TheCelticTiger
Registered User
So back in 2009 on the sportsnet forums, someone posted this gem and I just found it saved on facebook, thought I would share it with everyone. This was the season they traded for Jokinen and then they went on that roadtrip which started in Carolina I believe... Enjoy.
The Reason The Calgary Flames Don't Win With Their Back-up In Net
Deep inside the bowels of the Carolina arena, 15 minutes before gamestime,
two important members of the first line are having a private chat in a darkened hallway.
"Bot Iggie, Vy ve has too loose dis game tonight?"
"I'm tellin' ya Oli, we have to. I'm telling ya, Kipper is nuts about this. He wants to play EVERY
game and gets p-o'd if the kid gets to play"
"hokay, but, but vy ve has too loose?"
"Cuz Kipper told us if the kid wins even ONE game, that's it. he bails and goes ice-fishing back home"
"Yah, Yah, I beleef dat. He likes too vin, he like too feesh. Dat's it"
"SO you got it, Oli? Reggie's talkin' to Leo about this right now."
"Yah, I gots it. Ve pass to opponants, ve shoot vide. Ve hang our heads and feel shame ven the press talks too us"
"Hey man, if ya wanna win with this team, you do what it takes, eh?"
(fade to black)
(in another dark corridor, before the Canes game)
"Are you nuts, Reg? Throw the game?"
"I'm serious, Leo. We CAN NOT win this game, or we're toast!"
"Oh come on, Kipper wasn't like this before. When did this start?"
"It was when they brought that goofball Jamie Mclennan back.
Ya know he was Luongo's lap dog down in Florida, right? Did
everything for him, got his coffee, even made that crazy video
with the Zamboni, to make ol Louie Reboundo famous."
"Yah, so?"
"Jaimie NEVER did any of that stuff for Kipper before. He made
Kipper do it for him. So when he comes back, Kipper is NOT happy.
Then they make Jaimie Goalie Consultant and Kipper goes off the
deep end."
"Really, so you believe Kipper is serious about this?"
"Why do you think we lost those first 6 games so badly? That
was our warning. He'd come off the ice after the game and just
look at us with that lopsided smirk. We got the message.
And you better too, Leo. You screw up and do one of those end to
end rush trips of yours, and next thing you know, Neuf is shooting
at your ankles in practise.
If you have any questions about that, go talk to Primeau. or Vandy."
"No, no, I got it, Reg. Go in the corner and lose the puck. Miss the guy
in the slot. I got it."
"You better have "
(fade to.... you know... black)
(in yet another dark hallway near the dressing room, 2 important members of Flames management are in deep discussion)
"Mike, we need to do this. We need to play the kid. You're gonna Burn Kipper out
if you keep playing him."
"Sure, sure, boss, but um, ah, err, Kipper won't like it, yah know."
"SO, he's a competior. To be quite honest, I like that in a guy. Wants to play.
He coulda been born in Viking, that Kipper."
"Sure, sure, ok. But could we like, call up someone to like, um sit on the bench instead of Kipper?"
""Are you nuts? You been talkin to them dam media guys again? They make you crazy?"
"Um no, no, it's just, well, when he's on the bench he just keeps um, keeps staring"
"Staring? At what"
"At Iggy and Reg. He keeps staring down the bench at them with that crazy, lopsided smile.
And then those 2 start whispering and looking scared. Then they go out and...and...and.
"What? Spit it out MIKE!"
"They're like Keystone Kops!! They go nuts! Running around like Lemmings! I just don't know
what to do! I switch them around. I bench the stars. I swear! I Yell. I..I...(starts to sob)
"There, there boy. Straighten up. It's not gonna be like that tonight. We got NEW boys now
and they'll know how to play. You just wait and watch." Pats him on the back, staggering him.
(fade to .....6-1)
The Reason The Calgary Flames Don't Win With Their Back-up In Net
Deep inside the bowels of the Carolina arena, 15 minutes before gamestime,
two important members of the first line are having a private chat in a darkened hallway.
"Bot Iggie, Vy ve has too loose dis game tonight?"
"I'm tellin' ya Oli, we have to. I'm telling ya, Kipper is nuts about this. He wants to play EVERY
game and gets p-o'd if the kid gets to play"
"hokay, but, but vy ve has too loose?"
"Cuz Kipper told us if the kid wins even ONE game, that's it. he bails and goes ice-fishing back home"
"Yah, Yah, I beleef dat. He likes too vin, he like too feesh. Dat's it"
"SO you got it, Oli? Reggie's talkin' to Leo about this right now."
"Yah, I gots it. Ve pass to opponants, ve shoot vide. Ve hang our heads and feel shame ven the press talks too us"
"Hey man, if ya wanna win with this team, you do what it takes, eh?"
(fade to black)
(in another dark corridor, before the Canes game)
"Are you nuts, Reg? Throw the game?"
"I'm serious, Leo. We CAN NOT win this game, or we're toast!"
"Oh come on, Kipper wasn't like this before. When did this start?"
"It was when they brought that goofball Jamie Mclennan back.
Ya know he was Luongo's lap dog down in Florida, right? Did
everything for him, got his coffee, even made that crazy video
with the Zamboni, to make ol Louie Reboundo famous."
"Yah, so?"
"Jaimie NEVER did any of that stuff for Kipper before. He made
Kipper do it for him. So when he comes back, Kipper is NOT happy.
Then they make Jaimie Goalie Consultant and Kipper goes off the
deep end."
"Really, so you believe Kipper is serious about this?"
"Why do you think we lost those first 6 games so badly? That
was our warning. He'd come off the ice after the game and just
look at us with that lopsided smirk. We got the message.
And you better too, Leo. You screw up and do one of those end to
end rush trips of yours, and next thing you know, Neuf is shooting
at your ankles in practise.
If you have any questions about that, go talk to Primeau. or Vandy."
"No, no, I got it, Reg. Go in the corner and lose the puck. Miss the guy
in the slot. I got it."
"You better have "
(fade to.... you know... black)
(in yet another dark hallway near the dressing room, 2 important members of Flames management are in deep discussion)
"Mike, we need to do this. We need to play the kid. You're gonna Burn Kipper out
if you keep playing him."
"Sure, sure, boss, but um, ah, err, Kipper won't like it, yah know."
"SO, he's a competior. To be quite honest, I like that in a guy. Wants to play.
He coulda been born in Viking, that Kipper."
"Sure, sure, ok. But could we like, call up someone to like, um sit on the bench instead of Kipper?"
""Are you nuts? You been talkin to them dam media guys again? They make you crazy?"
"Um no, no, it's just, well, when he's on the bench he just keeps um, keeps staring"
"Staring? At what"
"At Iggy and Reg. He keeps staring down the bench at them with that crazy, lopsided smile.
And then those 2 start whispering and looking scared. Then they go out and...and...and.
"What? Spit it out MIKE!"
"They're like Keystone Kops!! They go nuts! Running around like Lemmings! I just don't know
what to do! I switch them around. I bench the stars. I swear! I Yell. I..I...(starts to sob)
"There, there boy. Straighten up. It's not gonna be like that tonight. We got NEW boys now
and they'll know how to play. You just wait and watch." Pats him on the back, staggering him.
(fade to .....6-1)
