Regal Beagles
Registered User
- Feb 28, 2013
- 460
- 60
.....cuz a Pacific Division party don't stop!
The 7-Pac (tm) now encompasses the following:
Anaheim Ducks (Commanders of all things pure and awesome)
Calgary Flamettes (The suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked)
Edmonton Oilers (Upstarts who don't trade enough)
Los Angeles Kings (Bedwetters)
Phoenix Coyotes (powerball lottery winners, too bad it's a cap league yo)
San Jose Sharks (weren't they on shark week?)
Vncouver Cnucks (no a's because they have no "A" game)
So where to begin.
Calgary Flames
Head Coach: Vacant and can you blame them?
Key Players: ummm.....Berglund, Anisimov, Skinnnnnnnnnnerrrrrrrrrrr, Reimer and Phaneuf Phaneuf
Prediction: Is there a position lower than 30th in league?
The Flamettes have done the impossible. They appear destined to be way worse than last year. After selling off anything with a pulse and with market value, the roster is filled with guys that may or may not have met GM Kershaw underneath a darkened pier and drinking boxed wine. We wont let any bias or facts get in the way of this preview. Boxed wine left out in the sun is probably more palatable than what these guys are going to bring on the ice. They aren't worth writing another letter fo'
Edmonton Oilers
Head Coach: Claude Julien
Key Players: Oshie, Hemsky, Lawfirm of Seabrook, Edler and Fleury
Prediction: Fourth in division
Following some muy muy cojones trades in acquiring Fleury and edler, the Oilers marched their way upset after upset into the HFNHL Stanley Cup Final. Despite losing to the Panthers.....well who cares they still lost. The Oilers look to do the same thing this year....scrape into the playoffs and send hookers and blow to the opposing teams long enough to reach the final. Bravo we say,,,,,bravo.
Los Angeles Kings
Head Coach: Vacant and presumed to have slicked back hair
Key Players: Crap too many of them.
Prediction: tragic orgy accident during team "visit" to Van Nuys....or first in division
The Queens are loaded with talent. After stealing Pavel Datsyuk from the Flamettes for change in the couch, they also bring forward Kane, Benn, whitney, Marchand, Pietrangelo, and Ward to have a deadly amount of talent. I'm sick just writing about this so that's it. ********!
Phoenix Coyotes
Head Coach: Lindy The Sound Your Mother Made Last Night Trebek
Key Players: 400 goalies, Kessel, Yandle, Alzner
Prediction: 5th in division
You havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and a goalie ain't one. The desert dogs believe that having 4 HFNHL level goalies is the way to go in addition to spending a vast portion of cap on them. Nevertheless, nobody will score on them as all four are expected to be in the net at the same time, with two skaters. Good thing Kessel and Yandle are fast. They might win a few 1-0 games.
San Jose Sharks
Head Coach:
Key Players:
Prediction: 6th in division
Are they going for it? Rebuilding? Going for it? Too many episodes of Dangerous Catch have caught up to GM Koskinen as we dont know what to expect, except the unexpected expectations of expects? The team traded future for more immediate future obtaining Nail "Yak City" Yakupov from the Ducks. Sharks fans can look forward to the dynamic russian as the rest of the team has lost its teeth. Doan and Morrow look ready to play NHL '96 when they were still good....Chris Crane hopefully wont end up like his Uncle Bob, and Bry-Z still is cray cray cray.
Vncouver Cnucks
Hed Coch: Peter Lviolette
Key Plyers: Kreiji, Bckes, Little, Mlkin, Ryn, Jgr, Letng, Price
Prediction: 2nd in Division
With no "a" gme, they cnnot be expected to finish first in the lmighty pcific division. That sid, the C-men (yeh I sid it), could bring some noise and some funk to their 4 supporters this seson. The key plyers should perfrom well enough to generte strong records while flming out in the first round of the plyoffs.
Anaheim Ducks
Head Coach: Ol' Fonzie, John Tortorella
Key Players: D. Sedin, Gaborik, Pominville, Suter, Doughty
Prediction: 3rd in division
So are the Ducks going for it or rebuilding. The answer is yes. With an eye on future finances, the Ducks shipped out Kesler, Kronwall, and Rinne this past offseason, while bringing in Pavelec, the delicious Drew Doughty, and Adam Henrique plus key prospects. The Ducks have the best pair of D in the league with DD and Suter. Forwards Sedin, Gaborik and Pominville will look to carry an overall sub-par center depth chart. Henrique is looked at as the 1C, with Peverly and Smith to be 2 &3. The team is under the cap and over their first round playoff loss. Quack on
The 7-Pac (tm) now encompasses the following:
Anaheim Ducks (Commanders of all things pure and awesome)
Calgary Flamettes (The suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked)
Edmonton Oilers (Upstarts who don't trade enough)
Los Angeles Kings (Bedwetters)
Phoenix Coyotes (powerball lottery winners, too bad it's a cap league yo)
San Jose Sharks (weren't they on shark week?)
Vncouver Cnucks (no a's because they have no "A" game)
So where to begin.
Calgary Flames
Head Coach: Vacant and can you blame them?
Key Players: ummm.....Berglund, Anisimov, Skinnnnnnnnnnerrrrrrrrrrr, Reimer and Phaneuf Phaneuf
Prediction: Is there a position lower than 30th in league?
The Flamettes have done the impossible. They appear destined to be way worse than last year. After selling off anything with a pulse and with market value, the roster is filled with guys that may or may not have met GM Kershaw underneath a darkened pier and drinking boxed wine. We wont let any bias or facts get in the way of this preview. Boxed wine left out in the sun is probably more palatable than what these guys are going to bring on the ice. They aren't worth writing another letter fo'
Edmonton Oilers
Head Coach: Claude Julien
Key Players: Oshie, Hemsky, Lawfirm of Seabrook, Edler and Fleury
Prediction: Fourth in division
Following some muy muy cojones trades in acquiring Fleury and edler, the Oilers marched their way upset after upset into the HFNHL Stanley Cup Final. Despite losing to the Panthers.....well who cares they still lost. The Oilers look to do the same thing this year....scrape into the playoffs and send hookers and blow to the opposing teams long enough to reach the final. Bravo we say,,,,,bravo.
Los Angeles Kings
Head Coach: Vacant and presumed to have slicked back hair
Key Players: Crap too many of them.
Prediction: tragic orgy accident during team "visit" to Van Nuys....or first in division
The Queens are loaded with talent. After stealing Pavel Datsyuk from the Flamettes for change in the couch, they also bring forward Kane, Benn, whitney, Marchand, Pietrangelo, and Ward to have a deadly amount of talent. I'm sick just writing about this so that's it. ********!
Phoenix Coyotes
Head Coach: Lindy The Sound Your Mother Made Last Night Trebek
Key Players: 400 goalies, Kessel, Yandle, Alzner
Prediction: 5th in division
You havin' girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and a goalie ain't one. The desert dogs believe that having 4 HFNHL level goalies is the way to go in addition to spending a vast portion of cap on them. Nevertheless, nobody will score on them as all four are expected to be in the net at the same time, with two skaters. Good thing Kessel and Yandle are fast. They might win a few 1-0 games.
San Jose Sharks
Head Coach:
Key Players:
Prediction: 6th in division
Are they going for it? Rebuilding? Going for it? Too many episodes of Dangerous Catch have caught up to GM Koskinen as we dont know what to expect, except the unexpected expectations of expects? The team traded future for more immediate future obtaining Nail "Yak City" Yakupov from the Ducks. Sharks fans can look forward to the dynamic russian as the rest of the team has lost its teeth. Doan and Morrow look ready to play NHL '96 when they were still good....Chris Crane hopefully wont end up like his Uncle Bob, and Bry-Z still is cray cray cray.
Vncouver Cnucks
Hed Coch: Peter Lviolette
Key Plyers: Kreiji, Bckes, Little, Mlkin, Ryn, Jgr, Letng, Price
Prediction: 2nd in Division
With no "a" gme, they cnnot be expected to finish first in the lmighty pcific division. That sid, the C-men (yeh I sid it), could bring some noise and some funk to their 4 supporters this seson. The key plyers should perfrom well enough to generte strong records while flming out in the first round of the plyoffs.
Anaheim Ducks
Head Coach: Ol' Fonzie, John Tortorella
Key Players: D. Sedin, Gaborik, Pominville, Suter, Doughty
Prediction: 3rd in division
So are the Ducks going for it or rebuilding. The answer is yes. With an eye on future finances, the Ducks shipped out Kesler, Kronwall, and Rinne this past offseason, while bringing in Pavelec, the delicious Drew Doughty, and Adam Henrique plus key prospects. The Ducks have the best pair of D in the league with DD and Suter. Forwards Sedin, Gaborik and Pominville will look to carry an overall sub-par center depth chart. Henrique is looked at as the 1C, with Peverly and Smith to be 2 &3. The team is under the cap and over their first round playoff loss. Quack on
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