Bettman and Fehr trying to figure this out like the brainiac negotiators they claim to be.
Bettman; "Hey Don, we gotta talk"
Fehr; "Why, is the schedule ready for approval?"
Bettman; "Ummmm, not exactly. Some of the owners have been calling me and they say Covid is way worse than they figured"
Fehr: "Yes Gary, I read the papers, where are you going with this exactly?"
Bettman: "Welllll, after talking to them, they figured we kind rushed into things back in summer with the whole CBA thing and we need a bit of a better deal."
Fehr: "How much is a bit?"
Bettman: "Mmmmmmm, yeah, we were figuring about 300."
Fehr: "Thousand?"
Bettman: "Million."
Fehr: ---silence---
Bettman; "You there Don?"
Fehr; "Million?"
Bettman: "Yeah, million. Covid is just way worse than we figured it would be."
Fehr: "The scientists you hired said there would be a way worse second wave, thats why we wanted to be done by late August and so we could have the fall off. That is exactly what happened."
Bettman: "Yeah we know all that but the impact of playing without fans is way worse than even we thought."
Fehr: "Cant your accountants add?"
Bettman: "Welp, yeah, its not that, some of our guys also own NBA franchises and the NBA owners got a way better deal than us NHL owners did. Cash flow is tight, so we want you to defer a bit more money, thats all. We will still pay it, just later."
Fehr: "How much later?"
Bettman: "I dunno, 2, 3 maybe 4 years. Oh and escrow goes up in those years too. We underestimated how long this is going to take"
Fehr: "Gary we have a deal"
Bettman: "Well, not exactly, its just a memorandum of understanding and we need you to understand we need a better deal"
Fehr: "I don't think we can do this Gary. What is in it for us?"
Bettman: "You get to play hockey and collect pay checks. You know a lot of people are hurting out there right now and it will look bad if your guys don't play ball."
Fehr: "You know what looks worse Gary? Making a deal and then backing out as soon as you have the first chance. We won't do it."
Bettman: "Then we will stay closed till Covid is over and escrow should be about 40% once we restart.
Fehr:"Fine, we won't play"
Bettman: "Fine, we will lose way less not playing."
Fehr: "Your an asshole Gary"
Bettman: "I know you are but what am I?"
Fehr: "An even bigger asshole. Your a jerk too"
Bettman: "I know you are but what am I?"
Fehr: "I know you are but what am I?"
Bettman: "Your mom stinks too"
Fehr: "Not as much as your mom"
Bettman: "If you insult my mom again I am hanging up."
Fehr: --- click---
Bettman: "No I hung up first!!!" ---click---
Bill Daly:"How did it go with Donald?"
Bettman: "Great, we are getting in an 82 game schedule starting January 1. Don't tell the media yet though. And Bill, did you dispose of those rigged Rangers and Leafs lottery balls the way I told you to? The country is awash in crazy conspiracy theories right now, and if it ever gets out and we get caught, our 7 fans in Arizona would kill us."
