Advice: How to delicately ask a person to leave the team?

pz29

Registered User
Jun 18, 2015
505
211
I captain a beer league team of "advanced beginners," and we have a situation where the team has indicated to me that they want me to ask a certain member of the squad to leave. I want to do it, but I want to not come across as mean or rude.

What I am about to describe may come across as us wanting him gone because of the way he plays, but that is not the main issue. Yes, he is the worst player on the team (none of us are that great), but he thinks that he is the best. He is constantly demanding more ice-time, PP time, play defense, whatever.

That we can, maybe, overlook and laugh off. The other issue, we cannot. Half-way through the season, the rink manager has told me that the guy had not paid (where I play, players pay the rink directly). As a result, he was suspended and missed the last 2 games of the regular season and all of the playoffs.

So, my question is this: any captains have had to do this and how did you handle this? Thanks in advance.
 

HansonBro

Registered User
May 3, 2006
4,906
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I'm a tad confused. So the season is over and now you're leading up to winter season? If that's the case just tell him the roster spot is full by someone who actually paid.
 
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pz29

Registered User
Jun 18, 2015
505
211
I'm a tad confused. So the season is over and now you're leading up to winter season? If that's the case just tell him the roster spot is full by someone who actually paid.
We play short seasons here ,kind of non-stop. Had the last game of the playoffs last night, and the next season starts on the 22nd. I might just have to do that.
 

HansonBro

Registered User
May 3, 2006
4,906
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We play short seasons here ,kind of non-stop. Had the last game of the playoffs last night, and the next season starts on the 22nd. I might just have to do that.
You could even call and find out if he's even payed up for last season and further strengthen your reasoning
 

pz29

Registered User
Jun 18, 2015
505
211
You could even call and find out if he's even payed up for last season and further strengthen your reasoning
Good idea. The rink has told the non-payers that they would not be able to continue until they have paid up all past debts.
 

BruinDust

Registered User
Aug 2, 2005
24,281
21,610
Don't lie to him.

This

Clearly your teammate is oblivious to the problem, and it isn't just you but several of you're teammates who feel the same way.

If you feed him a line about lack of paying as the only problem, he'll just go to another team or group, and repeat the same mistakes, and the cycle will continue.

I am assuming he's an adult, so he should be able to handle the criticism. Remember you're not criticizing his play, but his overall attitude.
 
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pz29

Registered User
Jun 18, 2015
505
211
This

Clearly your teammate is oblivious to the problem, and it isn't just you but several of you're teammates who feel the same way.

If you feed him a line about lack of paying as the only problem, he'll just go to another team or group, and repeat the same mistakes, and the cycle will continue.

I am assuming he's an adult, so he should be able to handle the criticism. Remember you're not criticizing his play, but his overall attitude.
Of course, I will be honest. He is an adult, but he seems to delude himself thinking that he is a much better player than he is. I know that we all have those kinds of moments at times, but this is an extreme case. To make matters worse, he was placed on our team by the rink when no one picked him up in the draft,
 

BruinDust

Registered User
Aug 2, 2005
24,281
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Of course, I will be honest. He is an adult, but he seems to delude himself thinking that he is a much better player than he is. I know that we all have those kinds of moments at times, but this is an extreme case. To make matters worse, he was placed on our team by the rink when no one picked him up in the draft,

I don't envy you're position.

I would daresay his "rep" is also known by other teams.
 
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puckpilot

Registered User
Oct 23, 2016
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Managing a team can be a thankless job.

But to me you have to very legitimate issues that you can bring to him.

First is the payment. If he doesn't pay and doesn't play, then your team is down a man, and that's not fair to the rest of the team, especially going into the playoffs. If the team can't count on him then they're going to have to find someone they can count on. It's a team sport and he let the team down in a big way, and that's completely unacceptable. Imagine if he was the goalie? How far up spit creek would that have put the team? Being a good teammate means not screwing them over, which he kind of did.

Second is attitude. Everyone pays and everyone plays, which kind of goes back to the first issue, but I digress. Anyway, ice time should be as equal as possible, especially if everyone is learning. Nobody gets better by just sitting on the bench. Everyone gets a fair shot at being the hero. Tell him there's no special treatment in ice time for players on your team, and him demanding that shows that he's just not a fit for how the team wants to operate. Of course there are exceptions to ice time like down by a goal with a minute to play, and play offs, but that has to be mutually agreed on and discussed before hand.
 

Alexander the Gr8

Registered User
May 2, 2013
31,602
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Toronto
Managing a team can be a thankless job.

But to me you have to very legitimate issues that you can bring to him.

First is the payment. If he doesn't pay and doesn't play, then your team is down a man, and that's not fair to the rest of the team, especially going into the playoffs. If the team can't count on him then they're going to have to find someone they can count on. It's a team sport and he let the team down in a big way, and that's completely unacceptable. Imagine if he was the goalie? How far up spit creek would that have put the team? Being a good teammate means not screwing them over, which he kind of did.

Second is attitude. Everyone pays and everyone plays, which kind of goes back to the first issue, but I digress. Anyway, ice time should be as equal as possible, especially if everyone is learning. Nobody gets better by just sitting on the bench. Everyone gets a fair shot at being the hero. Tell him there's no special treatment in ice time for players on your team, and him demanding that shows that he's just not a fit for how the team wants to operate. Of course there are exceptions to ice time like down by a goal with a minute to play, and play offs, but that has to be mutually agreed on and discussed before hand.

This answers OP's question. Say all of that to the guy, and ask him to pay the rink and change his attitude. If he doesn't do both, threaten to kick him off the team.
 
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Pez68

Registered User
Mar 18, 2010
18,288
25,083
Chicago, IL
I wouldn't worry about being mean...or rude. I mean, he's not worried about how others perceive him based on his behavior, so you shouldn't be worried about his feelings when dealing with him. Tell him to hit the road and tell him exactly why. Because you suck, you didn't pay, and nobody likes you or your attitude. Finish it off with a "I wish you luck!"
 

Ozz

Registered User
Oct 25, 2009
9,459
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Hockeytown
Don't feel bad about telling that guy what the problem is. Reminds me of some people I know, who just bring it upon themselves.
 

Mattb124

Registered User
Apr 29, 2011
6,514
3,849
As a captain, I will tell you this: it is easier to tell a bad player the team no longer wants him than to have to replace 2-3 good and/or responsible players who leave because of the bad player. Been there, done that.

It sucks, but remember you have a pair and the discomfort of the conversation will be short compared to keeping that player.
 

pz29

Registered User
Jun 18, 2015
505
211
As a captain, I will tell you this: it is easier to tell a bad player the team no longer wants him than to have to replace 2-3 good and/or responsible players who leave because of the bad player. Been there, done that.

It sucks, but remember you have a pair and the discomfort of the conversation will be short compared to keeping that player.
Thanks for your advice, everyone. I think we have now resolved the issue, and, let me just say that we had a good conversation, noone got offended, and the guy is not coming back.
 

nilan30

Registered User
Jan 14, 2004
2,320
983
Thanks for your advice, everyone. I think we have now resolved the issue, and, let me just say that we had a good conversation, noone got offended, and the guy is not coming back.

I was gonna say a well placed slapper to the back of the knee could fix it but I guess you took the more mature route haha
 
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Jacob

as seen on TV
Feb 27, 2002
49,342
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I just told a guy once "nobody in this room wants you back next season" and that was that.
 

Slats432

Registered User
Jun 2, 2002
14,757
2,778
hockeypedia.com
The worst I ever saw was we had a new goalie to start the season and he was rough, so after 5 games, the captain called and let him know he was finished. Cappy invited new goalie to next game. Cut goalie misunderstood and came to next game. We had two guys show up to play the game. I was there early and just burst out laughing. Captain showed up and had to have the uncomfortable conversation. Never seen anything like it.
 

HansonBro

Registered User
May 3, 2006
4,906
3,468
The worst I ever saw was we had a new goalie to start the season and he was rough, so after 5 games, the captain called and let him know he was finished. Cappy invited new goalie to next game. Cut goalie misunderstood and came to next game. We had two guys show up to play the game. I was there early and just burst out laughing. Captain showed up and had to have the uncomfortable conversation. Never seen anything like it.
Now that's a big elephant!
 

connor35

Registered User
May 10, 2006
70
4
What happened?

I think a warning is fine -- to me in an advanced beginner league you should even have PP or PK units. Everyone is paying for ice time and should get even ice time.

Maybe at the end of the game if you're down a goal and a crappier player is on the ice, he can take himself off for a better PP guy or something -- but that should be the player's choice.

I say all this to say that I'd tell the player "We are all in this together, we all get the same ice time. If you keep complaining at all, you won't be invited back next season." (and if you added "By the way -- no one else here thinks you're as good as you do" it might slay his ego enough to make him chill out too.
 

MullerBrotenVerbeek

Registered User
Aug 2, 2013
1,006
109
don't invite him back. In this case it sounds like he didn't even pay his dues, so you're terminating him for cause. As a captain I have had a few situations where guys couldn't quite hack it in our league but were good guys. For the most part they realize this and don't ask to come back the following season, and I help them find a squad in a lower league.

last season we were forced to take on a few guys from a team that folded, because we were short and needed $ and they did NOT get along with our core group. We made it through the year, but it was unspoken but understood on both sides that they wouldn't be returning.
 

Creativero

Registered User
Jul 17, 2015
895
30
I've had to do this before with a goalie who similarly thought he was waaay better than he actuality was. He would give up bad angle goals and blame the defenceman and he ducked out of the way of a shot one time prompting someone to actually launch a water bottle at him from the bench. That was 3 years ago and he still hates me even though no other team will take him either (he still plays in the B league). I don't think there's any way this guy will take this well. The only way anyone isn't going to be pissed is if they actually realize they are holding the team back. I really don't blame him. I've been cut from teams I thought I should have made before and it basically feels like getting dumped by your girlfriend.
 
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