Dude. LIGHTNING STRIKE!
Last Saturday morning at around 10:45 I was sitting here watching the end of the Southampton-Tottenham match. It was raining outside and there was like a slight storm, but hardly any thunder at all - seriously, about three thunder sounds the whole time. But all of a sudden there was this ****ing crash and this big flash right outside the windows down here, and the flash wasn't just bright ****ing light, right, but it had like a reddish or ****ing pinkish light around the edge of it - I've never heard or seen anything like it. I went upstairs because it sounded like it blew the top of the ****ing house off, no joke. It didn't, the house was fine, but mother****er:
* It knocked out the DISH network stuff. We called them and they got out here by later that same day and the TV stuff was fine. The strike fried the ****ing DISH box.
* It knocked out the ****ing water. All of the indoor plumbing is the same as you would have in a normal place in the city or suburbs, but it comes from a well and there is an electronic pump or some **** that gets it inside. The strike knocked out some electrical thing down there and the guy couldn't come out until Monday to fix it, so we had to go outside to this pump that still worked and had to bring in buckets of water to pour in the toilet tank to be able to flush the ****ing things. The water was on next door in the house we are renovating, so we could shower there. But mother****er.
* The coup de grace was that it knocked out the ****ing internet. I guess when they moved out here, the only option was Hughes Net, the satellite ****s. Holy ****, these ****ing ****s. We called them that day, last Saturday, and they wouldn't send me a new router. I had to basically break down the guy's will to live and debunk his entire company's goofy philosophy before he agreed to do it. He said he could send a technician out to check everything, and thus everything would be free, but if he sent me a new router, it would cost $195. They couldn't send a guy until ****ing THURSDAY, if you can believe that ****, and I had to explain to him that it made no sense to not charge me if they sent a guy out (a guy they would have to pay) and charge me if they DIDN'T have to send a guy out here. I just kept beating him down with logic and pleas and belittling and everything else you can imagine and eventually he agreed that they would waive the ****ing fee.
Well, the ****ing router arrived Monday and it didn't fix anything. So I had to call the ****ing ****s back and we got cut off twice, and when that happens you have to call back and go through the whole automated switchboard bull**** again. I mean, you guys know how super patient and calm I am normally, but I was just layering apoplexies like a ****ing thermonuclear superonion. I finally, finally got the ****ing ****s to stay on the line long enough to tell me they could make an appointment ... FOR THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY! So I was without internet for a ****ing week.
So I just got back on a few minutes ago. Mother****ers. I have seen all our games and everything. Now the only thing left is an enormous battle to see whether I can find enough patience and energy to launch a PR crusade against ****ing Hughes Net. These mother****ers, man, I swear to ****ing Jobu ...
