the details has helped diminish the anxiety on game days.
Lastly, keep in mind that “it’s only beer league.” I don’t normally like to use that phrase; it’s generally said in a way that trivializes and/or marginalizes the level we play at. But at the end of the day, it’s still rec hockey and it’s not life or death. As others have said, hockey is the greatest game and it is meant to be enjoyed. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of that. Hopefully you'll find the tools you need to make it enjoyable again.
