Best Hockey Chirps

[Based Anime Fan]

Heard 2 recently lining the CIS:

'And which one of the dwarfs are you?' Not funny on it's own, but the way it was said... killed me.

A player to his linemate 'You're like a wrench. Everytime you do your job, my nuts tighten' No words... none at all.

 

[StLHokie]

Heard this one directed at a guy that was taking a pickup game way too seriously. "You're a star.... A brown star, but still a star"

 

[Filthy Dangles]

but who was hands
But who was having hands
John Scott called, he wants his hands back.

Yeah I suck at chirping.

 

[Goonzilla]

but who was hands
But who was having hands
John Scott called, he wants his hands back.

Yeah I suck at chirping.

..and then of course there's insulting someone at beer league by comparing their skills to an NHL all star. I imagine even Scott would probably score at will playing down a few levels at his local rink..just sayin'.

I think that sort of thing would work better comparing them to someone like Datsyuk. 'Hey Datsyuk, nice moves buddy'.

 

[Goonzilla]

'Well you obviously didn't take physics at school'. That's for post collision.

'When's the next Jackass movie Wee Man'?

 

[HasbeenHallzy]

"hands call in sick today?"

 

[Goonzilla]

'Hey man, you lead the league..in ugly'

 

[Fanned On It]

Yikes this stuff is cringe-worthy... So pre-meditated.

 

[Nvxs07]

Last night I (22 years old) played with my friends team. (19-20). Our captain got was getting pushed around so I came in and started pushing back. I think the guy was 40+ he asked if I wanted to fight and I started laughing.

"What's so funny *******?"
"They allow walkers on this rink?"
"Yeah keep mouthing off, I'll f**k you up"
"Shouldn't you be worrying about your social security then trying to fight someone in a roller league? Mid life crisis??"

Team was dying, ref was dying. He wasn't too happy.

 

[Outl4w]

Guy is getting chirped for being fancy with the puck and goals. He replied i like my snipes like I like my women top shelf.

 

[brodano]

take off your skate guards!

 

[KingKopi11]

A guy wiffed on a dump in and buddy goes up to him and says, "I've made better dumps on your mom's chest!"

 

[Goonzilla]

'Better watch out Donald Trump doesn't grab you by your *****'

 

[iatemydaddy]

Any hockey players knows that "trash-talking" is a huge part of the game, and as a coach, some of the things i am hearing are quite humorous.

For instance: "I've seen better hands on a digital clock!!"


Share your chirps !![/QUOTE

(Player gets kicked out of game/gets a penalty) "Just like a tampon, only good for a period"

 

[Siamese Dream]

Towards the end of last season I turned up to line a semi-final playoff in the British 3rd tier. Visibility down one end of the ice was very poor because the rink thought it would be a good idea to do work before the season had finished and had removed half of the white ceiling tiles, so the lights were not reflecting off them down that end.

The visiting team were understandably complaining to us about the lighting, saying they wouldn't be able to see the puck, and my linesman partner said to one of the players "you can't see your **** but you still play with that"

 

[ceg195]

When a centre has bad wingers call them the helicopter line...no wings.

 

[Beltv]

My favorite one to the refs is "Get off your knees ref, you're blowing the game!"

When the other team shoots the puck right into our goalies chest normally I yell "Fastest chest in the league"

One time before the game we took some "pride tape" (rainbow hockey tape lol) and retaped my goalies hockey stick. He didn't notice until he got onto the ice which is always like right when warm-ups end. It was hilarious.

Generally I don't chirp the other team to hard, or well not anymore.

 

[A4T1L6]

you look like you play for montreal

 

[rh71]

I once watched a guy lose his freaking mind because my cousin said to him while laughing: "You're a terrible hockey player."

Sometimes simplicity gets the job done better than anything, for sure.

Remember when Doughty simply said to Maroon "you suck at hockey."

 

[Alexander the Gr8]

That was last year, but some guy was hacking at my goalie and they were losing by 2 or 3 goals with 30 seconds left in the game. I shove him aside, and he gives me a crosscheck. He then chirped me on my patchy beard, so naturally I made a comment about his premature baldness. His face turned red, I gave him a little pat on his shoulder and told him that it was okay to get his ass handed to him by a 19 year old kid, and then I told him to go back to his bench. He crosschecked me again, ref spots him and kicks him out.

 

[PiggySmalls]

I don't do it often, but I'm a big fan of yelling "AFLAC!" when the player falls on their own or runs into the boards. Also go with making a sexual reference when you get one of those guys that are afraid to block a shot and they turn their body away. Then when I got a guy parked in front of the net, I tell jokes that my young son tells me. Simple things that just breaks their concentration.

 

[Goonzilla]

I find some of the mouthiest, angriest and more aggressive guys are some of the smaller players; and without wanting to offend any smaller dudes, I think some can a little sensitive about their stature.

I'd never go out of my way to start anything or be mean to anyone, but if they want to start it.

'Isn't there a dwarf league you could play in'?

'You're probably more suited to miniature golf, but there's no such thing for you is there wee man'?

'Are you all angry 'cause chicks don't like short dudes'?

 

[BM14]

I can't post any of them other than chirping a goalie saying his 5 hole was bigger than his wife's and both teams knew she was getting plowed by one of our Dmen.

 

[900]

Hey Ref you must be pregnant. You missed to periods!

*two

 

[Richard]

Nicknames are the best, captain hook, or Mr Selke to a try hard or singing "im a soul man" to a guy with a soul patch you just gotta switch it up